Male and Female
1
"So God created Man in
His own image, in the image
of God created He him;
Male and Female created
He them."
Genesis 1:27.
2
And filling her own little niche
in this Divine Creation, among
the tangled Destinies of fashion-
able Loam House, London - lives
"Tweeny", a little Scullery Maid.
Lila Lee.
3
The Earl of Loam, whose
aristocratic eyes will one
day learn to distinguish the
difference between Blue Blood
and Red.
Theodore Roberts.
4
The Honorable Ernest Woolley,
a cousin to Lord Loam;
who pays fabulous sums in
restaurants, yearly, for the
privilege of handing his
hat to an attendant.
Raymond Hatton.
5
Lady Agatha Lasenby, youngest
daughter of Lord Loam; who
is to find - like most beauties -
that the condition of her face is
less important, than to learn to
face conditions.
Mildred Reardon.
6
Lady Mary Lasenby, eldest
daughter of Lord Loam; who
is to learn, that hands are not
only to be manicured, but to work
with - heads not only to be dress-
ed, but to think with - hearts not
only to beat, but to love with!
Gloria Swanson.
7
William Crichton, the
admirable Crichton -
Butler in Lord Loam's
household.
Thomas Meighan.
8
"Young man, you are
taking a short cut to
the gallows!"
9
Humanity is assuredly
growing cleaner - but is
it growing more artistic?
Women bathe more often,
but not as beautifully as did
their ancient Sisters.
Why shouldn't the Bath
Room express as much Art
and Beauty as the Drawing
Room?
10
"You've been growing
careless lately, about my
bath - I don't want it over
90 degrees!"
11
If anyone had told the great
Lady and the little Scullery
Maid, of Loam House, that their
destinies were to be insepara-
bly bound together, each would
have opened her pretty eyes
- and laughed!
12
"What dire Offense from
slender Causes springs -
What mighty Contests rise
from trivial Things!"
13
"The toast is spoiled -
it's entirely too soft!"
14
"Are you sure, my lady,
that the toast is the only
thing that's spoiled?"
15
Comparisons are odious -
and sometimes dangerous.
16
"That will do, Crichton!"
17
"The love of Learning, in
sequestered nooks -
And all the sweet serenity
of Books,
Make High and Low, and
King and Peasant, kin."
18
Or ever the knightly years were gone
With the old world to the grave,
I was a King in Babylon
And you were a Christian Slave.
19
"I wouldn't be nobody's
slave - I wouldn't!"
20
"Unless maybe your
slave, Sir!"
21
"Aggie dear - have you
seen the second volume
of Henley's Poems?"
22
I saw, I took, I cast you by,
I bent and broke your pride.
23
"Ernie dear - did you
see the second volume
of Henley's Poems?"
24
"Crichton, I'm looking
for the second volume of
Henley's Poems."
25
Or ever the knightly years were gone
With the old world to the grave,
I was a King in Babylon
And you were a Christian Slave.
26
"I had no idea, Crichton,
that you were interested in
ancient Babylonian Kings!"
27
But there is one who - though
knowing little of "Babylonian
Kings" - is extensively in-
formed on certain "Queens"
in the Cleopatra Ballet -
Lord Brockelhurst,
Robert Cain.
28
"Him and her are keepin'
company, ain't they?"
29
"Whisky and Soda
for Lord Brockelhurst,
Crichton."
30
Of what concern should it be
to a humble Butler - that a
great Lord, and a great Lady
were soon to wed?
31
Tea-time - the time of
confidences - brings
Lady Eileen Duncraigie
and her tangled love-
affairs, to her best friend
for advice.
32
"We're just completing our
plans for a yachting trip to
the South Seas, Eileen - why
don't you join us?"
33
"Thank you, I'm afraid I
can't - I just ran over for
a little chat with Mary."
34
"Mary, a friend of mine is
desperately in love with a
man beneath her in station,
who loves her and wants to
marry her - do they stand
any chance for happiness?"
35
"He's - he's her
chauffeur!"
36
"Would you put a Jack Daw
and a Bird of Paradise in the
same cage? It's kind to kind,
Eileen - and you and I can
never change it!"
37
"Frown all you want,
Mary, but there's one
thing you can't frown
down - and that is Love!"
38
"Rather democratic you
servants are getting!"
39
"One cannot tell what may be
in a man, my Lady. If all were
to return to Nature tomorrow, the
same man might not be master
- nor the same man servant -
Nature would decide the matter
for us!"
40
"Swiftly glides the bonnie boat,
Just parted from the shore -
Ah, tell me how my Laddie fares,
Whom I may see no more."
