1.  I never have to file again.  Very bien.

2. I never have to give another speech on Sleep Deprivation, Obesity, Vladimir Putin or ROBOTS IN SPACE! 

3.  Every speech I give from now on will require time signals and be approximately 5 to 7 minutes in length, with a 30 second grace period. 

4.  I will never again have to wait an hour and 35 minutes for Roashan in order to eat.

5. Wil will probably continue to call me multiple times whether or not I am standing right next to him. ("Get your___back here!")

But, this also means that I will miss my speech team terribly!  Luckily, I have these quotes to remind me of those crazy kids...

**Click for full list**

WIL

A seal walked into a club.

I think I found a legitimate reason to build a time machine. (Wil, while Allie is talking)

Allie, your skirts are short too from time to time. If they were shorts, Clancy would wear them.

Wil: Jess, it's the first call from my parents. What time is it?
Jess: Oh my god. It's 8:35. We're been driving for 20 minutes.
Wil: (to his parents) Jess is making fun of me because you're calling me.
Jess: Wil!
Wil: (Later) Jess, what time is it? It's my parents.
Jess: It's 10:20. That's a little better. It's almost been two hours.

Where's Mustang Sally's? Did we pass it already?!

Jess: Don't worry. You'll be fine. I know everything.
Wil: Are you Jesus?

Wil: That white suit is sexy (talking about a girl)
Jess: Wil! Direct those comments to Roashan!
Wil: Your Jess, I can say anything to you.

Wil: Jen, take that hat off (the Burger King crown). You know that Karpyn's just going to appear in the window...(No more than
3 minutes later...) LOOK! There's Karpyn!
Jess: Really?!
Wil: Yea, I just saw him in the window! He's coming. Do you hear his footsteps?
Jess: Oh my god, it's Karpyn.

Wil: I need a Q-tip.
Jen: I have one, but it's wet.
Wil: Oh my god, it's wet!
Jen: Yea, i just told you that.
Wil: (Later) I had to blow dry my ear.

I owe you money and water and sex, and by sex, I mean money. (Wil, to me)

Wil: Karpyn, ask Jess what she thinks the Value City should be called.
Jess: I can't repeat it, but I agree with what Wil said.

Wil: Wait, you have these numbered? (referring to the quotes on my quote card)
Jess: Yea
Wil: By what? You have 20, then 11.
Jess: Hahahaa, really?

ROASHAN

Wil: Banana Republic: Like Old Navy with better decorations.
Roashan: Does it really say that?

Wil: It's stuck to your back.
Roashan: No, you stuck it to my back.
Wil: No, I threw it at your ear and it stuck to your back.
Roashan: I'm going to kill you and throw you in the Susquehanna River.
Wil: It's the Sad River. We've already had this discussion.

Roashan: They didn't have plastic back then.
Jess and Wil: Yes, they did!
("Back then" meaning during the time of Napoleon.. but I missed that)

Roashan: Jess, I just fell off the seat and now I'm stuck! (in the van)

JEN

Jen: Do you not want to be our Queen?
Jess: No, no I'll gladly take that position.

Would you rather have a world of murderers or whores?  That should go on your website.

Do you want some chocolate?  (Later...) Okay, the goldfish are going away.

You're the best BS..(pause)...er. (Jen, to Allie)

This is my fourth dinner tonight.

I didn't want to look like I was all alone so I pretended to be really interested in my book and then I started talking to the lunch lady.

I called Wil again and titled the message, "Jen's Second Rant."
 

ALLIE

Allie: I hate you.
Roashan: I know, that's okay. I don't care.

It's not "Susquehanna." It's "Susquehaaaana."

Before, people came to America because they thought its streets were paved with gold. Now the only thing paved with gold is
rappers' teeth.

Allie: Say what you can't repeat.
Wil: No, it was for Jess. I can't repeat it.

Allie: It's not a car?! (on the phone with her dad)
Wil: It's less than $10,000? What the hell kind of surprise is that?

New Segment: DELAYED TO DINNER BY ROASHAN!

Jen: I'm going to say "Bueller" until Roashan comes back. Bueller, Bueller....(x16)...It kinda loses its effect after the 16th
time.

Wil: You know, there's one thing we haven't tried. ROASHANNN!!! (screams outside and throughout the campus)

Jess: Excuse me, (to a girl in the Prep Room) are you in Extemp or Comm?
Girl: Extemp.
Jess: Is there anyone still speaking? We're looking for a kid with dark hair...
Jen: A little Indian boy.

Wil: (Allie calls) AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! AHHHHH! (weeping) It's 10:10 and Roashan still isn't here...I've been done since 9 and I'm hungry and...AAHHHHH...she hung up on me, that j....

Jen: If Roashan isn't here by 10:15, these clothes are coming off under here!

Wil: I screamed his name all throughout Steele. His isn't anywhere! If he went to the Student Union Building without
us...(anger building and then..)
ALL: ROASHANNN!!! (Roashan appears and mass confusion ensues as we yell at him. Though his extreme lateness was no fault of his own, we still made him carry all the files up and down the stairs by himself.)

OTHER MEMORABLE EVENTS

--Wil getting hit TWICE in a special place by a racquetball. The first time was just priceless...but the second time was even
better.. hahahaahaa...but that's okay, because as Roashan said, he won't be needing that body part.

--Lovesponge Syphylatia...different from the aforementioned Lovesponge Syphilitiatitis

--Jen, Will and I singing Bohemian Rhapsody in the car while Allie and Roashan wondered who Queen was..and then Jen, Will
and I yelling at them.

--Wil calling me FOUR times and leaving messages! He felt the need to call me in the bathroom, and then called me
repeatedly WHILE I was standing RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. The messages are sooo hilarious though. Yes, Wil, I saved them for
you...That should be another bullet: Wil cracking himself up and then admiring his work.

--"Finest News Reporting" By The Onion..."I will loathe you and despise you..."

All in all, good show.