Deek eyed his friend as they walked out to the elevator. Jared was already cooling down…he never did stay really angry long, Deek admired that in Jared, among other things. Now was not the time for admiration but action. He placed a hand on Jared’s arm, halting him.

“I took the liberty when I got the water.”

In Deek’s large meaty hand was a wooden bath brush…just a little larger than a normal hairbrush.  Jared’s eyes snapped up into black serious ones. He reached out and took the brush, sticking it in the back waist of his jeans.

“The water I didn’t appreciate…this I do… but I have other plans," Jared said patting his belt. Deek slapped him on the shoulder with a grim nod and stepped into the elevator. 

“He has it coming, Jared…in spades and way past due, brother.”

Deek’s dark face was serious and sympathetic.  Jared’s equally grim.

He returned to the study to find Todd still standing where he left him. Brown eyes glared accusingly at him.
“You just have to push the limits, don’t you? What happened to keeping out of trouble for 24 hours? Am I mistaken or was that the fastest damn 24 hours? Remember when I said it wouldn’t come as a surprise that you’ll know when?“

Jared didn’t wait for a response he strode heavily towards Todd.  Jared’s expression intensely stern and his intentions clear as he unbuckled his belt.

“It’s when.”

Todd felt panic rip through him but he managed to force himself to stand still. He pushed his fisted hands in his pant's pocket to hide the shaking as Jared reached for him, waiting for it to happen. Todd felt the cold metal of his forgotten knife. Time, space, thought went all weird. It was as if someone snapped a flashbulb in his eyes…something exploded inside his brain, when Todd could see again, he was holding the knife out and Jared was frozen in place just inches away.  There was a blank hole in Todd’s memory…he had no recollection of pulling out the knife…just feeling it in his pocket and this moment. There was just nothing in between…he was terrified, he was holding a knife on the tank.

Jared stood perfectly still, not believing what just happened. When he advanced on Todd, the kid just stood there for a second, flinching like he was expecting to be hit. Just as Jared reached for him, Todd’s hand came up out of his pocket with a knife. It spun and flashed in Todd’s hand with amazing speed and accuracy narrowly missing his hand. Todd waved it in warning and Jared froze in his tracks, eyes glued to the knife. It was a butterfly styled knife, he had no clue Todd even owned one and Todd certainly knew how to operate it. Jared stood calm and not moving, Todd was totally out of control here, his face twisted in rage but his brown eyes reflected only wild desperation. Todd’s voice trembled and his hand was none to steady. 

“Ya…you are go…going to let me out of here, Jared…I fucking mean it. Just let me ride out.”

Taking a long look at the boy holding the knife just inches from his chest, Jared’s eyes narrowed. Todd was afraid. Afraid of whom, Jared or himself was unclear. If Todd were smart it would be Jared he feared. 

Slowly, deliberately, Jared stood straight and crossed his arms it was a deceivingly calm posture. He was ready to move and could still protect himself if he needed to. He spoke with a firm, level voice.

“Buddy, that won’t happen. What is going to happen is that you are going to give me that knife.”

Jared sounded so positive it rattled Todd. He shook his head, uncertain what to do now. Todd slowly backed away from and around Jared. Inching his way to the study door, Jared shadowed him. 

“No…stop! You’re gonna let me go. This ain’t working out…”

Jared risked a step forward. The knife bobbled a little. Todd’s voice gave his fear away.

“Where you going to run to? Back to the zone, the street or some other town? That’s a dead end, Todd. Don’t you see a pattern here, kid?  The only reason this isn’t working out for you is because you won’t let it.”

Todd scowled and tired to make his voice sound more authoritative and jabbed the knife at Jared.  “Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Now… now you let me go.”

The large man just dropped his hands down from his chest and shook his head almost sadly as he took another step forward. His eyes soft but his voice was firm as steel, the contradiction sent shivers of warning down Todd’s spine.

“Nope. Not going to happen on my watch, Ansley.”

Todd frowned in frustration. He had the weapon, the upper hand and that should mean he called the shots, he should be in control. Jared took another step forward. This time Todd flinched and took a step backward.

“Running scared…again?”

“I’m not…running…not scared.”

“Yeah, Todd. You are running, you have that move perfected and you are definitely scared. Kid, you're scared. You're full to the brim with fear, you're scared to admit you're scared, scared of being alone but your more scared of being cared for, and terrified that you just might care back. That’s it isn’t it, Todd? I think this is working out and it’s scaring the hell out of you.” 

His deep voice and soft green eyes worked together to keep Todd off balance. Todd’s reaction to the question was a look of pained confusion. Jared continued with confidence he had Todd now, he just needed to get the knife from him. Todd, aren’t you tired of running yet? of being alone and scared all the time?

Anger flashed weakly in Todd. "I…I told you I am not fuckin’ scared. I’m …I’m just...”

Jared watched as Todd's confidence began to crumble. “Has it really been so bad, Todd? Hot showers whenever you need or want. All the food you can eat…that is if you would just eat. Someone to take care of all the day to day living crap…no having to worry about being robbed or mugged or where you're going to sleep that night, being able to live and not just survive. You got to admit that bed has to be the best one in years kiddo, beats the flea-infested nest I found you in. You have a building of people you can trust and actually care about you, not what you got on you.”

Sweat began to bead on Todd’s lip and forehead. Todd’s eyes lost their wild look and his anger deteriorated. His hand shook as it pointed the knife at the larger man. Jared took another step forward adding pressure.

“C’mon, Todd, you don’t want to do this. You have got to be tired of all this running."

He was. So damned tired of it. Of fighting, hiding and running. Jared saw the knife dip down a little, that was all he needed. He could easily take the blade now but he wanted Todd to make the decision and he was so close.

