Grab an aluminum can. Any can. Go pick one outside. Yes, that one laying in your curb. Help yourself a soft soda drink from a can. Finish up that six pack that has been lingering in your fridge the last six months. But put your little hands on one recyclable aluminum can.
Clean it throughly so it doesn't attract coackroaches, ants, insurance salesmen and any other despicable low-life bugs.
Wash, rinse and repeat until you achieve a more healthy looking hair. (OOOOPS! Wrong set of instructions. That last line is for brewing home made vodka...)
Smash the can. Make sure its dry before this and the next step. You'll be sorry if you don't. I just want to be rather oblique on the subject.
Grab a huge rock and turn the can into an autumn leaf. Squash the can with your car, but don't expect me to pay your punctured tires. Crush it with your forehead and show me how macho and stupid you are. Or use your fists as I am being depicted here. It just shows how macho or stupid I am. The main point is that you should smash and flatten the can until it fits inside an envelope.
If you ever find another way of smashing aluminum cans with other body parts, please, Please, PLEASE WITH SUGAR ON IT, please HESITATE on letting me know about it.
Now put the aluminum can inside a envelope. If you want to freak out the National Security agencies of your country, add some wires and a broken ladies watch and you will insure their prompt visit.
If you feel like it, write a 1500 pages essay on how we can save the environment and send it along at the address shown here.
Now seal the envelope and send it to me. Aren't you happy of wasting around one dollar just to mail me something that barely will be recycled at a profit of less than ten cents?
By the way, before you complain that it looks like the craziest Internet Pyramid Scheme ever seen, I must inform you that it isn't one of those. It's more like a trapezoid.
So far I have only received ZERO cans through the mail during the past year. You people really hate the environment.
That's okay. You have the right to ask. Maybe I'll tell you. Someday. No, better now.
What will be done with this crazy plan is the following: I'll add the odd and cool ones into my personal collection of flat aluminum cans. All the rejects will be recycled and the funds used in my pet environmental projects
That's where your essays come in. A few will be pure trash, but a few of them will give me ideas beyond my wildest dreams. Maybe you have your pet environmental proyects, too.
Go and start writing those essays. I prefer longhand. It adds that personal touch. Find the coolest aluminum can and send them in. Maybe I'll start a contest. By the way, the one shown in this page was found in New Jersey.
This finger points to
the Home Page"