I collect quotations.� My one interesting work, I suppose.� I find that taken out of context, they are funnier than there were in context.� Some are examples of idiocy, others are sad reminders of society, and some just are wierd.� Enjoy.�

Quotations, from earliest to latest, undated.�

-You're a disaster- Sr. Rollan
-But there are only 12 hours in a day!- Janet
-One in twenty-five seagulls is a lesbian- Maureen
-I saw Jimmy Hoffa on the ceiling...along with PeeWee Herman and other people- Maureen
-He should die, omigod he's gay or something!- Janet
-Pardon me, your chest got in the way?- Mr. Mayo
-I would like to grind your face into a rubbery pulp!� I would like to drag you behind my car until you're beheaded!- Mum
-I know it's wrong, but in my head it's right!- Joe
-But what about the four?� It's all alone!- Joe
-What a homo- classmate
-Feathers, feathers, everywhere, and still no bawwk or cluck!- Janet (owner of chickens)
-That was when China was still under Communist rule, right?- Alec
-...Crap- Mr. Mayo
-I love math.� I loooove math- Fr. Doyle
-Rrrrrrrrrabbit!- Me (demonic mood)
-The hula headbanger!- Mr. Marusa (in reference to me)
-*This* is Captain Dick!- Janet (with a little paper hat on her finger, drawing a face on it)
-I like smurfs- Janet (no explanation needed)
-'Yes! No!...I'm...' 'Get up here!'- classroom exchange
-Oh, damnit, it won't fit!- Janet
-Its not like that!� Oh, shut up, Sushi, shove it!- Janet
-You're a faggot-Brian
-She abuses me- Seth (in reference to me, I think)
-I can't read mine, it's written in Hebrew- Seth (mocking me)
-You are a disgrace to the family, and I disown you!- Seth
-It wasn't me!- Dan
-'Just wondering sir, why are you stabbing yourself in the thigh?' 'Because it feels so good when I stop'- classroom exchange (between myself and Mr. Mayo, over the Catholic mindset)
-Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah- Sr. Rollan
-Are you acting queer today?- Brian
-Gay- Spike (hissing at me)
-Woof- Mum
-Would you lke to be a faery? I promise it won't hurt!- Janet (in regards to I know not what)
-Ping!- Janet (turning me into more of a faery than I already was)
-Duffer wants you, Duffer wants you!- classmate
-Why is she in my way?- Joe
-Hey, isn't that the gay teletubby?- classmate
-God, I love you- Spike (who will never admit he actually said that to me)
-Doesn't that rainbow mean you're gay?� See, I learned *something* from watching 'The Real World' in fourth grade!- classmate
-Does this look gay?- insensitive classmate
-You are scum- Mum
-[He's] a flaming homo!- classmate
-Are you gay?- classmate (Well, duh)
-Are you a homo?- classmate (I'd rather not use that word...)
-I'm going to kill all homos- classmate (He said this.� I'm not kidding.)
-At least if you bite me I won't get tetanus!- Mr Mayo
-Squeegee guys- Mr. Mayo
-Smile...it's the second best thing you can do with your lips- Acid
-Hey Dan...When I think about you I touch myself!- Joe
-You *are* scum- Mum
-Flaming homo!- classmate (who doesn't even know what flaming means)
-Cruel and deranged little person...-Dad
-How do you molest a dog?- classmate
-You could call it Slap-it-on Molest-a-bitch- Dad (answering above question)
-Here hangs Bob [the 3-toed sloth]- Janet (referring to the accomanpying picture for my poem about the 3-toed sloth)
-I'll make [the pentagram] all pretty!- Janet (after I drew said pentagram on her Scripture binder)
-I'm going to frame this!- classmate (referring to lipstick stains, I think)
-I just like rubbing it in- Dan (take that one as you will!)
-Hi Evil-OW!- Janet (greeting me)
-I don't have anything- Mrs. Reidy (obviously)
-Christina and Sushi are friends.� Christina thinks Sushi's psycho and her skirt's too long.� Sushi thinks Christina's psycho and her skirt's too short- Christina
-Moses was a fruitcake- Janet
-See, I can talk to Sushi [insert garbled mess of sound, completely unintelligible, here]- classmate
-Can I feel that?- Joe
-You know if you put a book sock over your head you look like a mouse?- classmate
-Little bunny foo foo...-Maureen
-Mambo mambo mambo mambo mambo mambo- classmate (with no cause that I could tell)
-You smell like poo- Rebecca
-I popped like 20 of them- classmate (no, I have no idea what he's talking about)
-I love you- Rebecca
-Who did the voice of Bugs bunny?- classmate
-You stink!- classmate to teacher (rude little bastard)
-I'm telling on you!- classmate
-The students like to shave their asses- Mr. Marusa (he gets away with it, just think of differing contexts)
-Ooh!� I have to go change my tampon!- classmate (I'm not sure if she was serious or not)
-Probably some deep dark psychological trauma...could I have an envelope please?- Dad
-'You have to concentrate on paying attention!� Concentrate on ME!' 'Give in to the Dark Side...' classroom exchange (between me and the psychopathic teacher)
-You're such an asshole!- Betsey (you'd have to know Betsey..sweet little girl really, so cute..and she comes out with that sort of shite too.)
