That week I talk a lot to Lee on the phone, especially in the evenings and at night, when I'm alone. I miss Dunk really bad. But as the days slowly go by, I realize that I miss someone to hug me, someone I can tell everything. It's not especially Dunk that I miss. He hurt me deeply, the pain went right through my heart.
When finally Friday comes, I realize I can't forgive Dunk. Not yet. I decide to talk with Dunk Friday evening, and stay the weekend with Lee. I heard from Lee that Dunk's having a really hard time. Maybe for him it's even worse than for me, because he's the one who caused all this. It's his own fault, his own mistake that broke two hearts. I'm not even angry at Dunk, all I feel is sadness, deep sadness�
When I called Dunk to tell him I wanna talk to him, I could hardly hold back my tears. It pierced my heart to hear him so sad. Of course he was okay with it that I'm coming to him Friday evening. And now it's Friday�
A part of me wants to see Dunk, but another part doesn't, because seeing Dunk mans talking to him. And it's gonna be difficult�
This morning I was so nervous that I had to vomit, but now I'm feeling okay. Still nervous though, and I have to think about everything before I do it. I decide to ring the doorbell, although I still have the keys to the house. Dunk opens the door and gives me a weak smile. I smile back and he lets me in.
"Hi."
"Hi."
Should I hug him? Or give him a kiss on his cheek? I really don't know. Dunk doesn't know either, it feels so weird. He softly touches my arm and we go to the living room. We sit down opposite eachother.
"I'm really glad you want to talk to me," he starts.
"I feel like we need to talk, and I wouldn't do it over the phone," I shrug.
There's a really uncomfortable silence.
"Look," he says, bending over to me, fiddling nervously with his hands, "what I did is unforgivable. It was the biggest and most stupid mistake I made in my whole life."
He hesitates, I nod at him that he should go on.
"But I want you to know that I still love you. You are the love of my life, the one I wanna grow old with. That feeling hasn't changed for me. I know we can't go on like nothing happened. But I wanna ask you to give me a second chance, to give us a second chance. I promise you I'll never ever make this mistake again."
He's holding my hands in his hands now. All the time he looked into my eyes, with his eyes filled with tears. Tears are silently rolling down my cheeks.
I slowly shake my head and clear my throat. "I� I can't forgive you what you did to us. Not yet. Maybe later I will be able to forgive you, but not now. That's why I can't give you a second chance. Maybe we just weren't meant to be together. If I want to go on with you, we have to make a whole new start. I can't build on with this relationship. The wound is too deep, and too fresh. I'll have to fall in love with you all over again. We have to earn eachother's respect and trust all over again. But right now I'm not able to do that."
He nods, holding back his tears. "It's hard for me to say it, but I understand. It's over between us."
"Yes, it's over between us. But� And maybe this makes it harder for us, or maybe easier� I really wanna stay friends with you," I say.
"That's good, I wanna stay friends too. And we'll see eachother some times anyway, because of our friends."
"Lee to start with," I nod.
"He's taking good care of you, right?" he asks worried.
I nod and smile through my tears. "Don't worry about me. He was angry at you. I heard it in his voice," I snivel.
"Yes. He's angry at me. He has good reasons for that. But he still tried to be a friend to me, although it was really hard for him."
"He's really sweet to me," I give a weak smile.
"You're going to him now, right?"
I nod.
"Can I bring you?" he asks.
"If you want to. Lee also offered to pick me up, so you don't have to."
"I wanna do it."
"Erm� my stuff�" I hesitate.
"Yes of course, you need to take your clothes and other things with you. I'll help you pack."
"Thanks," I smile, but I still have to hold back my tears.
"I'm sorry it's a bit messy upstairs. I left everything where it was, because I was hoping� you'd come back," he stutters and finally starts to cry.
"Hey, it's not like I never come back here. It's just� different," I start to cry too.
"Can I �" he sobs.
"�give a hug," I nod. He sits down next to me and we give eachother a tight hug. We're both crying silently. After a while I break the hug.
"Just look at us," I shake my head, smiling. I wipe the tears off my face with a tissue.
"I'm glad we talked it all over," Dunk smiles and wipes off his tears with his sleeve.
"Come on, let's get my stuff," I say and get up from the couch. He nods and follows me upstairs.
It feels weird, walking up the stairs to the bedroom, without fooling around, without touching or talking.
"I bet he's looking at my @ss," it flashes through my mind. I feel I'm getting dizzy and close my eyes for a couple of seconds.
"You all right?" Dunk says worried, grabbing my shoulders.
"Yeah, I'm just a bit dizzy. I think I just need to eat something," I nod.
"I can make you something," he offers.
"No thanks. I'll ask Lee to order some food," I shake my head.
"Whatever you want," he shrugs.
We pack most of my stuff and put it in Dunk's car. I call Lee to tell I'm coming to him.
"Hi, you okay?" he immediately picks up his phone.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, Dunk's bringing me to your place, with my clothes and stuff."
"Really? He doesn't have to, I can come and get you," Lee says a bit surprised.
"No, it's okay. Can you order some food?"
"Sure, anything you want."
"Pizza would be great," I say.
"Okay, no problem. See you."
"Bye," I hang up the phone.
We get into the car and go to Lee's house.
Lee opens the front door even before we get out of the care. He helps us to bring the bags and boxes inside.
"I'm going back home," Dunk says when everything's inside.
"See you on Monday mate," Lee nods.
"See you," Dunk answers.
"Take care Dunk," I say and give him a kiss on his cheek.
"You too," he says and kisses me back. "Bye Iris."
"Bye."
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