“Todd, you're going to have to use that knife to get out of here…so either get on with it or hand it to me.”

Todd blinked and swallowed hard. Cut Jared…could he do that?   “I…I will… I know how….I’ll use it, Jared.”

Eyes green narrowed to emerald slivers. A dark look that caused gooseflesh to rise on Todd’s arms crossed Jared’s face.

“You're welcome to try,"  Jared said with unpleasant confidence as he took another step closer…he was right up against the point of the knife in Todd’s hand. Todd’s tongue darted out to moisten lips that were sandpaper dry. Jared raised his hand out for the knife, his eyes never leaving Todd’s.

“What’s it going to be.”? Todd’s eyes shifted from the knife back to Jared. There was no longer any anger in those dark orbs. Any threat to Jared was gone. Todd was now fighting himself. Jared spoke a firm demand.

“Ansley, give me the knife.”

The deep voice was low but the tone was all business. Little tremors ran down Todd’s spine and his heart thudded so hard it hurt. A warm heat filled Todd’s body and numbed his brain…he felt himself begin to zone out.

“Did you hear me?”

Jared watched Todd’s eyes lower to the butterfly knife he was holding. Todd looked at it like he had never seen it before. It was all over, Todd knew it too, and he just needed to stop fighting it. It took a couple seconds for Jared to force his tone to stay firm when his heart was softening against the utterly lost expression on that pretty face. Brown eyes seemed to almost glaze over as Todd stared at the knife. 

“Don’t make me take if from you, kid.”

Tortured eyes flickered up to meet his, Jared battled to keep up the authoritarian posture and tone as those dark pools of pain nearly drowned out any sternness he had left. What was this kid doing to himself? One more warning and he would just have to take it away from Todd. He was surprised that he was able to scrape enough displeasure to speak harshly, that his frustration and growing inpatience reflected sharply in his tone. 

“Todd…give…me…the…knife…NOW”

The threat registered Todd’s numb brain. His hand was shaking badly, almost palsy like. He’s actually shaking all over. He could hardly believe what had just happened, Todd was so confused to the point of feeling ill. Robotically, with the flourish of a trained wrist, Todd closed the knife. Trembling fingers, cold as ice, touched Jared’s outstretched palm, Todd let go of the slender knife and a great deal of control. Jared took a deep breath of relieve. His breathing had all but stopped minutes ago.
Closing his slender arms tightly around himself, Todd backed away up against the study’s wood paneled wall and slid to sit on his heels. About to be completely overwhelmed by emotions he buried his face in his hands and battled to get it together. Jared watched him literally fight himself and suffer for it. Todd was so desolate and lost that Jared really didn’t want to have to get after him but to hold him and make it all right. Taking a deep steadying breath, he knew there was no way he could overlook this…not a weapon. Todd had really crossed a dangerous line this time. Jared could not let this go, no matter how much he wished otherwise.

“Oh no, little man…we aren’t done yet.”

The only way to make it right was to let Todd know there were consequences for his actions…hard ones at times. Bending down Jared picked up the belt he dropped. He firmly grasped Todd under the arms and pulled him to his feet into a brief but no less tender hug. There was no response at all.  Jared then tugged Todd along over to the over stuffed couch. In one movement he was seated with Todd face down, bottom up across his lap. Todd so far had not put up any struggle at all.  Comfortable with that, Jared doubled over the thick belt.

“That was incredibly dangerous, Ansley.”

*Incredibly stupid* was what echoed in Todd’s misery fogged mind.

“You could have been hurt…” Todd heard little of the lecture.  The lack of the normal “what about me’s or the obscenities and name calling were not lost on Todd. He did hear the firm displeasure in the Tank's deep voice as he chewed Todd out for his reckless endangerment of …himself?  Todd had no time to digest that.

With no warning Jared slapped the belt sharply against the boys denim covered bottom, making Todd jump. Todd was determined this time to just take it, to get it over with. The belt fell a few more times and the only other response was the fisting of his hands together and a couple stifled grunts, Todd was utterly stoic. Jared slightly increased the strength and speed of the swats. Todd rolled his hips and jumped at the impact. It hurt…it hurt a lot, but there has been worse. 

Jared could hear Todd’s ragged breathing but that was all. Jared knew he was in for a real battle. Todd was maintaining the facade. This would be a long campaign. What Jared didn’t know was that Todd was fighting internally so hard that in his resistance; he had bitten his lip hard enough it was bleeding. He was concentrating on that pain more as well as maintaing his inner stronghold.  The first couple slaps stung but not to bad. It was those that followed that began to get to Todd and there was no finding a place to hide or block out the heat.

Jared brought the belt down a few more times against Todd’s seat. He was angry with himself for being such a wimp, the sting had built up to a heat he could not ignore, and it was more than Todd could blow off or shut out. He gulped in great gasps of air, and tried to get up.

“Ow!!!…okay …okay, Jared, enough! We’re done.” Todd said angrily…as if they had been playing some game and he no longer wished to pay. Jared continued to lay on the belt.

“Nope…not yet.”

“Arrrrrrrhaahh!…Stopit!…Jared…don’t!…Ouch…fucker…stop!” Todd shouted in anger. Todd began to really put up a fight.
 He squirmed and wiggled on the large lap but Jared held him firmly in place. The floor blurred as the sting of the belt made his eyes tear up. 

“Noooo!… Stopitstopitstopit!…Jaaaaaaared…don’t!…arrgah…c’mon enough…ah fucker!…stop!”

Jared did stop and ran his hand over Todd’s bottom. Amazing heat radiated up through the jean, clad bottom. Todd shivered a little; instinct told him this was going to be different. There was a silent but serious tension from the Tank. Jared knew he hadn’t belted Todd like he should have. With a deep breath, Jared toughened his resolve.

