Disappointment, jealousy, and hate
This is what you get when you start to date.
You fall for the lines and the stories they tell
Before you know it you've entered hell.
They tell you "you're beautiful & perfect" for them
And soon you can't sleep without thinking of him
They say you're more important, that those others are just friends
But who does he hangout or call in the end
All are enemies in this dating game
And guys are the players in the hall of fame.
I can hear it in your voice and I see it in your eyes
The things you wish to tell me trapped behind the lies
Even though we talk you won't tell me how you feel
But from your stare I can tell it's real.
We joke about our feelings and you loving me
But each time I look at you, in your eyes I see,
The want, the lust, the need, the trust. In each glance you give me
Just once I want the chance to hear
The truth behind the meaning of your stare.
Cut, Cry, Bleed, Die
That�s my routine
The daily routine of a suicidal teen.
Feelings hidden within the soul
Each day I die more because I�m not whole
the cure for my pain is to cry and bleed
It makes me forget my every need
No one sees the scars left behind
These scars are left on the inside
No longer is the need a physical pain
No, now it�s within where it will remain
You think I�ve quit punishing myself
When honestly it�s gotten worse and I have no help
Each day the scars get deeper
And each day I�m closer to meeting the reaper
My mask is becoming more like glass
The more it disappears the more she asks
She knows the truth but I continue to lie
So not to drag her down with me while I die
Smile, laugh, be happy, don�t cry
Have the time of your life as mine passes me by
Cut, Cry, Bleed, Die, that�s my routine.
The daily routine of a suicidal teen.
I wish I had the heart to tell you everything I felt
the feelings I keep hidden inside and how you make me melt
you kissed me softly and held me tight
that's when it was over, I'd lost the fight
I tried to fool myself into thinking I wouldn't care
but in the end my feelings were clear.
pulling you closer and closing my eyes
pretending the feeling was real that it wasn't all lies
but once again i must release you from my grasp
only to watch you leave, I knew it wouldn't last
I try not to cry as I hug you once more.
but I fail as you walk out my front door.
tomorrow, today will be just another secret
a thought, a memory, but not a regret
Confusion sets in, nothing new.... I wish someone would just tell me what to do.
Open my eyes, let me see
The evil that's within me
Confess my sins of times past
The feeling of sadness didn’t last
From your love and what we had
Open my eyes, let me see
The beauty held within thee
Hold me close and don't forget
The memories we had and what they meant
I had a look at heaven when I was with you
Happiness I'd never knew
I won't give up and won't forget
The time we had and what it meant
A little less than normal
A little less than free
A little less than expected
That�s what you get when you get me
A little more depressed
A little more confused
A little more bitchy
A little more used
I try to be happy
I try to be glad
I try to be loving
But only end up mad
I get screwed over
I get played
I get abandoned
I get laid
I pay for my mistakes
I pay my own way
I pay for my heartache
Every single day.
I try to pretend
I try to lie
I try to hide my feelings
I�ve tried to die
Nothing ever works
No one ever cares
No one ever takes a chance
No one�s aware
I try to pretend
I try to lie
I try to hide my feelings
I�ve tried to die
Your hand to my face wiping away the tears
Saying your sorry even after all these years
You raped me once used me to your advantage
Took away my innocents I don�t know how I managed.
My life moved on and so had I
But now you�ve returned wanting to be by my side
You don�t understand that I consider it rape
When you �make love� to me because my feelings I can�t escape
You know I�d do anything for you no matter the cost
So I �made love� to you and didn�t think of my loss
I lost my dignity; my self respect, and heart
All because with my feelings I couldn�t part
You don�t know that I sometimes would cry
After we �made love� because I knew it was a lie
You used me to pleasure yourself pretending to care
Not knowing I knew the truth but to decline I wouldn�t dare.
So to make you happy I in turn hurt myself
Scarring my life and blaming myself
Using me when no one else was around
Not thinking the truth I had found
So I say no to your request
And in your life I wish you the best
I still love you and always will
But with my feelings for you I can not deal.