dearjackone

Part One.

Dear Jack,

I feel like I am writing one of those advice columns like Dear Abby. I
never thought in a million years I would be writing to one of these damn
things. And if this ever gets out I swear I will hunt you down and
definitely make you famous. You'll be all over the news...and I mean
all over it!! I think I have made myself clear.

Now, the problem is, I lost something. This 'something' is very
important and vital to me. I can't seem to sleep at night with out it
and I can't find it anywhere. I need help (I can't believe I just wrote
that, but it's true). I can't seem to focus and it is affecting my job.
I can't kick ass like I use to cause my mind keeps tryin' to remember
where I put it.

This is ridiculous, why the hell did I think you could help. You don't
even know what the hell I am talking about. Hell, you'd just laugh if I
told you, which I won't. What would it do to my image. I couldn't be
the Phenom if people knew.

I just can't seem to get over the loss. It's like losing a loved one,
like I'd no what that feels like. I just can't seem to get over it and
I know I should.

Maybe if I tell you what it looks like it will help, hell maybe you've
seen it.

Well it is about 2 feet tall and about 8 to 10 inches wide. It is brown
all over and well...fuzzy. It has two black button eye's and a brown
button nose. It is rather old and worn but in good shape. It has two
arms, two legs and two ears on top of it's head. I..well if you've seen
it tell me where and who has it and I'll take it up with them. Damn
bear snatchers.

And if this ever gets out I swear on my motorcycle that I will hunt you
down. You'll definitely be famous if not recognizable when I get done.

Deadman

*****************************

Dear Deadman,

Are you telling me that The Phenom has lost his 'teddy bear'? Oh this
is just too good!

And you already made me famous once, no thank you. This will be our
little secret.

Well I haven't seen it, but look at it this way...it's in a better place
now. Um....you could always go to Walmart and get a new one. They're
pretty cheap. But you really have to get over this.

Hope this helps, oh and....HAVE A NICE DAY!

Uncle Jack