If Jared thought Todd was cold towards him in the doctor’s office, the ride home was down right subzero. Perhaps the fact that he was this time, securely buckled in his seat and Jared had taken his shoes hostage might have an influence on his mood. It had been real easy to get them from Todd, they were missiles at his head as Todd stormed in full-sock footed fury out to the Hummer.

The silence was no hardship, Jared wasn’t feeling real chatty himself, he just didn’t appreciate the hostility. He told himself that it had been a really lousy day for Todd. He tried to be understanding. Todd’s attitude towards him was making it difficult to remember why he should.

Casting a glance at the younger man who sat tightly hunched and miserable in the passenger seat. Taking a deep breath Jared offered an olive branch.

“Hungry? Feel like grabbing a bite to eat?”

“No.” Todd’s voice was so icy he expected to see frost form on the window. Still Jared tried.

“You haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

“So.”

“Todd, you need….”

“Dude! Layoff. Not hungry okay?”

Frowning darkly at the sullen kid. Todd could push a pacifist over the edge. Jared’s own temper began to heat up.

“Okay, but when we get home you're going to eat something.”

“Whatever.”

Gripping the steering wheel tightly to let the temptation to throttle Todd pass. 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1…deep breathe….nope, still there….10-9-8-7.

Todd knew Jared was getting upset with him, he really couldn’t help or control the mood, he had downshifted into his “I-don’t-give-a-shit” mode. He just stared out the window but not really seeing anything, feeling anything. He could not figure the tank out. Todd didn’t honestly know why Jared hadn’t just knocked the hell out of him, yet, others would have. Jared never really got pissed, not like that. He would have been in intensive care by now if he pushed Stan, like he did Jared. The few times Jared ever popped him and really that was only once, he had been out of control and it didn’t hurt…well it hurt…some, he admitted to himself. It hadn’t been like a beating but it was not fun, nothing was broken or bruised only his temper and pride.

Todd was so charged up in his thoughts that he couldn’t help flinching when Jared lifted his hand to adjust his sunglasses. Todd was just glad the tank didn’t see it.  His head began to ache with his deep thoughts.  Slouching as far as the seat belts would let him, Todd closed his eyes for what he thought were just a few seconds. 

Jared did notice the way Todd flinched and it tore at him. No one should live like this kid had.  He was aware that Todd had drifted off to sleep and began to relax himself and drove with care so as not to wake Todd as best as he could, not unlike someone who might drive with unstable explosives. The transformation of Todd’s features in slumber never ceased to astound Jared. Asleep, Todd’s normally cold expression was softened and made sweet and so adorably innocent. Though this time there was a slight puckering of his dark brows…a storm was brewing in there, even as he dozed.  Still amazed at the lack of facial hair. Just the finest of translucent peach fuzz could be seen along the jaw line. Todd was just one of those, depending on how one looked at it…lucky or unlucky ones that looked years younger than what they were. It was with great restraint that Jared kept himself from smoothing Todd’s frowning features. He had hopes that the short nap would cool down the hostility in Todd.

When Todd opened his eyes they were pulling into the garage. Jared’s hopes were dashed as soon as those brown eyes opened. Righteous indignation burned hot still. Todd was out of the Hummer and walking away before Jared could even roll to a stop. Todd’s ridged spine and his stride gave away his temper. Jared’s own temper stretched thinner.

“Straight upstairs, Ansley!” Jared called as Todd stepped into the private elevator. Jared was gifted with an ugly sneer and as the doors closed a one finger salute. Jared just shook his head tiredly, must be beer-thirty by now. Carrying the kid’s shoes he took the main elevator up.

The penthouse was dark, and quiet. For a brief moment Jared thought Todd was not in the house. Then the clack, clack of pool balls came to his ears. A peek into the game room and Jared found as usual, Todd with a pool que in hand attacking the defenseless balls with brutal but accurate precision. A half hour later Todd had a grilled cheese sandwich placed in front of him with a stern command to eat as well as a warning that Todd not push it any harder tonight.  Jared turned his back and headed out the door. Todd picked up the plate with every intention of tossing it at the broad, retreating back but that tight feeling in his gut changed his mind. His stomach growled and Todd gave in, so he settled for a dual birdie salute.

