Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Ah, a spin-off...cause I don't think it could really pass as a side story. AU to the furuba universe, this story takes place several months following "That Fated Day". I'm a stickler for timelines. How will Rin react when Shigure comes to talk?

Part Four - DEFINING LOVE

"How did you sleep last night?"

"Well enough, thank you."

"I know the room isn't as big as your room over at the main house--"

"It's fine. Arigato for your hospitality."

My aunt looks over at me with a bit of apprehension and a little concern in her eyes. She does not know about the family curse and I do not want her to know my current situation. I simply need a few days to think. And I am truly grateful she has allowed me to stay with her.

"There's some leftovers in the refrigerator if you're hungry." She smiles at me as she grabs her purse and her keys. "I have to run out for some errands. I'll be home before supper."

"Thank you. I'll have supper waiting."

She offers me another apprehensive smile before leaving.

Finally alone with my thoughts, I walk over to the fridge and pull out those leftovers. My body automatically moves over to the microwave as my mind goes into its own automatic overdrive.

Six weeks.

I can't believe I'm six weeks pregnant. My last cycle was the week after I conceived and nothing was abnormal then. It remains to be seen whether or not it will appear soon. Hatori said it wasn't abnormal, but too much bleeding can be a bad thing. I have to be careful.

When Hatori brought me the news two days ago I was furious. Granted it was the only explanation for my recent illness I could come up with in my mind. I should've been prepared. I thought I was.

Guess I wasn't.

I put my fist through a window, ranting and screaming. I cursed everything and anything, even my cousin who didn't really deserve it. You really shouldn't hurt the messenger. But if he hadn't administered the tranquilizer when he did, Hatori probably would've had some of his own injuries to treat.

My hand was bandaged when I woke up and my cousin was less than happy. He didn't say anything right away, but he didn't have to. It was clear by the look on his face that he'd had a talk with Akito over my behavior. For a moment fear gripped me. Shit! If Akito knew....

"I told him you were having a bad reaction to some medication I recently treated you with." I was taking pills for my constant depression, but I'd stopped taking them almost a month before. Of course, Akito and Hatori didn't need to know that.

"Then he doesn't know I'm--"

"No. It's not my place to tell him." He sighed, shaking his head. "But he will find out in a few more weeks, even if you DON'T tell him."

"What should I do?" The question sounded strange even to my ears. I was actually asking for help.

"Let me check the family register. You can stay somewhere for a few days."

"But Akito--?" As grateful as I was to Hatori, I wasn't going to let him take the rap -- and the serious beating -- that would follow. I don't remember Akito raising his hand to Hatori after he injured his eye. That still didn't guarantee him safety.

"Won't know. You need time to think. You only have a few options and you need to weigh them carefully."

Words were never so true.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Good the food's done. I'm starving!

As I sit down to eat I go through the end of my conversation with Hatori. The big question of the day: who was going to tell Shigure? As much as I would've loved to rub it in the dog's face, I couldn't bring myself to do it. There was no way. I was too mortified.

"I think you should tell him," I said. "It'll sound better coming from you."

Dammit, why did I have to fall in love with him?!

I ask myself that question at least three times a day. It's nearly as common as breathing his name in my sleep, hear it whisper in the back of my mind. I've come to depend on him for so much. He's my air, my heart, my home.

Yet he cares nothing for me.

Perhaps I wouldn't go that far. I think he does care. I KNOW he does.

But it isn't love. Not even close.

He wants me as a possession, just like anything else he's ever coveted. A child still learning to grow up and share with the rest of the world.

Kami, why HIM?! Why me? Why this?

I can feel tears in my eyes now and my appetite is nearly gone. I thought being pregnant was supposed to make me constantly hungry. I guess hormones can take over at any time.

Dammit I hate this. Walking that thin line between love and hate. I've always done it with Shigure. I hate him for helping me. Hate him for being the openly honest bastard he is. Hate him for making me feel. Hate him for being selfish and childish. Hate him for knocking me up.

And yet those are the same reasons I love him.

Except for the last one. That I DO hate him for. It only makes things more complicated.

I force myself to eat a few more bites of the leftovers, then wrap them and replace them in the refrigerator. I need to think about something else for a while so I start to go through the kitchen cupboards. Since my aunt lives alone there's little in the way of food on the shelves. But I do manage to find a bag of rice and a can of chicken broth. Perfect, now if I can just find some chicken....

I busy myself with straightening the house, dusting and vacuuming. I do these things to my rooms at the main house, but only when I'm nervous or depressed. Once I'm satisfied with my work I take a look at the clock. Two o'clock. Only an hour has passed. Great. I can take a bath before starting dinner.

The warm water is soothing on sweat-stained skin and sore muscle. Unfortunately it does nothing to sooth the thoughts running through my head. Sighing I sink into the tub, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my chin on top of one knee.

My options, as Hatori calls them, are few. Have the child or don't have the child. They sound simple enough, but the choice isn't.

I'm not ready to be a parent, at least not by myself. I depend on others. How can I handle someone depending on me? But there's something in me that says "You can do it." The voice is so small in my head I barely hear it.

That same voice also tells me that I should give up the child. What can I do for it? If it's a boy, I'll never be able to hold him. The child will have a normal life. I just can't give him a normal life. And if I'm all alone....

