FALLEN ANGELS
A Fruits Basket Fanfic
Written By Miyu, Vampire Princess
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Again with the ideas from Mona-chan. And yet another Shigure x Rin story. This
part told from Rin's and Shigure's POVs (respectively). After nearly a week of
waiting, who will confess first?! Or will an apology from Haru stop all of that?
The lemon will be in the next chapter. Promise! Song lyrics are from Sarah
McLachlan's "Fallen".
CHAPTER 5 - Redemption
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Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to these I thought were friends
To everyone I know
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Okay, I have it all planned out.
I'll go over there. Tell him what I want. And then wait for his reaction.
It'll be brutal. His chuckling retorts. His outright laughter. But I've prepared myself for the worst.
Five days ago all I wanted to do was hide. Kagura wouldn't stop with the questions. Kagura's mother wouldn't stop with the questions. At least her father left me alone. Now I know they only ask because they care. And I do appreciate it. More than I'll ever admit. But I needed space. Time to think. Things they just didn't feel I needed.
I can't deny that I feel something for Shigure. Whether it was there before and I just didn't see it or it slapped me upside the head after our night together, I don't know. All I do know is that I care. Maybe...possibly...love. But I won't know for certain it's love until I confront him. Face my demons so to speak. I'm only afraid of being hurt.
Gods I hate being hurt.
Can I really handle this? I think I can. I keep telling myself that over and over. I think I can. I know I can. So what if it was a mistake? So what if Haru wants to see someone else? So what? So what?! So freakin' WHAT!?!
Maybe...I'm not ready.
And then...there was the phone call nearly an hour ago.
"Moshi moshi."
"Rin?"
Gods. Haru.
"Look, I want to talk to you."
Just leave me alone.
"I'm coming over in an hour."
If you don't get lost.
"I'll see you then."
I don't want to see you.
But it was already too late. Too late to speak. Too late to stop him. There was nothing but silence on the other end. He was on his way over.
I took five minutes to pick up dirty laundry and make my bed. But that was it. No smelly perfumes or incense. No inhumanly tight clothing or special treatment. Not this time. I'm quite comfortable in my low-rise jeans and Gackt baby tee. My hair is still wet from an earlier shower, combed and left hanging because I hate trying to blow it dry. I should probably put it into a ponytail so my back won't feel so cold. Yeah, good idea.
And by the time I'm done and sit back down on my bed -- or maybe I've been sitting there a long time and just didn't know it...creepy -- there's a knock on the door.
"Hai?"
The door opens slowly, like in those old horror films. I expect to see a gremlin appear...or maybe a ghoul. Instead, it's Haru. And he looks like hell. Emotionally I mean. Physically he looks good...he always does.
"What's up," I try to greet him calmly.
"How have you been?" he asks.
"All right," I reply. "And you?"
He shrugs. "Been better."
"Well, close the door and sit down," I tell him. He does as I ask, closing the door and sitting on the floor at the foot of my bed. His usual spot. He looks up at me patiently, waiting. I sigh, asking, "What did you want to talk about?"
It's his turn to sigh. For a moment I think he's going to remain quiet. But he sighs again, then lets loose. He starts off by apologizing for our last conversation. He says he was wrong. That what he said...and did...was a mistake.
He goes on to briefly explain -- without the use of names, I notice -- the situation. It fell through because he realized that he loved me more than the other girl. That...and the other girl decided that she didn't want to put up with him. He quoted a few things she said, but I doubt those were correct. No one but Kagura could be that course.
"I'm really sorry, Rin," he continues. "I'll do anything. I want to make it right between us again." He looks at me with puppy-dog eyes. They look so familiar. On his knees he walks over to where I'm sitting. He places his hands lightly on my knees. Not the bed, but on me. Damn him. "Tell me what I have to do. Please, Rin."
My body tenses as I feel him moving closer yet. A little voice in the back of my mind is screaming, "Hooray!" But everything else in me wants to pull away. To be rid of him. I mean, come on. He just came over to apologize and maybe get a little make-up sex. Not that make-up sex has ever been bad between us...it's just...oh Gods I think I've grown up. I don't want to play this childish game anymore.
