so far my day has been bland. the forest fires are makeing me tired and irratated. my chest hurt from trying to breathe and im slowly going sane. it sucks. well anyways i have to get offline, damn dail up damn it to hell!!!!!! ahem.. farwell.
Log entry two july 2, 2004
soon i will be starting a section on Vampire game a nifty little manga about a Vampiric Cat. its fun. my days been hell but that ok, i went to workand blah blah blah, just like any day, but this flipping smoke is going to kill me, the fires getting closer to our house i sure hope i dont have to evacuate that would totally suck. i talked to Clinton today, he sounded tired and out of it, he sugested that i call and talk to ELiot to get my book back, like thatll happen. well i have to go take some testes at Quizilla so farwell!
Log entry three july 4, 2004
Kylee's over right now, shes such a little cutie, ive had one hectic day, and it wasnt even that hectic. god i wish i could just calm down today, im manic i know i am but im not hyper so its weitrd its like a anti manic mania. its weird, but its nice to have a title on it. before it was jsut feeling weird, now i can classify it so that at least i know what the flapper jacks my brians doing to me. its hot outside and i went for a bike ride wearing jeans that were to samll for me, needless to say it didnt help my mood much but Kylee coming over has, shes such a sweet heart. hopefully Kristins leaving her here when she goes to New York to become a first class whore, apperntly being a third class fairbanks whore isnt good enough for her. well i havent figured out how to get hold Heather i think im going to poop into her work one of these days and be all like dammit it you fucking punk.quit being a bitch! so any ways i better stop writing before my hand starts to cramp.. bye
Log entry four july 5. 2004
i am the luckiest person in the world, i have a loving family and friends that care......in my dream world. but here in the real world i have a family of unsupportive and manipulative parents and my friends really could care less about me. its great, i thought that my friends would stand by my side through anyhting, thick r thin, here or there, but obviously i misjudged some of them, cause since i've gotten back from hell ive gotten exactly three phone calls and two emails from both emails were from my sister. and i take into factor three of my friends are out of town but come one! i do have an email account.... oh well i guess i deserved it.
but .. ah never mind. this shit pisses me off. i piss me off its so hard to make up for my past. to make up for the past two years. its almost impossible, it probably is impossible and trying hurts so much, but i have to try, i owe it to the ones i call friends even if they no longer call me that.
log entry five july 13th
well, ive been home for thirty days and nothing has improved.. and im feel like dying ^_^ its a joyous occasion... its so hard to fight, its even ahrder now, now that i know what wont kill me, now that i know new things, ive learneed so much, none of it good... im so alone, so utterly alone, no friends no family no love... i miss them, what few friends i had, i miss them....
on a happeir note i have made a wonderful new outfit.. two actaully ones white and ones black.. im going to show the white one to ashley tomorow.. if i can, i hop ei dont get stuck babysitting, i love kylee but she is a baby and i dont do infants, they take so much excercise, liek lifting them and burping them and carrying them everywhere.. yeah so anyway love kids do not prefer infants. i want more candy.. and zim, i love zim!!!
log entry six july 19.
i talk ed to Eliot today. things seem diffrent from him. he was all talkitive and wanted me to talk about happy things. i dont get him anymore.... maybe he is happy and maybe i should just leave him be, i'm just a pull down in peoples lives... i want to go back.. i want to be with mike and tim and Kylie and samantha and micheal and and i want to go home! it really became a home for me there. it wasnt that bad, but i tried so hard to come home, i just wanted to come home and be with my friends, but they arent my friends anymore, Eliots all changed and i cant get hold of him and clintons too busy for me and steph''s in the lower forty eight paige and david are in japan mashell is alwasy working ashleys always with her boyfriend and sammi wont talk to me for more then five minutes at a time....i think i'll go back to bed, thats the only place that hasnt suddenly changed on me...
log entry seven july 23
well, clinton doesnt work at taco bell anymore and edvice for all, never shop at pacos tacos! my tummy still hurts grrrr anyways as i was saying i finally got the courage to walk into that damn store and come to find out clinton doesnt work there anymore.. ah well i wonder where he's working now though, maybe i can go bug him there :P i started to clean up my web page a littel see ^_^ yeah its fun, although theres really not much i can do for it for now, Eliot if you read this, since i know you are because i told you not to i sent you an email but i doubt you'll get it, i have a book for you ^_^ its about making movies thought you might want it other wise its going to the dump.i need more room on my selves..
I re-arranged my room the other day it looks so funny now but thats ok, cause i found some stufff i didnt even remember i had behind my old bookshelf and stuff and i put in a dresser for kylee and i got her a bunch of clothes!! course half them she wont be able to wear till shes twelve months but theyre so cute!!! and i noticed today that half her stuff is either blues clues or Elmo, isnt that weird? i didnt plan it that way :P all though i do love blue's clue's! most the elmo stuff is old stuff of Danny's or from the neighbor's i didnt relize i had so much kids stuff in my room!! none of it's from when i was a baby though cause that stuff's all gone it went bye bye in the fire when i was little. danny has a bunch of stuff from when he was little though. theres an old teddy bear and an elmo doll, but i think he got that when he was like 8 so i dont know if you'd count that as little but anywyas gosh, i was in a mood to type today wasnt i? well my wrists are tired now ^_^ so bye bye!