Customers, Consumers, and Employees
Customers, Consumers, and Employees
Dumb questions asked by customers, stupid things said by employees, weird advertisements for products and incredibly obvious disclaimers and warning labels on products.
Funny Signs and Store Ads:
"Fresh L-A-R-G-E Canatoupe! 1.99"--Special of the week on cantaloupe.
"Rice-a-Roni: Chicken, Beer, or Fried, $1.19."--Sign at work advertising a deal on rice.
"SpaghettiO's: 0 cents."--Fantastic deal on canned pasta.
"6 Buster Bars 4/$8"--Seen at the local Dairy Queen.
"Expires 4-31-04."--On a manufacturer's coupon.
"Gatorade 10/$1."--Store ad that should have read 10/$10. The day the ad started, a guy came in and got angry when he wasn't charged ten cents apiece for the 20 Gatorades he was buying.
Ads and Warning Labels
"Warning: Flammable"--Seen on a lighter (courtesy Melissa).
"WARNING: Some experts believe that use of any keyboard may cause serious injury. Consult statement on back of this keyboard."--Warning label on an apparently dangerous keyboard in the Senate office at school
"Hot Tea
CAUTION!
To children is hot."--Warning label on a pot of tea at a local Asian restaurant.
Warning on a bag of Matchlight charcoal: "Warning: Combustable." ("I'd hope so, it being charcoal"--Courtesy my friend Melissa.)
"Please flush our product down the toilet."--Magazine ad for Clorox Wipes.
"Shake well and buy often."--On a carton of Silk soy milk.
Customer Quotes and Employee Antics:
"Despite your best efforts, it appears that someone has purloined your ballpoint."--Customer, to me, informing me there was no pen attached to the chain on my register.
"Can I get an Oreo blizzard with ice cream? I mean with chocolate ice cream?"--Overheard at the Dairy Queen.
One thing we need to keep an eye on at the cash register is the way people make out their checks. When I worked at Cub Foods, I overheard another cashier ask the man she was waiting on to make his check out to Cub Foods and not Club Foods. I mentioned this to another customer that I was helping, and she told me that she used to work at Paper Warehouse, where one time a customer wrote their check out to Paper Whorehouse.
"Does this have meat in it?"--Customer, to me, holding up a box of Hamburger Helper which clearly states "Just Add Hamburger!" on it.
"Principal job interest: Stalking."--Kid filling out a job application. (Our manager didn't call him back.)
"Where are the eggs?"--Asked of stockers at my work while the customer is standing right in front of the eggs.
"Excuse me, do you work here?"--Customer to a manager at work, asked while he was BEHIND the cash register and wearing the uniform blue shirt that everyone who works there wears.
Stupid Employee Quote: "Aren't you going to give me a tip?"--Bagger, to customer when he brought the groceries out to the car. (He got fired for that.)
Some of our customers have some rather interesting habits. One man weighs the heads of lettuce in the produce department, trying to find the biggest one. That in and of itself isn't too odd, but he also measures the cakes in the bakery to see which one is the longest. Never mind that they are of uniform length and the length is listed on the label.
One day a lady purchased some deli fried chicken. After she ate it, she brought back the bones and asked for her money back, saying the chicken didn't have enough meat on it.
Apparently, people have difficulty pronouncing the names of our deli and bakery products. Here are some of the requests they've made:
"I'd like some of your mandolin chicken."--Customer asking for mandarin chicken.
"Can I get some of that broccoli Heath salad?"--A request for some of the broccoli health salad.
"Do you have any petite pains?"--Customer looking to purchase some of the little hard rolls. They are spelled petit pains but are pronounced "petty pans".
"Mom, can you open a register please, Mom, register."--One of the baggers at the store whose mom is a cashier, one day when we were busy and we needed another lane open.
"Where's your manager? He ought to be ashamed of himself! This is way out of line?"--Irate customer, who was upset that we ran out of the ice cream featured in our ad. Apparently, it didn't cross his mind that this might happen on a busy, warm summer weekend.
Strange customer request:
"If a guy comes and tries to return applesauce, tell him he has to call home first."--Another manager, to me and my coworkers.
"Hey girl, what do you think you're doing? Playing softball?"--Customer, to me, informing me I was sending his groceries down the register too quickly. After he left, one of the carry-outs came up to me and said, "Well, I see you met Grumpy." I didn't know it at the time, but I had just offended our best-known cranky customer.
"Can I get a turkey with all dark meat?"--Lady doing her Thanksgiving shopping. When our butcher told her there was no such thing, she made him go back and check to make sure.
At the local Burger King:
Girl: "Can I get a bacon Croissanwich?"
Cashier: "Do you want just the bacon on it, or do you want the egg and cheese too?"
"Do you take American currency here?"--Customer, to my friend Melissa, who works at a grocery store in the midwestern United States.
Frequently asked question at my work:
Employee: "Paper or plastic?"
Customer: "Yes." (The other common answer is "A bag.")
Sign on some pyramids in Mexico, which were there for people to climb:
"Climbing pyramids may be dangerous."
(Courtesy Nicole.)
Customer: "Do you have dog bones?"
Meat Guy: "No, I'm sorry, but we aren't allowed to cut dogs anymore."
