Okay, so I was standing in queue, waiting for my subway yesterday when some guy approaches to tell me that I have really nice feet. that is kind of cool, unless he is a foot fetish perv. Usually if I get complimented, it is on my coloring or my "unusual" eyes. So it was nice to have a man appreciate a generally unnoticed part of me. =P
So in my thought processes for the day, which is waaaay too many, I had a situation occur recently in which I reacted quite strongly (I know, big shock there) & I realized that there is nothing wrong with being a passionate person. And for some reason, because I did state my feelings explicitly rather than subtlety or not at all, my feelings were belittled. Often, because I do feel things deeply & in an extreme manner, it is something that is seen as negative or something I "need to fix". Or worse, it is ignored or cheapened. It is seen as over-reactive without someone actually thinking "okay the presentation may seem melodramatic but what is the reason for her feeling this way"? Is it legitimate to diminish someone else's feelings just because you don't understand them or the way they express them is different than yours?? There are times when I am definitely guilty of misreading or misunderstanding someone else's feelings but once I am made aware, I do my best to talk to the person & try to work things out so no one feels hurt. Yet, I rarely see that in return. People would rather not talk about it & hope in time that it goes away. To me, that is awful cause nothing is really resolved. It is more like forgotten. But because a lot of other people feel this is the best way to deal with any emotions, you know bottling them up instead of discussing them, this is the way I am forced to be a lot of times. And because I dare to rebel against that philosophy, I am seen as a hothead or melodramatic. So is not discussing one's feelings the best way to go or does someone have the right to express how they feel, good or bad? And in discussing emotions or situations with others, should any secondary person be defended cause they didn't speak up? Or worse, having an individual go to a third party instead of confronting or talking to the person with whom the problem or situation exists? Why is it that being open with one's feelings is seen as bad? I am seriously at the point where I am thinking that I am going to give a big screw you to society on that cause it is so pointlessly annoying.
On another topic, my bullshit detector has gotten much better but adversely my ability not to comment aloud to whom is spouting it is getting worse. argh, I need to work on it! I guess that would make me too blunt to a lot of people. I just prefer honesty, even if it isn't what someone wants to hear. Sometimes white lies can mislead a person about the truth to a situation. But I won't say that honesty isn't sometimes painful, but which is worse: the quick rip of the band-aid or the slow pull of the band-aid? But I definitely need to work on my delivery cause there are ways to be honest without being cruel or full of shit. And I don't ever want to be unnecessarily cruel to another person. As is, I would like to apologize to a certain Virgo male who departed from my life a few years ago for some of the things that happened between us, but I don't think that will happen and that makes me a little sad.
On another topic, while I say all of this, I am not sad & I am not bitter. But I feel like speaking my mind right now. My life is too full of things to feel blessed about to remain down for too long. But introspection is very important in making one a better person. But I hate to proselytize. I still remain on my mission to be happy but I realize there are a lot of bumps on the road to getting there. A whole hell of a lot of them. Happiness is the ultimate goal and the bumps along the way are just battle scars! =)
Okay, so I have been doing a lot of research for my magazine article & it has been extremely interesting! I have found a lot more on the topic I am aiming for than I thought I would. And there is still so much more research to do!!! I am really grateful to all who have written back to me with answers. Don't worry, I will send more out soon. Just waiting for a few of the flaky ones to respond. =)
So it is really weird, like twice in the past the past 2 months I have run into this guy, who shall remain nameless, who was on one of the Real World shows. And whenever we run into one another, It is like we do the lingering stare at one another. So I am thinking, dude--make a move already, you're an Aries (although I have found out from past experiences that it isn't always a good thing).
One of my really good friends is having his engagement party in 3 weeks. I am very excited about it, but part of me is very wary cause most likely old drama will be there & I can only pray that old drama will not be in my presence. Last time I saw him, we actually parted on decent terms, but since he likes to think the very worst of me and tell others to treat me like shit, who knows where his next mood swing will lead? Besides, he hurt me so very much for so very long, i don't know if i can see him & not think of the extreme pain & heartache he caused me. I was a lovesick fool to stick around for so long & take it, but that is still no excuse for all the things he did to me. but it was a hard lesson I had to learn, even if it was very very very painful & degrading. *sigh* once in a while it comes to my mind to wonder why he had such an obsessive need to hurt me & to make me think lowly of myself instead of allowing me to be happy with who I am.
On the upswing, the sharks are starting up soon & I am VERY excited. I am been going through hockey withdrawal for 2 1/2 months.
Finally got the speeding ticket from Virginia... not bad considering I was cited for reckless driving. It was about $300 less than I thought it would be so I am VERY thankful for that!