Which brings me to wonder what Shigure's reaction will be to all this. I'm sure Hatori has told him by now. Does he even want a child? A family? Would he want those things with me?

And in the end, would it really matter?

The decision isn't ours to make really. It's Akito's.

With that thought I step from the tub. Drying off I wrap the towel around me. I've managed to waste only half an hour in the bath. Why is it that I feel time is against me?

I change into a dark green sundress I haven't worn in years. The outfit I wore when I first went to Shigure. The day after I graduated high school.

I'm amazed it still fits.

Then it's downstairs to start supper. There were a few pieces of frozen chicken I'd left out to thaw. After sticking them in the microwave to help the process, I place a pot of water on the stove for the rice. These actions are so calm, so natural -- so domesticated -- that for a single moment, I feel content.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

*sigh* And just when I was starting to feel good.

I barely have the door open when Shigure pushes his way past me and into the house. He's wearing his typical yukata and sandals. His hair looks a bit disheveled and his breathing is a bit uneven. Did he walk all the way across town to see me?

But it's the look in his eyes that surprises me. The fire there tells me that he's spoken to Hatori, and just recently. He doesn't look too angry or upset, but there's a hint of anger in the fire, a touch of hurt. Concern is also there, warring with anger and hurt.

"What are you doing here?" I finally manage to ask him.

"I thought that would be obvious," he responds. Anger and hurt appear in his voice as well. He's not masking his emotions very well. In fact, he's being openly honest in a way I've never seen before. "I came for you and our child."

BLINK. Did he just say "our"? My heart lurches as I step away from the door. "I have nothing to say to you, Shigure. I think you should leave."

He shakes his head. "Then you can listen to what I have to say."

"What could you possibly have to tell me that would improve our current situation?"

He steps closer, holding my by the shoulders. It's not the deathgrip I expect, merely firm to hold me in place. His eyes search mine, trying to communicate with me on a level neither of us really understand. The fire is still there in the darkness of his eyes. And there's something else. Something I've never seen before. Something I wasn't sure Shigure was capable of.

"I love you, Rin."

My initial response is a snicker. "And that's going to improve the situation how?" But as soon as I act, I regret it. Hurt takes over in Shigure's eyes. I'm partially satisfied, but mostly not.

He just told me he loves me. HE LOVES ME! Oh, Kami!

And I start to cry.

Gentle arms, strong arms, surround me and pull me into a soft warmth that's so familiar that I can't fight it. Wrapping my own arms around his middle I bury my face in his shoulder and cry freely, just like I did that day.

"Gomen," he mutters. I feel his chest constrict, feel tears on my own neck. Is he crying too? "Gomen, Rin. This was not part of my plan. Hurting you was not part of my plan. Never. Gomen."

My tears subside and I manage to pull away from him enough to look at him. I should be angry. I should yell and scream and try to beat the crap out of him. But I can't bring myself to do it. I suddenly feel tired in his arms. Tired of all the lies and games.

When our eyes lock again I can tell he's been crying too. I can't help but be surprised. Those beautiful dark eyes rimmed with tears stains and red skin. I raise a shaky hand to his cheek, tentatively touching.

"Rin--?"

"Is that true?"

He looks a bit startled. Which part, he's probably asking himself? I'd make him wonder longer but I really need to hear his answer.

"Is this not part of your plan?"

His arms hug me tighter, almost painfully so. It's a good thing that there isn't a basketball between us. Not yet anyway. Sighing he rests his forehead on mine, our eyes still locked.

"I want a family Rin. A wife and kids. What man doesn't?"

"That's not what I'm--!"

"Rin, there is no more plan!" His voice is pained, his eyes desperate for me to believe him. "Whatever plan I had is gone! I need a new plan. I...I need you."

I know he's telling the truth. He's like an open book to me this close. His walls are crumbling around him. It's almost like standing with a different person. Has he changed so much in so short a time?

"Was falling in love with me part of your original plan?"

"Rin, there is--" I quiet him with a finger across his lips.

"Just answer me."

His breaths in sharply, shaking his head slightly. "No."

I know that should sting, but it doesn't. "And me? Is my falling in love with you part of your plan?"

Again he looks startled. Look at those puppy dog eyes! Baka! "You...love me?"

Tears start to form in my eyes again. Damn hormones. I'm angry, sad and happy all at once. "Isn't that what I just said?"

A smile unlike any I've ever seen on his face begins to appear. It's a bit lopsided and dopey, but it's cute in a puppy dog sort of way. His face lights up in happiness and I can't help but blush slightly.

Did I just say "cute"?

"Say it," he tells me and it's my turn to look startled.

It takes a moment to register what he wants. And this time, I can make him suffer a little. "Say what?"

"Tell me."

"But I already did."

He pouts, holding me impossibly tighter. "Tell me again."

I try to frown but fail. "What if I don't want to?"

A growl forms low in his throat, vibrating in his chest. He's agitated and...well, well, would you look at that?! Someone wants to play. Why am I not surprised?

Haven't you played enough you bastard?! Look where we're at now!

"Rin...."

I find myself smiling despite my own intentions. "I love you, Shigure."

And Kami help us both!

~TO BE CONTINUED~