FOREWORD TO THE ENGLISH SUMMARY
Due to the qualitative nature of
my study, it was difficult to translate it into English. Translating
the direct quotations from the interviews without losing some of the
original meanings and tones of the interviewees would have been
virtually impossible. Therefore the English version of the study
became more of a summary.
1. INTRODUCTION
1.1. Objectives
The primary aim of my study was to try
to "map" those aspects of the experienced world of young gay
men who are attracted to older men that pertain to their preference
for older men as sexual partners. In this sense my research is mainly
explorative in nature, since to my knowledge the phenomenon has not
been studied before. However, I have made some comparison between my
results and those studies that have been made of age-different gay
relationships. I also wanted to see how much emphasis my interviewees
put on the usual stereotypical notions attached to age-different gay
relationships (for instance that the younger partner always searches
for a father-figure).
1.2. The Gay World and the Bear
Subculture
Ross (1984) defines homosexuality
basically as the expression of love between two persons of the same
sex. Classifying people as homo- or heterosexuals in a black-and-white
fashion is not very sensible since most people are situated somewhere
between these two extremes (Ross, 1984). In the scientific literature
the term ‘homosexual’ usually means someone who is mainly or
exclusively drawn towards persons of the same sex and who admits
openly his preference to himself and others (Ross, 1984). The most
essential part of this definition is the person¹s own subjective
feeling of what he is. The Publication Manual of the American
Psychiatric Association (APA, 1994, 51) recommends the use of terms
‘lesbian’ and ‘gay man’ instead of ‘homosexual’ since they
refer primarily to identities and the present-day communities that
have evolved on the basis of those identities. I have chosen APA¹s
definition as the starting point for my study.
The term “subculture” means the
culture of a religious, ethnic etc. group that differs from the
mainstream culture (Tiainen, 1991). As a social and sexual minority,
gay people make up their own subculture within which one can also find
many other "sub-subcultures" such as sadomasochists and
gender-blenders. In the 1990s a new subculture has become visible
within the gay world, namely that of the "Bears". Most of my
interviewees belonged to the Bear subculture. A book entitled The Bear
Book, edited by Wright (1997), is to my knowledge the only scientific
study of the Bear subculture. In Finland there has appeared one
article in the popular press (Valtonen, 1999) concerning Bears.
The subculture of gay men calling
themselves Bears began taking form in the 1960s and 1970s in various
parts of the United States of America (Wright, 1997, 21). The birth of
the actual Bear movement is dated to the year 1986 when the
communication between self-identified Bears became more concrete:
parties started being held as well as electronic discussion forums and
a magazine BEAR, founded in 1987 and still being published were
created (Wright, 1997, 22). The Bear movement arrived in Finland in
the mid-1990s when Fin-Bears was founded in Helsinki and Nallekarhut
was founded in Turku (Valtonen, 1999).
Various physical and mental
characteristics are associated to Bears and generally these are
considered equally important: physically, Bears are usually large,
hairy, bearded and often stocky and heavy-set; mentally, Bears are
warm-hearted, loyal, honest and straightforward, and they like hugging
a lot (Wright, 1997, 26 - 27). In real life, one can find many
different types of men among Bears, who nevertheless have in common a
certain "bear-like" attitude towards life and social
relationships (Valtonen, 1999). Usually younger, slimmer, perhaps less
hairy men, who like Bears, are said to be "Cubs", while the
term "admirer of Bears" is generally used to describe anyone
who likes Bears, whether or not he himself is a Bear (Wright, 1997,
247).
I myself took part in founding the
Nallekarhut-group in Turku in the autumn 1995 and I am still
functioning as its leader. I started studying Psychology the same
autumn and already then I got the idea of doing my Master’s Thesis
on a subject matter that is somehow related to the Bear phenomenon. I
had noticed that there were quite a lot of "Cubs" young
men (including myself) who search for the company of men much older,
often heavy-set and bearded, than themselves. I considered the
phenomenon a cultural anomaly, because clearly most people form a
relationship with a person who belongs to the same religion and
age-group, and who has approximately the same educational, ethnic and
social background (Greenberg, Bruess & Mullen, 1993, 415). An
older man lusting after younger men is considered fairly normal within
the gay world that generally adores youth and slim bodies, while a
younger man lusting after older men is quickly considered quite a
freak indeed. I wanted to start exploring the psychological dimensions
of the phenomenon and started my research in the autumn of 1997.
