1 For one hundred and fifty years Philadel- phia has been an arena for the deeds of great Americans. 2 Around the feet of William Penn now swarm the Commercial Giants of the modern age. 3 Among the thousands is Aubrey Piper - our Mr. Piper of the Penn- sylvania Railroad, in his own mind the most important man in that great organization. 4 "Another outburst like that, and you'll laugh yourself right out of this office." 5 "Now maybe you'll learn this is an office - not a bird-house!" 6 "I'm helping to raffle off a car for our Widows and Orphans Fund." 7 "I always consider the widows - God bless 'em - but I wouldn't know what to do with any more cars." 8 "The lucky girl is Amy Fisher - - you've heard of them, of course - the Fishers of Germantown." 9 "A radiant gem for a radiant girl!" 10 "A mere trifle - you know. I'm the head of a department, with thirty clerks under me." 11 However, Amy's parents are not "The Fishers of Germantown" .... they scarcely know how to get there on a trolley. 12 "Hello, Joe! Bet you didn't know your mother asked me over for dinner!" 13 "Is that another new dress?" 14 "It was on sale at Strawbridge's. Only twenty-two sixty-four." 15 "I see! You've asked that Show-Off over to dinner again." 16 "No, Mom - he's not coming until after dinner." 17 "Thank Heaven for that! He eats more than he talks, if such a thing is possible!" 18 "A trifle early but always welcome - eh? The pride of old West Philly!" 19 "Just a little social call. Never too busy to visit the home folks." 20 "All washed up, and signed on the dotted line!" 21 "Aubrey, have you had your dinner?" 22 "Sorry, but I have a dinner engagement with our Vice-President. We're closing a big deal tonight." 23 "However and notwith- standing - if you insist, I might be able to postpone it." 24 "How could I turn down the little mother's cooking?" 25 "Put another leaf in the table .... the big one - he needs plenty of room." 26 "Sorry, old man, I can't be with you this evening. We can take up that big freight movement in the morning, just as well." 27 "He's the head of a department, with thirty clerks under him!" 28 "If that windbag has thirty clerks under him they work on the floor below." 29 "Here's a letter for Joe - maybe I'd better see if it's important." 30 "Bad news, son?" 31 "I've invented a new kind of paint. When applied to metal it prevents rust, but the steel companies can't see it." 32 Three hours of work in his basement laboratory gives Joe a new idea. 33 "I've found it, Pop - just what it needs. But I'd have to demonstrate it, and that would take at least a thousand dollars." 34 "Little Sweetheart, when I take you to that cozy bungalow I've been speaking about -" 35 "- I'll build a music nook for you. The wife of a railroad official should have a pipe-organ in her house -" 36 "- and sunken bath tubs, a little stretch of green lawn, and a tennis court ... I look splendid in white trousers!" 37 "Aubrey, you're wonderful!" 38 "Quit pussyfootin' around that door, listenin' to what's none of your business!" 39 "Clara, you work near the station - - is that Aubrey fellow the head of anything?" 40 "He's only a thirty dollar a week clerk, like the rest. The boys call him Carnation Charlie." 41 "He's been in there giving her a line of talk about sunken bungalows and pipe organs!" 42 "The only organ she'll ever hear will be a mouth organ!" 43 "I guess Amy'll be getting married pretty soon." 44 "Who do you think she'll marry?" 45 "I've talked to her till I'm blue in the face, but I guess she loves that big bluffer." 46 "Suppose we let the folks in on the good news - sign 'em up on the dotted line!" 47 "How about a little drink of that rare old Fisher water?" 48 "That lamp has set on this table for twenty years, and it's going to set there as long as I live." 49 "'Blushing she gave it, looking down At her feet so bare, and her tattered gown.'" 50 "Am I right or wrong, Pop Corn?" 51 "Keep your damn hands to yourself! I never saw such a pest in my life!" 52 "Tell that Pennsylvania Railroad if he's got to bray like that, to go down to the stockyards where he belongs." 53 "'The boy rode off with many a laugh, and many a back- ward bow.'" 54 "That's a nice way Pop treated Aubrey. I was never so mortified in my life!" 55 "Then let the blather- skite stop his silly talk and quit slapping people!" 56 "You won't have a chance to insult him much longer. I'll marry him now just for spite!" 57 A month passed before Amy married him, but not until after the ceremony did she ob- tain a glimpse of the wonderful love-nest. 58 "Of course, this is only temporary, till certain big deals go through. Then -- prepare ye mansions, oh my heart!" 59 "I'm afraid there's no use, Pop. I haven't the money to make a demonstration." 60 "Do you think you could do it with this?" 61 "Why - where'd you get it?" 62 "It's the money your Ma and me saved to pay off the debt on the home." 63 "My health ain't what it used to be, son. Some day you'll have to take care of Mom - an' this is your chance for bigger things." 64 "Maybe we'd better not tell Mom about it just yet ... she might not understand." 65 After a month's waiting for some of Mr. Piper's big deals to go through ... 66 "Amy, I ought to have a new suit. You know the boys at the office look to me for their styles." 