only hope*
chapter 13
Tuesday Dec. 9th
Evan and I had just finished a really nice, casual dinner and were walking around outside when he decided to ask, �You know, you never told me where you live�?�
Dodging between 2 people on the side walk I interrogated, �Neither have you.�
�I suppose you won�t tell me until I tell you, huh?� He laughed lightly then added, �I live over on the other side of town, past speedway next to the Jewel Osco, you know it�s not the city but it�s not quite the ghetto. It�s manageable.�
�I see.� I nodded, hoping that my quick response would be a sign to drop the subject, but sure enough, he didn�t.
�So you gonna tell me, Sarah?�
Why lie? I thought. I�d probably end up telling him sooner or later anyway.
�You know where Hollywood Hill is?�
Stopping dead in his tracks he replied, �Shit, do I know where Hollywood Hills is, damn girl, you kidding me, everyone knows where that�s at!� Then he shot me a cute little �what are you up to?� look and continued walking. Now we were heading to where our cars were parked.
�Oh well, no, actually, I�m not.� I shrugged.
�So, tell me, who is this boyfriend of yours? Audi�s, Hollywood Hills, on vacation��
�L-Look, I-I gotta go-� I stammered, pulling the car keys out of my new Gucci purse.
�Wait,� Evan grabbed hold of my arm. �Why can�t you tell me? I promise I won�t tell a soul, I mean, it�s not like anyone really knows either one of us out here anyway, so come on, who is he?�
His persistent questioning might have made him sound like he was trying to rudely pri into my business but I could tell by the way he looked down at me that he was only trying to get a better understanding of me and get to know who I really was a little better, but still I had only known him for 2 days and had already let a little too much slip.
�I might let you know when the time comes,� I pressed the power unlock button on my car keys and added, �but for now let�s just say that he�s someone you�d know of.�
�I�ve already told you about myself, a lot actually and yet you still remain a mystery to me, I like that Sarah, I really do and I also respect your hushed remarks. Here�s my number, call me, I wanna hang out with you again some time soon.� He dug deep into his pants pocket and handing me a pre-written piece of paper with his number on it.
Putting it in my purse I replied, �You think ahead of time, I like that. I�ll call. G�night Evan.� And with that I got into the car.
Thursday
Dec. 12th
By the time Justin had gotten home I had just finished a phone conversation with Evan. He and I planned to do something the next time Justin was out of town which was on the 18th.
�Sarah!� Justin called happily from downstairs. �Come here, I got something for ya.�
Practically running out of my room I replied, �Coming!� and raced down into the foyer to greet him.
The second our eyes met a smile spread across my face. It had been the first time in quite awhile since we HADN�T been frowning at each other and I was more than excited to be on good terms again
�Hey you!� He giggled and pulled me into a deep kiss.
�Hey�� I mumbled onto his warm mouth.
�So ummm, you wanna get your present now?� He asked a little mischievously.
�eh-yeah!�
�K, here he is.� Justin held out his arms and point at himself.
Confused I remarked, �What no huge ass bow?�
�I getta stay until Christmas.� He picked me up and spun me around.
�No way! Oh my God, how awesome! Ahhh!� I laughed excitedly as he set me down. Tugging at my shirt I added, �I�m really happy, J.�
�Me too, come on.� He grabbed my hand and we walked into the living room and sat down.
We spent about an hour just sitting on the couch talking about how much fun he had over in Florida and about all the crazy photo shoots they made him take. I didn�t mind. I just sat there, contently staring at him, my chin resting in my palm. Part of me was wanting to tell him to stop and shut up long enough for me to even comment about my week but, then again, it wasn�t like I could tell him the new news about Evan and me, so like I said, I just sat there listening.
�You aight Sar? You haven�t really said very much.� He questioned, leaning his head on the back of the couch cushion.
�Yeah, fine, just listening.� I shook off my blank face and tried to make a more presentable one but I knew I wasn�t cutting it.
Rubbing my knee he said, �You just don�t seem yourself, did something happen, anything fun, bad, anything? I mean, you�ve kept quite this whole time and even while I was gone whenever we�d talk on the phone you�d never say much. You still mad at me or something?�
�No, nothin� much is happening, I pretty much just stayed here the whole time, drove around, went to town a few times, but come on, it�s not like there�s a lot to talk about when it comes down to me being by my freakin self all the time.� Catching my frustration, then tossing it aside I muttered, �No, I�m not mad, just- just bored, that�s all.�
�Well, I- I can see how you�d feel that way. Sorry if I�m talking too much about myself, I just don�t like silence.� He replied, with a sense of sympathy in his voice mixed with guilt.
�It�s fine, besides, I like hearing about you.�
�you�re sure?�
squeezing his hand that was still on my knee I answered, �Positive.�
�You know, I really admire you for putting up with my shit.� He laughed a little then continued, �I�m never really home, and I feel like shit for it, and then you found those numbers, which I promise were just there because- well, maybe I shouldn�t get into that but anyway- you put up with a lot Sarah, and I know that we both knew damn well that it�d be hard when we made this decision but sometimes I just feel bad, for leaving you by yourself a lot, I guess what I�m saying is that I wish I could be here for you more than I am.� He stared down at our linked fingers, then back up into my eyes.
�It�s fine. Don�t feel bad� This is better than us being totally far away and never seeing each other at all, think about it that way.� I replied.
� I guess you�re right. Still feel bad though.� He sighed.
Resting my head on his shoulder I mumbled, �Don�t. I love you no matter what.�
�Love you too.� He kissed my cheek and moved his hand up to my thigh.
�Hey, I�m really glad that we�re not fighting anymore.� I smiled, gazing down at his hand.
�Me too.� He yawned, still trying to sound enthusiastic.
Changing my gaze to his eyes I noted, �You look tired.�
�Long flight.� He replied as he used his left hand to rub his temples. �It�s also what, like 11 o�clock?�
�Yeah, �round there.� I smirked at his cute sleepy voice then asked, �You wanna head upstairs?�
�I guess so.� He stood up, went into the foyer, grabbed his suit cases and headed lazily up to his room.
Watching him lay down on the bed and strip off his shirt I questioned, �You want me to with you or in my room?�
�What kinda dumb question is that?! Duh, of course I want you to go into YOUR room, I mean come on, it�s totally nasty to sleep with your girlfriend, tish� GET YO� ASS OVA HERE!� He laughed.
�Alright, alright. Lemme go change then, I�ll be back.�
After I had changed into some pajama pants and a Tee-shirt I climbed into bed next to him. Like I figured, he was already half way dozed off, curled up in the blankets.
�G�night Justin.� I whispered as I shut off the lamp on his night stand, then I kissed his forehead and rolled over. There was only one problem, I wasn�t the least bit tired and here he was already asleep-
�Night Sarah.� He muttered into my neck and flopped his arm around my waist.
I could tell by the way he sounded that something was up but I didn�t pay any attention to it.
Slowly his hand moved down and in between my thighs. I let him do his thing for about a minuet or so before I giggled, �I thought you were tired.�
�Not anymore.� He replied, playing with the drawstring of my pants.
�Obviously.�
Kissing my neck he managed to get out a �I missed you.�
Twisting that comment into two different meanings I responded, �I missed YOU too.�
�Is that so? Then maybe we should do something about it.� He smiled through his kissing, his teeth rubbing against my skin.
�Maybe.� I shrugged, causing both of our bodies to move upward. This gave me a chance to roll back over and face him. After I kissed his lips I added, �I think so.�
�Me too�� He ran his fingers through my hair and pulled me into a deeper kiss.
Tumbling on top of him I seductively growled, �I never thanked you for that car.