1.3. Age Preference Studies
At the turn of the century, an early
pioneer of the gay rights movement, the German Magnus Hirschfeld (1868
- 1935), collected a huge amount of material concerning homosexuality
and other sexual variations: for instance, he developed a
questionnaire of 130 items, which were answered by 10,000 men and
women (Spencer, 1995, 325). Hirschfeld divided gays into four groups
on the basis of the information he had gathered: paedophiles (who like
pre-adolescent boys), ephebophiles (who like youths between the ages
of 12 and 20), androphiles (who like 20 - 50-year-old men) and
gerontophiles (who like men over 50 years old) (Hirschfeld, 1952,
227). According to Hirschfeld (1952, 227), most gays are either
ephebophiles (approx. 45 %) or androphiles (approx. 45 %); the amount
of paedophiles and gerontophiles is much smaller, around 5 % each.
Also according to more recent studies
(Hayes, 1995; Kenrick et al, 1995; Harry, 1982), there is usually only
5 years of age-difference between partners in a relationship. The
amount of couples who have an age-difference of over 10 years is very
small (Harry, 1982). Thus I decided to define the 'young gay man who
is attracted to older men' as someone who is searching for a man at
least 10 years older than himself (cf. Kaslow, 1989). Compared to
Hirschfeld¹s gerontophiles, I think this is a more flexible
definition and there are naturally also more gay men belonging to this
category.
1.4. Studies of Age-Different Gay
Relationships
In general, studies of age-different
gay relationships are very few in number. Steinman (1990) has studied
social exchange in age-different gay relationships. He hypothesized
that in an age-different gay relationship the "exchange goods"
offered by the older man would be mainly external (money, power etc.),
while the "exchange goods" offered by the younger partner
would be mainly internal (physical attractiveness, sexual charisma
etc.). The hypothesis was partially invalidated by the research. About
half of the studied couples participated equally in taking care of
daily purchases and neither one was economically dependent on the
other. In addition, the internal characteristics (intelligence, social
accomplishments, wisdom acquired with maturity etc.) of the older man
were very often considered as attractive as the hypothesized material
wealth by the younger partner. Most of the younger men considered the
older men sexually exciting and in the majority of the studied couples
there was no significant difference in the amount of income of the
respective partners. If the younger partner earned less, the older one
usually demanded that the younger would not be dependent on his income.
In the age-different gay relationships
the roles of "daddy" and "son" or "teacher"
and "student" assume often a central position (Lee, 1990). A
dad-son-roleplay or sexual fantasy occurs also often among male
sadomasochists; the fantasy is usually structured in the way that
"dad" is the dominant and active partner while "son"
is submissive and passive (Sandnabba & Santtila & Nordling,
1999). Lee (1990) thinks that an age-different relationship probably
does not last long if the partners only carry out the roles of "dad"
and "son" or "teacher" and "student".
The partners must also be able to work out mutual roles of equal
partners in order that the dynamism of the relationship would be
balanced.
According to Harry (1982), most gay
men are looking for an equal partner. However, those who search for an
older partner want him to be the dominant one in the relationship.
1.4.1. Psychoanalysis and the
Search for a Father-Figure
In his work Drei Abhandlungen zur
Sexualtheorie (1905), Freud presents the idea that the sexual impulse
and its object should be separated from each other (Freud, 1998/1905).
Thus, one cannot say that there would exist any natural object to the
sexual impulse. Freud thought that homosexuality cannot be explained
as an inborn or an acquired characteristic, but as a variation from
man's natural bisexuality (Freud, 1998/1905). Commentators have
pointed out that in his early thinking Freud placed both hetero- and
homosexuality on the same line and was of the opinion that they were
both equally natural dispositions of human sexuality (Domenici &
Lesser, 1995, 1 - 2; Dannecker, 1981, 39).
In the psychoanalytic thinking
homosexuality has traditionally been explained with the help of the
concept of the "negative Oedipus complex": a child (boy)
fantasizes about "getting married" with his father instead
of his mother (Brenner, 1987, 103; Mangs & Martell, 1976, 111 -
112). Theoretically, when it comes to a young gay man who is attracted
to older men, this oedipal wish is even more clearly visible,
especially if the real father has remained distant or been totally
absent; in this case the older man would represent a father-figure.
The oedipal wish does not thus remain on the level of fantasy, but is
acted out in the adult life. In addition to the social exchange theory
presented above, the search for a father-figure is clearly the second
stereotype often associated with age-different gay relationships.
