Justin quietly walked into the suite. It was almost time to leave for the venue. he had been out most of the day. He hadn't meant to stay out long, but he needed to think. The scene with Lance earlier that day kept playing in his mind.
Lance had looked at him, so sad. He actually looked lost. For Justin, that was scary. Lance was their stability. He was what held them together. If any of them needed someone to talk to, they went to Lance. He always had kind of helpful advice, and if he didn't, he would at least listen
'But,' Justin wondered. ' If we all go to him for someone to listen to us, who does he go to? Who listens to him?' Justin knew that anyone of them would be there for Lance. All he had to do was ask. 'But, does Lance know that?' Justin didn't know if he did or not, but he planned on making sure he was told that enough times that it was imprinted on his brain. He intended to make sure Lance knew they were there for him and always would be.
"Hey guys, what's up?" Justin asked, walking into the living room.
"Not much." Chris replied from his spot next to Joey on the couch, where he Joey and JC were staring intently at the Home Shopping Network.
"OK, so why are you watching the home shopping network?" Justin asked sitting in a chair next to the couch.
"Waiting." JC explain vaguely.
"For what?"
"To see if Lance is going to come out of his room for the show or not." Joey told him.
"He hasn't come out all day?" Justin asked, shocked.
Chris shook his head. "Not even to go to the bathroom."
Justin started to get more worried. "Is he alright?"
"If your definition of alright is alive, yeah. He shouts at us to leave him the hell alone when we knock to check on him. So yeah, he's alright if that's what you mean." Chris said, looking at Justin mirthlessly.
"Joey, did you get in touch with Nicole?" Joey nodded. "Well, what did she say?" Justin prodded.
"Lance broke up with her three weeks ago." Justin's jaw hit the floor. "She said he swore up and down that she was cheating on him. We all know how she cares about him, she wouldn't do that."
Justin nodded his agreement. "Did he tell her anything?"
"Nope. Broke up with her, hung up and hasn't talked to her since." JC said, leaning forward, his head in his hands.
"Maybe we should call his mom." Justin suggested.
"Been there done that." JC said. "Last time she talked to him, he told her to stop calling him. He won't let her come visit and refuses to answer her pages or return her calls. That was two weeks ago."
"What's going on with him? I don't understand." Justin wondered aloud.
The four friends jumped when Lance's door opened. Turning, they all stare, startled by their friend.
"Don't stare at me like I've got two heads. We need to head on over to the venue, or we'll be late. Don't forget, back here after the show, pack and we're out of here and headed for Missouri by midnight." Lance said, then left the room. His four puzzled friends followed a few minutes later.
~*~
Lance lay in his bunk on their tour bus, looking out the window at the passing scenery, without actually seeing anything. He was too lost in his thoughts. He had spent the entire day locked in his room, trying to understand his behavior of late. He heard the guys say something about Nicole, but what, he hadn't heard.
Lance couldn't figure out why he had broken up with her. He loved her. And the reasons he gave, God, what was he thinking?
'You were thinking, "She has to be cheating on me." Face it. You would cheat on you too.' sounded that pestering voice in his head. Lance refused to dignify it with a response.
'Only because you want to believe you aren't crazy. Well, guess what Poofu. You are.'
And his mother. What had possessed him to cut himself off from her. If she was worried before, she was terrified now. How in the world did he explain that?
'Get over it. You're a momma's boy. deal with it already. Lance bit back the remark he almost blurted out loud. Justin already thought he was insane. After that scene in the suite that Justin walked in on, Lance didn't want to fuel that fire.
'Why not? You could give them more reasons to laugh at you. And hey, if they had you committed, who would notice? No one even realizes you're in this group anyway.'
'I really wish you would shut the hell up. You're what's driving me insane. Just stop with the damn sarcastic comments.' Lance shouted to himself.
'Ok, reality check. You're holding a conversation in your head, with voices. How sane is that, I ask you?'
Lance was really growing to hate this little voice of his. ' When I want you damn opinion, I'll fucking give it to you.'
'Fine. Fine.' his inner voice conceded. 'Can I just be serious here for a minute?'
Lance buried his head in his pillow to stifle his growl of frustration. 'Why the fuck not. You won't leave me alone anyway.'
'Ok, look, seriously now. Do you honestly think they give a shit about you?'
Lance rolled his eyes. 'OK, that's it. You had your chance.'
'No, hear me out. I'm being serious here. Ok, for example, ou remember that rehearsal when Joey knocked you down in the hallway?'
'Yeah, that was a few weeks ago. He apologized.'