“Stop? Ansley, I haven’t even begun.” Jared began to smack Todd's bottom again harder this time. Todd reared up on his arms and tried to get on his feet. 

“Ow!…sonofabitch!…stopit!…fucker…I said stop…ahhh…quit it…ouch!”

Jared held him firmly down. Todd was beginning to panic and lose his temper.

“Owwww…hmmpha….cutitout…damnit…ahhgrha… Jared stop!!!”

Jared didn’t stop he kept on belting Todd’s upturned bottom. “You will never turn a weapon on anyone ever again! You will never turn a weapon on those who care about you, or those you care about!”

He was helpless to break free from Jared’s hold.    “Care? What the fuck? I don’t care about anyone!”

“Uh huh…riiiight. We both know you weren’t really going to use that knife. You had several chances to cut me and you didn’t. Now why do you suppose that is?"

“FUCK YOU!”

He just wasn’t getting through to the boy…yet.
Todd yelped and bucked as the belt snapped three more times each harder than the last. Tears of anger burned his eyes, yet he was able to maintain composure to some degree.

“Did you really want to hurt me, Todd?”

Words spoken so soft and tender it was terrible how they lanced through Todd’s chest like a knife…like the one he held against Jared only moments ago.  The answer was on his lips…he mashed them together and locked his jaw.

All the answer Jared got was angry silence. Roughly he readjusted Todd on his lap. He asked him again more firmly and gave him a particularly sharp swat.    “Answer me, Todd.”

Getting jostled abruptly like that shook Todd up. For a spit second, the truth was startled out of him and slipped past the gates of anger. He shook his head no; he didn’t want to hurt Jared. That earned him another smarting slap on the butt.

“I couldn’t hear that, Todd. Did you want to hurt me?”

“No!”

Todd’s defensive ice wall sustained a huge crack with that small admission. Jared didn’t give him a chance to take it back or say anything to cover that truth.  “You panicked and made a really BIG mistake, one you will NEVER repeat EVER.  SNAP SNAP SNAP!…you will never turn a weapon on those who care about you, or those you care about!…SNAP SNAP SNAP! You will never turn a weapon on those who care about you, or those you care about!…SNAP SNAP SNAP!”
Jared and the belt repeated that like a litany.

“Ahhh!…Jared…Okayokayokay!…nugh ….stop…shit that hurts!…knockitooooooooooffffffah!”

“Now repeat that for me.”

“NO! I ain’t gonna so you can just go fu…OWWWWWAH!”

There was no way that Todd was about to do that. That would mean he was admitting defeat, speaking it out loud would be an altogether more dangerous admission. …………That he did care. Todd, still far from giving in, just continued to struggle and cuss at Jared earning more leather kisses.    

“Arrrgha!…knockitoff asshole…that fuckin’ hurts…Owww! Lemego!”

At a stalemate and unwilling to strike Todd any harder, Jared just didn’t have the heart to deliver what he knew he would have received as a boy or what Todd deserved. 

“It’s meant to hurt…and it’s about to hurt a lot more.”

Jared was not about to stop just yet.  Jared gripped Todd tightly and reached underneath Todd’s belly and began to unzip Todd’s jeans. Todd fought Jared in panic, small noises of desperation, like a cross between words, whimpers, grunts and growls escaped Todd in his struggle to keep his jeans on. Todd’s thrashing around only aided Jared.  He was skinned of the jeans in a frightening short time and placed back over the Tank's lap. His white, cotton briefs, stood out against the bright pink bottom.

“Last chance. Let's hear it.”

The boy was not yet willing to retreat from the battlefield. Jared raised the belt and stalled his arm. Jared was just not willing to leather the boy's bare backside regardless of how deserving.  Already a few angry thin red lines were peaking from under the boy's briefs. Jared just couldn’t add more marks to Todd’s young flesh. Jared set the belt down, raised his hand to continue, probably in vein. Something dug into his low back he reached around behind.  He pulled out the offensive discomfort. The wooden brush Deek had given him. Jared had no reservations about using this.

“Todd…what’s the rule?”

“Fuck you!!”

Looking down on the stubborn, angry, young man as he struggled wildly on Jared’s lap, with no further thought, Jared brought the brush down on Todd’s rear. It sounded like a rifle shot, it’s impact echoed off the wood paneled walls.  He got major reaction from the boy this time. Todd’s spine when rigid and his legs kicked out straight, lifting Jared’s with them.

“Motherfucaaahhhhoowwwwahhhh!”

Todd craned his head around and saw Jared’s hand lift and in it was a brush of some sort. His eye’s widened…that had stung….bad. He had no jeans to buffer his butt this time. He bellowed in outrage as the brush collided against his left cheek…pain took root and blossomed. Seconds later the right cheek felt another smack of the brush.  

“NOOOO!…SHIT!! Jared don’t man!!!”

Jared ignored his cries. His firm voice only repeated over and over the demand for Todd to repeat the rule. The brush smacked his ass with stinging force. From top to bottom and a few blows aimed at the junction of buttocks and thighs driving home the lesson by punctuating each word with a powerful swat. Todd’s right hand shot back to cover his butt. Jared just grabbed his right arm and pinned it in the small of his back, right on top of the tattoo Todd had below the small of his back. Todd bucked and fought liked a crazy man.

“FUCK!!!!AHH!!!NOOOO!!…Jared stahhhpha…ahhh shit stop!. Okayokayokayokay…please…ohshit…that fucking hurts!”
A couple vicious swats to his tender thighs really got him kicking.  Long muscular legs stilled Todd’s kicking ones, never missed a beat.

