eSpirations for 7/31/01 Setting Your Boundaries by Rev. Dan White "Do not move an ancient boundary stone set up by your forefathers" Proverbs 22:28 (NIV). "Who in the world could that be?" I asked myself as the dog erupted into frenzied barks. It wasn't even nine o'clock on Saturday morning and someone was ringing the doorbell. I was half-dressed. Annoyed, I slipped on something decent and looked out the window. A young mother with some sort of literature in her hand and her little pre-school daughter were standing on my porch. I took a deep breath telling myself to be nice to this stranger. Before I cracked open the door, I held out my right leg trying to bar my Collie from bounding out of the house. The hair on her back was up. It's always big excitement when the doorbell rings. She moved every way in her power to get past my barricade. The situation was under control - I thought. "May I help you? I asked opening the door slightly. I tried to be hospitable. I felt like saying, "What in the world do you mean disturbing my peace on my only day off? Leave!" But, I didn't. Before the woman could answer, the Collie somehow broke through my barricade and jumped on the young mother licking and smelling her. It's a Collie thing. A Doberman would have attacked. I tried to grab the dog and pull her back inside. Instead, she spied the little girl and left the woman to dance on the girl. Terrified, the girl screamed. Worse, the dog knocked the girl down, and the Collie began washing her face. It all happened so fast. I tried to reach again for the dog. The screaming girl tried to get out from under the dog. The mother was frozen in fear. As the girl wiggled and cried, my Lassie-dog reached out with her paw trying to hold her down to finish cleaning the girl's face. The next thing I know, blood gushed down from below the child's eye. By now, my wife, a nurse, was dressed and at the door to check out the ruckus. I finally got the dog under control. I put her in the house and slammed the door. My wife applied first aid to the cut. I angrily told the woman she should never bring her little child to a strange house especially when she hears a dog barking inside. The visitor left, and I tried to calm down and continued fussing long after she had gone. "I wish those people would just leave us alone," I fumed. "The idea of bringing a child on a religious visit! At least they won't be bothering us again for a while." Wrong! That afternoon, she came back with an official from her religion. She had had to take the child to the emergency room. Three stitches closed the wound, and they wanted us to pay for it. Now, it was my turn to be scared and frightened. I pictured a mega law suit against us and all kinds of bad things happening. And, I was upset that the little girl might be scarred in the face from my dog. A calm, peaceful Saturday flew out the door. The next day, the county animal control officer came to quarantine the Collie. "Just a precaution for rabies," the official said. And guess what, we would have to pay a boarding fee. The insurance adjuster came out too. Fortunately, our homeowner's policy would pay. We had no idea if a law suit would follow or not. Keep the gate closed. How simple! It's been several years now since that incident, and I keep the gate closed most of the time - especially on Saturday mornings! And you know, we need to keep our gate closed to establish our boundary in other ways too. People are quick to invade our space and take over our "land." The admonition in Proverbs to respect the boundary stones that mark the land boundary applies to the boundaries of self too. Inside of us is the deep hunger to be accepted by others. There are the biblical commands to serve others. There is the desire to minister and do good works. And before you know it, our willing spirit has been overwhelmed and we have more to do than we ever have hours in the day to do them. Over-extended. Frazzled nerves. Depression creeps in because we leave so much undone. Family members get the left-overs. Relationships lack the important ingredient of time. Tension builds like a smoldering volcano ready to erupt at the slightest provocation. We must close the gate. Establish our boundaries. Keep out intruders that break the rest of a Saturday morning. Jesus established boundaries. He stayed two extra days instead of running to Mary and Martha when they sent for him because their brother, Lazarus, was sick. In Luke 9, Jesus refused to be received in a village because his mind was set to go to Jerusalem. He was on a journey with no detours allowed. He was in complete control of his calendar and his life. It is always dangerous to leave the gate open. Bad things can happen. Close the gate. Establish your boundary and refuse to let people - often good Christian people - take advantage of you by making you feel guilty for saying no to a task when your plate is so full that you have enough to eat for weeks. Employers can invade your space too. Your supervisor says, "If you are a team player, you will take on this assignment. You need to stay late tonight to finish this project. The Saturday meeting is optional, but you really need to go." Sadly, even well-meaning pastors use guilt and shame to invade our space. "The spiritual Christians are the ones who come on Sunday night. If you really love the Lord, you will be at visitation on Monday nights. Christ died for you. The least you can do is attend our Wednesday night programs or teach that class or accept that position on this committee." I am guilty of using these tactics to fill positions in the church organization, and I have left the gate open and allowed good people to invade my space and accept responsibilities that I really had no business accepting. How about you? Are there family, friends, church people, supervisors trying to move your "boundary stone" and take your space? May the Lord give us strength to keep the gate closed and say, "No," until we are able and ready to open that gate and let another responsibility inside. And of course, Jesus never breaks in on us. He is the perfect gentleman. He says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me" Revelation 3:20 (NIV). Set your boundaries. Before you open that gate and take on new responsibilities, know who is knocking. Copyright (c) 2001 Rev. Dan White |
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