Speedy
1
New York, where every-
body is in such a
hurry that they take
Saturday's bath on Friday
so they can do Monday's
washing on Sunday.
2
In an old-fashioned corner
of the city -- a section
that had never acquired
the pace of the rest of
New York.
3
"Ladies an' Gents: On
your right is a vehicle
that has defied the rush
of civilizashun -- -- the
last horse car in New
York."
4
"The car is owned
and driven by one
of New York's and
nature's noblemen --
Pop Dillon."
5
"Mr. Dillon, the officials
of my railroad want
to know if you've
decided to accept their
offer for your track."
6
"I told you what my
price is -- -- an' I'm
stickin' to it."
7
"If you don't take this
offer, the chances are
you'll get nothing!"
8
"Well, I ain't got nothin',
so if I don't get nothin' --
I won't have nothin'
less than I've got."
9
Jane Dillon, in love with
life, her grand-daddy --
and somebody else.
10
"Well, Grand-daddy, they
can't keep Speedy
down -- -- he's got
another new job."
11
"Speedy gets plenty of
jobs -- but he'll never
keep one while his mind
is full of baseball."
12
"He'll keep this one.
He said he'll own
the place in six
months."
13
Far away from the quiet
of Pop Dillon's neighbor-
hood, roaring fans were
cheering the Yankees on in
a crucial game.
14
The only thing Speedy
required of his
employers was that
their store be within
phoning distance of the
Yankee Stadium.
15
"An orangeade, please."
16
"Have these delivered
to my wife right
away. I've got to
square myself for
being out all night."
17
"Get your hat and
coat."
18
"Have these flowers at
the boss's house in
twenty minutes -- or
don't come back."
19
"Well, Speedy -- how's
the new job coming
along?"
20
"Oh, I got out of that
job all right. I didn't
have any trouble."
21
"Big men don't keep jobs
like that. You never
heard of Lincoln jerking
soda water."
22
"I wish I could get rid
of my rheumatics like
you do your jobs."
23
"Rub my neck, will
you, Speedy?"
24
"Aw, Jane -- why worry
about losing a job on
Saturday, when we can
go to Coney Island on
Sunday?"
25
"Besides, you know I
always get a job on
Monday."
26
"Mr. Dillon, it seems my
agent was unsuccessful
in dealing with you --
so I've come for your
rock-bottom price."
27
"Why, this price is
ridiculous for an old
contraption like yours!"
28
"That's the price I'm
going to get -- an' it
ain't a contraption --
it's a horse car."
29
"Dillon, if you won't sell
out -- -- perhaps there
are ways I can force
you out!"
30
"He can't force you out,
can he, Pop?"
31
"The folks at the City
Hall said that as long
as my car runs once
every twenty-four hours,
the car an' track is
mine."
32
When a boy loses his job,
buys a new suit and
takes a girl to Coney
Island, he's either insane
or in love -- -- and there's
not much difference.
33
"The next stop is
Forty-second street,
isn't it?"
34
"Say, what's the idea?
I just bought this
suit!"
35
"You thief! It's men
like you that make
women afraid to wear
underwear."
36
"Hey, Jimmie!"
37
"Say, Jimmie, I'm broke.
Will you give us a lift
back to the city?"
38
"Say, I'll bet there's
enough furniture here
for a cozy little home."
39
"Come on, Jane, what
do you say we get
married -- and let Pop
live with us?"
40
"Speedy, I couldn't think
of getting married -- --
till grand-daddy's affairs
are settled."
41
"Leave it to me, Jane --
I'll get a job in the
morning and help you
out till Pop gets what
he wants."
42
"Stick right on the job --
and be courteous to
the customers."
43
"Say, after a customer
rides in my cab, he'll
never ride in another."
44
The hours went by --
and so did Speedy's
customers.
45
"Why don't you keep
the door and get a
new car?"
46
"Go on home before yuh
see an elephant pushin'
a baby carriage!"
47
"Pennsylvania Station --
and step on it!"
48
"Where's my fare?"
49
"I had to go fast -- --
I had detectives in
back."
50
"If you try it again,
you'll have stripes in
front!"
51
"We missed our man!
Drive us to the
Municipal Ferry as
fast as you can!"