___________
But possibly ignorance on this
subject - in Lady Mary's case
- is "bliss."
41
Cross Currents.
42
"I suppose, if one married
his chauffeur, one would soon
tire of him - get it?"
43
"The whole affair is
ridiculous - it's exactly
as if I were to marry
Crichton!"
44
And there it might have ended,
had they not been blown
by the Winds of Chance into
uncharted Tropic Seas - with
Destiny, unsmiling, at the Wheel.
45
"I shipped as lady's maid
to be near Mr. Crichton -
and he ain't even looked at
me, since I've been on the
boat!"
46
Or ever the knightly years were gone
With the old world to the grave,
I was a King in Babylon
And you were a Christian Slave.
47
"This boat is for the
ladies, my Lord - I'll get
the other ready, in a
moment!"
48
"Where is Lady Mary?"
49
"I won't leave until
I find Lady Mary!"
50
Suddenly - like mists melting
before the sun - she was no
longer a great lady to him -
but just a "woman" - a very
helpless and beautiful woman.
51
"Where is Father -
haven't any of you
seen him?"
52
"You're all cold and
wet, ain't you?"
53
"Habit," the strongest element
in human nature, refuses
to be jolted. And the Loam House-
hold - used to being called when
its perfumed bath is ready - has
not yet learned that Nature's
"alarm-clock" is the rising sun.
54
"I'm going to see what I
can find at the wreck -
you and the others go
down to the rocks and
get some mussels."
55
"I am, as always when
near you, dear Agatha -
pressing my suit!"
56
"I want the crystal
of your watch - to
build a fire."
57
"It's getting rather late,
you know, Crichton -
we wish you'd hurry
breakfast!"
58
"Go to the brook
- and get me a pail
of water."
59
"You know, Crichton,
carrying water somehow
- always makes me turn
pale. Good, isn't it, 'Pale'
- 'Pail'!"
60
"Tweeny, I'm going to
the brook with Mr. Ernest
- don't leave the fire!"
61
"The next time you
substitute a 'pun' for
honest effort - the same
thing will happen!"
62
"It is I, not Crichton,
who am paying you
your salary, Tweeny!"
63
"My Lady - all of us may spend
the remainder of our lives on this
island; the only coin that any one
of us will be paid in will be Ser-
vice! Those who are not willing
to serve - are apt to find them-
selves both cold and hungry!"
64
"Do I understand you to
mean, Crichton, if my Sister
and I do not work - there
will be no dinner for us?"
65
"Quick, quick -
a tiger cat!"
66
"Father dear, now that you
have been spared to us - you
must assert your position as
chief person on this Island!"
67
"Crichton, the question of
leadership on this Island
must be settled once for all!
I - who was born a peer -
must naturally take the lead!"
68
"We had nothing to do with
arranging leadership in England,
my Lord - we shall have nothing
to do with it here. But, in the
meantime, I must trouble Lady
Mary for that gold lace trim-
ming - it will make an excellent
fish-net."
69
"You will either instantly
apologize, Crichton - or take
a month's notice!"
70
"Then, perhaps, if Crichton
won't leave us - we can
leave him!"
71
It is one thing to be a
Peer in England - and
another to be a Peer in
the Jungle!
72
It is one thing to be brave
when the Sun is gaily
shining - but quite another
to be brave in the Dark.
73
"Is it possible, Ernest, that
a Graduate of Oxford knows
less than a Butler, how to
keep a shivering woman
warm?"
74
"I'm just as hungry as
you are - but I don't find
humble-pie an interesting
diet - I'd starve first."
75
"Do you think, Crichton, you
could spare my daughter,
Agatha, a bit of your soup?"
76
"I don't like to leave
you, my Lady - but that
soup do smell so good."
77
You may resist hunger -
you may resist cold - but
the Fear of the Unseen, can
break the strongest will.
78
Under the whip-lash of Necessity
- They come, in time, to find
that the Wilderness is cruel only
to the Drone. That her grassy
slopes may clothe the Ragged -
her wild boar feed the Hungry -
her wild goats fill the Thirsty. In
short, that abundant Nature,
waits to serve Mankind.
79
When the cat's away
- the Mouse has a
most extraordinary
method of Mourning.
80
"The servants at Loam
House have just been
given their notice, my
Lady - and I hoped that
you might be able to
place me."
81
"There is a Tide in the affairs
of Men, Which, taken at
the flood, leads on to Fortune!"
____________
And so the second anniversary
of the Wreck finds Crichton's
Kingship unchallenged - his in-
coming "tide", at the flood.
82
"One pull on this lever
will light a signal fire -
high up on the cliff!"
