in the year 2012 the giant penis came from the seas
nobody is quite sure why there was a giant penis lurking underwater
or how long it was there
but it doesn't really matter
because after the penis rose from the watery depths
it began to destroy the world by eating everything in sight
however it is well known that penises do not infact have mouths
and so landmarks buildings and people were devoured
through the huge sex organ's urethra
supposedly to pass down into some sort of intestinal system
(even though penises do not have digestive systems either)
as the penis slowly took over the earth
a young man named rod
decided he knew the secret of the phallus' power
his idea was that the penis was a genetically modified dinosaur
created by a huge yet unknown company
the sort of shifty deal you would expect in resident evil and its ilk
rod set out to find the organisation responsible
he travelled the world searching
he eventually found his way to germany
and a building with a big sign outside saying "evil corporate company"
rod was sure this had to be the place so he entered the building
but it just turned out to be a wallpaper factory
that produced really evil wallpaper
all the while the giant penis had destroyed all of america
and was moving onto australasia
it seemed that the penis could swim great distances aswell
which led to scientists creating genetically modified penises
that could be employed as lifeguards
at beaches and swimming pools
rod had also made his way to australasia
after a tip off from a man named mr arsebiscuit
he soon realised that he had actually dreamt this
but by then it was too late and he was already at sydney airport
buying a coke
the penis destroyed new zealand and tazmania in a matter of days
and soon found its way to the coast of
as the veiny beast destroyed most of sydney
rod was thinking of a plan
and soon decided to fight penis with penis
and so got himself a genetically modified lifeguard penis
and equipped it and himself
with various rocket launchers and such
he challenged the giant penis amidst the destruction
however the giant penis simply ejaculated all over rod
and his companion lifeguard penis
(which is pretty amazing
seeing as there were no giant testicles
attached to the monster penis)
rod could not move
and so was simply swallowed by the massive pork sword
but by being swallowed he found
the secret of the penis' digestion
for inside lurked a time portal
which rod and the lifeguard penis passed through
and ended up somewhere
at the very bottom of the atlantic ocean in 1974
however rod had magically gained a hernia and so drowned
leaving the lifeguard penis alone with all the other crap
the giant penis had swallowed
you see what i'm trying to say is that this penis evolved
and grew bigger into the giant penis that took over the world
so it was all rod's fault in the first place
but don't try and think too hard
about the evolved penis eating it's former self
and the consequences of it
because we don't know that much
about the paradoxes of time anyway
okay so i stole this story from terminator and body harvest
and added penises
but it's my poem so fuck you
you're monkey
a monkey
a dirty wretched monkey
destroy it with a bat
Not just any bat
a super-mega-ultra
cricket bat
HIT IT
you slag
i had your mother
slag slag slag
where'd you keep the peanuts?
peanuts not penis
hello
my name is emulsion john wood-varnish
and i'd like to tell you about this trumpet
yes, this one here
it's not just any trumpet
it's a magical trumpet
built by mega jumping pygmies
or something
anyway
this trumpet has got me out of many a scrape
once i was just walking along
and this dog came up to me
luckily i had my trumpet
and i stamped on the bastard
that was a very close situation!
but what does this have to do with trains?
well i'd like to explain
but
i'm in the middle of having sex right now
so pop back someday
so i can give you a good rumping
work it baby, uh huh
strudels know oil