Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned by GAINAX.
Written by Eva On The Rocks
DREAMS OF EVA
Chapter 3.
"That was a nice evening. I see Shinji has quickly developed an attraction to Asuka, although right now she has her crush on Kaji. Kaji himself, well there's still something between him and Misato. Of course, neither of them would admit that, and I bet he arrived with Ritsuko and Maya just to stir her up."
Yui laughed, recalling it now.
"Then there's Ritsuko, completely oblivious to Maya's affection towards her. But back to the children, watching them interacting tonight, it was so nice. Shinji is such a nice boy, he's still in his shell a bit, but I think he's going to grow into a kind man. I suppose Asuka is the sort of girl who draws attention easily, but I think she was fond of Shinji too, in her own way. She would deny that, of course."
More laughter, perhaps it was the few beers she had accepted from Misato. Ritsuko had told her to enjoy herself though, and Yui most certainly had.
"Rei, well, I can't quite figure her out. She spoke with Asuka, they're total opposites yet they're alike as well. And her other classmates, poor Kensuke didn't know what to do when both Rei and Asuka started demanding their share of his profits. Toji, when he wasn't arguing with Asuka and Rei, spent his time fetching beers for Misato."
A small sigh escaped Yui's lips and she looked out at the lights of the city.
"It was pleasant. They are good people, not without their flaws, but when they're with each other, they can conquer and mend those imperfections." Yui turned around, smiling. "I do wish that Gendo could have been there, but at the same time, I'm glad he wasn't. I love my husband, but he's not very adapt at social situations."
Silence. The sound of distant traffic outside filtered into the room.
"My presence at this gathering upset you," the Eva said, in that voice like Rei's, only devoid of any emotion. "Yet at the moment, you are not bothered by my being here."
"On the contrary, I've been expecting you."
"You're no longer running away from me?" A pause. "The alcoholic beverages you consumed at the Katsuragi residence have boosted your confidence."
"Oh, they've helped," Yui said. "But I was reminded of how I have always faced things head on. So, no, I am not running from you. I want to understand you, why you continue to appear to me." Yui stared into the glowing white eyes, no longer intimidated by them. "And how to be rid of you."
"You can not be rid of me."
Yui swallowed nervously, unsettled by the certainty in that statement. "We will see."
"You have forgotten, Yui Ikari."
"What have I forgotten?"
"Everything. This world around you is false. Your mind has created this world, but it will soon fall apart."
"So you say," Yui frowned. "What have I forgotten?"
"Your son."
"How could I forget Shinji? He is asleep in his bed, my dear boy, dreaming perhaps of this Asuka Langley Sohryu," Yui said. "My children are my world, I have not forgotten them."
"You are making the process more painful." The voice sounded almost sad, regretful.
"And my husband," Yui said. "Working late. Again. I'm afraid that he might be having an affair. It would break my heart, but I can't shake this awful feeling I have, that I am losing him."
"You could go to his work place and see for yourself just what he is doing."
"And leave the children alone?"
"They will be safe, you know this yet use it as an excuse. You are scared to confirm your suspicions. You only delay the inevitable."
"Why do you have to be so cryptic?" Yui asked.
"Because you need to discover the truth for yourself."
"The truth? Which truth?"
"Your truth, simple and fragile as it is. You are overlooking it to concentrate on what you believe are larger truths. It will come to you soon enough, but this world is ending."
Yui rolled her eyes.
"Why do you wear that armour...that suit?" Yui sat down on her bed, studying the Eva. "That Eva Suit?"
"Why do you wear that human suit?" Mild amusement in the voice now.
"I don't understand." Yui rested her head between her hands, sighing again, regretting that last beer at Misato's as the world began to spin. "If I can't be rid of you, could you adopt a form that's less startling?"
"Is this better?"
Yui looked up, and the Eva had adopted the form of the blue-haired girl, the one almost identical to Rei.
"Why do you choose to look so much like my daughter?"
"Your daughter?" Crimson eyes stared into her own. "I thought it was your likeness I had adopted."