“I’ve warned you against that mouth of yours, Ansley.  If I have to get the soap you’ll be farting bubbles for a week. Now one last time before I really start spanking hard…

Was that some sick joke? Start to spank hard?!

“…say it, Todd.”

Todd was not going to win, it hurt too badly. There was no eluding this…this punishment. No withdrawal to secret mental corners. The sting of the bush drug him back to the here and now each time he drifted.  He had little choice at this point. He choked out the words, hating himself with each one.

“Ooww…I will…ouch!…<choke>…no…shit!…nev…never…turn a …shit!…weapon on those…those…that…that…<choke>”

Hesitation cost his poor bottom some very painful assistance. “That care about you…CRACK CRACK…it’s not so hard to say. CRACK CRACK… now repeat it…CRACK CRACK CRACK.”

The hard wood bit into his ass over and over. Each time harder than the last.

“!!!Iwillneverturnaweapononthosewhocareaboutme!!!” Todd yelled it out in one long pain filled word. His voice thick with rage. His anger very much intact but it didn’t stop or slow Jared’s arm, Todd still had yet to finish the verse. 

“And? There’s more, Todd.”

A couple well-aimed shots to the under curve of Todd’s wiggling bottom, freed the words.     “And those I….I….I care about!!!!(choke)”

Another large crack in that icy fortress. Jared was a battering ram that devastated those walls.  Todd was little match for Jared’s iron will. It was anger and panic that clogged Todd’s throat as the words were strained through clenched teeth.

“Just stop, Jared…let me up…I said it alright…. I’m sorry…happy?”

“Do you think I’m sorry is good enough for pulling a knife?”

Todd craned his head around, his voice horse with the anger and tears he fought against but his eyes betrayed him. Jared gave him a few lighter swats to hurry along an answer. “No…no, sir!  Jared…oww… would you fu…just stop…I said I’m sorry now just let me the fuc..me up.”

Jared stopped. Todd was saying the right words but with the wrong attitude. He spoke slowly to Todd, like he was explaining to a small child. Jared was getting upset himself. Todd was so stubborn.

“You say you're sorry and you might be. But your tone and attitude tell me otherwise. I have a few more points to make, then we’ll see about being sorry. Now we have taken care of weapon use…. let's deal with the rest of today’s little tantrums.”

The hard hand resumed its work. Emotional walls, a lifetime spent building began to feel a real threat to their strength

 “No!…listen…Jared!….Ahh shit!…oww!”

Todd’s voice rang in outrage off the walls.

“You willfully disobeyed me and ran off down here…SWAT. In fact you lied…SWAT SWAT SWAT.”

“Owww Jared…listentomeeeeeeee….Okay…stop.”

Jared’s hand stopped again. His firm voice, calm and so soft it sent hot chills down Todd’s spine.

“Listen to what, Todd…are you going to tell me you didn’t lie…that you didn’t blow me off? “

Todd couldn’t …he shook his head miserably.

“I warned you about the next time you ran off, just this morning didn’t I?

Todd remembered very clearly he nodded yes. This was looking bad.

“Todd you got lucky both times today…you could have been hit by a car this morning…. that garage gate weighs tons, it could have killed you or at the very least crushed an arm or leg if you had got stuck. I will never let you get away with chances like that…not with taking risks with your life.  So there is nothing to listen to other than this brush smacking your ass.”

Jared did just that he began to spank again and hard.

"No more running, Todd. I told you, that’s over with…done. We talk it out. You don’t run…you don’t lie…like telling me your going to the gym and then sneaking off to the garage. I will not put up with that crap any longer. I will not be disrespected, disobeyed and above all I will not be lied to, Todd. If you do, you can expect to get spanked. The rules are, for your clarification, respect, and obedience and no, I don’t mean blind obedience like some pet. Communication and honesty.”
The brush punctuated his statements painfully.

“Okay…okay! Stop…damit…I’m sorry…stop it!”

Todd jerked and bucked as Jared slapped his butt over and over. He took a couple large, deep, ragged breaths. The hold on his emotions, was tentative at best and the control over them was costing him greatly. Jared could feel it as Todd squirmed over his lap. The trembling chest tight. The muscles rigid as they fought against the storm of emotions battering inside.

“This is just how it is, Todd. So you better get used to it.” 

Jared went on to address more of Todd’s recent behavior…using the brush as to point out the more serious transgressions.
He was close to loosing it all. Todd could feel it grow. A huge pressure began to build deep in his chest. He couldn’t help squirm and kick. His feet were hampered by the jeans down around his ankles. Emotions became blurred and jumbled. Sweat popped out on his forehead and ran down his neck and back. Jared was really spanking hard. It hurt so bad…but not like being beaten. Beatings were unemotional, cold, and brutal.  Something he could fight, something he had defenses for. That was a primal sort of pain. It invoked self-preservation.

This…this was more frightening than any beating. It invoked only the urge to…to…crumble and bawl his head off. This was emotional, personal…intimate. He had no defenses against this. Todd was trapped, unable to fight it. Forced to deal with it and worse of all “feel” it.  The brush in Jared’s hand was searing his butt. He was tightly held, pinned but not painfully or crushed. Anxiety began to grow. Todd needed to do something. A beating would be better…he could take that…not loose his control.  It was getting too hard to fight. The knot of pressure was growing painful he would not be able to take much more.

To Jared it was sheer stupidity. For Todd is was his last desperate act of self preservation, a last stand to defend his icy mental fortress against the battering ram of the tank. He tried to provoke Jared.