Later on, Todd lay on his bed, absent-mindedly flipping around his knife. The black and chrome butterfly knife, spun and twisted, following the supple and practiced movements of Todd’s wrist. Giving his mind focus as the blade flashed open and closed in wicked rhythm. Tonight the rhythm was no help in keeping troubling thoughts at bay. He whipped it closed with grand flourish and shoved it in his pant's pocket.

Todd began to pace restlessly in his room, like a caged tiger. He practically wore the wood floor’s finish off. Nothing blocked out his thoughts. Not the angry music blaring on the disk player, not the exercising till his arms gave out, or the self-inflicted pain of his lip that now bled a little. He even took a nap in hopes of escaping the torture of his thoughts and almost overwhelming need to bawl like a baby. He was about to burst with frustration; this day was the worst ever. He’d been bossed around since he opened his eyes this morning. Not exactly true but that was how he remembered it.  He had been down in the streets like some thief, again there was more to it, he just chose not to look too closely at that. Emotions boiled high and nearly over.
He was poked at, weighed, measured, jabbed with needles and prodded in the most humiliating way he’s ever known and to make that even more memorable, he sprouted wood during it.

Still if that was not horrible enough he totally spazzed, geeked out, freaked, lost control of himself over a couple shots. Naturally, Jared just had to humiliate him in front of the doctor. That voice in the back of his brain continued to get louder…telling him that was not exactly the case.  Unable to stand the memory or himself any longer Todd yanked on his old shoes, he never asked for the new ones back and stormed out of his room. He had to get out, get away from his thoughts; they stuck to him like a magnet. 
Jared was in the living room reading or rather staring at the same page for hours. His mind was only on the kid.  Todd was in the worst mood he’d ever seen the kid in. Todd had closeted himself in his room hours ago, more worried than he would even admit too Jared had peeked in and found Todd asleep with the disk player on full volume. How he could sleep with the angry music that battered the walls, he had no clue but he left Todd alone to it. He’d have to talk to Mouse about his choices of what Jared loosely termed as music. Returning to his study Jared tried to relax himself. Todd had not spoken a single word since they returned and the tension in the house was so thick a chainsaw would have problems cutting through it.  It had been a very long day for both of them and he was just trying to give Todd some breathing room to get past it, to work it out. He himself wanted some down time, to think over the things he and the doctor talked about. Jared was more than a little concerned about what the doctor said about Todd’s emotional health. He was in no way worried that the kid was some sort of psycho, only that Todd was hurting inside and poisoning himself with all the pain and anger so tightly compressed that it was starting to ooze through the cracks. Roy was right, Todd was starting to show some real strain and something had to give…but what would crack first? The ice wall or the kid inside.  

Jared didn’t know if he agreed with Roy on how to handle him.  For years specialists dealing with kids have said that to spank was damaging, especially for someone like Todd. However in the last several years that theory was beginning to fade. Since the first years of the black out, more and more parents and those same specialists were going back to the old school of thought…spare the rod was tossed out and the rod was re-introduced to a generation of very surprised children. Roy had spouted some statistics on the drop of juvenile crimes also due to the curfews and camps, and the drop in the use of meds for out-of-hand children. For many years meds for high-strung children were just unavailable to the distressed parents, so they had to revert to the age-old practice of a kick in the pants to get the hyper twerps’ attention. Swat heard round the world, news flash…it worked, in most cases a total success in some less so. Round and round Jared’s mind ran over all this information from Roy. For Jared, it wasn’t enough to worry about whether to punish Todd with all his baggage, now he had to worry over if it was a temper tantrum just that or some sort of anxiety attack. He was completely stunned when he asked what he should do if it was an attack of some sort and the doctor told him to just be calm, loving and talk to him, more important listen to him, basically treat him as he has been doing all along including spanking Todd if the need arose. Jared’s thoughts were interrupted by a crisp voice.

“Can I go down to the gym or is that off limits, too?”