'But with Haru, you'd be safe.'
That's true. With Haru, things would go back to normal. I wouldn't have to worry about how Shigure would react to my proposal. Even rejected I'd be as pitiful as the man before me, asking for Haru's forgiveness and praying he'd take me back. And I wouldn't have to worry about Akito finding out. Even if he did I could run away with Haru. I would be safe and unhurt. Cared for and loved.
But I just can't get that night out of my head. I'm not sorry it happened. And maybe...just maybe...it wasn't a mistake.
"Haru, stop."
"Huh?" He's clearly confused, and I just barely stopped him from kissing me. Part of me longs to feel his lips, but then I remember that night and I begin to long for someone else's kisses. Someone else's touches. Then it dawns on him, like getting struck by lightning. "Oh, well if you don't want to, we don't have to."
"No, I don't want to." My voice sounds flat and irritable, even to my ears.
Haru sits on his heels, eyeing me. "I'm not so easily forgiven then."
"No, you're not."
He nods, accepting this as fact. "Then tell me what to do."
"Nothing," I state matter-of-factly. "There's nothing you can do."
"You won't take me back."
I shake me head, the words echoing in my head even as I say them, "There's someone else."
"Nani?"
"You heard me," I say, standing. "There's another future for me." I walk over to my desk, picking up my jacket and putting it on. "I have no idea if it will work out or not." Kneeling I pick up the package I intend to deliver today. "But maybe if it doesn't, you'll be more forgiving then me."
"You expect me to wait then?" His voice sounds very cold, edgy.
"No, I expect you to get over it...move on with your life," I tell him, opening the door. "Maybe our paths will cross again someday."
"So...that's it. It's over." Even with the edge in his voice it sounds...sad.
"That's right," I say, feeling my own emotions begin to build. "It's over." I pause before closing the door. "Sayonara."
SNAP!
The door closes. I wait for a moment. Wondering if Haru will follow me.
He doesn't.
Holding my head as high as I can, I leave the house. Once I'm outside though, it's like a dam breaking. My grief. My sadness. My emotions slam into me like a tidal wave. And with them come tears. Tears of sadness. Tears of freedom.
Have I mentioned that I hate crying?
My feet go from a fast paced walk, to a jog and finally a run as I leave the main house behind. The wind in my face would usually be significant of freedom, but the rain that falls only brings me back to that day, only a week ago when I was doing the same thing. This time though, I intend to see Shigure. I know what I want now. It's just a matter of getting it.
Please gods, be kind to me. I deserve to be happy, don't I? Don't make my sacrifice be for nothing.
I pause on the porch to catch my breath. Am I here already? Yes, this is definitely Shigure's. Are my cousins home? The place seems too quiet, and it is a school day. Yep, skipped classes again. Why do I bother going to high school?
Once I can breath I throw open the front door and slam it shut. Instead of walking, which was the plan, I run back the hallway. The door to Shigure's study doesn't stop me either. I throw it open, giving him only a small warning.
"Shigure!"
"Rin?!"
One minute I'm standing there, out of breath once again. The next minute I toss my package on his desk and throw myself at him while he sits in his chair. The seat squeaks as it leans back, dangerously close to falling. But it squeals even louder as it settles back into its rightful position. All of this matters little as my tears continue to fall. I bury my head in his shoulder, curling up in his lap.
"Rin?" His voice is shaky, uncertain. But he still wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly.
"It wasn't a mistake," I mutter over and over, trying to convince myself as well as him. I should pull away and tell him like it is, like I planned, but I can't do it. I can't look him in the eye.
"It wasn't a mistake," he replies, hugging me close. Something wet
falls on the top of my head but I hardly notice. Is he crying?
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Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem away to be redeemed
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I can hardly believe my good fortune. The gods are smiling on me today. Having Rin in my arms is like a weight lifted from my shoulders. She's here. She's here. That's all my mind can really comprehend at the moment. My body recognizes her nearness immediately, but her soaked jacket, matted hair and cold skin keep me from just throwing her on the floor. Whether she'd like it or not.