-Soy muy caliente.� I'm very horny- Tom (He can't speak Spanish, so he pisses me off with what little he knows)
-It must be a goth thing- Mr. Marusa (picking on me)
-How do girls pee on the seat?- Mr. Marusa (some things are best left unasked...)
-Try not to get the seat wet!- Mr. Marusa (calling after girl on way to bathroom)
-Die, die die, my darling- Malgorzata (said while smiling sweetly at me)
-If it weren't for your misfortunes, I'd be a heavenly person today- Orgy
-The faggots are burning!- Janet
-By saying ambiguous you will be perfectly precise- Dad
-I am not resorting to being a little foo foo fuckup!- Jenn
-Do I have to hit you over the head or something?- teacher
-I'm fun to play with!- classmate (said during speech)
-Perfect time for a machine gun- Me (very demonic mood regarding a pep rally)
-When they're praying nobody's looking- Me (see above)
-There never was a reason [for living]- Malgorzata
-To be awake is to be alive- Thoreau
-I'm tired now so I'm gonna sit...well duh!- Michelle
-Like, take me now!- classmate (No thank you.)
-I'm planning to bomb the school- classmate (I didn't say it!� He was joking anyway!)
-Just living is reason to die- Me
-I'm so sorry!- Mike
-I'm such an idiot.� Oh well, you will have to die- Me
-You're a flaming homo- classmate (don't they have any new vocabulary?)
-Black: it goes with anything.� You can wear it to a wedding, you can wear it to a funeral- Angela
-Florida is worse than here- Angela
-I'm gonna kill that dickhole!- Janet
-I need a thing- Janet (I don't know either)
-It has to go in order or else I'll go insane!- Janet (she says a lot of odd things, doesn't she?)
-Meet the musical creatures taht live among the flowers!- Janet
-That's fucked up.� You don't have a thing- Janet
-Decrepit! That's my new favourite word, it's like perpetual but it isn't!- Janet
-Carrots are not like lemmings- Me (long story...)
-Do you live in a yellow submarine?- Me (I asked everyone I saw that one day)
-Stop Quacking at me!- stranger (in reference to the French language)
-Somebody stole my car!� Ha ha!- Joe
-Faith, Hope and Love...and the greatest of these is Hatred- Rob
-Life is an addiction- Me
-We're all stars now, in the dope show, I want it that way, so hit me baby just one more time!- Me, Michelle, and Angela (No, I don't recall the drug we must have been taking to come up with that)
-I think that [Marilyn Manson] should sacrifice [the BSB] on tour- classmate (I put this in because she's the kind of girl that you would think loved the BSB and NSUCK, etc, but she doesn't, just to disprove a stereotype)
-Is that Elvis?- classmate
-Big German dude in lederhosen....SCARY- Me
-Speak to me in any language and I still won't understand you- Me
-Where the men are men and the sheep are afraid- Dad (my father is a sick guy sometimes)
-Just remember: Reality is for those people who can't handle drugs- Dad (gotta love him!)
-I AM A BARBITUATE!- Me
-He doesn't HAVE to look like Yul Brynner!- Me (I don't know what I was talking about)
-Do I have purple on my nose?- classmate
- I want to be a pop icon- Velvet Goldmine
-Bum, bum, bum...Satellite of love...-Curt Wild (VG)
-I think that's quite batty- Ewan McGregor
-I mean, it's not some creature with a vagina coming out of it's forehead- Liam Neeson (Regarding his character in Star Wars...Explains a lot of those aliens' sex habits, ne?)
-Lie.� I *like* to lie- teacher
-What's your problem, Zorro?- teacher
-Let me get my grapes out of your way- classmate
-Is that contagious?- classmate
-Bjoerk?� New York?� What?- Me
-You burned your ass!� You burned your ass!� Ha ha!- Me
-I have a bullethole in my book!- classmate
-Someone shot my book!- classamte
-You're on crack.� Yes, I probably am- teacher
-They're like the Energiser Bunny- teacher (regarding what, I do not know)
-Clapton is God- Mr. Shugrue
-God, I can't walk today!- teacher
-Who won the American Revolution?� The British, really- teacher
-We won, right?- classmate (regarding the outcome of the War for Independence)
-Must've been a helium rabbit- Dad
-LAND JELLYFISH!- Dad
-I don't even have a chair!- teacher
-What if blind people didn't have fingers?- classmate
-I'm fat too!- classmate
-I'm a masochist!- Amy B.� (no, she doesn't know what it means.)
-Silly rabbit- teacher
-It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!- cousin
-Wow.� That's long.- classmate
-He took two sheets of acid and some shrooms, and now he thinks he's a glass of orange juice- friend (about this kid, who has been that way for two or more years)
-Don't come back until there's blood- Mum (regarding my cousin and I fighting)
-If you take 4 tabs of acid, you're considered legally insane- friend (useful, no?)
-Where'd you get the grass?- friend
-The answer to all that is 'It depends'- Reverend Matt
-Wow, we have a sub!� I can sleep now!- classmate
-Look at what you're wearing, and tell me why- classmate

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All works here are copyrighted the Engel. Please respect the people that said these things, and don't steal.