The battle, as it is in chapter 25, is obviously focused on Ayanami-sama and the Angel. However, it also let me show the other pilots in a unique light, how they handle themselves in a losing situation. Asuka is a firmly determined, no-nonsense fighter, Cirus is focused and unstoppable, and Shinji never loses sight of what's going on. All three of them come off more mature, I think, in this battle than in any one battle before. Since I was focused on Rei, it was easier to give the other pilots little snap-shots, and I wanted them to be satisfying to some degree, showing growth in Asuka and Shinji especially.
Things are bad when Ikari shows emotion. I relied on this more to pull on the instincts of those who have seen the series, but I think Kenosis is long enough to get the same idea across to fresh readers. Another point I'd like to make clear with this commentary is that the Angel did not give Rei her dream. Rather, I'm giving Rei the human mystery of 'deja vu', with her dream echoing something that hasn't yet happened.
Once Unit 00 is capture by the Angel, the 'losing situation' I mentioned really starts. Abruptly Cirus' priority is rescuing Rei, and Asuka and Shinji start trying to do anything to the Angel itself. This is really to establish how powerful the Angel is, changing the previous idea of 'the Evas will eventually kill anything' with the notion that they might not win without a high price (i.e. Rei's life). This is certainly what's going through Cirus' mind, if not the reader's, but as long as tension and concern affect the reader to some degree, success is there.
Once the sequence in Ayanami-sama's mind begins, the reader might detect an echo of something from the series. Yes, the Angel's mental form is supposed to remind the reader of Kaworu in some sense, though obviously not directly. Simply, he's an 'evil' version of Kaworu or Rei, even though Kaworu and Rei are, in fact, opposites (Lillian vs. Adamian origin). Rei's 'no, I am not like you,' line is as much a statement of personality and morality as it is physical make-up, and she means it in all three senses, though, this time, uniquely focused on the personality and moral basis.
The action switches back to the real world, and lets me show Cirus's reaction to the scenario in particular. This is one of the first times it's not certain Cirus can help Rei, despite his best efforts. The story is long enough now to where the dynamic I've created in Kenosis can be fiddled with, and create tension in that action. This also shows exactly how deep-rooted Cirus' devotion is to Rei to the reader, who may, even now, wonder how he could actually stay connected to her despite everything. A point of writing technique: Whenever the narration actually takes on emotion (exclamation points and the like) it's effectively thought-dialogue flavored more directly by me rather than the character. As a result, Cirus has more of this 'narrative thought' than any other character, since he's, basically, me (idealized).
That Ikari overrides Misato in order to let Cirus do his 'rambo' act reveals the strange priorities are work within the battle. This one act makes it clear that Ikari's priority is now Rei, not just killing Angels. Having Ikari and Cirus, the two poles of the Kenosis story, on the same side of an issue is a uniquely disturbing idea, and thus one I like using when it works for the plot.
With Cirus' brave attempts failing again, the focus switches to the Angel itself, in its abstract, inhuman sense. The complete disarming of the Evas is simply a very clear way of showing domination by this oppressive threat, and a chance for the characters to show their own 'weapons' in battle, strength, devotion, and courage.
Maya's line about 'too much pain' seemed like a good idea at the time. This is a chief example of something I would completely re-write or re-phrase if I were to truly modify Kenosis. 1) It smacks of all the exaggeration of a bad fan-fic, 2) makes no technical sense, and 3) makes Maya seem useless in the context of the first two problems. The reason I didn't simply change this one line is because I might as well revise the entire chapter if I'm going to fix this line, since the entire battle smacks of immaturity for me, in my own writing. It is what it is now. Plot-wise, this is the beginning of a theme for this battle that will play through the next chapter, and that is Cirus' inhuman tolerance for pain. The idea of 'passion' in the classic sense ('suffering') is really expressed in how Cirus loves Ayanami-sama, because he will face all manners of hell for her sake. For himself, he'd probably just retreat from an obviously overwhelming battle. It's unfortunate the Kenosis doesn't show Cirus' practical side as much as it could, and if I were to write another part of the story, I would try to make more of his 'spy' aspect.
The real climax of this chapter is the mental torture of Rei from the Angel using Cirus' image, which, as I said in the first part, is her symbol of hope. This battle, in and of itself, forces her to find her own hope, her own perception of the truth, without necessarily losing her fondness for Cirus. I could only stand to hurt Ayanami-sama with the idea of healing it completely or having it be impermanent in some manner, and thus her mental stabbing is a real heart-string yanker. At least it is for me. That Cirus could do it is undoubtedly foreign to the reader, but the point is the context of the event. Rei is alone, scared, and her mind is being assaulted with everyone weakness in her own fears. This is when a good portion of her doubt and fear take hold, almost overwhelming her, through the image of Cirus' betrayal.
In the physical battle, of course, Cirus is anything but a traitor to Rei, but the reader (hopefully) gets a surprise from his apparent defeat, finally overwhelmed with damage and fatigue. And then, to allow myself a real focus on Rei's turmoil, I used a very simple plot-device. Sleep. Read on.