Chapter One
Legolas: "You know, I think something's wrong with Frodo."
Boromir: "Besides falling down every third step?"
Legolas: "No, seriously this time. Look, he's starting to twitch."
Sure enough, Frodo was beginning to twitch. In fact, he looked slightly demon-possessed.
Aragorn: "Frodo... what's wrong...?"
Aragorn slowly reached a hand to Frodo's shoulder. Just as he did, Frodo's head shot up.
Sam: "M-m-m...Mister Frodo? What's that on your face...?"
Strangely enough, Frodo had developed a cartoon-bad-guy-like black triangle goatee, complete with a curly mustache. (Now that's an interesting picture...) And as if the Fellowship wasn't disturbed enough by the new facial hair, Frodo began to cackle maniacally...
Frodo: "Mwahahaha!!!"
Boromir: "What in the name of Gondor is wrong with him!?"
Legolas: "It's happening..."
Aragorn: "What's happening? I'm lost..."
Legolas: "The twisted plot is beginning to take shape. It is as I feared..."
Boromir: "You know, it sure would be handy once in awhile for you to tell us a little something about your hunches *before* something bad happens! Just once could you do that for me?!"
Legolas: "Sure, Boromir! I would be glad to! Frodo is about to throw a rock at your head. You might want to duck right about...now."
Boromir ducked, and a fist-sized rock went sailing by, narrowly missing his head.
Boromir: "Thank you *very* much."
Legolas: "No problem. But you might also want to know..."
Another rock finds its mark in the middle of Boromir's forehead.
Legolas: "Never mind..."
Aragorn: "Legolas, just exactly *what* is going on here?"
Legolas: "Just go back and read the Intro. It's pretty self-explainatory."
The Fellowship all gather around a printout of the Intro, except for Frodo who is busy stealing an unconscious Boromir's Horn of Gondor, intent on blowing it in the middle of the night to scare everyone while they slept.
Merry: "Well, this certainly looks bad for all of us."
Pippin: "Why must we explode? Of all things?"
Legolas: "Only the authoresses know..."
Aragorn: "Uh...where *is* Frodo?"
The Fellowship looked around, but no trace of the Hobbit could be seen. Then, there was a sudden yelp from Sam who had one hand pressed to his lower back. The Hobbit was grimacing in pain and looking frantically around at the others.
Merry: "What's wrong, Sam?"
Sam: "Someone poked me in the back with a stick."
The others all looked around Sam, but the perpetrator was nowhere to be seen.
Pippin: "There's no one here, Sam. Are you sure someone poked you?"
Sam (glaring at the other Hobbit): "Of course I'm sure, Pippin. Now, which one of you poked me?"
Maniacal cackling can be heard from the empty air, and the Fellowship all turn to look at each other.
Aragorn (clapping a hand to his forehead): "Frodo has the Ring on, doesn't he?"
Legolas: "I am afraid so, Aragorn. There is no telling what havoc he may cause now."
Merry: "At least we only have to deal with this for twenty-four hours. Maybe it won't be too..."
A rock suddenly hits Merry in the back of the head, knocking him to the ground.
Pippin: "Now that was uncalled for."
Aragorn: "He brought it on himself by saying that it wouldn't be too bad."
Legolas: "Uh, Aragorn, you might want to..."
Another rock suddenly flew through the air, striking the Heir of Isildur between the eyes and sending him into unconsciousness.
Legolas: "... duck now. Oops."
Yet another rock flew through the air, missing the elf's head by a fraction of an inch. Before the rock had hit the ground Legolas was half-way up the nearest tree, sitting comfortably on a high branch.
Pippin: "You're such a chicken, Legolas."
Just then, a small and rather harmless rock bounced off Pippin's head.
Pippin (jumping up, attempting to grab a low branch): "Wait! Take me with you!"
Legolas (pulling his legs further up on the branch): "Not on your life, Hobbit. It's every being for himself."
* * * Time Hop* * * (Let's do the Time Hop again... oh, sorry. Where were we? Oh, yes.)
Night has fallen and Frodo's time is nearly up. Legolas is sleeping up in his tree, the other three Hobbits have hidden in the bushes, and the two men are still unconscious. Suddenly, the sound of the Horn of Gondor rings through the wilderness, waking the two men and causing the elf to fall out of his tree.
Legolas (rubbing his bum): "Bloody Hobbit!"
Boromir rose slowly to his feet, one hand clamped to his sore head. The other held a large stick.
Boromir: "Where are you, Frodo? Come out, come out wherever you are."
The Hobbit in question suddenly appeared out of thin air, holding the Horn of Gondor in one hand. He took one look at the crazed expression on Boromir's face and took off running, the angry man only a few steps behind him. The instant before the man would have bashed the Hobbit's head in with a giant stick, said Hobbit fell to the ground and the cartoon-bad-guy-like goatee disappeared. Wide blue eyes looked up at Boromir, tears welling in them as Frodo took in the large stick aimed for his head.
Frodo (handing the Horn of Gondor back to Boromir): "I'm so terribly sorry, Mister Boromir. Here's your Horn back."
Boromir reached for the Horn, his hand freezing in mid-motion as maniacal laughter once again filled the air from behind him...
TBC
On to: Chapter Two