Todd thrashed and kicked and cussed in every language and filthy combination he knew. He was wild and almost impossible to hold. It was all Jared could do to hold on. Jared couldn’t believe his ears. At first he was shocked by it. Then dismissed it as what appeared to be just one more tantrum but there was something different in Todd’s voice. Panic…fear…there was a desperate pitch to it. Jared was getting inside that ice wall and Todd knew it. Todd “wanted” to anger Jared. Instead Jared let Todd’s temper blow. 

For the first time Jared had real trouble holding onto Todd. He was a wild thing and it was some time before Todd was spent and breathless. Not his anger though…just his stamina. He still spewed prophanity at Jared. Hateful, cruel, words…most very disgusting.  Anger burned hot still…so much pain locked behind gates of icy stubbornness.  Todd was all temper and no tears.

“Sorry, Todd, that won’t work with me. You can’t make be beat you…I won’t. Call me what you want to, it won’t change that fact . Know this though, boy, I will spank you…as long and as hard and as often as needed.”

Taking a deep breath Jared committed himself to do just that, to break down those icy walls that were suffocating Todd.  Emotions…Jared knew from his own experience you can’t just bottle them up. Not for long and never without a price. They trembled in Todd’s body. Anger and something deeper boiled in there. Jared didn’t know if it was the wisest or safest thing to do but it had to be better than letting Todd just keep it held inside.

“Todd, you’re going to choke on all that anger." Jared almost ripped Todd’s briefs off him as he yanked them down to join his jeans.

“I’m not going to sit by and let someone I love poison themselves with that crap. No, sir…I will not.”

Todd was readjusted to where his poor apple red ass was jackknifed higher and began to deliver crisp, rapid swats with the brush, Jared knew to sting like crazy. Hadn’t sweet Meg used the same on him many, many times.

Panic became a living thing in Todd. The icy defense had taken crippling blows earlier the deep cracks could not hold up under the inferno generated by the brush…it was too much. Somewhere the battle lines changed…from fighting so hard no to cry, to fighting himself to cry. He wants to cry so badly…Todd wanted to give in and bawl he head off. That need grew like a balloon deep in his chest bigger and bigger. His lungs ached and burned so much he could no longer breathe, as if there were no longer room for his lungs.  Control disintegrated under the scorching heat of the brush.

“Jar....ed....stop.....pleasssssssssseeeeeee...stop...enough.........okaaaaaaaay......I can’t...pleasenomorepleasenomore stop oh shit stahhhhhhpah more......<choke>........no.....don’t........I....I...pleeeeease…ouch.....I can’t... I can’t......”

“Let it go, kid...it’s eating you alive.”     

It frightened him to death to realize he was so close to letting go...letting it all out. Each time he reached for that hidden place he was yanked back by Jared to face the fact that he was…small.... fragile… powerless, worst of all just a scared and hurting kid.

"I....(gasp) ...I need...I need...I (gasp)....I need."

“Boy, what you need is to let that poison go, let it out, Todd, just let it go.”

Through his lap Jared could feel the sobs racking Todd’s chest. His breathing so shallow almost hyperventilating. There was no sound of tears, just jagged gasps for air. Jared knew Todd was crying. Sobbing in fact. Just in those unnatural silent tears.
Jared felt it before he heard it. Something broke in the boy. Something deep, something huge and painful. First all he heard a small wheezing sound, then it began like a high pitched keen. Still he spanked.

“C’mon, Todd…let it out, babe. It’s poison.”

Laying on three very painful smacks of the brush.

“Let<crack>it<crack>out<crack>.”
A huge sob came crackling out and exploded in the room. It was horrible to hear. Like if Todd had never cried out loud before in his life. It didn’t even sound like crying.

Todd could no longer fight Jared. It hurt...so much...The heat it generated melted his glacial defenses.  When they crumbled so did he.

Todd went into a panicked frenzy. He struggled wildly and could hear an awful noise. It took him a moment to realize that awful sound was coming from him. He was begging and bawling like a baby.

“No,no,no.....<choke> no, no, no. Ouch....ow.....it hurts too much....Jared please.....no more......I’m sorry. <gasp> please stop, please stop....no, no,no Jared don’t…I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorreeeeeeeeee.<choke>”

But Jared didn’t stop he kept right on spanking.

“I am not going to watch you do this any more…no sir….not on my watch. I love you too much.”

Mouse stepped out of the executive elevator. He had been looking for Deek. He heard about the intruder and wanted the details. He walked into the foyer and stopped. He could hear noises coming from Jared’s office. The closer he got to the door the louder it got. His ears must be tricking him, because he could make out the distinctive sound of spanking. As he stepped in the study doorway he was shocked by what he saw. Jared’s broad back was to him, his arm wind milling as he was rapidly spanking what Mouse could only assume was Todd’s butt with a large brush. By the tone Jared was using this was something serious…. very serious. The back of the couch blocked his view. But he could see naked legs and they were trashing wildly, but effectively hobbled by his jeans and briefs around the ankles. It was the noise from Todd that startled him never before had he heard such a sound. Whatever Todd was saying was incoherent. He was just wailing. It was pure panic, primal, heart wrenching. Mouse’s eye’s watered, his throat tightened. Earlier he would have begged for a chance to see Todd taken down a notch. This was more than that, this was raw and open. He shouldn’t be here this was too personal and intimate. He slowly backed out of the room and quickly left the apartment with tears on his own cheeks. Hugging himself, as if to shield and comfort against the raw pain that still rang in his ears. Any and all animosity towards Todd was gone; in its place were heartbreaking compassion, understanding and the desire to reach out.   

Jared never heard the elevator all he could hear was Todd. His wailing had given way to gut wrenching lusty sobs.

