Update - August 24, 2001
I wanted to go downstairs so I could exit the dorm building and go get something to eat. As I live on the fourth floor, and am very, very, lazy, I decided to take the elevator. I went into the little "elevator lounge" and pressed the button to signal an elevator that I wanted to ride one down, and waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually I collapsed upon the floor, groaning with hunger, when a heavenly light touched the corner of my eyes. I looked up and saw, of all people, Jesus Christ, savior of mankind, smiling down at me.
I pulled myself to a standing position, and, shocked, managed to ask Jesus what he was doing there, in the OU dorm, when he should be in Heaven or something. He replied, calmly and serenely, that the Second Coming had occurred, and he had returned to Earth.
Now, I'm no prophet, but it seems to me that there were supposed to be a number of events that would herald His return, and I said as much. Jesus explained that the events foretold
had occurred, including the Apocalypse. Then it hit me: I had been waiting for the elevator for so long that millenia had passed, that the Apocalypse had occurred, without my knowledge. Then it hit me: I had been waiting for the elevator for so long that I was hallucinating.
OK, so maybe it didn't quite happen like that, but the elevators are fucking slow. And the new washing machines only take quarters (four of them, instead of three like last year), the change machine which broke years ago is still broken, I have no quarters, and I need to wash my towel, becausemy roommate used it to cover himself, meaning it came in direct contact with his genitals, and there's no way I'm touching that until it's washed thoroughly, and that was one fucking long run-on sentence.
Update - August 14, 2001
Well, summer is nearly over here, and the school year is breathing its fetid stench down the back of my neck like some kind of monstrous
clown. It's not that I really
mind living in my own filth, attending classes which teach skills I'll never use in real life, or eating Burger-King twice a day, every day, but it is nice to be home, where the air conditioning works, the people are friendly, and there's almost no chance that the building will have to be evacuated at 2 AM because the fire alarm went off for no apparent reason. Maybe I'm a mama's boy, but I enjoy having a nice place to live.
I play around on my computer more during school than during the summer, and I think there are a lot of collegiates who act the same way. So, in honor of my upcoming increase in computer usage, I have compiled a
survey for those of you who are confused about computers, which will help determine what kind of operating system you should use. I'm just a damned altruist, it'sin my blood.
Update - August 5, 2001
Well, well, well. It seems that I have succeeded in making this page less of an eyesore...at least, I'd like to think so. Of course, it's entirely possible that the new format is just as obnoxious as the old one, replacing "too much text" with "too many bad colors" as the primary cause of complaint. Well, I've tried, and that's what counts, right?
It just gets harder and harder to write funny updates (assuming my updates were funny to begin with), so I think I'll rely on some good old link action to trick you into thinking I put forth some effort this time. First of all, if any of you like
The Simpsons, you should hurry down to
this site before the fun is over. If you don't dig on cartoon hilarity, you can go look at the newest
addition to my
Lame Sites section. I think it's pretty fucking funny, but then again, I once laughed while watching Home Improvement (I repeat,
once), so my sense of humor may not match yours.
Update - July 15, 2001
I have some things to tell you:
All the stupid criminals go to Oklahoma. A man serving a 12 year sentence for armed robbery recently escaped from an Oklahoma prison, stole a car, and drove a few hundred miles into Kansas before stopping at a gas station to call the authorities and ask them to come pick him up, because the idiot
was lost. Jesus, if the criminal element doesn't get any smarter, I'm going to have to become one just so I can say I'm the smartest person in my profession.
In case any of you play EverQuest, you should definately read this little
gem.
Just in case you never thought that the corrupt dictators of Communist countries weren't nice guys once you get to know them, then there's something you should know about China's
Chairman Mao. Not only did he run a fine restaurant, but he donated to charity, read to sick orphans once a week, and personally executed over 500 capitalist pigs bent on the destruction of the perfect Communist regime. Stalin would be proud.
That's it for this week kids. Tune in next time, same Kablam time, same Kablam place. Fuck, I'm an idiot.
Update - June 19, 2001
I've long felt that the only thing as cool as
emulation is
abandonware, so I felt it necessary to let you in on some of the
wonderful websites I've found in the course of my journies across the 'Net. Sadly, my emulating days are over for the moment, as my Sidewinder refuses to work 80% of the time, and I can't play Super Dodge Ball or Street Fighter 2 without it. I would go download some abandonware, but quite frankly I'm really tired right now, and don't feel like it.
You think I don't update enough? Sure, it's been nearly two weeks (again), but at least I've updated more than once in the past
year.
Update - June 6, 2001
OK, so it's been nearly two weeks since I last updated. Due to the fact that May I got less traffic than any month preceeding, I don't feel too bad about it.
Some time ago, I wrote a number of video game reviews (and I may even write more, if I ever get around to it) for
GameFAQs, which happens to be one of the baddest-ass websites around. Recently, I got an email from
Frank, who asked me if he could post my reviews on his
website. If the URL didn't tip you off, it's a German website devoted to FAQs, reviews, strategies, and such. I'm not exactly sure why Germans want to read what I wrote, but more Germans speak English than Americans speak German, so I guess it works out.
A final note: If anyone knows why a Microsoft Sidewinder which plugs into a fully functional USB port would spontaneously and inexplicably stop working, please
let me know. I've been forced to go without emulated SNES games for too long, I want my gamepad to function. So if you have any idea why it won't fucking work, tell me.
(Addendum: I've had a rather painful earache all week. I think it has something to do with the serious sinus infection I had six months ago, but I'm not a doctor, so what the hell do I know? Anyway, I was sitting in my chair, reading Something Awful, which is run by a real nice fellah who promptly responds to email queries, when my eay started bleeding. My goddamn ear was bleeding! And the really strange part was that it was the ear that isn't stopped up and painful. For some reason, blood started coming out of the ear that had no reason for blood to come out of it. Maybe the cottony softness of the Q-Tip I used ravaged my inner ear...or maybe I'm in a lot more trouble than I thought.)