I don't want to admit that I'm crying either, but that's not stopping the tears from falling now is it?
Instead, my other instincts kick in. The ones that tend to make me responsible. I urge her to stand, standing close still. Her head remains bowed, her tears still falling. I kiss the top of her head before setting to work.
Carefully I peel her jacket off. Leather is not good wet. For the fabric or the person in it. Next is her shirt. I wait for her to object, but she lifts her arms for me without question. She still won't look at me, but that's all right.
I turn away from her briefly, grabbing the same blanket as before. Whoa, deja vu here. "Take your jeans off. You're soaking wet. Again."
She says nothing, unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans. With a bit of a fight she manages to peel them from her legs. I watch as every inch of skin is revealed. I just can't help it! She's got great legs. But once she's done I hand her the blanket, much to my body's dismay.
Offering her a smile I say, "I'll go put your things in the dryer--"
"Just leave them," she replies, her voice low.
"But they're wet--!"
"We...we need to talk."
"Okay." I can't argue with her. Her appearance is sudden. Very much welcome, but sudden. Apparently she changed her mind about the "mistake" but we did have to talk.
"I have one question," she says, her eyes looking at me through her wet bangs. "And I want and god damn honest answer." I nod, sitting in my chair. She pulls the blanket closer, looking back at the floor. After a moment she looks up and asks, "What was that night to you?"
"Magic." It's the first - most honest - thing that comes to mind.
She snorts. "Magic?"
"Yes," I confirm with a nod. "It was magic. An experience unlike any other I've had."
Rin is obvious shocked, and curious. "Why do you say that?"
"AH! You said only one question."
"Shigure...."
I smile, extending my hand. She takes it, eyeing me carefully. Once I have her hand I drag her to me until she's sitting on my lap. Just so...so she doesn't notice anything...amiss. Once she's settled, I continue:
"I say 'magic' because that's exactly what it felt like. There was...something there. Something...I don't think I've ever felt with another partner."
Rin pauses, digesting my words. "And...what was that...something?"
"Emotion."
One eyebrow is raised. "Emotion?"
I sigh. "I couldn't call it love...at least, not at first."
"You love me?" It sounds so incredibly impossible when she asks.
"What about you? What was that night to you?" I counter. Before this confession of mine goes any further, I want to hear certain things from her.
"You're avoiding my question," she says with a pout.
"I answered your questions," I say with a pout of my own. "The least you can do is answer some of mine."
"Fine," she retorts, crossing her arms over her chest and pulling the blanket tighter in the process. I can faintly make out wet spots from her bra. "I guess...well, all right, I'm not guessing. That night was the same for me."
"Magic?"
She shrugs. "Emotional."
"You'd just had a fight with Haru, didn't you?" She nods but says nothing. I prompt an explanation by asking, "Why did you come here?"
"I don't know."
I can't hide a smirk. "You don't know."
"No, I don't know." Her voice sounds a bit angry and my smirk fades. She's absolutely serious. I can see it in her eyes. "I have no idea WHY I ended up here. I certainly didn't intend to come here."
"But you were here."
She sighs. "Hai."
"And what happened--?"
"Was no mistake," she finishes plainly.
"What happened wasn't a mistake?"
"Iie."
"Why are you here now? Another fight with Haru?"
She moves to stand, but I stop her, wrapping my arms around her. I can't force her to look at me, but I can still see her face, no matter which way she turns. I think I insulted her with that last question. Maybe I should apologize.
"Rin...."
"I don't love Haru anymore," she states, tears forming in her eyes again. "I came here because I thought the future had something different in mind for me. But if you're just going to insult me--!"
"Gomen nasai," I say immediately, hugging her. "I just wanted to know."
"And now you do." She turns in my arms, looking me right in the eye. "Happy?"
"Hai."
I follow up my response with a light kiss. She makes no move to stop me. No motion to move away. It's all the encouragement I need to give her another, more passionate kiss.
She pulls away, saying, "We're not finished talking."
"We can talk more later."
And I kiss her again.
~TO BE CONTINUED~