New Mental Disorders

Cerebral Bimbosis
Clinical description: CB is the basic inability to draw obvious conclusions from easily-grasped concepts.
Cause: Many experts cite the tendency for CB to run in bloodlines as evidence of a genetic cause; however there is strong evidence that CB is caused, or at least aggravated, by an environment that fails to emphasize the need to reason logically.
Diagnosis: Solicit the patient's beliefs about astrology or Marxism. Any lack of skepticism confirms the diagnosis.
Treatment: Enrollment in the School of Hard Knocks has yielded success in some cases.

Competency Deficit Disorder
Clinical description: CDD is the inability to exhibit the basic skills needed to successfully practice one's profession. A common disorder, it has become practical to recognize different variants of the disease:
Ecclesiastical Competency Deficit Disorder Clinical description: Ecclesiastical Competency Deficit Disorder (ECDD) is the inability to properly interpret the texts of one's religion. Cause: Investigation into cases spanning many known faith groups indicates that ECDD is caused by an unwillingness to accept the plain meaning of Holy Writ, combined with a desire to be considered an expert on said Writ. Diagnosis: Confirmation of this diagnosis requires two elements, the first being the professed belief that a certain document is the word of God, and the second being the professed acceptance of an idea that contradicts the selfsame document. Treatment: Difficult at best. ECDD tends to involve a high degree of rationalization by the patient, and rarely does any patient admit to being afflicted.
Judicial Competency Deficit Disorder Clinical description: Judicial Competency Deficit Disorder (JCDD) is the inability to apply the law of the land to a case before the bench. Cause: The primary cause is a legal environment that is hostile to the concepts of reason, freedom, and personal responsiblity. This causes the patient to seek other princples on which to base decisions, such as the laws of other nations, penumbrae in the law, etc. Diagnosis: The primary symptom is an inability to distinguish the content of the law from what the patient wishes were the content of the law. Inquire after the patient's view on jury nullification. Any degree of antipathy confirms the diagnosis. Treatment: Difficult. As with ECDD, a high degree of rationalization is usually present; most JCDD sufferers have come to regard their condition as normal, vice pathological.
Managerial Competency Deficit Disorder Clinical description: Managerial Competency Deficit Disorder (MCDD) is the inability to efficiently organize and direct personnel. Cause: The primary cause is a working environment in which supervisory assertions are accepted at face value by higher levels of leadership, but subordinate claims face the burden of proof beyond all possible doubt. This causes supervisors to revert to an adolescent form of mental functioning. MCDD sufferers tend to exhibit symptoms of HFPS (q.v.) as well. Diagnosis: Ask the manager how many of the problems in his/her work area are his/her subordinates' fault. Any figure greater than 15% confirms the diagnosis. Treatment: Difficult. The party with the responsibility for correcting the problem is usually the cause of the problem.
Pedagogical Competency Deficit Disorder Clinical description: Pedagogical Competency Deficit Disorder (PCDD) is the inability to inculcate useful knowledge in an educational setting. Cause: The primary cause appears to be tutelage under a PCDD carrier; exposure to teachers' union propaganda is a significant secondary cause. Diagnosis: Any hostility towards home schooling confirms the diagnosis. Treatment: Lengthy employment in the private sector usually produces results.

Intestinal/Testicular/Vertebral Deficit Disorder
Clinical description: ITVDD is a disorder in which a person in a leadership position permits real or imagined perceptions of danger, unpopularity or opposition to interfere with the proper course of action.
Cause: ITVDD appears to be acquired by contact with other ITVDD sufferers, but field observations indicate that subordination to an HPS (q.v.) sufferer figures in many cases.
Diagnosis: Any behavior in which a leader sets aside ethical considerations, for reasons not directly addressing those considerations, confirms the diagnosis.
Treatment: Exposure to westerns and war films, especially those in which ITVDD sufferers are saved from destruction by the efforts of normal people, has resulted in some improvement in limited cases.

Military-Industrial Complex
Clinical description: A military-industrial conplex (MIC) is an irrational belief that defense contractors are conspiring to control the economy of the United States.
Cause: A MIC is usually acquired by verbal contact with other MIC sufferers. CB sufferers appear to be highly susceptible to acquiring an MIC.
Diagnosis: Inquire the patient about their view on national defense spending. A desire for elimination of the Department of Defense, or a severe reduction in budgeting levels, indicates possible affliction with an MIC. Continue the diagnosis by inquiring the patient about their preferred use of the funds. Any answers other than "give it back to the taxpayer" or "pay down the national debt" confirm the diagnosis of an MIC. Alternatively, any claim that a military operation was conducted for the benefit of commercial interests confirms the diagnosis.
Treatment: Employment in the private sector has been shown to reduce MIC symtpoms.

Plurocausitive Attribution Syndrome
Clinical description: Plurocausitive attribution syndrome (PAS) is the a disorder in which the patient attributes different causes to a given social situation based on the race, gender, or sexual orientation of the people involved.
Cause: PAS is generally acquired in environments in which consistency of thought is discouraged. As such, it is epidemic in most social science departments.
Diagnosis: Ask the patient to explain a disparity in the longevity or success between multiple sets of two groups, distinguished along lines of gender, race, or sexual orientation. The diagnosis is confirmed if the patient attributes better outcomes for non-whites, women, and homosexuals to inherent superiority, but also attributes better outcomes for whites, men, and heterosexuals to oppression.
Treatment: Prospects are bleak. The best solution is to isolate the patient from impressionable minds.