“Almost done, Todd. I’m going to make sure you remember this spanking for some time to come…I will not let you do any sort of harm to yourself or anyone, you will not ever use a knife like that again. I love you to damn much, Todd, to let you self -destruct.”
 
Todd heard none of the affection or the endearments, only the burning bite of the brush. With grim determination Jared brought the brush down against the sensitive curve of the buttocks just above the thigh. Six full force blows to each sit spot.
Perhaps for the first time in his young life, Todd screamed…loud a howl followed behind…there was pain…but there was also a weird sense of release.   

All the fight went out of the boy. He was just lax over Jared’s lap and bawling, open mouthed and loudly. Jared delivered a couple more stinging swats, no longer wishing to punish but just making sure that Todd’s defenses were truly broken and not easily repaired. Todd’s only reaction was to kick feebly and cry louder. Jared stopped. Jared felt his own eyes tear up as Todd choked and nearly gagged as he cried.  He rubbed his hand lightly over the deep red moons…he traced the darker lines still visible from the belt and the deep and the oval shades from the brush.  Todd was to far gone to notice the light touch or that Jared had stopped. It was some time before he did. Then he slid to the floor in a heap, curling up in a fetal position, one hand holding his poor bottom and lost himself in his misery. Jared reached out to him, but Todd jerked as if the touch would burn him and buried his head in the crook of his arm.

“Don’t….(choke)touch me…just let me go…I (sob sob)…hate you.”

Jared felt like bawling himself, those words pierced bone deep. Todd’s voice was almost unrecognizable. He just repeated it over and over into the carved rug.

With a nonchalance he was far from feeling, Jared spoke in soft gentle tones. “Well, that’s too bad(cough). ‘Cause I don’t hate you. Right now you might think I do, but you're way off target. I love you, Todd.”

Jared was not sure what response he expected but all Todd did was cry harder. 

Large hands dragged roughly through blonde hair in frustration. Waves of doubt and worry hit Jared. He was handling this all wrong…no doubt from the beginning.  He gave Todd no choice or control at all in the beginning…what choice could he have given? Leave him to the world to be lost? No Jared would never, have done that but he didn’t want Todd so miserable he would risk life and limb to runaway. Was this the end?  Well if this is the end…Jared’s heart lodged in his throat painfully at that though…if this is the end…he owned it to himself and most of all to Todd to have some say this time.

“Okay, Ansley…okay.”

Todd heard nothing but was aware of the large boots as they stepped over him and walked out of the room…leaving him alone. All alone with his misery. His anger gone, pride gone.  He felt a crush of fear like never before…now Jared was gone too. A new flood of tears came as he cried brokenly into the rug. Todd was unable to stop crying every attempt to stop only caused him to choke and gag on the tears.

Jared returned to the study finding Todd still prone on the floor crying harder than when he left. It tore at Jared’s heart the way Todd was carrying on. It was like he wasn’t just crying over his punishment, but for his whole life. 

The tears startled to a choking halt when something hit the floor close to Todd’s head. It was his backpack…never unpacked, ready to be grabbed at the slightest whim. He looked up, tears as thick as gel blurred his vision. The tank was squatting on his heels, an expression of pain on his face…his eyes where red like he himself was going to cry any moment.

“Ansley…(cough)…Todd, I can’t just let you go…not to the streets. But I can take you some place…other…other than here (cough)…away from me…maybe happier.  You’ll be safe from the streets, safe from the cops and camp roundup. You’d be free to leave in a few months when you hit 18.  Then you’re on your own and will just have to dodge the camp rangers till 21.  I love you, Todd…too much (choke) to see …to make you suffer or be so unhappy. This time the choice is yours…maybe from the beginning it should have been.  You can leave tonight or you can stay.  I want you to stay, Todd. I love you…I…” 

Todd clapped his hands to his ears as if the words caused pain and curled into a tight ball. “Don’t!…don’t say that…stopit…fuck you! I hate you!”

Grasping Todd by the arms Jared gave firm shake as he sat him up. Another wave of tears burst as Todd’s still bare bottom made contact with the floor.

“No I won’t stop…I love you, Todd Joseph Ansley…I love you, more that is logical, more than is perhaps normal and defiantly more that is proper. I don’t give a rat's ass if you love me or hate me in return…too bad for you if you don’t  ‘cause it does not change the fact that I love you.”

Todd glared through his tears.  “You say that, but your willing to get rid of me? Oh no, your nothing like the others…

The young voice tight against the sobs that squeezed his lungs, but the derision was clear.  “Riiiight…that’s bullshit, Jared.”

“No. What’s bullshit, Todd, is that you think that.  Perhaps I messed up, Todd, but giving a kid, no mater how independent and mature he thinks he is or maybe is, the choice over his life before 18 does not work for me. Not when it’s clear your just content to waste away on the streets or in the zone or any other dead end. I’m giving you the chance now. I want you here…I think I’ve gone to some extreme lengths to prove that…I love you and want you safe.”

The frozen barrier, though badly damaged, still stood between Todd and what Jared’s intense green eyes and soft voice offered him. Fear of it sent Todd into self-destruction mode.

“Love me!…(sob) No one loves me…(choke).”

Jared stood by as hurricane Todd hit. Todd leapt to his feet, picked up his pack hurled it across the room and lunged at Jared fists flying. Keeping the angry fists from doing any real damage or let Todd stumble over the clothes still pooled at his feet. Jared let Todd batter himself against his large frame.

“You think you know me…I told you…you don’t know shit…well I’m shit. You’re looking at it. I fucking told you…you don’t wanna know me! You don’t wanna love me…you can’t, no one can!!!!!”

Todd was once again overwhelmed by his emotions. Todd sunk to the floor in a pitiable heap and let the carpet take his tears. Jared watched the young man curled before him. Never had Todd looked so small to him…so alone.

