Loveline: EOS Style

(Music plays as the EOS Crew smiles for the camera.)

Kells: "Good evening, and welcome to Loveline! I'm Kells, from the humor page Eyes of Stone, and when MTV came to us and asked us to host, we were extremely flattered! And since we are on a mission to take over the entire world, we thought it was a good idea!"

Abbs: "And now, we'll introduce you to the expert panel...the ladies of Eyes of Stone. My name is Abbs."

Jules: "I'm Jules."

Kat: "I'm Kat."

Ash: "I'm Ash."

(The men in the crowd start to clap and cheer, holding up signs that range from "Go Ash!" to "Work it Ash!" to "Spank me one more time, Ash!" Ash just smiles and waves as Shelbs, who is to follow, glares a little.)

Shelbs: "And I'm Shelbs."

Kells: "Now, we're going to go to our first caller, James. He's 22 and from Florida...although he won't say where in Florida. James?"

James: "Yeah, hi, ladies."

EOS Crew: "Hi, James."

(Ash and Jules share a knowing smile.)

Shelbs: "What's your problem, James?"

James: "Well...um...I have a steady girlfriend, right, but I'm seeing two other girls on the side-"

(The girls smirk.)

Kat: "We've got ourselves a pimp here, ladies."

James: "Uh...anyway, my girlfriend doesn't know about the other two women, but they know about my girlfriend and each other, and they're cool with it."

Abbs: "Is guilt your problem, James?"

James: "No...um...my problem is that...well...um...I sleep with all three of them, and the other two, especially, love sex...in fact they're the best lays I've ever had..."

(Jules and Ash once again smile knowingly.)

James: "...but I think between the three of them, I've been having TOO much sex."

Kells: "Why do you think so, James?"

James: "Um...I....can't...um...no longer...um...shit...you know..."

(Abbs leans forward and begins to whisper to the other girls.)

Abbs: "He's physically unable to get it up anymore."

All: "Ohhhhh...."

(The girls try not to laugh as Ash and Jules look at each other.)

Jules: "Let me and Ash take this one. Explain these other two women more in detail, James."

James: "Well, I met Julie about six months ago, and she's great...she's my leopard princess, you know?"

(Jules grins like a chesire cat.)

James: "I met Ashley a few weeks ago, and God! She's the kinkiest woman I've ever met!"

(Ash grins and chuckles.)

Jules: "It sounds to me like you've got it made, James."

Ash: "You're on constant booty call and that's a problem?"

James: "It's...but....it's...exhausting...I-"

Ash: "Stop whining. Be a man."

Jules: "Go buy some Viagra, dear James. Have surgery to make your penis stay up on a constant basis. Do whatever it takes. Because if you don't, I have the feeling that none of your ladies will stay around long, especially your two mistresses."

Ash: "No diggity."

(The other girls just smile as Ash and Jules high-five each other.)

James: "Um...thanks...I think..."

Ash: "Anytime, James."

(James hangs up, and Kells look at the camera.) Kells: "That was our first call, and we're ready to move onto our next call..."

Click here for Part 2

�2000 Eyes of Stone

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