According to Hirschfeld (1952, 88 -
91), gerontophilia exclusive attraction to persons who are over 50
years old is one form of sexual infantilism: Hirschfeld thought
that in his/her sexual development a gerontophile has remained in the
oidipal stage when the child fixates strongly to the father, mother or
some other adult person. As an example he mentions a 26-year-old woman
who fell in love exclusively with older men who had white beards. This
woman had lost her parents when she was young and her grandfather took
care of her. They slept in the same bed and grandfather often caressed
her genitals. As another example Hirschfeld (1952, 227) mentions a
25-year-old gay man who behaved in a very masculine manner and who
also fell in love exclusively with older men who had white beards. One
can justifiably assume that childhood fixation plays a central role in
the development of the sexual object: people often have a certain
clearly defined "type" an ideal man or woman
containing physical and mental characteristics, which they find
especially attractive. The development of different fetishes can also
be plausibly explained with the fixation theory: for instance, a beard
is a very powerful sexual fetish to some people (Hirschfeld, 1952,
525). Nevertheless, if one attaches moral prejudices or
hetero-normative attitudes to the theory, it easily becomes
pathologizing towards some groups like gays or fetishists (cf. Stålström,
1997). APA¹s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV,
1994) classifies fetishism as a disorder belonging to various
paraphilias.
Paraphilia is defined as a recurrent
sexual fantasy, desire or behaviour which has as its object (1) a
non-human entity, (2) causing suffering or humiliation to the self or
another, or (3) a child or other nonconsenting person. For some
people, paraphiliac fantasies or impulses are necessary for sexual
excitement, while others can also get excited without paraphiliac
fantasies or impulses. In addition, DSM-IV mentions that the criteria
for diagnosis of paraphilia is that the fantasies or behaviour causes
significant anxiety or inability to live a full social life.
According to Suppe (1985), DSM¹s
classifications concerning paraphilias are based on the idea that
everything that differs from conventional sexual activity is
considered unhealthy. He has developed a broader cue – response
model which helps one to classify the effect of certain cues on the
sexual arousal of an individual: inhibitory cues inhibit sexual
arousal, non-facilitative cues neither inhibit nor excite arousal,
facilitative cues increase arousal but are not necessary, and
paraphiliac cues are necessary for sexual arousal. For instance, in a
study of Finnish male sadomasochists, Sandnabba & Santtila &
Nordling (1999) found that sadomasochistic behaviour was for the most
part facilitative, that is, it increased sexual arousal but was not
necessary.
One aim of my own research was to
study the extent to which DSM-IV¹s and Suppe¹s (1985)
classifications could be applied to a sexual preference for heavy-set
older men that is, could the preference be classified as fetishism
and is it facilitative or paraphiliac in nature.
The studies of age-different gay
relationships (Steinman, 1990; Lee, 1990; Harry, 1982) give very
little information concerning the experienced world of a young gay man
who is attracted to older men. Only Lee's (1990) study manages to shed
a little more light on this question, but on the whole it also
concentrates more on the dynamics of the age-different gay
relationship. On the other hand, psychoanalytic theories (Freud,
1998/1905; Brenner, 1987; Mangs & Martell, 1976; Hirschfeld, 1952)
concentrate only on studying the root causes of homosexuality and
"fixation" to older men. The own voice their own
experiences concerning their preference of young gay men who are
attracted to older men is left out of these studies and theories, and
in my own research I concentrated on that.
2. DESCRIPTION OF THE RESEARCH AND
THE INTERVIEWEES
I began the empirical part of my
research by sending a questionnaire to the members of the Finnish Bear
groups (Fin-Bears and Nallekarhut). I mailed the questionnaire to 39
members via regular mail and to approximately 30 members via an
electronic mailing-list. The questionnaire was answered by 25 via
regular, and 4 via electronic mail, so the percentage of answers
received became 42. The ages of the respondents varied between 26 and
69 years, the mean age was approx. 40 years.
I classified the answers to three
categories: young men who like older men, older men who like younger
men, and those to whom age was not an important criterion. Clearly the
majority (16) of the answers belonged to the first category, while the
second category got 8 and the last category got 5 answers. I was
interested in the answers belonging to the first category young men
who like older men. Most of them had defined the age of their ideal
man as starting from their own age upwards, the variation was usually
about 15 - 20 years (for instance, self 35 years, ideal man 35 - 50
years). Only 4 respondents defined the age of the ideal man as at
least 10 years older than themselves.
