Disclaimer:  The cast of FY does not belong to me.  *innocent blink*  Oh, and allllllllll of the characters and situations involved in this story are purely fictional.  Why, what else would they beeee?  *hums*

  

The Tale of the Stifled Maiden

by Ryuen

 

 [In the imperial palace of Konan, the seishi sit in a rough circle around a small dark-haired girl, chattering away as she struggles vainly to get their attention.  Due to the late hour, she wears a pair of satiny pajama bottoms--red, and with embarrassing little cats holding hearts on them--and a University of Pittsburgh T-shirt, and her hair is cropped short, bursting out from her head in wild curls.  She tries waving her arms over her head, but to no avail--Tasuki only laughs more loudly, and although Nuriko has quieted, the charming young crossdresser still can't help the occasional giggle at Hotohori's arm around his shoulder.]

 

[Finally, however, the young emperor takes pity on the girl and rises to his feet.  Long chestnut hair floods dramatically around his shoulders, sending Nuriko into another fit of lovesick giggles, but even those soon quiet as Hotohori lifts his arms, draws a deep breath, and:

 

Hotohori:  *best imperial bellow*  SILENCE!!

 

[The chattering seishi hush themselves immediately--well, with the exception of Tasuki, of course, but Miaka manages to clamp a hand over his mouth after a few moments, so all is well.  *nod*]

 

Ryuen:  *glancing around the room*  Ah...arrigato, Hotohori-sama. 

 

[The room they sit in is fairly plain, despite its position in the royal palace; the square walls are a sturdy grey stone, but are unadorned but for a flowery oil painting on the back wall.  The carpet is well-made, a velvety red with intricate patterns of gold around the edges, but due to the fact that the room holds no furniture, the seishi sit crosslegged on the floor.]

 

Ryuen:  Now.  I realize it's late.  And I realize that some of you--*glances pointedly at Nuriko and Hotohori*--were in the midst of snuggling activities, and I'm sorry to interrupt that.  HOWEVER.  *glances around*  I've, ah...I've come to tell you a bedtime story!!

 

Tasuki:  EHHH??  What the @$(*@*(#$?  I don't need a @*$(&$@ bedtime story!!

 

Tamahome:  *wringing hands together*  Make it take place on a boat.  In the middle of the ocean.  And the main character can be a red-haired jerk named Ta--

 

[Miaka smacks Tamahome on the shoulder, and he quiets down; Hotohori had been rising to his feet as the evil tirade continued, prepared, no doubt, to use his Imperial Bellow again, but Nuriko grabs his sleeve, and the emperor returns to his seat.]

 

Nuriko:  *snuggling against Hotohori's arm*  Ne, tell whatever story you want, Ryu-chan.  *contented smile*

 

Ryuen:  *clears throat, smoothing Pitt T-shirt*  Ahem.  Well.  Actually, I'm not just going to TELL a story.  YOU all are going to act it out. 

 

All:  *crickets chirp*

 

Ryuen:  Awww, c'mon guys, please??  It'll be much more interesting this way!!  And it might be fun!!

 

Chichiri:  *puts finger to chin*  Na no da. 

 

Tasuki: *gets up*  @(*@&$ if I'm actin' out some @#$*&$ bedtime story.

 

[Tasuki heads for the door, stomping hard enough to jar the oil painting on the back wall, but just as he's about to reach the door, it abruptly vanishes.  Tasuki gives a yelp and leaps back, spinning towards Chichiri, but the monk is blinking in surprise at the door's sudden disappearance.  Finally, the bandit glances to Ryuen, and finds her standing with her hands on her hips, an irritated but vaguely smug expression on her face.]

 

Ryuen:  *sighs*  Okay, I was trying to be nice about this, but if you're not going to cooperate, then I guess we have to play it the hard way.  NOBODY LEAVES UNTIL THIS GETS DONE!!  Okay?  So.  Tasuki, either get back to your seat and get ready to act as you've never acted before...or else get used to this room, 'cause you'll be living in it forever.  With Tamahome.

 

Tamahome:  Eep!

 

Ryuen:  *calm and composed again*  Okay, now.  Coincidentally, there are juuuuust seven roles for this story.

 

[Knowing the seishi won't get the reference but wanting to do it anyway, Ryuen wriggles her nose, and a'la Bewitched, a clipboard appears in her arms.  Tasuki groans, having already returned to his seat between Miaka and Chichiri, and Mitsukake appears to be attempting to meditate.]

 

Ryuen:  I'm gonna read off the parts.  MAKE SURE you remember who you're playing, okay?  Now.  The main character of this little bedtime story will be played by--*glances at clipboard*--Tasuki.

 

Tasuki:  @#$(*&@$& all right!!  Take that, Obake-chan!  I'm the @#$*(&$ MAIN GUY!

 

Nuriko:  Ne, Tasuki-chan...I thought you didn't even want to be in this. 

