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| Condom's: Gone...but not forgotten. by A. Mann All the ladies out there have gone mad I tell you! Just plan old bonkers! I have surveyed a handful of guy�s across this great land (well maybe not) only to find out what I already suspected (a survey of my vast long and lean love life would of sufficed, but hey I�ll throw you guy�s a bone) and that is I have come to the conclusion women are crazy � why? Why you ask? Because all of a sudden to them condoms are out of style! Here�s what I found out: 1 out of 10 sexual activated guys have reported to me that women, of all age, race and creed do not ask for them to wear a condom, even for a one nighter. Now I enjoy the pleasure of a woman�s naked privates just as much as the next guy, but come on - get real! Sexually transmitted diseases, not to mention the biggie AIDs, are still out there even more so than before. So don�t be fooled and persuaded and fall victim to a woman�s carelessness. Here are 10 sure fire ways to get your fling on board the condom train and into the safety zone. |
| 1) Tell her your mommy always said to �wear a raincoat� when screwing a slut and that you always do what your mommy tells you or else you�ll get the hose again. 2) Have sex with her, leave in the middle of the night, but don�t forget to leave a note on her nightstand which simply says �welcome to the world of AIDs� 3) Find a red lipstick and lightly spot your penis with it � then when she gets that far and stares at your dick say �the doctor said the rash is only contagious during intercourse�. If she doesn�t want you to wear a condom after that, she is a nasty skank, but screw her anyway and then refer to #2. 4) �Come� inside her and then quickly say �oops, did I forget to mention that I have a flaming case of herpes?� 5) Tell her Satan told you last night that all girls that don�t ask a guy to wear a condom are whores that deserve to die a slow painful death (keep a pocket knife in your back pocket for scare purposes only) 6) Tell her right afterwards, if by chance she gets pregnant it will be a welcome addition to your other bastards, and that luckily you�ve managed to evade arrest for non payment of child support for a few years now (if Judge Judy could see me now) 7) Right after you �come� say � �did I mention I had sex with a 15 year old male prostitute yesterday at lunch? But not to worry � he stopped using IV drugs on Monday and only screws priests on Tuesdays� 8) Once again, have sex with her and right after ask �you already have gonorrhea right? Sorry � I guess get ready for some really painful bathroom time� 9) Tell her she�s just a dirty whore and you wouldn�t fuck her with Bill Clinton�s dick. (and we all know his dick gets around) 10) Give her a dirty sanchez � just for the hell of it. **note if you don�t know what a dirty sanchez is then refer to fegolicious previous advice column # 17 - The Shower, for a full definition. |
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