Gendo's words came to Yui then. "She could be your clone."
"What do I call you?" Yui asked. "Eva?"
"No." The faintest of smiles played on her lips. "Ayanami will suffice."
"Ayanami," Yui repeated, falling back onto the bed and closing her eyes. "I'm tired."
"We will talk again soon," Ayanami stated in farewell.
"Wait!" Yui opened her eyes. "You said this world is ending. How long until it ends?"
"You think I am a figment of your imagination, you are simply humouring me. You are not ready."
"How long?" Yui demanded.
"Twenty days, zero hours, nine minutes, thirteen seconds."
"Good night, Ayanami."
"Sleep well, Yui Ikari."
Don't dream, Yui thought, before surrendering to sleep.
Dreams of dancing, of darkness, of running.Having decided those dreams weren't worth committing to her dream diary, Yui had cheerfully cooked breakfast, seen her children off to school and Gendo off to work, before it registered that her body was in fact aching, as if she had run a marathon.
Probably just slept in an awkward position, Yui thought.
Thinking back on her strange dreams, Yui had found the only thing worth scribbling down was the time remaining until the world ended - according to Ayanami.
20/00/9/13 was how it looked when she wrote it down, which as a date, could be translated as:
September 13, 2000.
What was the significance of that date? Was there any significance?
Glancing around the empty apartment, Yui decided to pass the time by visiting the University, perhaps she could catch up with Kouzou Fuyutski.
Arriving at the University half an hour later, Yui told herself she was here to visit Kouzou, but found herself walking towards Gendo's building, following Ayanami's suggestion of seeing what her husband was up to.
It was in this building, where experimental research in genetics and cybernetics took place, that Yui had worked before the children were born. Walking through the corridors now, Yui found herself in the lab, where the only light came from computer terminals. It was quiet, but at this time of day, it should have been a hive of activity.
Yui was about to take a step forward, when she heard a soft laugh, then identified two figures in lab coats. One was male, he was seated, and on his lap was a woman, the source of the laughter.
Naoko Akagi. And she was sitting on Gendo's lap, stroking his face lovingly. Yui watched her carefully remove his spectacles, before she lowered her lips to his.
Yui felt a pain in her heart as her eyes filled with tears.
Trust, broken. Betrayed.
"Now you know," Ayanami said, materializing beside her.
The happy couple did not hear Ayanami, of course.
"She has always been jealous of you, for being a better mother, for your success in your work, and, for capturing his heart."
Yui felt a tear slide down her cheek.
"And Gendo has always felt he never deserved your love, or that of his children. This is how he runs away from that."
"You bastard," Yui whispered.
Loud enough to disturb them, for Gendo pulled away from Naoko and all but knocked her to the floor as he jumped to his feet.
"Yui!" he gasped.
Naoko brushed herself off, cursing under her breath, before glaring at Yui with a mixture of satisfaction and hatred.
"And now, will he continue to run or will he accept what he has done?" Ayanami asked.
"Fifteen years of marriage, two children," Yui said, shaking with rage. "Why?"
Gendo calmly took his glasses from Naoko's hands, put them back on and adjusted them so they weren't slipping down the bridge of his nose.
"You may leave now," Gendo said to Naoko, causing her mouth to drop open in shock. She said nothing though, walking towards Yui and halting in front of her.
"You've lost him," Naoko smirked, her voice like acid. "And soon enough, you'll lose your children-"
Yui's fist connected with the older woman's jaw, knocking her back a step. Naoko clutched her face, staring at Yui in shock and anger, those dark green eyes filled with pure hatred.
"You take care of yourself, Doctor Akagi," Yui said coldly, walking past her.
Gendo waited until Naoko was gone, then stared down at Yui, his face unreadable, even to her.
"Why?" Yui demanded again.
"Why what? Why I did it? Or why it was with her?" Gendo asked calmly.
"Both." Yui was shaking, using all of her self-control not to punch Gendo as well.
Yet.
