EXPAT JOKES > RACIAL > NON-BRITISH (Apologies in advance)

The ozzie sheep farmer's son was in his hotel room when someone knocked the door, when he answered it there was this beautiful young blonde standing there.
She said "your father has paid me to spend a night of pure sex as he's had such a good day at the market. "He let her in and started to pile the furniture against the walls.
When asked why he replied "I've never had sex with a woman before , but if they're anything like kangaroos they need lots of room!"

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a 'redneck' joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Before you tell that joke you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs. and a redneck. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and a redneck. The fella next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and a redneck. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "Nah. I don't want to have to explain it three times."

West Virginia
What line do you use to pick up an West Virginian? “Nice tooth.”
How can you tell if a West Virginian is married? There’s dried chewing tobacco down both sides of the pickup truck.
What are reruns of “Hee Haw” called in West Virginia? Documentaries.
What is an Armadillo called in West Virginia? 'Possum on the half shell.
Where was the toothbrush invented? West Virginia. Anywhere else and it would have been called a teethbrush.
West Virginia State Trooper: “Got any ID?” Motorist: “’Bout what?”
Why did O.J. Simpson want the trial moved to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA.
New law in West Virginia: After a divorce, the couple can still remain first cousins.
What do hurricanes in Florida; tornados in Kansas and divorces in West Virginia have in common? Somebody is fixin’ to lose trailers.

A professor at the University of West Virginia was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hands.
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way in the back, Billy Ray raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Billy Ray, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
Billy Ray replied, "Shiiiiit!!! From way back thar I thought you said, "Goats"!!

Dear Billy Joe Bob,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

Love and kisses,

Your favorite aunt

How do you circumcise a Texan? Kick his sister on the chin.

What does a Texan chick say after sex? "Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes."

Chinese Blow Job

One Liners, (Sorry If I Missed You)

Jewish

• Why are Jewish men circumcised? Jewish women won't buy anything unless it's 20% off.
• What do you get when you cross a Jewish American Princess and a computer? A computer that never goes down on you.
• How was copper wire invented? By two Jews fighting over a penny.
• What's a Jewish American Princess's favourite line? I wanna go to Palm Springs.
• How does a Jewish American Princess do it doggie style? Makes him beg for an hour.
• How do you know if a Jewish American Princess has an orgasm? She drops her nail file.
• What's the difference between a Jewish American Princess and Jelly? Jelly moves when you eat it.

Mexican

• What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an octopus? I don't know, but it sure picks tomatoes.
• What do you get when you cross a Mexican with a Vietnamese? A car thief that can't drive
• What's 6 miles long and goes 4 miles an hour? A Mexican funeral with one set of jumper leads.
• Why do Mexicans have noses? For something to pick in the wintertime.
• Why are scientists breeding Mexicans instead of rats for experiments? They multiply faster and you don't get as attached to them.
• What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Italian? A guy who makes you an offer you can't understand.
• Why did the cops take the 911 emergency number off the back of their cars? The Mexicans kept stealing them, thinking they were Porsches.
• Why don't Mexicans barbecue? Because the beans keep slipping through the grill.
• Did you hear about the two Mexicans on "That's Incredible"? One had car insurance and the other was an only child.

Blacks

• Why do black people want to move to Thailand? So they can be called tycoons.
• What do you get when you cross a Negro with an Irishman? A Lepracoon.
• How do we know that god hates Negro's ? He put pubic hairs on their heads.
• Who are the two most famous black women in history? Aunt Jemima and Mutha Fuckah.
• Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to "Roots"? They're going to play it backward so it has a happy ending.
• What do you call a black man working in a tree? A branch manager.
• Why do blacks keep chickens? To teach their kids how to walk.
• Why did God invent the climax? So Negro's would know when to stop fucking.
• Why don't blacks like blowjobs? They don't like ANY job.
• What's long, black and smelly? The unemployment line.
• What's black, has white eyes and knocks on glass? A Negro in a Microwave.
• What's the difference between white fairy tales and black fairy tales? White fairy tales starts, "Once upon a time....." Black fairy tales starts, "Yo, you motherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit....."

Polish

• Did you hear about the Polish lesbian? She loved men.
• What's the most useless thing on a Polish woman's body? A Polish man.
• Why don't Pollacks eat M&M's? They have a hard time peeling them.
• What did the Pollack do with his first 50p piece? He married her.
• Why are there no gynecologists in Poland? Because they don't know how to read lips.
• What do Polish women do when they're done sucking cock? Spit out the feathers.

ANY OTHERS RACES (apologies if I missed anyone)

• What do you call two Vietnamese in a Trans-Am? Gooks of hazard.
• A Have you heard about the new Oriental cookbook? 101 ways to Wok your dog.
• What do you get when you cross a Japanese lady with a Chinese lady? A broad that sucks laundry.
• What do you call a Filipino contortionist? A Manila. folder.
• What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? You know she'll swallow.

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