Looking up. Todd was wearing his anger openly on that beautiful face, his eyes were red and he looked agitated. Jared was about to remind him about his attitude but a deeper voice chimed in.

“I’d say off limits with that mouth.”

Turning to glare at Deek. Todd lowered his voice but the tone was still sour. The man intimidated him but he was too wound up to pay heed to the warning bells in his head.

“I just need to know how long my fucking leash is.”

Deek thumped Todd hard in the chest  “Hey, boy, just because something is snapping in your gut, don’t mean you got the right to snap back or hurt feelings.”

The blood roaring in his ears drowned out the sirens of better judgment. An ugly sneer crossed Todd’s lips. “Riiiight, hold that thought. I’ll have to get back to you on that one…. I’m outta here.” 

Todd shoved past Deek, who reached out and pinned him to the wall. “Listen you little punk…”

“Deek, let him go.”

“WHAT?”

“Let…him…go.”

Todd didn’t wait for Deek to let him go, he pried off the hand holding him and took off…at a run. Deek shot Jared a disgusted look as Todd shot into the elevator.

“I thought you said that boy was just shy? I didn’t know you meant shy of brains.”

Jared ignored his glowering friend and just studied his watch. Seconds ticked by into minutes. Jared picked up the phone.

"Hey, this is Jared, where did the private elevator stop, main floor or garage?…garage…<sigh> no, no problem, thanks.”

Jared hung up the phone with some force. The look on his fair features was a dark one. “If you will excuse me, Deacon, I have a kid to throttle.”

Nodding in admiration, Deek grinned. “Sneaky bastard. You gave that little shit just enough rope to hang himself. Color me impressed…about time you opened that can of whup ass.” 

Jared just graced Deek with a sneer of his own and left the room. Deek left the penthouse with Jared and got off on the main floor to go take a walk. He really felt for his friend. Todd was turning out to be a real handful.

Stopping by the guard's station he greeted Herb and offered to take this hours night rounds outside.  It was a night like he liked…cool and even a little foggy out as the warmth from the ground fought off the nights chilly breath.

Knowing he was really pushing his luck only intensified Todd’s anxiety. He tried to rationalize his defiance as being justified in that he was an adult and would go where he pleased, when he pleased. His inner voice screamed at him to go back upstairs. His anger tuned it out.  He was scaring himself with the way he was feeling. Normally he felt disconnected or very little but right now he was feeling too much. Waves of what he could only recognize as anger, fear, and others that he couldn’t grasp, crashed over and through him. He was nearly sick from the power of the battle over his emotions. He felt like he was flying apart.

“Todd! You just bought yourself a world of trouble.”

Todd nearly jumped out of his sneakers, he could hear very angry tank sized man stepping around the corner headed for his shop. He felt a moments panic before his own anger awakened a false sense of bravery; Todd didn’t take in the dangerous glint to the green eyes.

“!!Fuck you and fuck your fuckin’ rules!!”

Jared stalked towards Todd his intent plainly visible on his stern features…Todd reared back and took a defensive stance that halted Jared in the doorway of the shop. Green eyes just stared at Todd while he exploded in a tirade worthy of any vulgar sailor.  Finally spent of any wind and having used up all his vast vocabulary of colorful combinations of prophane phrases including what few languages he knew, Todd faced Jared in challenge and waited for the tank to explode. Jared had said not one word or made a single move or effort to stop him. He was just leaning against the shop doorway with arms and ankles crossed in an unnerving relaxed manner. He looked every inch the human tank Todd branded him as. Blonde eyebrows rose over placid green eyes.

“Done? Is it my turn now?”

Jared asked mildly, he had come down here fully expecting to do what he told Deek he was going to. To throttle the kid.  Todd’s state of mind, changed his own. The kid was at his ropes end. Not that it was okay now or ever to be cussed at but this was more than Todd’s normal foul temper. Todd braced himself for Jared’s anger and what was sure to follow.

“I’ll take your silence as a yes.” Jared walked up close to Todd and the flinch the boy made was not over looked or ignored this time.

“Todd, the only part of your body that is ever in any danger is your little ass. It won’t come as a surprise, you’ll know when …okay?”