"Ever since the first...incident, you have been distant to me. It's like you're not really here. Lost in your own reflections, much like Shinji is."
"Leave Shinji out of it."
"You fuss over that boy too much."
"That boy is your son, or have you forgotten that?" Yui snapped. "Did you forget about your children while you were-"
"Wake up, Yui. Things haven't been right for a while."
"I am waking up, Gendo," Yui said. "Trust me on that."
"Are you going to strike him as well?" Ayanami asked quietly.
"I want to," Yui replied.
"You want to what?" Gendo asked.
"I wasn't talking to you."
"This is what I mean. You aren't the same anymore, it's as if your mind is elsewhere."
"And rather than try to understand, you run into the arms of that woman." Yui shook her head and turned her back to him. "I'm leaving now, I need to think."
"Now who is running away?" Gendo said, his tone cold again.
"I don't think you would like it if I stay right now," Yui warned. "Why don't you see if Naoko needs some ice for that jaw, perhaps you can finish what I interrupted?"
Yui walked away, leaving him with his own thoughts.
"I thought you wanted to strike him," Ayanami said, almost sadly.
"Mountains. Heavy are the mountains. But that changes, with the passage of time..."As if reciting a poem, the voice spoke in Yui's mind. She recognised it be Ayanami, but the sensation was different, as if this time, Ayanami was a part of her mind. The base of her skull was tingling, a feeling of being subdued washed over her as the voice spoke.
"...blue sky. What your eyes can't see, what your eyes can see.
"The Sun, one, only one.
"Water, it is agreeable.
Commander Ikari..."
Yui frowned, trying to open her eyes but unable to. Commander? Gendo?
"...many the same, so many without purpose.
"Sky, sky of red. Red the colour, the colour I hate. The liquid flows, it drips, ripples and pours. Blood, the scent of blood, from a woman who does not bleed. From the red soil, the humans come..."
Eyes, the colour of blood, Yui tried to wake up but the dream was not letting go. She was aware of the bedroom around her, it registered that her head ached faintly, there was the feeling of satin sheets beneath her, and the breeze was caressing her face through the open window, but she was unable to move.
"...Eva, a human creation as well.
"What are humans? Are they creations of God? Humans, are that which are created by humans..."
Eva. What is Eva, aside from a human creation? Yui tried to communicate with the voice, but there was no response.
Ayanami continued speaking.
"...Who is this?"
Yui Ikari! Yui tried to say. Who are you?
"...This is me..."
Flash of several Ayanami's, standing beside one another, the line seeming to stretch for eternity. What is that strange white suit she is wearing?
"Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I?"
Ayanami?
"I am I. This object that is, is myself. That which forms, is me. This is the self that can be seen and yet, this is not like that which is myself. A strange feeling. My body feels as if it is melting. I can no longer see myself. My form, my shape, fades from view. Awareness dawns, of someone who is not me. Who is here?"
Yui Ikari! Yui's mind screamed again, but received no response. There was a presence in the room with her now, probably Ayanami herself. What was going on?
Why can't I move? Yui wanted to scream, all she could so was watch the images flash before her eyes as the voice continued.
"Shinji..."
Son, smiling.
"This person I know, Major Katsuragi..."
Misato. A Major?
"Dr. Akagi..."
Ritsuko, blonde again.
"...The pilot of Unit Two..."
Asuka? What is 'Unit Two'?
"Commander Ikari."
Gendo.
"Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?"
Those words echoed for a while, and then finally, Yui was able to open her eyes. The bedroom was empty, it was morning and she had slept much longer than usual. The space beside her had not been slept in, but Yui was still too shaken from that 'dream' to think much on her husband.
Commander, Yui thought, recalling Ayanami's words and the images that had accompanied them. Had Ayanami been trying to communicate her in another way? It had been the same voice, of that Yui was positive, speaking directly to her mind, but this time it had left Yui completely paralysed.
Flexing her hand, relishing the ability to be able to move once more, Yui rose from the bed and prepared to face another day.