 

Tasuki:  *shrugs*  Well, if I gotta @*#$&@$ be in it, why not be the @#($*&$@ main guy?  Who izzee, huh, Ryu-chan?  Somebody really @$*&$ cool, right??

 

Ryuen:  Ahhhh, actually, Tasuki, you'll be portraying the Maiden Roku. 

Tasuki:  ...WHAT!?!?!  NO @#$(*&@$ WAY I'M BEIN' A @#$(*&@$ GIRL!!

 

Ryuen:  *shrug*  Well, you're the MAIN @$*(&$@ girl, so get used to it.  Now.  Tamahome, you'll be playing the evil baron,  Fahnfie Nett, and Miaka, you'll be his wife, Dot. 

 

Miaka:  Waaaaaaai!!  Did you hear that Tamahome??  We get to be married!!  *squeak*

 

Ryuen:  *rubbing ears*  Uh...yes, Miaka.  ...Anyway, we need to get moving here, so please, no more commentary--and dear God, no more squeaking--until I've finished reading off the list.  Okay, now, Nuriko and Hotohori, you'll be the Maiden Roku's humble servants, Ryu and Mou, Mitsukake will be the Maiden's footman, Kaz, and Chichiri, you'll be playing the part of the Maiden's faithful bath-maid, Krys.  Oh, and you'll also be any other characters that comes in that I haven't listed. 

 

Chichiri:  Gotcha na no da.

 

Chiriko:  *blinkblink*  Ryuen-san, what about me?

 

Ryuen:  Ooooooh, Chiriko, how could I forget about you?  You're the most important character!!

Chiriko:  *beams*

 

Ryuen:  You are Oppressy, the Nett family's faithful dog!!

 

Chiriko:  ...

 

Ryuen: ^___^;;;;

 

Chiriko:  Hrmph.

 

Ryuen:  Welllllll, anyway!!  Places, everyone!!  I'm going to stand over here--

 

[Ryuen walks to the back of the room, stopping just beside the oil painting, and turns back to face the seishi.]

 

Ryuen:  --and I want you guys to wait along the siides until your character is called into action, and then get to it, okay?  *bounces*  Waaaaaaiiiii, isn't this funnnnnnnn???  ^___________^.

 

All:  --;;;

 

Ryuen:  OKAY!!  Well.  Ahem.  Once upon a time, there was a beaaaaaautiful maiden named Roku.

 

[Tasuki, muttering and cursing under his breath, stomps out into the center of the carpeting.  As he moves, Ryuen wiggles her nose again, and suddenly he is wearing a full-length ball gown of blue and silver, and his hair is pulled back into a stylish barette.  Tasuki goes pale as he realizes what has happened to him, but thankfully Tamahome's sudden laughter muffles whatever dirty words he utters. 

 

Ryuen:  Ahem.  Anyway, the Maiden Roku lived in a quaint little village called Intre, and Intre was ruled over by a Baron Fahnfie Nett, and his wife Dot. 

 

[Miaka and Tamahome--who are suddenly wearing a green ballgown and snazzy tuxedo, respectively--sashay out into the middle of the floor, where Tasuki is still muttering about his dress.]

 

Ryuen:  Now, Fahnfie and Dot were very kind rulers at first, letting the peoples of their village speak their minds and express themselves in whatever professions they wanted, but as time went on and neighboring villages started to complain about certain raucous citizens in Intre, the Netts began to get stricter.  Now, I'm sure they were fiiiiiiiiiiine people, and they really were very kind to most of the citizens, but rather than standing up for the wonderful freedom they'd given their citizens, they let themselves be influenced by what the neighboring kingdoms said, and started to take away the people's freedoms.

 

Ryuen:  It started out small, with the outlawing of speaking out against Fahnfie and Dot, but it escalated from there.  The villagers loved their peaceful town, however, and so they put up with the rules at first...but then, one dark day in autumn, Fahnfie and Dot put out a ruling that dictated the following.

 

[Ryuen runs over to Tamahome, whispers something in his ear, and then rushes back to the wall.]

 

Tamahome:  *ahhhhem*  From henceforth, no one in Intre will be permitted to speak of adult acts anywhere in the village!

 

Ryuen:  Naturally, this upset the villagers.  *motions to Chichiri*

 

Chichiri:  *runs out*  Uh...damn it, na no da!   *runs back*

 

Ryuen:  Despite the protests of the villagers, however, Fahnfie would not back down.  There were children in the village, and since there were, any talk of adult matters could possibly fall to their ears.  *in an undertone*  Of course, what set this off was that some Intre kid told some Neighboring Village kid all he'd heard about...erm...mature acts from some drunk in the street, and that kid told his parents, and those parents told their baron, and that baron told Fahnfie, and Fahnfie was upset--given that that baron was one of his chief suppliers of corn--and agreed to ban all such discussions from his town.

 

Ryuen: *deep breath*  So.  There was immediately an outcry among the villagers-- *motions to Chichiri again*

 

Chichiri:  *runs out*  This isn't fair, no da!!  *runs back*

 

Ryuen:  --but one villager, the beautiful Maiden RRoku, decided that different means would be necessary to combat this great evil.  *whispers*  Go ON, Tasuki!