 Lifting the chin to the clenched jaw, Jared looked deep into the dark eyes, twin oceans of unshed tears.

“It’s been a hell of a day huh, Todd? I am sorry.”

Todd was as much taken by surprise by the husky, softness of Jared’s voice as he was by the compassion he could read in the older man’s eyes. Unable to deal with that, Todd tried to run past Jared before his emotions slipped completely beyond his control. An iron hand grappled his arm and Jared jerked him up face-to-face.  Todd couldn’t stand the softness he read as pity.

“Get off, dude!”

Todd felt panic rise in him…he was about to just crack apart right there in Jared’s arms. He struggled and thrashed in Jared’s arms but Todd was held firm. Unable to jerk free he buried his face in Jared’s shirt to hide from the soft green eyes as firm arms held him.

“*Sigh*…Aw Todd… I’m so sorry. It’s over now…we are all done with doctors now okay?…I’m sorry it was so…so…rough today.”

It was too much…the whole day had been too much, Jared’s tender words of comfort were more than he could handle, they touched that spot inside that he spent so much time shielding. A few moments later he was pulled back and a firm hand again lifted his chin. Jared’s eyes narrowed as they studied his face.

“Aw, baby, look what you do to yourself.”

A rough thumb smoothed over his lower lip, raw and swollen from where he’s brutalized it earlier with his picking. Jared looked over the boy's face. He looked so drawn and pale. Todd’s features seemed to waver back and forth between anger, pain and some other nameless expression, like one makes just before they burst into tears. His eyes glared flame even as tears welled up, spilling over and his chin trembled. 

As if it were an act of desperation, a last resort, Todd latched on to Jared and with his free, surprisingly strong arm and pulled Jared’s stunned face down to his and locked his lips firmly to Jared’s, ignoring the sting from his sore lip. Todd’s kiss could only be described as desperate. His tongue pried through Jared’s lips, opened in surprise. It darted in and out leaving no part of Jared’s mouth or unscathed in its frantic attack. The kiss incited Jared’s own response. He tasted and prodded Todd’ mouth in return. Small sounds of frustration came from Todd as he failed to ignite stronger response in the tank. Jared could taste the salty tears and that in conjunction with Todd’s desperation nearly toppled him over the edge. It took Jared several moments to snap out of the fog Todd’s reckless kiss was filling his brain with and a few more to force himself to break, reluctantly free of the embrace.
"No…no Todd…stop.”

Jared pulled him back but kept a firm grip on the tattooed arms. The eyes that looked up at him were dark, full of pain and hate. He could almost hear the recriminations that Todd was no doubt blasting himself with. He gave Todd a rough shake.

“I swear it, Todd, I will put you over my knee right here, right now if you dare believe whatever it is that ‘s going on behind those eyes," Jared said, tapping Todd’s temple painfully.

“You got it all wrong in there. If I’m rejecting anything, it’s only your timing. I won’t do this, Todd…not now…not here and not like this. You don’t want this, not for the right reasons anyway. You’d just be hiding behind sex. That’s your M.O. isn’t it, Todd? You feel something you don’t like or something you won’t deal with, you run, you hide behind something else, don’t ya kid?”

Todd snorted at him.

“Kid? I’m so fucking tired of hearing that crap.”

Jared shook his head sadly. Todd just proved his point. By hiding behind his anger and not dealing with this situation.
“Too bad. ‘Cause you're going to hear it a lot. Whether or not you feel like one, you're still a child…okay, maybe not a child. Certainly still a boy. Hey, if you want to see this place as a prison, fine, go ahead then. If you think you’re such an adult, a man, do your time like one and maybe you’ll be treated like one. Your choice, Ansley.  Now would be a good time to start. ‘Cause if you give me just one more bit of trouble in the next 24 hours you will not sit comfortably for days…get me?”

Todd jerked free.  “It’s my life. Mine! I’ll do with it what I want…how I want.”

Jared just calmly shook his head as Todd leaned against the cement wall. “No Todd, it’s not and you can’t.”

