You Are NOT Alone

Why me springs to mind!  No one wants to face that question!

R.A.D is usually bought on by something that has happened in the child’s past so they need to be in control of everything.  Their trust has gone and they refuse to let you know how they are truly feeling.

I am sure many birth parents of children with R.A.D think they are alone, I know I did, until I discovered the figures, did you know there are   children in Calderdale alone that have been diagnosed with R.A.D of which only   are still with their birth parent/s.  And there are more that haven’t even been diagnosed yet.

Unfortunately because R.A.D is still a relatively new diagnosis most children are branded as a bully or a “naughty “ child, the hidden depths of the inner child have not been discovered and so they become labeled.  I was almost relieved when my son was diagnosed, and although I knew I was partially to blame for the way he was, I started to discover ways of dealing with him and ways to start living again! 

Unfortunately as I have mentioned previously most children with R.A.D are in care so the majority of the information available is for foster or adoptive parents, this includes any meetings available, so what happens to us, the birth parents that choose to deal with the situation or are allowed to keep their children? It appears we are left on the sidelines, with no one to talk to, no information resources, and no ideal help.  People take their hats of to the families that CHOOSE to take on a child with R.A.D, they get a pat on the back and are offered an endless amount of support, and networks of people they can contact and groups they can attend. Whereas birth parents receive none of this.  As if it wasn’t bad enough knowing that we are partially to blame, we are offered no help to get us through the bad times, no one we can call in the middle of the night, no one to tell how we are REALLY feeling, no one who can take over even if just for half an hour.  But isn’t that just as bad as letting the child down? If the parents were supported more, the stress levels would be lower, if there was a light at the end of the tunnel wouldn’t we be able to cope better?  As birth parents we are in need of as much support as adoptive / foster parents if not more as we also have the guilt factor of knowing why this has happened. 

We are not alone, there are many of us, all you need to do is reach out someone will be there for you.

So I ask would you be willing to be a sounding off person? Would you like to meet other birth parents of children with R.A.D?  Would you like to attend a group or a coffee morning where your children can come to without having a finger pointed at them? Make new friends with people who know exactly what your going through and exchange tips on how to encourage each other? I would like to hear from anyone in and around Halifax that feels they would benefit from this or even if you just need to scream at someone!

 

"Tonight, when you lay your head on your pillow, forget how far you still have to go.  

 Look instead at how far you've already come."
                 

Bob Moawad