83
"If a ship ever passes, you
could signal her with this.
And then, perhaps - Home!"
84
"In the Kitchen or Parlor,
Or Field with the clover -
Women are Women,
The Wide World over!"
85
Or ever the knightly years were gone
With the old world to the grave,
I was a King in Babylon
And you were a Christian Slave.
86
"I'm going to
serve him!"
87
"It was my night
for waiting on you!"
88
"Where are the figs?"
89
"The figs are gone - and
you know he specially
asked for figs tonight!"
90
"You serve the dinner -
and I'll run up to the tree
by the old ruins, and
pick some more!"
91
"Why did you let Mary
go to the ruins at this time
of night - don't you know
it's the drinking place of
the Leopards!"
92
"They say the Lion and
the Lizard keep The
Courts where Jamshyd
gloried, and drank deep -"
93
"That wonderful look of
fear in your eyes, makes
me almost forget - England!"
94
"Sometimes, Crichton, I could
almost believe that you were
a King in Babylon!"
95
"If I was a King in
Babylon - then you were
the Christian Slave!"
96
"I'll tame thee, never
fear - my pretty, snarling
Tiger-Cat!"
97
"I saw, I took, I cast you by -
I bent and broke your pride -"
98
"Bring forth - the sacred
Lions of Ishtar!"
99
"Choose thine own fate:
yield thou to me willingly, or
thou shalt know the fitting
cage we've built for thee -
O, Tiger Woman!"
100
"Through lives and lives,
thou shalt pay - O, King!"
101
"I know I've paid, through
lives and lives!
But I loved you then -
and I love you now!"
102
"Ah, my Beloved, Fill the
Cup that clears
To-day of past Regrets and
Future Fears -
To-morrow? Why, Tomorrow
I may be
Myself with Yesterday's Sev'n
Thousand Years."
103
"To the future
Mrs. Crichton!"
104
"You sly old Fox -
you'll get a lot of tid-
bits out of this!"
105
"Wilt thou have this
woman to thy wedded
wife?"
106
"Wait - see! A ship - a ship!"
107
"Do you know what that
means, Mary - it means that
he's coming back to me!"
108
"It means that "Babylon"
has fallen, Mary - and that
Bill Crichton must play
the game!"
109
"It's a dream - isn't it,
Crichton? There isn't
really any ship!"
110
"Let me show you some of
the more or less ingenious
devices that I have contrived
to make! After all - education
does tell, doesn't it?"
111
"My Lady!"
112
There is none to
salute him now
- unless we do it.
113
So easily does Human Nature slip
back into its accustomed groove
that the Loams, once Home, await as
eagerly their perfumed bath, as if they'd
never bathed in Jungle streams - eat
their expensive meals as calmly, as if
they'd never begged for soup - give
orders to their Butler as coolly, as if
in a Forgotten Yesterday - they had not
called him "King"!
114
"It was in the old Ruins
- and the Leopard was just
about to spring, as I let
fly my arrow -"
115
"Youth will be youth - even
on an island, Crichton! Now,
I suppose there was a certain
amount of - sentimentalizing
going on, wasn't there?"
116
"There was as little equality
on the Island as elsewhere, my
Lady - in fact, I didn't even take
my meals with the family!"
117
"To the future
Lady Brockelhurst!"
118
"Tell Lady Mary that an
old friend of hers, wishes
to see her."
119
"Dinner is served."
120
"I'm desperate, Mary - and I've
come to ask you to help my
husband get work. My own family
have cast me off, because I
married a chauffeur - and his
friends won't accept me!"
121
"I'd like to reward you,
Crichton, for your faithful-
ness to her Ladyship, on
the Island!"
122
"A Cat may look at a
Queen, my Lord."
123
"If you really loved him,
Eileen, it wouldn't matter
whether he were King or
Chauffeur! I know because
I, too, love someone - and
I'm willing to give up
everything for him!"
124
"Don't believe the story-
books, Mary - Love isn't
everything! There is Hered-
ity - and Tradition - and
London!"
125
"It's about Tweeny and me,
I wanted to speak, my Lady.
As soon as you can conven-
iently replace us - we are to
be married - and sail for
America!"
126
"I wish you -
every happiness!"
127
"You may break, you may shat-
ter the vase, if you will -
But the scent of the Roses will
hang round it still!"
____________
So does a great sacrifice shed
its fragrance over a life-time - long
after the Flower of Love is gone.
128
"I understand, my dear, why
you postponed our marriage:
You loved Crichton - the admir-
able Crichton! But since I'll
still be waiting for you at the
Judgment Day, don't you think
you might - reconsider?"
The End.
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