“Arrrrrghha!" Todd bellowed his frustrations as he doubled over holding his head like he was keeping it from exploding.

He watched Todd fight for control over his emotions, it looked painful.

“Ansley…Todd, whatever it is that you are keeping locked up inside yourself, it won’t just go away. You can’t just pretend it doesn’t exist.”

As if by magic Todd stood up straight with no sign of tears or emotion on his face…just that cold icy blank expression.
“Yeah…I can…just…just you watch.”

“Wrong. Because it’s always there, inside…eating at you, following you. I won’t let you live like that…not anymore. You’re going to have to face this head on, look it dead in the eye and deal.”

“Bullshit!!!”

The ice crumbled under Todd’s exploding temper. Todd stormed out of the shop, brushing past Herb the senior security guard like he was unseen or noticed at all..

“Where the hell do you think your going, Ansley?”

Jared hollered after him. Not bothering stop, Todd answered hotly over his shoulder.  “Looks like I’m going fuck’n nowhere.”

Jared pinched his nose between the eyes. “That went well, Jared,” he grumbled to himself.

Herb ruefully shook his gray head at Todd’s retreating back. “I would not relive those teenage years for anything.”
He gave Jared a sympathic smile.

“Sorry to interrupt. I walked Linda down to her car and heard voices.”

Jared just nodded automatically.  “He’s a prickly one that Todd but he don’t strike me as a bad kid, Jared.”

Leaning against Todd’s worktable, Jared gave Herb a tired grin. “No, Herbie, he’s not. Todd’s actually a pretty decent kid under all that tough guy bullshit.”

Todd waited for the elevator to return to the garage level, he was about to give up and take the stairs when the garage gate lifted and a car drove by. Inspiration, instinct, or insanity struck for the second time that day. Todd bolted for the lowering gate. Completely unseen by Jared and Herb who chatted amiably oblivious to Todd’s escape…narrow escape, as he almost didn’t make it under as the metal gate slammed into its locks.

Deek was making his final trip around the building. He saw someone standing in the shadows in there in the hedges that hugged the buildings garage entrance.

“Hey! Who’s that?”  The shadow broke from the brush, and was sprinting for the perimeter fence like the building was on fire.

“Hey!!! Stop!!!!”

Todd hunched down in the hedges as the large metal gate locked into place. His heart was beating so hard in his chest he thought ribs would break. He was out…almost free. Why didn’t that feel good? Tears were flowing out of nowhere. He tried to tell himself that the tears streaking down his cheeks were about leaving his beloved bike behind…there was some real pain and tears for that but mostly the tears came from the pain of something else…something….He was hit with the powerful realization that he didn’t really want to leave…but he couldn’t stay either. He’d broken his own cardinal rule…he began to care. He almost decided to go back in and face Jared who must know by now he was gone. His pride and a gut full of fear went toe to toe with that nagging voice in his head. It was winning too.  A voice startled him out of his thoughts…instinct took over and he bolted like a frightened rabbit.

“Hey!!! Stop!!!”

The man behind him was gaining on him fast… the grass was wet a slippery under his feet, he was about to get caught. Torn between panic and an odd sense of relief, Todd just did what did best…kept running.

Deek ran after in hot pursuit. He had no chance of catching the intruder. Whoever he was he was jackrabbit fast and would be up and over the fence in minutes. Deek called out a final warning as he lifted his stunner. A pistol shaped tazer, which fired a ball of highly charged electricity to incapacitate with no real harm.

Todd turned once to look back, it was Deek behind him…what he saw he couldn’t believe. Deek was only yards away pointing a gun at him.  He was unable to do more than take a breath to cry out, the gun went off and a bright neon blue…something…slammed into his chest, not hard, not even really painful but it stuck to him like glue. Before he had a chance to examine it closer, the blue ball exploded. Todd’s body collapsed and he was only briefly aware of jerking in jaw locking spasms, before everything when dark.

Deek ran over to the twitching figure on the ground.  “Aw, hell!”