The aim of the questionnaire was
mainly to get some kind of a general picture of the membership of the
Bear groups and to reach interviewees for the main part of the
research. On the basis of the questionnaire responses, it seems that
within the organized subculture of the Bear groups the majority of men
are looking for a partner older than themselves.
In the questionnaire I also announced
that I needed interviewees who liked men at least 10 years older than
themselves. 12 respondents had written their contact information. I
chose 8 from them on the basis of their own ages and the ages of their
ideal partners. I tried to get as young informants as possible, who
would have a clearly expressed preference for men at least 10 years
older than themselves.
Next I created a semi-structured
interview. A very open theme-interview would have been the most
“orthodox” way when it came to the phenomenological-psychological
method of analysis that I used. However, the semi-structured interview
proved to be useful when I interviewed more taciturn persons, while I
let those who spoke more speak quite freely. The interviews were made
October 21 - December 12, 1998. I originally interviewed all the 8 men
I had chosen but I could not utilize the last interview because of its
bad sound quality. So, my research material consisted of the
interviews of 7 men, which lasted from 20 minutes to 1 hour; the mean
length of the interviews was approx. 47 minutes. Here are brief
descriptions of the interviewees (the names have been changed):
JARNO: Jarno is 30 years old and he
has a vocational-technical schooling. At the moment he is working as a
salesperson. He was born in a small town. He is the youngest in the
family and he has a sister and a brother. His parents are alive.
MARKO: Marko is 28 years old and after
high school he has acquired a schooling in the Arts. At the moment he
is working as a freelancer in the theatre and as a musician. He was
born in a small town. He is the only child. His parents got divorced
over 15 years ago and the mother has a new male partner.
JOHANNES: Johannes is 30 years old and
he has an MA Degree from the university. At the moment he is
unemployed and he goes to a computer course. He was born in a small
rural community. He is the youngest in the family and he has a sister
and a brother. His father died 4 years ago; the mother is alive.
RIKU: Riku is 32 years old. After
comprehensive school he has undertaken a couple of vocational courses.
At the moment he is working as a maintenance person. He was born in a
small rural community. He is the youngest in the family and he has 2
sisters and 2 brothers. His parents are alive.
TUOMAS: Tuomas is 26 years old and a
physician. He was born in a large town. He was the youngest in the
family and he has a sister. His parents are alive.
AAPELI: Aapeli is 42 years old
and he has a vocational-technical schooling. He has also undertaken a
few vocational courses. At the moment he is working as a mail delivery
person. He was born in a small rural community. He was the youngest in
the family and he has 2 sisters, 1 brother and 1 foster brother. His
parents are deceased, the mother 30 years ago and the father 20 years
ago.
3. THE
PHENOMENOLOGICAL-PSYCHOLOGICAL METHOD OF RESEARCH
To analyze the interviews, I utilized
Perttula’s (1998a, 1995) phenomenological-psychological method of
research, which is a somewhat expanded and revised version of the
method originally developed by Giorgi (1988). My intention was not to
study the phenomenological-psychological method as such. I only
applied the method developed by Perttula to the phenomenon that I
studied.
According to the method, my research
was emphasizedly based on the interview material. The goal of the
phenomenological research is to describe the studied phenomenon as
accurately as possible; to try to reach the phenomenon precisely in
the same way as it appears in the experienced world of the studied
individuals.
In this English Summary I will
neither go through the philosophical basis of the method, nor the
detailed steps of the analysis itself. If you are interested in these,
please contact me. Instead, I will jump directly to the end-product of
the analysis, the general description of the phenomenon, “the
experienced world of young gay men who are attracted to older men”.
4. THE RESULTS: THE DESCRIPTION OF
THE PHENOMENON
The attraction towards older men
begins typically already as a child. Also, the ideal male type
develops already then. Before adolescence, the attraction is a vague
desire to be close to older men that manifest the ideal type, and
infatuation to them. Sexuality is on the background of the attraction
right from the beginning, but the feelings are defined as sexual only
on the verge of adolescence.
The origins of the interest in older
men are as unexplainable as any other preference. The effect of a
distant or absent father is a possible, but not probable, explanation
for the preference.
The feeling of security, the life
experience, the sexual excitement, the role-model based on one’s own
ideals and the relatively high level of one’s own mental maturity
are all things that contribute to why older men are experienced as
attractive.
The difference in world-views usually
follows from the age-difference, and it leads easily to disputes
between age-different partners. The age-difference is an important
aspect when one chooses a partner: almost all sexual and relationship
partners are older men. Starting a relationship with a man who is the
same age or younger is even hard to imagine.
