Disclaimers:
Don’t
own FY. Don’t own any songs by the Barenaked Ladies. Nuff said.
Warnings: I blame this completely
on caffeine and too much time spend downloading songs now that I’m back home
for the holidays and have access to a computer that actually has SOUND. ^_^ So
be warned: it’s weird. Probably OOC, as well. ^_^ Thought I’d stick that in
just in case. Oh, and for those of you who haven’t heard the real song
yet, the real lyrics aren’t all metered, and don’t usually rhyme, so
it’s not me! I’m just doing what they did. ^_^ And the guys who sing it
actually do have mini-conversations in the middle of the song, but they never
talk about Miaka. ^_^
If I Had A Million Dollars
(music and some lyrics by the Barenaked Ladies,
Yuugified lyrics by Me, heehee)
(Once
upon a time, it was open microphone night at a nearby bar…whether it was in
Konan or elsewhere, I really do not know…use your imagination. We’ll just say
it’s an AU. ^_^ Well, anyway. A bunch of seishi decided to go. Tasuki got
drunk. Mits spent the evening staring blankly at a picture of Bing Crosby on
the wall. Chichiri… well…he was doing something, I’m sure…playing darts. That’s
it. And winning, too. But when Chiriko got tired and Tamahome offered to walk him
home, Hotohori saw his chance…)
Hotohori: **grabbing Nuriko**
Come sing backup with me.
Nuriko: ………Really,
Hotohori-sama??
Hotohori: **striding regally onto
the stage, guitar and Nuriko in tow** Ahem ahem…Good evening. I am Saihitei
Seishuku, the Emperor of Konan. You might recognize me by my uniquely handsome
features.
Audience: **blank looks**
Nuriko: **whispers** We’re
losing the crowd, Hotohori-sama…
Hotohori: Miaka, this one’s for
you.
THE
SONG BEGINS
Hotohori: (sings) If I had a
million dollars…
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: Well, I’d buy you a
house.
Nuriko: I would buy you a
house!
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: I’d buy you furniture
for your house.
Nuriko: And maybe an extra
throne, or a footstool…
Hotohori: And if I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: Well, I’d buy you a
holy sword…
Nuriko: Which you’ll forget
just when it’s important **ahem, frown**
Hotohori: And if I had a million
dollars…
Both: I’d buy your love…
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: I’d try to help you
when you’re stressed!
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: I’d make sure that you
were well-dressed!
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: Maybe I could make you
ditch that dorky hat you always wear…
Hotohori: (speaks) Nuriko…we are
both talking about Miaka, aren’t we?
Nuriko: (speaks) H-h-hai!!! Of
course, ahhhh….sure, if you like.
Hotohori: (speaks) Because I get
the feeling that…
Nuriko: Nononononono!!! MIAKA!!
I am sooooo in love with Miaka…ahhhh…yeah.
Hotohori: You…
Nuriko: Whoops!! Here…it’s time
to sing again!!!
Hotohori: (sings) If I had a
million dollars…
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: I would buy you a fur
coat.
Nuriko: But not a real fur
coat, that’s cruel.
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: Well, I’d buy all the
food you could eat!
Nuriko: Yup! And some Tums to
take after!
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: Well, I’d fix your
teddy bear…
Nuriko: I think that thing’s
beyond repairing… ~.~()
Hotohori: And if I had a million
dollars…
Both: I’d buy your love…
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: You wouldn’t need a
girl to wed…
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: We could just buy an
heir, instead!
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: We wouldn’t have to
dress as women…
Hotohori: (speaks) But we would
dress as women.
Nuriko: (speaks) Of course,
it’s more fun that way…but we could buy good reviews for the show
without having to make fun of people who cross-dress. In fact, if we bribed the
right people, we could all just stay at home and download mp3s all day.
Hotohori: A very wise person once
said that the people you make fun of the most are the people you love the most…
Nuriko: Hm. I must be incredibly
popular, then.
Hotohori: I hear you’ve gathered
quite a following. Fan clubs, fanfiction authors with no lives…
Nuriko: Verse! Verse!!
Hotohori: Ahhh!!
Hotohori: (sings) If I had a
million dollars…
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: I would buy you a green
dress.
Nuriko: But not a real green
dress, that’s cruel.
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: Well, I’d buy you some
mits.
Nuriko: Like for the oven…or
like the seishi.
Hotohori: And if I had a million
dollars…
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: Well, I’d buy you a
werewolf…
Nuriko: Haven’t you always
wanted a werewolf??
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars…
Both: I’d buy your love
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars!
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Hotohori: If I had a million
dollars!
Nuriko: If I had a million
dollars!
Both: If I had a million
dooooolllllaaaaaaaars….
I’d be rich.
THE END
(Nuriko: But…don’t
you HAVE a million dollars?? You’re the EMPEROR, Hotohori-sama.
Hotohori: Well…ahhh…inflation,
and all that.
Nuriko: I’ll buy that.
Hotohori: Ahahahaha!!!!
Nuriko: **gives him a blank
look**
Hotohori: "BUY" that!!!
Nuriko: **blink blink**
Hotohori: And we…were talking
about money…
Nuriko: **stares a while
longer, then shakes his head and walks away**
Hotohori: N-Nuriko? Aren’t you
proud of me? I made a joke!
Nuriko: Hai, hai…)
AND THE
MORAL OF THIS STORY IS…. No Sleep + First Day of Winter Break =
Crrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaazy Mouse-chan. ^_^ Sorry for putting y’all through this agony,
hehehe. ^_~