67 "But we can't afford it, dear. The rent is past due, and it would cost us more money if we had to move." 68 "Well, I'm tired of this place, anyway - - it's beginning to depress me." 69 "By the way, Amy - while we're getting settled, I'll bet the folks would love to have us drop in on them for a few days." 70 "Oh, no, Aubrey - my pride - Oh! I just couldn't!" 71 "Why not? Pop would be glad to have me come in and cheer him up." 72 Two days of fruitless house hunting brings Amy, like a tired child, back to her mother. 73 "We've got to move. I've walked until my feet ache, but I can't find a bungalow we can afford." 74 "A bungalow on thirty dollars a week! I'll bet that's Aubrey's idea." 75 "He says he wants a place with a sun dial and a fountain." 76 "Well, Lady Jane, if I don't miss my guess you're both on the streets this very minute!" 77 "You're my child, and I've got to take you in, but warn that laughing hyena he'll have to change his ways!" 78 "I'm looking for the winning number on the auto raffle." 79 "You've won the car!" 80 "Aren't you happy?" 81 "I'd be happier if someone had won it who really needs a car." 82 "Tell the little mother to dust off the coon- skin coat. We're going motoring!" 83 "You've heard me speak of my uncle George Stitch, haven't you?" 84 "He left me some shares in an automobile factory and I've cashed them in for a beautiful touring car." 85 "Aubrey has bought a new car." 86 "What with? He'd better be thinking of something to eat and a place to sleep." 87 "I used to drive in the Vanderbilt Cup races." 88 "I'm accustomed to driving motors with a gear-shift!" 89 "Say - how did you ever get a license to drive a taxi?" 90 "I'm surprised he didn't kill himself. Only my presence of mind saved him." 91 "As a citizen and tax payer I demand jus- tice. He jay-walked right in front of my car!" 92 "I wonder what's keeping Aubrey?" 93 "Maybe he stopped to pick up the Mayor." 94 "For Heaven's sake, what happened?" 95 "Aubrey, you're wonderful!" 96 "Applesauce!" 97 "Maybe it's that baby he saved - calling up to thank him." 98 "Mr. Fisher was taken ill at his work. He's here, in Ward 53." 99 "What's the matter, Joe?" 100 "You're not telling me the truth! Something tells me it's about Pop - - has he had another spell?" 101 "They've taken him to the hospital." 102 "It's a pity it wasn't you!" 103 "You keep this fellow here. His talk would finish your father." 104 "Sic transit gloria mundi." 105 "It's an old French saying ... means 'we're here today and gone tomorrow.'" 106 "You've nothing to fear, Honey ... The old kid from West Philly is still with you." 107 A Business Man's day in court ... 108 "The City of Philadelphia versus Aubrey Piper." 109 "You're charged with violating ordinances 821-3496827 - 1862 B also Section A.J.X. of 212120." 110 "Would you mind repeating that last charge, Your Honor?" 111 "You heard me. What have you to say for yourself?" 112 "How many witnesses are here to appear against the defendant?" 113 "There weren't that many people on the street!" 114 "I'm going to make an example of you. The fine will be five hun- dred dollars or three months in jail." 115 "My political influence in West Philly is pretty strong, my friend. You'd better give this a second thought." 116 "That's a good sugges- tion, and on second thought I'll change the sentence to one thou- sand dollars or six months at hard labor." 117 "Don't worry, Honey. I've always wanted an opportunity to investi- gate prison conditions around here." 118 "I'll pay his fine." 119 "Right there ... on the dotted line!" 120 "It was the mortgage money. We mustn't let Mom know about it." 121 "Trust me. You know how close-mouthed I am." 122 That afternoon the Pipers moved in with the Fishers. 123 "Pop loaned it to me for my invention, before he died." 124 "Why did you do it, Joe?" 125 "I couldn't see one of the family go to jail, even if we lost the home." 126 "Listen to me, you big blow! It's time somebody put you wise to yourself!" 127 "With one of your fool gestures you've sacrificed their home!" 128 "You've ruined Joe's future!" 129 "You're just a four- flusher - a Show-Off - you couldn't be square with yourself!" 130 According to Aubrey, a man may be down but he's never out - - until he's kicked out. 131 "A simple solution of vanadium and man- ganese - invented by a youth who under my tutelage will astound the world with his wizardry." 132 "This is a formula, gentle- men, that will revolution- ize our whole chemical and commercial era. I know because I'm an expert on such matters!" 133 "We've tried many kinds of rust-preventing paints, but they have all proved impractical." 134 "Of course, you realize that your refusal will force me to go to your competitor, and you know what that will do to your business." 135 "I regret to tell you that my firm has instructed me to foreclose on your property." 136 "Take it or leave it - leave it or take it! Act now! That's the slogan that has made me the man I am today!" 137 "Sign on the dotted line." 138 "Further delay is impos- sible. I must insist that you sign this release on your deed." 139 "Don't sign on the dotted line!" 140 "Aubrey, I always knew you'd make good!" 141 "Aubrey, you are wonderful! How did you do it?" 142 "Instead of applying the paint to the outside, my boy, I told 'em to apply it to the metal in its molten state!" 143 "Heaven help me from now on!" The End.Home