THREE FAT LADIES
The BBC2 cookery show Two Fat Ladies was an instant hit the moment it burst onto our screens last year. Jennifer Paterson and Clarissa Dickson-Wright, two ample, improbably posh ladies of a certain age, toured upper middle class Britain on Jennifer's motorbike and sidecar, cooking up a storm and terrorising vegetarians and healthy eaters everywhere. Now they're back with a second series.
Our own big girl MEGAN RADCLYFFE went to meet them...
JENNIFER Paterson was already waiting in the Foundation bar and restaurant at Harvey Nicks, Woodbines and a half-empty cup of filtered coffe by her side. I must admit I had been in a state of trepidation before meeting the infamous Two Fat Ladies in the flesh, but Jennifer was instantly charming. Clarissa Dickson-Wright arrived late: her flight had been delayed and she was a tad flustered. "Had to dump my luggage," she said, collapsing onto her seat.
I started by asking how the two women had met.
"Oh, it was at a garden party in Tuscany, five... six years ago," Clarissa replied. "I had found a wood-burning pizza oven..."
"...and of course, she started making pizzas," Jennifer cut in.
"...and of course, Jennifer had to come over and see what I was doing!"
They met again after Patricia Llewellyn ("our Welsh witch" and the programme's director) suggested they embark on the cook's tour that became Two Fat Ladies. "She saw Jennifer ride off on her bike and she said, 'I 'ad a vision of you two'..." explained Clarissa, exhibiting a perfect Welsh accent.
Dickson-Wright only started cooking aged 21 when her father left home. "Mother said, 'It's such a shame, we have all this time to have lovely parties and no money!'" Clarissa now owns a cook book shop in Edinburgh and dashes around the country to partake in Channel 4's Food File and Radio 4's Curious Cooks. "My life does not make sense," she said out of the blue, "unless you understand that I am a recovering alcoholic." Jennifer lives in London, having spent time in China, Italy, Germany, Portugal and Libya, and writes regularly for The Spectator (she interrupted the interview to pass a copy to Clarissa) and The Oldie.
Nowhere, the two fat ladies assert, have they received adverse comments or reactions to the programme's title. Well, except maybe one...
"There was an American journalist who could not say the word 'fat'," said Clarissa. "I said to him, 'Say it, say "Fat"!' and he said, 'Ph... Faa... Phf..." Couldn't do it!" Eventually, Clarissa's tuition helped. "I cured him!" she says, a gleeful glint in her eye. I have no doubt about this, as although Clarissa is an excellent raconteur, with an anecdote always on the tip of her tongue, she is a mite intimidating. You also become very aware that you should cross your Ts and dot your Is when talking with her, but her amiable banter is particularly useful at the moment, as they have a busy promotional sechedule to get through.
"We're off to Radio 1 later," Jennifer said, peeking over the top of her glasses at her itinerary. "Some chap called... Mayo... and we're off to spend £500 here in Harvey Nicks in two hours for another magazine." A chap from Attitude magazine was also lurking nearby. Both of the girls looked more than a little tired. "We were in Yorkshire filming yesterday," explained Clarissa, who has also had to find time to write introductions to each section in the book. And surprisingly to me, they do eat the recipes they cook up on a regular basis. I wondered out loud what food they could not live without.
"Beef," said Clarissa without a blink of the eye.
"Lemons. It would be awful to live without lemons," Jennifer offered.
"And anchovies, Jennifer!" Clarrissa interjected. "There was a time when I thought she would put anchovies in the recipe for chocolate cake!" she said, and they both laughed, long and loud.
Their relationship is obviously close, and has given rise to some rumours of a lesbian dalliance. The question was not asked, and they would not have needed to answer: it was blatantly apparent while talking to them that are both firm fans of the male form. That just left the question of why Two Fat Ladies is so hugely popular, particularly with gay folk. The answers came without hesitation.
"I think they think we're camp!" hooted Jennifer. "All my gay friends have a high sense of humour," Clarissa declared, implying strongly that this is why they watch.
"There was that gay chap who came up and, slapped me on the shoulder," Jennifer recounted, whacking Clarissa's arm to illustrate, "and said 'Oooh, I love you!' and walked off!" Both women appear to cherish the attention. The series is a preferred viewing choice over some twenty other cookery shows (about which the two ladies declared themselves "very dubious") with a wide range of people.
"I think it is because we are not patronising or pompous, and people can see that we are obviously enjoying ourselves," Clarissa said.
And I was assured that I shall enjoy myself when delving into the second cook book, Two Fat Ladies Ride Again. Buttered pigeon breast as a starter, with Oxford John and a chocolate whiskey cake to follow, methinks. Or there's ham 'n' haddie for breakfast. Must get that rabbit and beetroot terrine started...
©Megan Radclyffe 1997 Publ. Millivres October 1997