Tell It to the Marines
1
Almost every train bound
for the Marine Base at
San Diego, California, carries
a prospective Marine...some
fellow fresh from the country
or fresher from some city.
2
The greatest public
improvement ever
made to Kansas City
was when George Burns
left to go join the
Marines.
... William Haines
3
"Fifth and last call for
San Diego!"
4
During the night General
Wilcox, U.S. Marine Corps,
had boarded the train.
... Frank Currier
5
"Slick day, Grandpop!"
6
"Use this for your
halitosis, Pop...your
friends will never
tell you."
7
"Say brother, is Kentucky
Boy entered in the sixth
race at Tia Juana?"
8
"So you are going to
join the Marine Corps?"
9
"The Marines think I am...
but they're all damp!"
10
"Confidentially...I'm only
ridin' free on Uncle Sam
as far as San Diego.
I'm bound for Tia Juana
to wreck the races."
11
"My boy, they'd have
as much chance to
make a Marine of me
as they would of you."
12
"San Diego!"
13
SERGEANT O'HARA,
U.S. MARINES.
A hard-boiled egg. If he
had ever been hatched
he'd have been a lion.
... Lon Chaney
14
"Snap into it! Get those
anchors off your feet!"
15
"You're headin' wrong
for the Marine Base!"
16
"Come on...take your
choice! Are you goin'
vertical or horizontal?"
17
"He'll come back."
18
And Sergeant O'Hara
was right.
19
"Are you the Marine
Corpse?"
20
"No! I'm the fellow who
killed the Dead Sea!"
21
"Good luck....you'll
need it!"
22
"The Major's waitin'
for you."
23
"Sure! He's been sittin'
up nights...just waitin'
for you!"
24
"Burns, are you an
American citizen?"
25
"Sure! Do I look like
a Persian?"
26
"Ever been married?"
27
"Not me! I'm America's
sweetheart!"
28
"Ever been in jail?"
29
"Well, Maje old kid....
now I'm a Marine."
30
"You're damned right
you are! Stand up!"
31
"Terrible!"
32
"Madden, put a uniform
on this! Try to make
it look human!"
33
"Don't shoot him before
we find out where his
parents live."
34
"They're comin' worse
ev'ry day!"
35
"Say, Swab....if you're
gonna walk backwards
around here you gotta
wear a tail light!"
36
Few people had ever
seen Sergeant O'Hara
smile....and Norma Dale
was one of them.
... Eleanor Boardman
37
"I've roamed the world
over and nowhere have
I seen - -"
38
"I know....nowhere
have you seen a girl
like me."
39
"Sheik style at the ears...
and long and fluffy on
top!"
40
"Nix! Cut it close to
the bone!"
41
"Sergeant, here's one of
the original Three Wise
Men! Put the works
on him!"
42
"He don't know whether
he's comin' or goin'!"
43
"Who wants to quit drill
for the day and run the
General's car?"
44
"Brother, I can drive
anything....from a
bargain to a battleship!"
45
"You're just what the
Marines have needed
for years!"
46
"The general's car!"
47
And they let Marines
sleep as late as they
like...as long as they're
up by five o'clock.
48
"Come on, Snoring Bull...
tomorrow has came!"
49
"What's the idea....
do they think we're
milkmen?"
50
"Say, Rip Van Winkle...
this place ain't no rest
cure!"
51
"I'm sick! I've got
neuritis!"
52
"What am I supposed
to do....cry?"
53
"Take General Complaint
to the Sick Bay!"
54
"I've got a terrible
headache!"
55
"This young man seems
to have everything from
galloping consumption
to cold feet."
56
"I think I've got fallen
arches!"
57
"I didn't know they
had anything like
you in the Marines."
58
"I'm not in the Marines!
I'm in the Navy!"
59
"Well....one of us has
got to get transferred."
60
"Will he last through
the day?"
61
"He's just another of
your fighting Marines?"
62
"Wait outside, Ambition!"
63
"You know, I've roamed-"
64
"- the world over and
you never saw a girl
like me!"
65
"Ten thousand gobs
Laid down their swabs
To fight one sick Marine."
66
"Come on, Stupid!"
67
Poundin' the grass! Polishin' brass!
Diggin' latrines! Makin' Marines!
Drill! Drill! Drill!
68
"Say, Admiral....when
do the nurses get off?"
