Or "Where do I get started?"
I'd read somewhere to choose three words to describe the wedding I imagined. The three that I chose were Comfortable, Beautiful and Festive. (The "comfortable" was extremely important for the groom!) I kept these words in mind throughout all my planning to keep me from going over-board. With every decision I made, I thought about those 3 words and they helped me narrow a lot of choices down.
The next step was my budget. This may even take precedent of choosing a date. (Some people say budget is the first step, but I like my first step better. ;-) ) Within that line of thinking, I found my parameters led to the style and formality of my wedding. The budget and location can very well determine the date of the wedding . In my case, my wedding date was flexible, but so was my wedding! An important step was to list my priorities:
1) I wanted a pretty dress that made me look and feel like a princess. (How girly!)
2) Doyle didn't want to wear a tux (Can I blame him for not wanting to wear a wool suit in the middle of summer?)
3) I wanted invitations that stood out and that people would remember. (I know that people usually don't remember the invitation, but I also knew that some people couldn't come and I wanted their only impression of the wedding to be a lasting one.)
4) Doyle and I wanted a menu with satisfying and abundant food.
5) It wouldn't be a party withouout alcohol. (Don't get me wrong, we're not a couple of lushes *hic* =D but it's just something we wanted.)
6) I didn't want to sacrifice class for cost, but I didn't want it to be a "stuffy" event.
7) I didn't want to get caught up in all the wedding "junk" I didn't really need or want, but...
8) I do believe in favors! I Do!
9) I wanted an air of romance. (I thought a candle-lit, garden wedding was pretty romantic!)
10) I obviously didn't want too many people involved in the planning.
The list could go on and on, but those were the top 10. If you noticed, there were a lot of things We didn't want. So it's just as important to know what you don't want as is what you do want.
You don't have to...
- follow all the rules you read in those etiquitte books
- invite everyone and their thrid cousin twice removed
- wear an informal dress to an informal wedding.
- order those misc. items in the back of the invitation books. (personalized cocktail napkins?)
- have attendants if you don't want to
- be stuffy if you'd like to feed your guests
- have place cards and seating arrangements
- spend a ton of money on a beautiful wedding
- have shoes dyed to match
- have your attendants wear the same dresses
- have a bridal purse (but they're SOooo cute!)
- lose your ideals and dreams because someone else told you it wouldn't work
Another thing to keep in mind is to choose your battles. Is it really worth tearing a family apart if someone isn't invited? Will people really care if you have rhinestones in your tiara as opposed to austrian crystals? Don't sweat the little things... it's the marriage that counts.
It's the grooms wedding, too! Depending on your groom, he either wants you to take over the planning, wants to do most of the planning, or on those rare occasions, share the planning equally with you. I actaully found myself somewhere in between. There were some major items that were very important to Doyle. Such as what he didn't want to wear, what we chose to feed our guests, make sure the expenses weren't more than we could handle and that the wedding be at the house. He had opinions and input on things he was familiar with. He really didn't care if the bouquets were 8" around or 10" around, but he had input on his boutinniere. He didn't care what the color scheme was, but had opinions on what the groomsmen wore. There are some things that he honestly had no opinion on (what size should the dance floor be? Are the bridesmaids dresses too fluffy? Should I wear gloves or not?) and I had to tell myself that it was ok that he he had no opinion on it. It was also key that if I asked for his opinions, giving him choices were a lot easier to deal with than just asking, "what do you think"? For instance, instead of asking him what kind of music he preferred for the ceremony, I asked him to listen to a selection of songs from a cd of wedding music. With that, planning with the groom wasn't as bad as I thought. :)