“Why, Todd? What could you have possibly done in your short life that could makes you so…so unlovable, that makes you “think” your unlovable?”

All rage left Todd then. Huge tears welled up and unchecked down his honest face.  “I dunno. You’d have to ask the others…must be somthin’ right?”

“Wrong, babe. That’s their lost and stupidity. I told you. I’m not every one else. I’m me and I love you.”

“Stop it! Stop saying that.”

Curling back up into a ball as sobs grew in intensity and volume. Jared almost belly crawled over to him…not yet reaching out.

“Owwha…(sob choke)”

Todd’s hands clutched his punished bottom as he fought to control his tears.

In almost a whisper Jared spoke. “I will to say it. You need to hear it…often.”

Turning his head away from the husky voice and those green eyes. Todd buried his head in the crook of his free arm.
“NO!…you can’t…not me…you don’t know me…no one loves me.”

Crawling closer still to Todd, Jared didn’t let up on the pressure.

“Stop it! You’re so very wrong, kid, ‘cause I do love you. “You” Todd.  Not the little poser you show off to the world…you…I know you…I see you…the good and bad and there is so much good, Todd. So much to love.”

What little of the ice wall Todd had been able to repair crumbled with those words. There was hardly any noise from him but Todd crying so hard that he was gasping for air. No longer able to wait for whatever sign he was looking for from Todd. Jared sat up and hauled Todd over to him and began to untangle him from his jeans.

“No. I hate you. Leave me the fuck alone.”

Harsh words but the protest was halfhearted and feeble. Already Todd allowed Jared to lift him to unsteady legs. Brown eyes widened in panic when he was lead back to the couch. Hands flew to protect his still burning butt.

“NOOOOO!!!!….Jared….no…dude…please my ass can’t take any more…(sob)…I’m sorry! Don’t!! (sob sob)”

Jared sat down and cradled Todd in his lap, carefully minding the very tender bottom.

“Hush, your butt's safe…it’s over now. Your butt can take more than you think…trust me. You had that coming, little man. I’ve messed up on some things, Todd, but “that” was no mistake.”

Todd was still crying but more from fear of further punishment. Shaking shoulders bent in a hunch and Todd had his arms tightly curled against his heaving chest like being held or touched was painful or a punishment itself. Jared just held him close as the sobs quieted and the tears slowed to sniffles. Jared could virtually feel Todd try to reconstruct the icy barricade against his runaway emotions, struggling for control. The younger man stiffened and tried to push away from Jared. He seemed embarrassed. Jared was having none of that. 

“Todd, knock it off. You're fine where you are, it’s just us here, relax.”

Todd shoved at Jared’s chest. He was mortified that he had totally lost it. Eighteen and sitting on this man's lap like some diaperless baby. Unsure what was worse the fact that he was a whuss or that it actually felt good to be held just now.

Jared nearly chuckled at the idea of Todd’s slight frame shoving off his bulk but opted not to fuel Todd’s temper just now.

“Let me<sniff> up!”

“No…settle down.”

Todd continued to struggle stubbornly. Jared’s huge palm gave Todd’s oh so tender bottom a hearty smack.

“Ooooooow! <choke>”.

That firm swat ruined Todd’s hard work to get a grip on his tears.

“Now sit still or I’ll give you some more to cry about.”

Jared growled, Todd wisely gave in and let Jared hold him.  Still ridged but no longer squirming.

“There. That’s better.... it’s all right...Here, put your arms around me. Shh, it’s all right, Todd. I know you don’t like to be touched very much. ”

Brown eyes looked up at him as if he had just spoke aloud some dark secret. Jared’s deep chuckle was humorless as he took Todd’s stiff arms and wound them around his large trunk. 

“It doesn’t take a mind reader, Todd.”

Todd surprised him by holding on to him slightly instead of just letting the limbs go slack like other times before. He could feel Todd’s breathing…it was labored and uneven.

“That’s it, Todd…it’s okay…I’ve got you.”

The dark head turned into Jared’s chest. Within seconds a fresh batch of tears began to soak his shirt. Jared didn’t mind, he rocked with Todd in his lap. Jared’s rough shadow on his jaw combing through the silken strands while Todd was swept up in the storm of his tears. He was bawling so hard he was gasping. Unable to understand or stop the tears Todd just hid his face in the soft folds of Jared’s flannel shirt 

“That’s it…let it go…there let it all go.”

Jared cooed to Todd, murmured loving words and rubbing his cheek against the softness of Todd’s hair under his chin as Jared rocked and soothed as Todd fought the fits of tears that ebbed and flowed from time to time. Todd’s sobbing was becoming less frequent. His breathing became more normal.

Much sooner than Jared liked Todd was able to force the tears back into silence with the occasional hiccup. Todd kept his face snuggled against the flannel-covered chest. It was dark, soft and hard at the same time and smelled like…Jared. Hard and soft all at once…Jared and the tank…one in the same.

Jared hated to admit it but they needed to get back to the subject of Todd’s living arrangements. There was still something that needed to be dealt with and Jared dreading bring it back up.   

“Todd?”

“Yeah…(sniff)”

Jared let the feeling of Todd’s fairly relaxed body in his arms soak into his memory; this could be the last time.
“We have some unfinished business.”

It was quiet for a long time. The strong arms around him tensed, Todd could hear Jared’s steady heartbeat quicken…his own had all but stopped.

“ I know.”

