It had been three hours since the ultimatum had been issued. Lance still couldn't grasp the fact that it had been given, and from Chris of all people. He guessed his little friend was in shock as well, because it had been quiet since he had isolated himself in his bunk. He couldn't think. He wasn't sure he wanted to. He felt numb.
He felt numb and empty and more alone than he had ever felt before.
'Is this what I'll feel like if I go home?' he asked himself, not sure of the answer, but dreading what it might be. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want this empty feeling. He had felt isolated, maybe a little detached before. Now he felt like he was the only person that existed. He didn't want to chance living like that. He didn't want to leave the group.
But he wasn't crazy either. He didn't want to pretend he was for the sake of his sanity. There was just this small section of his brain that felt that he didn't matter here. Unfortunately, that part of his brain had been very convincing. He could live with not mattering, but he couldn't live being alone.
There was a sound outside his bunk. He had the curtain closed, so he couldn't see anything outside, but he could hear something. Sniffling. Like someone was, like someone was crying. 'Why is someone crying? Who's crying?' Lance asked him self. He started to worry. What if something had happened? Why hadn't they come and told him if something had?
'Because you're not part of their group.' He reminded himself. But that didn't stop him.
Slowly, he parted the small curtain, peaking out. What he saw surprised him and made him worry more. Joey was sitting in the bunk across from him, sobbing relatively quietly. His eyes were read and puffy. His nose was runny, and still he cried. And it disturbed Lance, to see this happy, joking, jovial man cry so unashamedly.
"Joey, what happened? What's wrong?" Lance asked, sitting up so quickly he hit his head on the room of his bunk. He didn't pay it any attention. "Joey, did something happen?" Joey didn't answer, just shook his head 'no'. "Is it your family? Are they ok?" Joey nodded, unable to speak while he tried to regain some sense of composure. "Joey, what is it? What's wrong?" "They're going to do it, Lance. They're going to kick you out if you don't go." Joey told him, his expression that of a lost little boy instead of a man in his twenties. "I don't want you to go, Lance. None of us do. You're part of us. We need you. We used to be best friends, you and I. I don't know what happened to that. But I want it back. I want my best friend back. I want you back, Lance. The real you." Joey said, pouring his heart out.
Lance sat quietly, listening to his friend's emotions. Maybe he was crazy. "I have to be.' He thought to himself. ' How can I not see that they do care about me?'
Joey, I don't know what I'm doing anymore." Lance said, wrapping his arms around Joey's shoulders to pull him into a hug, something he used to do often, but hadn't done in a long time. 'Too long." Lance thought, realizing how much he had missed his best friend.
"How did things get so messed up, Lansten? When did our dreams stop being fun?" Joey asked, still holding on to Lance.
"I don't know, Joey. I don't know." Lance knew what he had to do. His only problem was making himself stick to that decision. "I want to stay here, Joe. I don't want to give this up. I don't want to be alone. But I don't think I can NOT be alone anymore. I don't think I know how." Lance knew he wasn't making sense, but it was the only way he could explain it.
Joey lifted his head to look at Lance. Lance tried to look away, but Joey caught his chin, forcing Lance to look at him. "You were never alone. You had five people with you the entire time. Me, JC, Chris, Justin, and God. None of us ever left you. We've always been here, and will always be here. Why do you think we're all staying with you in New York?" Joey asked him, taking his role from the comforted to the comforter. "Because we had engagements we couldn't get out of." Lance said with a small laugh. He hadn't noticed until then that he was crying. 'I've been doing a lot of that lately.' He thought randomly.
"We could have gotten out of those and the rest of us could have been headed home as soon as we got there. But we're not. We want to be there for you, like you would be for us. We didn't want you to be alone. So we kept a few of our major engagements to squash rumors, but this time is all for you, Lance. Please tell me you'll go to the therapist. That you won't quit. We need you. Without you, we're Nsyc. Now how screwed up would that be?" Joey said, returning to his normal self, if only slightly.
"I can't leave Joey. This is my life. It's not who I am, it's what I do. But without it, without you guys, I'm empty inside, and I can't live like that. I want that empty feeling gone, Joey. I want to be who I was, but I don't know how." Lance said, not trying to hold back the fear and uncertainty in his voice. "We'll teach you." Came a voice from behind him. Lance and Joey turned to find JC, Justin, and Chris behind them. "You don't have to be alone. We won't let you. I think if we all stand together and teach each other how to be who we used to be, then we can regain some of that magic that experience has stolen from us." Chris was saying.
"I hate to quote other people's songs, but," Justin said, as they enveloped Lance in a tight group hug. "If you need to crash, then crash and burn. You're not alone."