well, i ran into clinton at the ballroom dance the other day, it was a lovely occassion *grits teeth* I CANT BELIEVE HIM!!!!!! i go there to forget about him and he goes and shows up there. not only that, but the elsa he's been talking abou tis fun little hyper dancey elsa(i know i missspelled her name so sue me :P i cant hate elsa though.... it sucks, thats ok more reason to be mad at clinton... but a good thing is i got his cell phone number...*sighs* not like it does me any good its not like i have much time off to arrange to do anyhting with him.. i wanted to be with him again before he leaves but i highly doubt that'll happen, clintons not the kind of guy to have sex to have sex, kinda sucks... *sigh* i dont know why i want to make love to him so bad, its not like he's the hottest meat in fairbanks or the biggest guy i've been with, but for some reason.....*sigh* ah well i guess i'll write more later i'm going to go take some personality quizzes to take my mind of that stupid boy...
log entry nine july 28,
hung out with trisha and ariel today, god i feel like i must have fallen asleep for three years. Celest is suicidal she used to ask me to walk her to the bus stop when she was in like second grasde, now she's almost done with middle school. ariel was in a drama camp with me years ago and she didnt even reach the height of the stage, now shes taller then me, and trisha a cutter and a pyro, she used to be such a sissy, god, things have changed, i've decided i'm going to try to hang out with all the people i used to hang out with a long time ago, problem is most of them have moved away. i saw bianca the other day and said hi to her, she's still in karate after all these years, i guess some things dont change. i see talina around school i wonder how she's doing....we used to be great friends.i'm going to track down heather, she's working at the shirt stop.... there's just one problem with looking up old friends, is that i might treat old enemies as new enemies....and i dont want to get into that, Eliot has enough reasons never to talk to me agian then fire between me and his girl.... i suppose i should give her the benifit of the doubt, neither one of us are the kids we were back then, but what she did hurt my entire future, but she wasnt the only one to blame... there was also mallory ryan and the big mallory and April and Ashley god, why do i remember things from so long ago, when i cant remember anyhting from the past couple years? its like time skipped forward from seventh grade to eleventh... and now my past and present are colliding in ways i never thought they would and things are just so confusing.... i ran into dave the other night online... he's out of the military and wants me to call him... and i keep haveing my old nightmares that i havent had since i was like twelve, the ones with animals that are supposed to be dead are dead or are possesed , that shit's creepy i tell you, i stay awake for hours after them to afriad of what my mind will show me next...i hope that it doesnt mean i'll have to go through the whole cycle over again, the cycle of getting to attached to a guy and everything, course i think thats already happened with clinton all though it's not so much an emotional attachment i have to him then an i want to fuck his brains out attachment... course i wouldnt mind it to encridbly much if it was a love thing also.. but thats just me and my little i want someone to cherish me complex.... shit, i'm done talking now, need to save room for other entries...
log entry ten
i had a pretty much same ol same ol day, went to walmart with dad and saw the cutest skirt, to bad i didnt have any money... i never have any money cause my cheapo father will never pay me!!! fucking scum ah well. i hope i have it by the start of school though.. i'm going to need it... im going to be re doing my wardobe and want the clothes by school.. on the bright side i got to talk to steph.. i've been using her as a dairy to much i wanted to say i tal to you today.... *sigh* ah well i'll get over it. another thing i'll get over is this wanting to see clinton thing, its not like i ever will agian...*sigh* ah well i gots to go seeya!
entry eleven july 30th
i cant wait to get hold of david, i hope he's home tomorow, i dont have to work, so im going to call him, fuck jet lag, hel'll get over it. but on the bummer side of life, looks like i ave to do more work on my webpage... ah well. ill do it tomorow im going to go read more alice 19th!! yeah for bunnies!