The enormity of the decision was crushing. Something in him wanted to yell he was just a kid and this was too big a decision to give a kid. His bruised and battered self pride stood up from the rubble of the crumbling emotional barriers to claim his independence. Just as he began to pull away from Jared, that part of him, hidden deep inside, even from him self, reached out and blew self pride back into the shadows and rattled those weakened flood gates. Jared could feel Todd tremble, for long minutes Todd just stared at his hands fisted in front of him. Not really seeing them more like staring into some inner space. As bad as his butt hurt, as mortified as he felt at the blubbering he’s done, the feel of Jared’s arms made it all worth it…made it feel right in some bazaar way.

“ I’ll stay.”

The words were hardly above a whisper, but Jared heard it. He thought he would pass out the relief was so great. He turned Todd gently in his arms. The beautiful face was pale and the red swollen eyes refused to meet his.

“Todd, are you sure? “

A nod was all Todd responded with as he leaning back against Jared in a boneless slump, Todd suddenly let loose more tears.  Jared hugged him tight. Only Jared could make him feel like this. The few times when he sought the solace of another was only for more carnal needs and never let anyone too close or for longer than a few hours and never this intimate. It felt so good…just to be held…it almost hurt it felt so good it was killing him. Todd couldn’t even remember the last time someone held him…most times he didn’t like to be touched. It just made it worse knowing what it could be like…being loved when your not.  Sobs burned his lungs…he let them go with a fit of coughing, Todd’s poor body shook with them. Jared was beginning to doubt the wisdom his methods tonight. Maybe he pushed too far. No, it had to be better than keeping all this pain inside and the tears wrung from punishment were long dried…these came from some place…some pain deeper inside.

“I’m such a fucking whuss <choke> I can’t stop.”

"Stop it, Todd. You are not a whuss. No one is asking you to stop. The only one judging you, is you, Todd.

Jared never spoke another word as Todd hung on to him as he cried; he only rocked him and made soft humming noises. Unable to reach the remote for the fireplace he made a mental note to place a blanket on the couch in the future as he rubbed the tops of Todd’s chilled bare legs to warm them.

To Todd if felt like hours before he was able to calm down again. When the tears slowed back to hiccups and sniffles.

“Okay now, baby?”

Todd frowned and rolled his red eyes at that but nodded yes.

“Todd, I need you to know that staying…that means excepting my rules and how I enforce them.”

Todd gave Jared a baleful look and tested his bottom and hissed as he touched it.

“Yeah, I know but do you have to do that.” A blonde brow arched over a sparkling green eye.

“I do “that” because I care, Todd.”

“Whatever…fine…just don’t care so hard okay?”

Giving Todd a faux glare, Jared shook his head at the contradiction Todd was. He was clearly exhausted and on the edge of more tears but that didn’t phase his smart mouth.  Jared grew serious again and sat Todd away from him on the couch. He pointedly ignored Todd’s grimace.

“Do you understand, Todd? If you stay…you stay till your 21, as agreed. You’re feeling proof right now what it will be like if push the line to hard.
”
Once more Jared opened the pasture gate, offering freedom. It made no sense, since he first met him, the tank had forced him off the road…Todd felt a twinge at that thought but ignored it, held him hostage, forced unwilling (but effective) medical attention on him, bullied, beat…not even his own out raged imagination let him get away with that one. He had been spanked and dozens of other unpleasant events have happened since.  Here it was, at last it was his choice to make…and he can’t. Even with his ass on fire…never wanting to go through that again but knowing that staying would certainly insure further “lessons” Todd could not pick up his bag and leave. Sense or no sense he wanted to stay but he could not get the words out it was too hard. Looking at Jared just wishing that this was not his choice…then it would not be his fault and he could hate the tank for his stupid rules and all that went with them…it would be easier that way.

Jared seemed to once again read his mind. A gentle voice reached out.  “All right, Todd, I understand.”

Then speaking more sternly, Jared closed the gate on escape.  “Then all stands as is and your in some very hot water, Ansley…”.

Todd found himself on the wrong end of a blistering lecture that had tears blurring his vision. Jared called him on all his actions since running from the cabin. Jared had lots to say about that and the stunts today as well.

“NO more running, Todd…that is over…stick a fork in it kid…it’s done.  Got me?…Good you better. Now if there is a problem what are you suppose to do.?”

Todd rolled his watery eyes, which earned him a smarting flick on the ear.  “Ow! Layoff!…I talk to you…I got it okay?”

“You’re going to get something if you don’t watch that mouth. I want your word, Ansley.”

Jared received a tearful oath as well as a few more fits of frustration over changes that will be made…and soon. Starting with the education Todd could look forward to in the near future. Todd got to his feet and protested hotly against the idea of being tutored but the threat of another round with the brush cooled Todd’s building tantrum. Bracing for the boy to change his mind and ask to leave, Jared held his breath but Todd stood silently, head down cradling his punished bottom and said nothing. Any further protests were spoken with tears of anger and frustration. Finished with the stringent lecture and getting the required promises. Jared got to his feet and pulled a miserable young man into his arms and gave him a warm tight embrace. Resting his chin on Todd’s head, Jared enjoyed the feel of the silky hair.

“Aw kid…everything is the hard way with you huh? Doesn’t matter, I love you the same.”

Feeling Todd’s uncertainty, he let go…*baby steps* he told him self and walked over and picked up the backpack.

“Lets get you to bed…it’s been a hell of a day.”

Jared studied Todd standing there…his shirt falling to his naked thighs. Hair matted to his forehead from sweat. The little rebel appearing contrite and ready to behave now. He bent over and picked up Todd’s clothes off the floor. A tender smile lifted Jared’s lips…this was Todd.



On to Part Twenty of Y2K12  

  Back to Frost Spinner's Home Page  E-mail me, I would love to hear from you.

<IMG SRC=http://visit.geocities.com/counter.gif ALT="Counter">