Disclaimers: No owny.

Warnings: This is STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!!! TOTAL nonsense!!! I did it at four o’clock last night. Not the best script, but I guess it’s kinda funny if you’re really really tired and have consumed nothing but Diet Coke and pickles all day. SO, with the hope that this applies to some of you….. ~.^;;

Update: Yeah, I did this waaaay back on Friday night/Saturday morning. I’d just realized that Saturday was October 13^th: Tomo’s Birthday!!!!!!!! My intention was to post it on Saturday in honor of the occasion. But since they were fixing the site at that time, I waited until today. Was it worth it???? ….Probably not. ^_^ This script is just silly.

Stupid Note: I went out to dinner with a group of friends on Saturday, and without warning, turned to my friend during a lull in the conversation and announced. "It’s Tomo’s Birthday!!!!!!!" …..She thought I was pretty strange. ^_^ At least she’d actually seen the show, and it wasn’t a total random comment to someone who had no clue what I was talking about. Anyway, I’m sure everyone was interested in that pointless anecdote. -_-()

 

The Party

(Tomo’s Birthday)

 

Tomo: La de da de da….home again, after another hard day of seishi-stalking… [opens door and steps into apartment]

All: SURPRISE!!!!

Tomo: EEEEEEEEK!!!!

All: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOMO!!!!!!!!

Tomo: Uh….

Miaka: I made you a cake!

Tomo: Eughh…

Nuriko: Don’t worry. I made you one, too.

Hotohori: Tomo. I know we are enemies. But that does not mean that your birthday should pass by unnoticed. Allow me to present you with this. [hands Tomo a box]

Tomo: Um….thank you?

Hotohori: Open the damn box, Tomo.

Tomo: [opens box; pulls out mirror] Ahhhhh, it’s…a mirror! How very nice.

Hotohori: It is from my own personal collection.

Tomo: Oh?

Hotohori: Of course, the reflection won’t be as pleasing when you use it.

Ashitare: Ahem…Tomo, dear fellow, here is an autographed copy of my first publication…it’s called ‘SEISHI: The Discourse of an Era.’

Tomo: [opens book, reads inscription] "To Tomo: May Nakago’s boots always bear Velcro. Sorry I died before I could get to know you better, what. Happy Birthday!! Your Chum, Ashitare."

Amiboshi: Happy Birthday, Psycho Aniki!! Here’s my present.

Tomo: [opens present] A CD?

Amiboshi: It’s two wonderful hours of me playing my flute!!

Tomo: But…you only know four songs…

Amiboshi: [quickly] And Suboshi has something for ya, too!

Suboshi: [thrusts something at Tomo] Here.

Tomo: What’s this?

Tasuki: Dammit, come on. You know it’s gonna be a yo-yo!! Flute Boy’s Brother always gives people freakin yo-yos for their birthdays.

Suboshi: Well, maybe I like yo-yos, okay???? Yo-yos are wonderful toys, and I want to share that wonder with all of my friends…uh….and enemies!!

Tomo: It’s a very nice yo-yo, Suboshi. Thank you.

Chichiri: My turn, no daaaa!!!! I’m sorry I couldn’t wrap this, Tomo-kun, no da, but it’s a subscription to my favorite magazine, na no da!

Tomo: ‘Optical Illusion Weekly’!!! WOW!!! Thank you so much!!

Chichiri: Daaaaaa!!!!

Tasuki: Heh…he liked that better than the stupid yo-yo.

Suboshi: I’LL KILL YOU!!!!!! [jumps on Tasuki and tries to twist his head off]

Tasuki: HEY!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!

Nuriko: Eh…let me help you out there. [grabs Suboshi by the hair and casually tosses him across the room]

Suboshi: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! **splat**

Chiriko: Tomo-sama, I, too, have a gift for you.

Tomo: [unwraps proffered item] Ahhh, a book!

Chiriko: It is a historical work dealing with the influence of Chinese opera on the culture and society of the surrounding areas, with a special emphasis on the reactions of the urban proletariat to the establishment of the socialist manifestos contained therein.