The most typical ideal male type is
large, big-bellied, bearded and hairy. Greying hair and balding on one
hand, and sinewy and small body on the other hand also describe some
ideal male types. The metaphors used to describe the ideal male types
are “bear”, “dirty old man” and “farmer”. The ideal male
type is always older than oneself, most typically 50 - 70 years old.
It is rare that one searches for progressively older partners as one
himself grows older; in other words, the ideal age of the partner
usually stays approximately the same throughout one’s life.
The physical characteristics of the
ideal male are more important than the mental ones. Particularly in
longer relationships, however, the mental characteristics of the
partner are also important. The personality of the ideal male is
typically described as loving, affectionate, safe, considerate,
masculine, practical and he is treating the younger partner as equal
irrespective of the nature of the relationship. When the relationship
is purely sexual, the ideal male is sometimes described as dominant,
very active, somewhat rough and aggressive, and a little scary, who
evokes feelings of submission, being very small and even abused. Both
equal and unequal role positions can be central characteristics in a
good relationship.
The ideal male need not be
wealthy, but it can be exciting in a sexual relationship if the man
behaves in a way that his wealthiness shows. The experienced quality
of one¹s relationship with one's real father in childhood and
adolescence varies from “distant” to “close”. The real father
is often experienced as the most important male figure of one¹s
childhood and adolescence. Sometimes the father can be experienced as
a sexual object even if the relationship was distant.
5. DISCUSSION
Next I will discuss briefly the
results of my research and place them in a dialogue with the earlier
studies and theories presented in the Introduction. Taking into
consideration the qualitative research paradigm that I have adopted,
the results cannot be generalized. Nevertheless, they give us clues as
to what kind of themes are probably central in the experienced world
of young gay men who are attracted to older men.
1. Following Suppe’s (1985) model,
it can be said that age-difference is most typically a paraphiliac
sexual cue for young gay men who are attracted to older men. In other
words, age-difference is necessary for sexual arousal.
2. A subjective experience of being
more mature than most young men of the same age-group can sometimes
blur the significance of age-difference in a relationship: the partner
can be experienced as roughly the same age as oneself, even though he
is actually older.
3. Sometimes the older man can
represent a Jungian archetype of the Wise Old Man, that is, a
role-model. In this case the young man tries to develop himself both
physically and mentally towards the likeness of this role-model.
4. The central meaning of the
historically significant teacher - student-relationship is closely
tied up with the life-experience of the older man, from which the
younger partner can benefit and learn. However, in some matters also
the younger partner can be in the role of a teacher for the older one.
5. The effect of the organized Bear
subculture on the linguistic expressions describing the ideal male
type is strong: the most typical metaphor describing the ideal male is
“bear”. However, it seems that the ideal male type itself develops
already during one¹s childhood.
6. Some young gay men who are
attracted to older men can clearly be categorized as
“gerontophiles” on the basis of Hirschfeld’s (1952, 227)
definition: they seek only for partners who are over 50 years old.
7. When they seek for a partner for a
more long-term relationship, the young gay men who are attracted to
older men seek for a man who treats them as equal in spite of the
age-difference. This result is opposite to Harry’s (1982) conclusion,
according to which gay men who search for an older partner want this
partner to be more dominant in the relationship.
8. The young gay man who is attracted
to older men does not seek for material, external “exchange goods”
from the older partner, but mainly inner characteristics like wisdom
that age brings and sexual attraction. This result seems to confirm
Steinman¹s (1990) conclusions.
9. The unequal power-positions seem to
appear only in the sexual fantasies of young gay men who are attracted
to older men. This result seems to confirm Lee’s (1990) thoughts
that in an age-different relationship the partners must also be able
to work out the roles of equal partners for themselves, even though
unequal power-positions were central in the sexual life of the couple,
for instance.
10. The experienced quality of the
relationship with one’s real father in childhood and adolescence
varies from “close” to “distant”. For this reason it is
justifiable to say that there is no cause-and-effect relationship
between the quality of the relationship with one¹s father and being
attracted to older men.
11. The father - son role-play with an
ideal male is a multi-dimensional sexual fantasy where one can find
elements of safety and masculine affection on one hand, and
sadomasochistically coloured submissive - dominant role positions on
the other hand. The father-son role-play and the actual relationship
with one's own father in childhood and adolescence are two distinct
experienced realities which have little or nothing in common with each
other.