the cobwebs
that had taken residence
in my brain
I found a locked
forgotten door.
"Where can this lead?"
I asked myself
"and where'd I hide the key?
I don't remember such a door
but if it's here, it must be mine
and the other side I'd like to see."
Ornate in carvings was this door
elves and fairies lined the top
through the middle man and dwarf.
Far to the bottom of the door
the goblins made their home.
Lower stil were other demons of forgotten lore.
Dust was piled atop my feet
something glittered in the mound.
Digging through the mess of years
a silver key was to be found.
Small writing hard to see
warned: "Only for use in dire need."
Exasperation filled my mind.
Of all the silly things!
With all the trials in my life
this was something I did not need,
a superstitous warning
from a dusty silver key.
Life of late had not been easy
stress had reigned supreme.
Doubt had been ever preying
on what was left of my esteem.
My faith in me was faltering,
to me this was surely dire need.
I dusted off the silver key
and fitted it to the door.
With a rusted moan it turned,
and the hinges creaked with age.
With strength unknown for quite a while,
I hefted open that great door.
The sights beofre me glimmered
like damonds in a stream.
All my childhood fantasies
were here like in a dream.
From little thoughts to great big hopes
and everything found there in between.
Here I was a dancer
with skirts made from chiffon,
there I was a rock goddess
with a voice that dripped like gold.
Another place a writer
surrounded with literary praise.
Farther back I wandered
and the farther fetched they became:
an elf maiden with flowing hair,
a tree nymph crowned with green,
a fairy with opaque wings
and a pouch of fairy dust.
Not all things were beautiful
in this dreamlike realm.
My smallest fears and darkest fears
were dwelling near about.
Snakes and spiders and crawly things
were not about to be left out.
My fear of failure dwelt here.
My doubt of me was its neighbor.
Loneliness was standing by,
joined by heartache and tears.
Rejection haunted through the realm
followed by fears of being unloved.
I felt as I was walking
someone else was walking near.
I turned and felt myself reflected
for following me...was me.
Her eyes shone like sapphires
flowing hair sparkled of straw like gold
"What is this place?"
I asked her.
She smiled at me and said,
"This place is everything you are,
you wish to be,
and dread.
You're searching for you happiness,
your single place in life.
You feel so out of place
in everything you do.
You wonder if you've lost your faith
or if others have any faith in you.
In searching for your perfect life
you locked all this away
thinking you would never need it.
Thinking as you grew older,
things like this were not for you,
You were an adult and fantasies don't come true."
I looked all about me
from the dancer to the doubt.
My life was here,
all on display
from long lost childhood fantasies
to recent adult fears.
I walked back out
to the rest of my weary brain.
I did not lock the door again
and I pocketed the silver key.
Life did not seem so hard now
and faith not so long lost.
I had searched for what I needed
under every rock and stone,
not fainding anything to aid.
What I needed was locked inside of me.
I refreshed my weary soul
and found my faith in me.
Copyright September 2, 2002 Laura Miske