I was watching Splendor in the Grass the other day & I really like that film, but boy is it a showcase on how parents can screw up a child. Plus it also preaches that sometimes love just ain't enough.
Mom's cancer hasn't progressed, which is good but it doesn't seem to be diminishing much even with the chemo. *sigh* she may have to have another surgery.
Saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding last night. That was a fun flick! Very entertaining! I totally recommend it to all. It isn't just a chick flick.
Okay, so the last 2 films I have seen are XXX and Blue Crush. I really wish I hadn't been talked into seeing them. I have to extend apologies to Silvia for enduring XXX with me, although she enjoyed it more than I. Usually I can check my mind at the door, but this was a little much. and you are reading this from a girl who loves Armageddon! T Minus 5 days for the engagement party. I'll be putting pics up for that in the next few weeks. And I managed to not go shopping and buy a dress for the event (although I tried, it was just nothing interesting out there. I have back up on that too!)
For those who love me & know the tragic story of loving someone who likes to denigrate you, read these thoughts that i found on another website regarding a similar topic. it is interesting.
went to a picnic in marin over the weekend. that was pretty cool... oh, joining a softball league. woo-hoo!
looks as if the judaism classes are starting up soon, so time to focus on that. I need to focus. It is so difficult for me to focus all of my energy on one thing. Usually I am all over the map.
It is strange, I have been having these dreams about someone lately & I am a bit perturbed. They are coming out of left field & are so not a complication I need. hopefully they'll go away in time, but in the meantime, I won't fret too much. I think it has to do with the time of year. At least, I hope it does. I REALLY hope it does.
Cool, I get to go to my first game at Pac Bell Park tomorrow. Giants vs. Dodgers. Truth be told, I am an A's fan.
with the inaugural anniversary of 9/11, I am pretty depressed. I have watched one too many retrospectives of last year's attacks & they have really upset me. I wish the stock market was closed tomorrow so I wouldn't have to come in. I mean really, who wants to work? The mood of the office will be beyond somber. I keep think about NYC & DC when I was there in 1997. I have pictures that I myself took while on top of & within the south tower. This summer, on my trip back east, I got to go back to both sites. The pentagon was pretty much fixed & therefore the area of impact wasn't too bad looking. But going back to the WTC site just brought back a lot of memories. I am forever in awe for those who felt no fear; had no thought of themselves but only in helping others. that is such a beautiful altruistic sight to behold. It brings tears to my eyes, not just watching the impact of the planes into the buildings, or the people jumping out of the buildings from areas above the impact zone, or the families begging reporters to please show the picture of their loved one who is missing just for a second in hopes that they are just in a hospital somewhere unaware of who they are or they are too hurt to call home, but also the people who didn't think of themselves first. I think of the people who put others' welfare before their own & it breaks my heart that people that beautiful in their selflessness are gone. People that the world needs to remind us why it is important to have hope.
so the engagement party turned out to be a lot of fun. thank God there was no drama. that is always so tiresome. i had stressed myself out so much just thinking about the potential for disaster, that by the time the party came around, i was totally pooped. i really need to relax... maybe a weekend at a spa in Calistoga or something will calm me down.
yesterday was so embarrassing. ugh, i have no grace. there I am at BART, trying to walk, i start letting my mind wander & next thing I know, I am doing a header right off the curb. nothing like landing on your knees. And of course there were a large number of people around, so I had an attentive audience, but more were actually concerned that I was alright as opposed to my intense feeling of wanting to hobble away quickly and cry.
I watched the RW-Las Vegas, and I realize that there are some people who aren't the least bit afraid there is a hell (I know, being Jewish doesn't allow for it, but I like that saying!)
and off the cuff, I really don't like that group Lonestar. I mean has there ever been a group that's written cheesier songs? ICK!!!!
Wow, finally a moment to sit my ass down & rest. okay, so Saturday I went to the A's game. That was cool, especially since the A's won! 2 rows behind first base, baby! And I got to see A-Rod too! Sadly, I saw no HR out of him, but I did get to see two bats shatter. and I got a nice tan to boot. Sunday was Alice's Now & Zen Festival. I realized that I am really not a music festival person. A concert, cool! But spreading a blanket on the ground is not exciting. the music was great, though & India.Arie can really blow. I might have to buy her album. I had a chance to meet Train, but I am not really a fan. I don't dislike them, but they don't get me excited either. So I passed on meeting the band backstage after the show.
I watched the movie Life As A House & I really enjoyed it. I was spouting waterworks by the end, but I expected that going in.
Alright, I absolutely love that song Hellagood by No Doubt. That song rocks!!!