Tomo: …………

Chiriko: I got you an X-Men comic book, too.

Tomo: Volume Eighteen!! I don’t have this one yet!!!!

Chiriko: [mumbles to self] I’m surrounded by idiots.

Tasuki: I didn’t know what the hell you’d like, so I got you a gift certificate. Here.

Tomo: ‘Gildo’s House of Lethal Feathers?’

Tasuki: You can pick the kind of feather, the color, whatever.

Tomo: Wow!!! I’ve always wanted a set of lethal feathers!!!

Miaka: What about you, Tamahome? What did you get for Tomo?

Tamahome: Are you crazy???? He’s our enemy!!!! I’m not gonna go and spend money on weapons and stuff that he’ll probably use against us in the days to come!!!

Miaka: It’s the money, isn’t it?

Tamahome: Totally.

Miaka: Freak.

Soi: Tomo, as much as I reeeeeeally don’t like you, it is your birthday…so I got you this really crappy make-up kit.

Tomo: Oh, Soi….it’s the thought that counts, after all. [tries to kiss her on the cheek; she socks him in the face]

Miboshi: And here’s a pair of knitting needles. They really help with stress.

Mitsukake: Tomo, I make for you a gift of this tiny, cute little kitten. [pulls a fluffy white kitten with a red bow around its neck out of his sleeve] He will always be your friend. Cats are actually better friends than people are. They don’t tease you about having a wimpy power, or about killing your girlfriend….twice. They think you are by far the coolest character of all, because by god, you’re the one that feeds them. And most importantly, very rarely will a cat have a severe psychological problem.

Tomo: AAAAWWWWWW!!!!! HE’S SOOOO CUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!! [cuddles kitten] I shall name him Percy.

Nuriko: Well! Time for cake!!

Miaka: FINALLY!!! I thought the presents would never end!!!

Tomo: Uh….hey, you guys…where’s Nakago? [hopeful grin]

Nuriko: Oh, ummmm….he, ah……couldn’t make it.

Tomo: [crestfallen] Oh…really?

Nuriko: Yyyyyeah. But don’t worry, the cake’ll cheer you right up!

Tomo: [hugging Percy] I guess.

[Nuriko disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a giant purple cake]

Tasuki: GAHHHHH!!!! It’s PURPLE!!!!

[Nuriko drop-kicks Tasuki into a wall]

Nuriko: Okay, everybody…get ready to sing!!! [crafty, secretive smile]

[Just as everyone is about to sing, there is a squelching sound, and Nakago jumps out of the cake!!!!]

Tomo: [gleeful] NAKAGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nakago: [really pissed at having been stuffed inside a cake] [mumbles] Happy Birthday to you…Happy Birthday to you…Happy Birthday, dear Tomo. Happy Birthday…to you.

Tomo: Eeep!!! [sheds tears of joy]

Nuriko: [nudges Tomo] Ya like-a my present??

Tomo: [jumps up and down and hugs Nuriko, nodding frantically]

Percy: [being squished] MEAAAAHHH!!!!

Nuriko: OKAY, okay, OKAY!!!!

Nakago: You realize I did this under protest.

Nuriko: [behind his hand] I threatened to take away his stuffed moose ‘Chuck’ if he said no.

Nakago: ……..[glower glower glower]

Tomo: [still crying] You guys!!!!! **sniff** You’re the best friends and enemies a guy could ask for!!! This has been the best birthday EVER…thank you SO MUCH!!!

Nuriko: Unfortunately, the whole Nakago thing means we have to eat the cake MIAKA made.

Miaka: EXCUSE me…????!!!

Nuriko: HEHEHE!!!! Did I say UNFORTUNATELY??? I meant, "Um, fortunately…"

THE END (thank goodness) ^_^

 

 

Yui: Hey! Why wasn’t I invited to the party???

Me: Because I don’t like you. You’re a back-stabbing drama queen. I even like Miboshi more than I like you.

Yui: But it doesn’t make sense! Where the heck was I when all this was taking place???

Me: Jeez, who knows. You were in your bedroom talking to Nakago’s earring, or something.

Yui: ….Oh. All righty then.