Cussing loudly as he swatted the still charged ball off of Todd, ignoring the bite it gave him.  He quickly checked the unconscious boy for any injuries. Normally the tazer didn’t knock out the target. There were no lumps under the think hair and the pulse was strong. Satisfied that he was only temporarily out, Deek lifted Todd’s slight form like a rag doll over his shoulder and headed back to the building. Walking by the guard’s station, Deek told Herb to call the penthouse.

The phone rang just as Jared stepped off the elevator. He was in a better mood after the gab session with Herb. Jared was surprised to hear Herb's voice and stunned all the more for the calls reason.

“Jared, still there?”

“Yeah, Herb, I’m here.”

Herb could hear the tired exasperation in his boss’ voice. 

“Deek’s on his way up. You gonna be all right?”

“I’ll be fine. The kid? Well that’s another matter. (click)”

Hanging up the phone, Herb, almost against his will, felt sorry for the young man. It was going to be a very long night for the men upstairs.

Deek looked at their reflection in the mirrored ceiling of the elevator. Remembering the last time he had Todd over his shoulder. The night he and Jared found him in the zone.

“Seems we’ve done this before…huh, kid.”

Jared was waiting for him when the doors opened wearing a very tight expression.

“Loose something, girlfriend?”

“Not funny.”

Jared’s face changed from anger to concern over Todd’s limp form as he led the way to the study.

“What happened?”

“I tazed him,” Deek said dryly as he deposited his cargo on the couch.

“!!What?!!”

“Hey, I didn’t know it was the kid. Man all I saw was someone hightailing it for the fence. I yelled out a warning…but well….”

Jared nodded stiffly. “Yeah, I get the picture.  He’s out cold Deek…what setting was that damn thing on?”

Deek shot Jared his best “you’re an idiot” look. “Man this ain’t Star Trek. There is only the one knock your ass to the ground setting.”

Jared began to look over Todd.     “Shouldn’t he be awake by now?”

Deek nodded with mild concern. “In my opinion we got it easy here. That stupid bail jumper I tazed last week, he crapped his pants…not a pretty sight. And I don’t mind tellin’ ya, I like him better this way.” 

“Deek!”

All Jared got was a dramatic sigh from his friend, as he continued to fuss over Todd’s unconscious body. Jared cussed out in loud surprise as water was splashed into Todd’s face getting them both wet.

“What the hell!” Todd coughed weakly and his eyes fluttered.

“Oh look! He’s awake," Deek said with feigned surprise. Jared tossed him his best “you must die” look and turned his attention to Todd who was slowly stirring.

Pain reverberated in Todd’s brain, his moan echoed in his ears like the worst hangover and he only had one to judge that on.  He opened his eyes slowly, one at a time.  Todd found himself looking up into Jared’s face. The expression there was very very unpleasant. Todd closed his eyes again and willed, prayed for the darkness to return. It did not.

“Ansley, can you hear me?”

There was a quality to the rough voice. Resembling worry. Todd nodded his head. Instantly regretting that small movement.
“Good. Everything working? Can you feel anything?”

That was Deek’s voice. Confused Todd risked opening his eyes again; he was able to move his arms and legs…barely. Every limb tingled and not in a good way. With great effort he was able to move into a semi-slouch position.

“Wha…what happened? Shit… my fuckin’ head…”

Reassured that Todd was only suffering mildly from the tazer's effects. Jared temper rekindled to full boil. Todd was roughly
jerked to his unsteady feet. Jared’s large hand connected very forcefully to his bottom.

“Ow! Shit!”
“Just seeing if the feeling is coming back.”

Todd glared hotly at Jared.  “Yeah it’s back…happy?”

“No. Not just yet,” Jared said ominously.

Deek chose this moment to depart.     “ Well, I see you have things in hand. Nighty night.”

Pointing a finger at Todd brooding face Jared ordered him to stay put.   “Do not move.  Deek, I’ll walk you out…I need to cool off," Jared said shooting Todd a meaningful look. Todd was not really aware of the jeopardy he was in, he was sorta groggy. All he was focusing on was the tingling pain that ran across his entire body and the sting from the swats. Jared’s return to the study got Todd’s full, wide-awake attention. The tank was bent.



On to Part Nineteen of Y2K12  

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