EXPAT JOKES > SICK JOKES

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• A gunman has been going around London shooting Sikhs. They are calling him the Turbanator!
• Did you hear about the new deodorant called Umpire? It's for foul balls.
• Did you hear about the spastic who won the disco dance competition? He only got up to get a packet of crisps
• How did herpes leave the hospital? On crutches
• How did the leper stop the card game? He threw in his hand
• How do you circumcise a whale? Send down fore skin divers
• How do you get a black man out of a tree in Alabama? Cut the rope!
• How do you identify a head nurse? Look for dirty knees.
• How do you tell if you have acne? A blind man can read your face.
• What can you use old tampons for? Tea bags for vampires.
• What did the worm say to the caterpillar? What did you do to get that fur coat?
• What do a virgin and a hemophiliac have in common? One prick and its all over!
• What do you call a bull that's playing with himself? Beef Stronkenoff.
• What do you call a cow that has had an abortion? Decalfinated.
• What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
• What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle? Beef Strokanoff.
• What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
• What in worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
• What's a hundred yards long and smells of piss? A: The Dole Office queue on a Thursday morning.
• What's better than winning gold at the paralympics? Walking!
• What's black and red and has a hard time getting through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head.
• What's black and-crispy and comes on a stock? Joan of Arc.
• What's black, pink and hairy and sits on a, wall? Humpty Cunt
• What's brown and has holes in it? Swiss shit!
• What's brown and sounds like a doorbell? Dung.
• What's green and red and goes 1000 miles an hour? A frog In a blender.
• What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
• What's grosser than gross? When you kiss your grandmother and she slips you the tongue!
• What's invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts.
• What's old and wrinkled and smells of ginger? Fred Astaire's face.
• What's the difference between chicken and meat? If you beat a chicken it will die.
• What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
• Why aren't cowboys circumcised? So they'll have some place to keep chewing gum when they're eating.
• Why did the leper fail his driving test? He left his foot on the clutch!
• Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead.
• Why did they call off the lepers' hockey game? There was a face off in the corner
• Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand? So she can moan with the other
• Why does Helen Keller have yellow legs? Her dog was blind, too.
• Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their peckers are on their face.
• Why don't pygmies wear tampons? They keep stepping on the string.
• Why haven't they cremated Colonel Sanders yet? They can't decide whether to do him regular or extra crispy.
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Eric got the feeling that his girlfriend
wasn't being as faithful as she claimed

Q. what the worst thing about fucking a bald pussy. A. putting the nappy back on

My wife's unlucky, a day after she lost her baby she won a pram in a raffle.

FRED WEST
HOME IMPROVEMENTS
If you want the best. try West!!!
We make no bones about it, we put body and soul into our properties
Don’t have grave doubts most of Fred’s family have been into patio’s, bathrooms, fireplaces, etc. for years.
Wife and kids under your feet?
Why not try a West special extension
We knock all competition dead!
Contact: WEST HOME IMPROVEMENTS
25 Cromwell Road
GLOUCESTER
(References available from Gloucester C.I.D.)
Sponsored by Quick Mix Cement & Pollyfilla
You just lie down. We provide the cover.

(10 Mar 1994, Fred West, builder, charged with murdering 8 women after bodies dug from his house in Gloucester)

Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be.
The first one stopped and took a pill. "What was that?" The others asked her.
"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy."
A few minutes later, another woman took a pill. "What was that?" the others asked.
"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong." They continued knitting.
Finally the third woman took a pill. "What was that?" the others asked her.
"It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this fucking sweater!"

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