52
"We'll fix that. While
we're with you,
there's no speed limit!"
53
"Say, you crazy nut -- --
where did you learn to
drive?"
54
"I didn't. It's a gift."
55
"If you get tough with
me, I'll run you in
right now!"
56
"I can't be bothered --
tell the guys inside."
57
"Arrest this man! He
almost killed me in
the back seat!"
58
"One more ticket and
you go to jail."
59
Babe Ruth, the idol
of American boys --
little and big.
60
"Hey, taxi!"
61
"Drive me to the Yankee
Stadium -- in a hurry!"
62
"Gee, Babe, you've
done more for base-
ball than cheese did
for Switzerland."
63
"Gosh, Babe -- this is
the proudest moment
of my life!"
64
"If you don't look out,
it'll be the last."
65
"Even when you strike
out, you miss 'em close."
66
"I don't miss 'em half
as close as you do."
67
"Step on it -- or you'll
have me late!"
68
"If I ever want to
commit suicide I'll
call you."
69
"Want to see the game?"
70
"I'll be back as soon
as I park my cab."
71
"Attaboy, Babe!"
72
"So this is the way
you drive my cab!"
73
"Give me the hat, the
money, and everything
connected with the job."
74
"You said you wanted
everything -- -- you
got it."
75
"Carter, I've investigated
Dillon's affairs -- and
I've discovered a way
to force him out."
76
"If the car doesn't run
once in twenty-four
hours, Dillon will lose
his railroad."
77
"You send a gang down
to start a fight on the
car and get rid of the
old man in the mix-up."
78
"Then drive the car
away and get rid
of it!"
79
"What's the matter,
Speedy -- are you
sick?"
80
"I'm all right, Pop --
but how about you?"
81
"Pop, you're a sick
man -- you need a
vacation."
82
"Why don't you take a
rest for a few days --
and let me drive the
car?"
83
At night, Pop's car was
used as a clubhouse by
the old tradesmen of
the neighborhood.
84
"What's the trouble
now?"
85
"There's something
crooked. I got three
aces an' he's got four."
86
"Speedy, now that
you're drivin' the car,
you must have it
here on time for our
games."
87
"I'm not so sure that
you'll have the car
to play in very long."
88
"I got a tip that there's
a tough gang coming
down to take Pop's car."
89
"Boys, if anybody tries to
take this car, we ought
to have somethin' to
say about it!"
90
"Us boys fought in the
Civil War an' our old
password was -- -- it
smells like rain."
91
"If you get in trouble,
pass the word 'It
smells like rain'; Jed'll
blow his bugle -- an'
we'll all be there."
92
"In twenty years, I ain't
fought with nobody but
my wife -- an' I'm right
on edge!"
93
The next morning found
Speedy driving the
car -- conscious that at
any moment he might be
unconscious.
94
"Catch that man! He
got away with our
pay roll!"
95
"It smells like rain."
96
"It smells like rain."
97
"IT SMELLS LIKE RAIN!"
98
"It smells very much
like rain!"
99
The casualties of the
fight were eight
broken noses, a
splintered wooden leg,
a cracked glass eye and
a sprained wishbone.
100
The next morning the
sun was almost afraid
to come out -- because
it could still see stars.
101
"Pop, the car's been
stolen -- and it hasn't
run in twenty-two
hours!"
102
"We've got to find it
and bring it back by
ten o'clock -- or your
railroad's gone!"
103
An hour later -- miles
away on the other
side of the city.
104
"Mad dog! Mad dog!"
105
"Is Speedy back, yet?"
106
"The kid's got the car
an' he's drivin' across
town! Have the gang
stop him!"
107
"If he gets by me, you
guys wreck him before
he hits Dillon's track!"
108
"Here he comes! Stick
right beside me and
he'll have to stop!"
109
"We'll wreck him here!
Tear up the planks!"
110
"Mr. Dillon, I thought
things over -- and I've
decided to meet your
price."
111
"Did you hear what
he said, Speedy?"
112
"Pop's slightly deaf and
he can't hear a word
you say -- -- till you
get up to a hundred
thousand.
113
"I'll bring you a check
in the morning."
114
"Jane, what do you
say we take the horse
car -- -- and drive to
Niagara Falls?"
THE END
Home