69
"Who wants to know?"
70
"They get off anywhere
between Tuesday and
Thursday."
71
"Much obliged!"
72
"I'm sorry to hear it!"
73
"He's nuts...like all you
Leather-necks!"
74
"Ten thousand gobs
Laid down their swabs
To fight one sick Marine."
75
"Hello, Sweetie! Here's
Little Me waiting for
Little You!"
76
"I brought the Michigan
Mouse around to take
you driving."
77
"Has that Boot been
botherin' you?"
78
"It's all right....Marines
will be Marines."
79
"Can I have my chauffeur
give you a lift to the
car line?"
80
"Thanks for the lift,
Sergeant."
81
"You be back in the Base
at ten-thirty....or I'll
reduce the population
of Kansas by one!"
82
"It's a great day for
a drive."
83
"Missed him....but I'll
get him on the way
back!"
84
"Maybe they don't look
so great....but they
smell swell."
85
"Aw, come on!"
86
"Well....I'll go if you
promise to take me
right home."
87
"It is a nice day for
a drive."
88
"You've been promising
to take me back to the
Base every minute for
the last three hours!"
89
"I never knew anybody
could drink so much
ginger ale without
popping."
90
"Don't be dumb, darling...
you won't be a chicken
forever."
91
"You know, you ought
to encourage me....I'm
not hard to get."
92
"I've met a lot of fresh
ones in and out of
the service....but he
breaks all records."
93
"He's fresh all right....
but we'll salt him down!"
94
"But....I don't mean
to get him in any trouble."
95
"Don't worry! He don't
need any help to get
in trouble."
96
"At that, I don't blame
you....he's a likeable
kid."
97
"We've got a nice little
comfortable jail waitin'
for you! It's called The
Brig!"
98
"Good night....Miss
Squealer!"
99
And the Marines have
a peculiar way of
generally doing just
what the Sergeant says
they will do.
100
"Snap up that detach-
ment for sea duty!
We shove off in ten
minutes."
101
"Sergeant, I've come to
ask a favor of you."
102
"It's about Skeet Burns.
I was a poor sport to
have squealed on him."
103
"I'd hate to feel I've hindered
his advancement. Won't you
take him to sea with you?"
104
"This is no kindergarten!
We've got to have
discipline around here!"
105
"Sergeant, I followed
your orders. Burns
is ready to go to sea
with us."
106
"Please, Skeet....I want
to talk to you."
107
"I'm sorry about the
other night, Skeet. I
hate a squealer as
much as you do."
108
"Burns!"
109
"BURNS!"
110
"- and I didn't want
you to leave without
knowing how I really
feel, Skeet."
111
"Gee, Norma....you're
a peach! I'm nuts
about you!"
112
"If I wasn't the punkest
Marine in the Corps, I'd
ask you something,
Norma."
113
"- but I'm goin' to try
hard to make good so
I might have a chance
with you some day."
114
"He says he's going to
make good. Give him
a lift, Sergeant."
115
With the Seven Seas as cradles,
And a Sergeant as a nurse,
They breed the best brand fightin' men
In the whole wide universe!
116
"Step on it! Let's get
up to the fights!"
117
"Say, Marine....you
almost ran into a
murder!"
118
"Peddle your papers,
Handsome!
I'm poison to Gobs!"
119
"And I'm a great cure
for poison, Mr. Leather
Neck!"
120
"Say, Baby....I think
I'll declare war on you!"
121
"If you want to fight I'll get
you a battlefield!"
122
"Watch me sink the
Navy!"
123
"Special bout! A short
exhibition between
Skeet Burns, the fight-
ing Marine - -"
124
"- - and Bill Duff,
heavyweight champion
of the Navy!"
125
"Sing to him...and when
he stops to listen....
sock!"
126
"Get up....and hide!"
127
"Bye-bye, Blackbird!"
128
"Oh....it's you!"
129
"Up to the time he
slipped over that lucky
wallop...I was a mile
ahead!"
130
"Now clean up that
paint, you big false
alarm!"
131
"I'm fed up with O'Hara...
and this ship...and the
lousy Marines!"
132
"I'm going to jump as
soon as I get a chance."
133
"A Marine can't do anything
lower than bellyache to a
Gob!"
134
"You ain't goin' to jump
this ship! You've got
three years to go....
and you're goin' to serve
'em....with me!"
