only hope*
chapter 09
******
The Next Day
5:00 pm
Both Lynn and I agreed that�d be really fun for Justin if we didn�t tell him that I was coming home on the same day that he was. So with that in mind, seeing as how my flight was 3 hours earlier than his, I decided to make him a surprise dinner.
�He�s gonna love this.� I smiled to myself as I chopped up a carrot for the salad. �It�s gonna be great. To see him smile, Awww, with that cute lil� grin he�s got�� I drew in a deep breath, soaring away in my dreams of I thought the night was gonna be like. Not paying any attention to the work that my hands were doing, I ended up cutting my finger with the knife.
�Shit!� I moaned. Then I instantly dropped the knife and ran my finger under cold water. After examining the cut, I figured it�d be a good idea to go upstairs and look for a band aid, or something to at least protect the wound from getting infected long enough to give me time to finish cooking.
After turning about 5 of Justin�s bathroom drawers inside out I finally came across a box but when I opened it I was not-so-happy about what I saw. Turning it upside down, I let all the folded up papers fall out of the box.
Jessica- call me
I love that lil� thing you do w/ ur tongue. Haha!� call me sometime, Amanda
Hailey: 1315-676-9082
Courtney, Rose, Lily�
Maria- you know something, I like the way you move� 1407-655-8167
By the time I read about 10 of those papers I felt my stomach turn and my hands began to shake. Too confused to cry, I shoved the box back into the drawer and just pretended like it didn�t happen, and continued too look for a simple band-aid. I didn�t wanna believe what my eyes had just received. I didn�t wanna cry anymore, I didn�t wanna be depressed, I didn�t wanna feel pushed aside, I just didn�t wanna be me and that was too scary to perceive.
�Where in the hell is a ****ing, God damn, piece of sh*t band aid!!!!!� I screamed, slamming the top drawer closed with my elbow.
�Where, where is it!!!� I felt my body crumble onto the floor, and turn into a crying heap of pathetic ness.
How can I have been so blind? I knew all along something wasn�t right. What if he wasn�t cheating, and just had those #�s for the heck of it? That�s what I wanted to believe, too bad it wasn�t true.
�To ****ing bad!� I sniffed, pulling my knees up to my face and wiping my eyes on my jeans.
Too bad.
I wasn�t sure how long I was laying there for but before I knew it I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I knew it was Justin and that made me nervous. I wasn�t sure what to say or how to react, all I wanted was to get out of the house, away from him.
Not bothering to get up, or even wipe my tears, I just continued to lay there motionless.
�Holy Sh*t!� Justin jumped back, startled to see someone on this bathroom floor. It took him awhile to process the fact that it was me but when he did he just knelt down next to me and held me. That was all I needed at THAT moment, I just wanted to be held, wanted sympathy, wanted to be told it was just a misunderstanding, but deep down I knew it�d turn into something else the second I pushed away from him. It must have been a good 5 minuets before either one of us said a word, Justin was the first to break the silence.
�Sarah, you-, why- how did you get here, what�s wrong, you-�
Sitting up, I tossed his arms back into his chest and replied, �You are.�
Noticing that my hand had blood on it he set aside my comment and asked, �Why are you bleeding? What happened?�
�What does it matter to you?� In all of my other emotions I had completely forgotten how much my finger stung, until he said that.
Confused and still not even knowing how I got there he just looked down at me, sadly.
Holding back more tears I said, �I found it.�
�Found�?�
�Don�t play dumb, I cut my finger while I was making YOU dinner and came up here to get a band-aid. God damn, what a stupid place to put something like that.� I explained, standing up.
Following my lead he too rose up to his feet.
�That isn�t anything-�
�Don�t even begin to talk your way outta this, it�s too late.� Taking a step closer to me he said, �Just let me explain.�
�No, don�t you understand? I�m not dumb, how gullible do you think I am? I knew something was up the other day when that �interior decorating� chick was over.�
�Go look upstairs, it seriously was.� His hand pointed toward the hall.
�Whatever.� I brushed past him noticing how tired he looked.
�Where you goin�?�
�I dunno, out, away from you��
�Outta the house?�
�Yes.� I shrugged.
�How you gonna get to where you wanna go?� He questioned hinting towards the fact that it was HIS house and HIS car.
He was right, where was I gonna go now? At a loss for words I grunted, �Egh! Shut up!� and stomped down the stairs, Justin following behind me.
�Sarah, come on, lets sit down and talk about this.� He suggested as we walked into the kitchen.
�You wanna talk, eh? Oh, we�ll ****ing talk!� I grabbed a paper towel and wrapped it around my finger.
�Lemme see.� He reached out for my hand but I pulled away.
�Just let me take a look, then I�ll shut up and you can chew me out all you want. I just need to know if you�re alright.�
Giving up I let out a sigh and shoved my finger in his face. He took it into his hand and looked very closely.
�It�s really deep� does it hurt?� He brought it to his lips and gently blew on it. Just touching him made me feel so much better, but why? It should have been the other way around, after all he did cheat on ME. What a stupid question. I thought, �Does it hurt�, of course it hurts. Instead of saying the obvious �yeah� I came up with something more fitting. �Not as much as you hurt me.� I felt my eyes tear up again as he set my finger back down.
�I know that no matter what I say, it won�t make you fully trust me again, and I understand that. I didn�t do anything with any of those girls, you can call up any of those numbers and find out for yourself, hell, I�ll call �em and you listen, I swear Sarah, I�d never do that to you, I love you.,�
�How can I be so sure?� I sighed.
�You can�t� He said honestly and stamped a kiss on my cheek.
Pushing him away I mumbled, �Don�t, I need time.� Then I spun back around to the cutting board and began to try to finish dinner. I wanted the whole matter out of my mind, I needed to think and he just wasn�t helping.
�I know, but hey, don�t pretend like this didn�t happen.� He replied, watching me attempt to finish the salad.
�What do you mean?� I nervously switched my weight to my right foot, then back.
�Look at you, you go straight into something else, we should be discussing this. I SHOULD be the one changing the subject.�
�Why SHOULD you if you swear you didn�t do anything? Ya know what, screw it, I�m done. If you wanna eat you can make your own damn food. I�ll be upstairs, considering the fact that you�re too much of an ass to let me use �YOUR� car so I can at least have time alone to even consider forgiving you. Then you wanna stand here and dictate me into talking this through, no, that�s it!� I slammed down the knife onto the counter and added, �Don�t try to follow me. You make me sick!