Stuff to
Read First: What do I do when I procrastinate??? I write psychotic parodies
like THIS!! Um, Duo from Gundam Wing has a cameo appearance, but other than
that, it’s all FY people. Hope you like! ^_^
Disclaimers:
Although
I do own many Fushigi Yuugi video tapes and CDs (too many for me to be
considered even remotely normal), I do not own the characters which
appear in the following silly script. Likewise, I do not own Duo. He, like the
others, lives in my mind and talks to me when I’m bored. ~.^;; BUT, he does not
belong to me. Hmm, what else? I’m in this story, too. I own myself. Or, I like
to think I do. ^_^
Warnings: Umm, this is a parody,
so…OOC and then some, plus mocking of characters of whom I am very fond (so
it’s nothin’ personal!).
The Cult of Masculinity
__________________________________
Mouse: Gahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I
hate school!
Duo: Whazzup?
Mouse: I hate school.
Duo: Why?
Mouse: Because I have an oral
presentation to give tomorrow, and I don’t wanna do it.
Duo: Well, remember that
time I was captured by OZ and they beat me up and stuff?
Mouse: …Yeah…
Duo: That was possibly worse
than having to do an oral presentation.
Mouse: Shut up.
Nuriko: Yo, dudes! How’s it
hangin’?!!! [flops down on the sofa and wipes his nose with his sleeve]
We have any pork rinds? Hey, Duo! How’s the gundam, man?! Wow, I love machines!
Machines and…metal and…uh…hammers! [punches Duo into the wall]
Mouse: What…the hell.
Duo: Oh yeah, I forgot to
tell you. Nuriko’s trying to act more like a guy.
Mouse: By punching people into
walls?! He did that when he was girly!!
Nuriko: Hey, you guys wanna go
out later and wrestle alligators or something?!!
All: NO!!!
Nuriko: [mutters to himself]
Buncha sissies.
Hotohori: Nuriko…I fear you are
having a slight identity crisis…
Tasuki: Uhh, I think his
identity crisis began a loooooooong time ago, if ya know what I mean.
Hotohori: Shut up. Nuriko…
Nuriko: [hacks up a loogie
and spits it over the side of the sofa]
Hotohori: [winces] Nuriko?
Nuriko: Yes, Oh Wise Heika,
Hotohori-sama, Ruler of Konan, whom I love but platonically because after all
I’m a guy?
Hotohori: Look…you’re not acting
yourself…
Nuriko: Sure I am! [burps]
Hotohori: [whispers to Mouse]
My goodness, he’s far gone! What can we do??
Mouse: Just leave it to me.
Hey, Nuriko!
Nuriko: Yah?
Mouse: Wanna go watch
‘Titanic’ with me?
Nuriko: ‘Titanic’?!! I LOVE
that m…uh…..I mean, uh, of course not!! That’s a chick flick! I was, uh, just
on my way out to rent ‘Half Baked’…
Mouse: Nuriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiko…it’s
got Leonardo di Caaaaaaaaaaaaaprio……
Nuriko: What are you
implying??? I don’t like Leo!! He’s been corrupted by Hollywood!! Now, that guy
from ‘Good Will Hunting’, on the other hand…
Mouse: HAH!!! Gotcha!!!
Nuriko: Dammit.
Hotohori: Nice save.
Mouse: Sure thing.
Nuriko: [sniff] I just
wanted to be manly!!!
Hotohori: Listen, Nuriko: we
don’t care if you’re manly or not! We like you for YOU!! We like you for
being a confused, girly, slightly neurotic cross-dresser. If you were really
an obnoxious, loogie-spitting, nose-wiping, machine-loving,
alligator-wrestling, pork rind-eating clod, uh…well, we’d like you too!
Mouse: …Possibly.
Duo: Of course you’d like
him! You like Tasuki, don’t you?
Tasuki: HEY!!! I don’t eat pork
rinds!!
Nuriko: Really, Hotohori-sama?
Hotohori: Of course.
Nuriko: Does that mean you’ll
go on a date with me?
Hotohori: Uhhhhhh…no.
Nuriko: Curses.
THE END
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mouse: AND THE MORAL OF THIS
STORY IS…Can anyone guess???
Nuriko: Ooh, ooh, I know!!!
Always be yourself!!
Hotohori: Your true friends will
like you for who you are.
Mouse: Ummm….sure, that
works…I was thinking more along the lines of ‘Don’t consume sugar at 11:00 pm,
for insanity will ensue,’ but yeah, yours are very good, too. Very moral.
[Pause]
Nuriko: Mouse-chan, you need
serious help.
Mouse: You know it’s true when
you hear it from Nuriko, of all people…
^_^