135
"I'll make a Marine out
of you if I have to break
every bone in your
head....and I'm talkin'!"
136
"Battle practice! At your
station!"
137
"Dig! Broadside comin'!"
138
"Six miles this side of Hell"
as the Marines term
it, is the Navy oil base
on Tondo Island, guarded
by U.S. Marines.
139
It never rains more
than three hundred
and sixty-five days a
year on Tondo...except
Leap years!
140
"You'd better keep away
from those floosies
or O'Hara will put a
permanent wave in
your skull."
141
"Fall in!"
142
"I'm givin' you birds
final warnin'! I'll knock
the block off the first
man I catch with those
goo-goo dames!"
143
"And anyone that don't
like my orders....front
and centre!"
144
"I'm goin' to work some
of the romance out of
you guys! Forward....
march!"
145
"I suppose you're goin' to
kiss O'Hara goodnight."
146
"I've got a nerve thinkin'
of her....with a map
like this."
147
"I'm certainly the ugliest
mut in the service."
148
"No....you've got it
on me a little."
149
"He must have been a
Colonel.....at least!"
150
"Where's Burns?"
151
"He's - er, er - that
is, he was - er, er -
I think he -"
152
"Never mind stalling!
I'm wise!"
153
"Drag him back to
quarters!"
154
"It's the fleet with
our relief!"
155
There were rumors of
trouble in China...
so two months later
found the Marines in
Shanghai harbor with
the Asiatic Squadron.
156
The Hospital Ship
Relief.
157
"My letter was quite
explanatory, Mr. Burns.
There is nothing more
to be said."
158
"I was foolish once on
Tondo Island....but
I've tried to make up
for it ever since."
159
"I'm wise! He's thrown
the hooks into me to
boost himself!"
160
"I'm a fool to have ever
believed in him."
161
"Don't you think I'm
right to never see him
again?"
162
"Never? Are you sure
that's what you mean?"
163
"Yes....I do mean it."
164
"I think you're turning
him down just when
he needs you the most."
165
"I wish he were more
like you."
166
"If you think he's bad,
you should have known
me when - -"
167
"Excuse me, Miss....
all nurses are to report
aboard ship at once....
sailing for Hangchow!"
168
"Hangchow? Isn't that
right in the center of
the bandit mess?"
169
"Yes....but this is a
nurses call! There's
an epidemic up there!"
170
Four days after the
hospital relief went
to Hangchow the
Asiatic Squadron left
Shanghai harbor.
171
"What's been buzzin' in
your bonnet for the past
week, Skeet?"
172
"O'Hara double crossed
me!"
173
"You had me buffaloed
once, O'Hara....but I've
changed!"
174
"Well....there was
certainly room for
improvement!"
175
"Sergeant or no Sergeant....
the time's over when you
can double-cross me to set
yourself in right!"
176
"So that's all you've
learned about me in
three years."
177
"I've learned one thing...
that you hate my guts!"
178
"Well....I hate yours!"
179
HANGCHOW.
180
"The bandits are swarming
the hills!"
181
"Trouble! Tell it to
the Marines!"
182
"He say open doors
or he break them
down."
183
"Tell him to go to hell!"
184
"Not a shot to be fired
without orders! Fix...
BAYONETS!"
185
"Foreigners....crossing
bridge!"
186
"My orders....nobody
leave this town!"
187
"That's for all the punk
Chop Suey I got in
Omaha!"
188
"Stop them at the
bridge!"
189
"Leave a squad to hold
that bridge and protect
us from a rear attack...
and shoot to kill!"
190
"Better get back to the
column....and save
your hide!"
191
"In your hat!"
192
"Didn't I tell you to
beat it?"
193
"I'm not goin' to let you
have all the fun!"
194
"If the Army and the Navy
ever look on Heaven's scenes,
They'll find the streets all
guarded by United States Marines!"
195
- and "Skeet" Burns'
four year stretch was
done.
196
"Take those guys out
and shoot them."
197
"How about us some day
bein' partners? Norma
and I have bought a
ranch."
198
"No, Skeet...I could never
leave the Marines. We're
sort of made for each
other."
199
"I snort and beef a lot
but I think the world
of every lousy rookie."
200
"Who wants to quit drill
for today and drive the
General's car?"
The End
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