 

Tasuki:  *deadpan*  Different means will be necessary to combat this great evil.

 

Ryuen:  Hai!!  Sooooo, Roku called in her best servants, Ryu, Mou, Kaz, and Krys--

 

[Nuriko, Hotohori, Mitsukake, and Chichiri come out, all clad in maid or butler uniforms, and bow low in front of Tasuki.]

 

Ryuen:  "Thank you for coming," Roku told them.  "I've gathered you all here because we need to do something about this terrible injustice.  People aren't going to just stop talking about sex because Baron Nett tells them they can't!! They'll start hiding it in metaphors and inventing strange hand gestures to refer to it, and then when the Baron realizes that, he'll start outlawing speaking in metaphors and gesturing!!  And that would be unfair."

 

Ryuen:  "What do you propose we do?" Mou asked.  

 

Ryuen:  "Well," Roku replied, "I'm going to go to the center of town and rally the people, and together, we can all go to the Baron's estate and tell him how we feel!  He can't fight all of us!"   ...okay, so!  Roku and her band of merry servants trouped off to the town square to deliver the message, but Roku insisted on speaking to the villagers alone, not wanting to drag her servants in if she were to be, say, assailed with rotten tomatoes.

 

Tasuki:  There is no @#$(*&$ way you're throwing any @$(*@$ rotten tomatoes at me!!

 

Tamahome:  *snicker*  Yeah, they'd really stain up that gown.

 

Tasuki:  SHUT THE HELL UP!

 

Ryuen:  Ahem.  ANYWAY.  So, Roku climbed up onto a tall platform and addressed the villagers.  She did so beaaaaaaautifully, being polite and respectful as well as damn pissed off, and when she was done, those that had heard her were weeping for the beauty of it all.  However, due to the fact that most of the townspeople were off trying to think up metaphors for sex, not everyone heard her that first time.  Sooooo, the villagers who HAD heard ran off to get the other villagers, and Roku waited for them to return.  .....before they had, however, Fahnfie's carriage drove up, and the Baron and his wife (and their dog Oppressy, who had been the one to clue them into Roku's presence in the first place) stepped out.

 

[Miaka, Tamahome, and Chiriko move to Tasuki's side, Chiriko--who is seemingly really getting into his part--walking on all fours and yelping.]

 

Ryuen:  Afraid of losing control of their villagers should they all hear Roku's speech, they grabbed her and shoved her into the carriage--no, Tamahome, don't REALLY do that. Tamahome, put him DOWN!!  ...ahem.  They shoved her into the carriage and rode away with her, imprisoning her in a high tower in the forest.  And since Roku, unlike some Maidens, did not have extraordinarily long hair, no one would be climbing up to see her anytime soon.  Anyway, by now, all the villagers had all come to see what the fuss was about--

 

[Chichiri, who was already in the middle of the floor acting as Krys, runs off, then runs back]

 

Chichiri:  We're the villagers no da!

 

Ryuen: --but rather than finding Roku, they found, instead, Fahnfie, Dot, and Oppressy!! 

Chiriko:  *barks*

 

Ryuen:  When the villagers asked what had been done to the Maiden Roku, Fahnfie answered that she had simply run away when he showed up, not wanting to be caught for her speech.  The villagers were very disheartened--

 

Chichiri: *hangs head* Son of a bitch na no da.

 

Ryuen:  --and went about their metaphor-creating wways, believing that Roku had left them of her own free will. BUT.  She had NOT.  She had been taken away by force, and locked away in the tall tower so she was unable to speak of her injustice herself!!  Buuuuuuut, never fear!!  Roku's faithful servant Ryu is here!!

Nuriko:  *strikes a pose*

 

Ryuen:  Now, Ryu knew that if she were to do exactly as Roku had done, standing proud on the stage and speaking precisely what she meant, that Fahnfie would shove her away into a tower, too.  Soooooo, she decided to be sneaky.  That night, while the Baron and Dot were off at their estate, sleeping soundly, she gathered together Roku's other faithful servants, as well as a few villagers, and they decided to put on a play.  This play, however, would not be put on to entertain the sorrowful villagers, but rather to alert them covertly to Roku's plight!!  And the evil Baron would have no way of reprimanding them for it, either, because well, golly!  They were just putting on a play!!

[A sudden silence falls.  The seishi, standing in the middle of the floor, glance around nervously for a moment, then slowly turn their eyes to Ryuen.]

 

Tasuki:  Let's just get this @$#*(&$ over with, okay??  What's the hold up?

 

Ryuen:  *blinks*  Hold up?  Oh!  No, that's the end.

 

All:  >.<;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

 

Tasuki:  What the @$#(*&@$ do you MEAN, that's the END!?!?  What the @$(*&$ happens to Roku?

 

Ryuen:  *shrug*  I dunno!!  Guess we'll find out!

 

~*~