'Ok he did, but did any of them notice yoiu were in pain. I mean, granted you didn't tell them, but they should have seen it. But no, no one noticed a damn thing until after the show and you could barely walk to the dressing room.
'So what? They were really there for me when I went in the hospital.' Lance reasoned, but the voice wouldn't let him have it.
'Yea there were there, out of obligation. And that whole skewering Lou, I mean, sure the fat bastard deserved it, and he did have a hand in you being sick, but don't lie to yourself. You didn't go beyond yourself for him. You did it for them. So they wouldn't have a reason to dog you. You nearly killed yourself trying to please them, and what did you get for it. "Watch what your doing, Lance." "God, You suck Lance." "Lance, do you even practice." That's what they said to you.'
'They were only joking. They don't mean those things.' Lance insisted.
'Poof...uh...I mean, Lance. That's part of my point. They love to have a laugh at your expense. Did you hear them laughing and joking while you were locked in your room?'
'No,' Lance conceded. ' But what's that got to do with it. They're worried about me. I'm worried about me.' Lance thought a tear slipping from his eye.
'Bullshit Lance! They weren't worried. They weren't laughing because you weren't there for them to pick on. They don't care about you, James. You need to deal with that.'
"You're wrong." Lance whispered, tears running freely down his face now. "You're wrong."
"Lance? Buddy, you ok?" Came Chris's voice from down the small hallway.
"Shit!" Lance murmured. He vaulted from his bunk and ran to the bathroom, locking himself inside.
"Lance? What's wrong? Lance, you're scaring me. Damn it, open the door." Came Chris's frantic calls from the other side of the door.
Lance, trying to keep his voice quiet, just sat and cried.
~*~
Chris paced back and forth in the small confines of the small entertainment room. Two steps one way, two steps back. Justin, JC, and Joey watched his monotonous ritual for several minutes. Finally, JC couldn't take it anymore.
"Chris, I swear if you don't sit down, I'm going to knock you down. Your making me nervous." JC said, taking Chris's arm in his.
"I'm sorry, I'm just worried. I don't know what's wrong. Why won't he talk to us? Why won't he come out of there?" Chris questioned, for the millionth time. He knew it was starting to bug the other three, but he couldn't help it. He didn't understand what he had done.
"I don't know, Chris. What happened before he went in there?" Joey asked, although Chris had already told them.
"Like I said, I was thirsty. So I got up and I could hear Lance crying, and he was mumbling something. So I asked him if he was alright. He didn't say anything. He just jumped from his bunk and ran to the bathroom and that's where he's been for the last two hours." Chris told them again, sinking to the floor, exasperated.
"I don't like this. Something major is up with him. We always talk to him about what's bugging us, why won't he talk to us about what's bugging him?" Justin asked, sounding like the scared boy he sometimes was. Chris sometimes forgot that Justin was still just a kid. For that matter so was Lance.
"I don't know Justin. I really don't know anymore. So much for the psych. major." Chris said, resting his head in his hands.
"Maybe we should get him a doctor?" JC suggested.
"Oh yeah, he would really go for that. I can see it now. 'Hey, Lance. We want you to see a shrink.' 'Oh no problem. I can't wait.' Like that's going to happen JC." Joey snapped.
"Well, damn at least I came up with an idea. I didn't hear you throwing anything out there." JC shouted back.
"You guys. Shut up! He's right next door. You think he can't hear you?" Chris admonished.
"I'm sorry. I'm just worried." Joey said, rubbing his hands over his tired eyes.
"I'm scared shitless." Chris said, not even trying to hide his worry.
"Maybe he's on the phone. Wanted some privacy or something." Justin suggested, knowing that was definitely not the reason.
"Ain't gonna happen. His phone is still next to his laptop over there." JC said, pointing to the phone beside the computer on the couch across the room.
"Well, I do have an idea, and he ain't going to like it." Joey said getting up. he walked hurriedly to the front of the bus. "James," Joey said, addressing the bus driver. He knew the guys had followed him. "I need you to pull over at the next rest stop."
"Did security clear it? I ain't wantin' to get jumped again cause you got a case of the munchies." James said, eyeing Joey skeptically. Because of the noise of the bus, the CB and the radio, James hadn't heard anything that had happened in the back of the bus.
"Just do it, James. And do it as fast as you can. I'll take any flack coming cause of it. Is there a way to get into the bathroom on here, even if it's locked from the inside?" Joey asked, praying the driver knew an easier way than taking the door off its hinges.
"Yeah, I got a key to it. Why?"
"When you stop, give me the key." JC said, catching Joey's plan.
"What's going on you guys?" James asked nervously.
"You may want to get off the bus when we stop." Chris patted James shoulder before the four friends left.