"It should be good! I just printed it up this morning."--What every single customer says to me whenever I check a big bill (i.e., a $50 or a $100). I always tell them to print some up for me next time they make them. Of course, we're only joking!
At my (former) job:
Customer: "Who would I talk to about grapes?"
Me: "Um...someone in produce?"
From my sister's former workplace, a pizza parlor:
Customer: (on the phone) "Can I order a pizza?"
My Sister: (absentmindedly) "If you want to."
The grocery store where I work is located in a strip mall. The store closes at 11:00 on weeknights, but a few of the other establishments remain open until later. One night well after 11 when we were about to leave, the phone rang and the lockup that night picked it up. After a minute or so he hung up, and we asked him what did they want. He laughed and told us, "Oh, some guy wanted to know the name of the Chinese food place next door."
At Christmastime, my friend Patti and I were talking about Christmas music and which songs we liked best. For fun, we began singing them. I turned to our friend Dave, who's a bit of a grinch when it comes to stuff like that, and asked him if there was anything he wanted us to sing. He said, "How about Silent Night?" (as in be quiet, you two) We knew what he meant, but started the first verse of Silent Night anyway. He laughed and shook his head, saying, "No, I meant really silent!"
At my work, after I had given a customer her total and she paid with a credit card:
Me: "Ma'am, would you like paper or plastic?"
Customer: "I don't care....(jokingly) "Why do we have to decide? Why can't you guys do it?"
Me: "We only want to ensure your utmost satisfaction."
Customer: "You guys do a good job."
Me:(after handing her the credit slip that she needed to sign) "What color ink would you like to sign this with?"
She laughed.
From my friend Nicole:
We have a mail slot at the end of the counter at work. ppl ask where it is, i tell them. they go to the end of the counter, look at the slot, and then ask me again where it is until i go over there an point at it.
Discussion about our Christmas potluck:
Me: "What are you bringing to the potluck?"
Meat Guy: "I'm bringing pot!"
Incident at work one day:
We used to keep our cash machine around the corner, where people entered the store, and when a customer asked one of us where it was, we would tell them, "It's right around the corner where you come in." One day a customer came in and said, "Where's the cash machine?" and I gave our usual reply. She said, "Ok," and then turned around and walked outside, to right around the corner where she came in.
At Melissa's former job at Afterthoughts:
Girl: "Do you pierce ears?"
Melissa: "Yes, we do."
Girl: "Are you good at it?"
When answering the phone at work one day:
Customer: "Hello, I'm calling to talk to my daughter. She's shopping in your store and I need to talk to her. Could you page her to the phone?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, that's no problem. I'll need your daughter's name?"
Customer: "Oh, wait, she has a cell phone! Would it be all right if I called her on that?"
Me:(trying not to laugh) "Yes, ma'am, that would be just fine."
One busy day at work, I rang up a customer who had some trouble communication. Our special of the week was eggs for 59 cents a dozen, with a $15 minimum purchase. The coupon clearly stated a limit of one coupon per customer. Anyway, this guy came in with four dozen eggs and wanted four coupons, and indicated this by pointing at the ad and then at the eggs. I told him our policy and proceeded to ring the rest of his order, which included a 20 oz. bottle of pop. I gave him his total, and he started to point at things and grunt. Having no idea what he meant, I kept asking him different questions to try to figure out what he was telling me. "I gave you the coupon, sir. I can only take off one coupon per customer. Did you need anything else? This is your total." And so on, while all the while he kept pointing at his groceries and grunting. Finally, he wrote the word "misunderstand" on a piece of paper. Exasperated, I said, "What are you talking about? What did I misunderstand?" He wrote, "Just pop." I guess after he found out he couldn't get four coupons with his order, he didn't want to bother.
At my work, we hire people to bag groceries up for customers. One day we got really busy, and the lines were getting long. One of the baggers went to the line behind the register, and began to pack the order up.
Second Bagger:(walks up to First Bagger)"What are you doing?"
First Bagger:"I'm getting ahead."
Second Bagger:"But the cashier hasn't rung the stuff up yet!"
First Bagger:"Oh!"
Posted in the back room at work by a frustrated stocker:
"STOP!
"Before you put something in the damaged, take a minute to ask yourself this. Is it really damaged or am I just to lazy and stupid to put it back where it belongs? MILK-That is not a damaged grocery item. That is a damaged dairy item. So simply pour it in the sink and place it in a plastic bag in the dairy crates. Your wrappers are also not damaged, they are trash. So throw them in the trash.
"P.S. Keep up the good work. :) Use a plastic bag if needed.
"NOTE: You are a complete idiot if you put meat here!
"I will kill you, if you put milk here."
One day at work, our entire credit card system went down. For over an hour, we could not process any order if the customer was paying with a credit or debit card. The only thing we could do was wait it out and periodically check our machines to see if they were working again, which we did by unplugging them and waiting five minutes or so, then plugging them back in. Finally, one of my co-workers checked hers and found the problem was fixed, so we all started ringing orders and taking credit cards like usual, which was when I found out my machine still wasn't working. I kept plugging and unplugging it, to no avail, and none of us could figure out why mine hadn't started back up along with the rest. Finally we called over our manager, who took one look at it and said, "Well, it would help if you plugged it into the right spot."
Back to my main quotes page or Home