For Heaven's Sake

1  
Every city has two
 districts - - Uptown,
 where the people are 
cursed with money - and
Downtown, where they are 
   cursed without it.

2
Brother Paul - gentle soul -
 preaching a doctrine of
 love in a spot where
English was used only on
    billiard balls.

3
His daughter, Hope,
was his right-hand 
       man.

4
"This is all we can offer 
you now, my friends -
but some day we hope
to establish a mission,
where you will all be
      welcome."

5
"Did you hear about 
Harold Manners? He 
bought a new car to 
match his white pants."

6
"That fellow never worries!
If this town had two
earthquakes and a land-
slide, he'd be pleased
because real estate was 
      so active!"

7
"That will be all for 
    today, James."

8
Things were going so badly
 at Brother Paul's place,
 the mice were giving 
themselves up to the cat.

9
"I could suggest a way 
for this Mr. Manners
to spend some of his 
money. I'll write him 
 a letter tonight."

10
   Mr. Manners' morning
   mail - his secretary
     was a sure shot at
the waste paper basket.

11
The Grotto Cafe, in
 Slattery Square -
 Bohemian and table 
      d'hokum.

12
"I knew Manners would
never find this spaghetti
joint - he must be lost."

13
"Bull" Brindle was so
  tough he wouldn't 
  eat lady fingers
unless they had brass 
      knuckles.

14
"Could you direct me to 
   the Grotto Cafe?"

15
"A hundred dollars! I
  didn't know they 
  made 'em that big -
and I couldn't change 
  it if they did!"

16
"Careful of your cigarette
           Joe."

17
"I wouldn't have to be 
out here on the street 
if I only had the money 
    for a mission."

18
"Well, how much will 
      it take?"

19
"Why - - er - - about a
thousand dollars ought 
        to do."

20
"Look, Hope - a young
philanthropist - - he
wants to establish a 
      mission!"

21
"Mr. Manners! I knew
he'd answer my letter!"

22
"Just look, Bob - some
conceited ass telling
the world what a fine 
    fellow he is!"

23
"It makes me sick -
this doing good just
to get your name in 
    the paper!"

24
"Can you imagine me 
doing a thing like that?"

25
"If they use my name
without authority, it
must be a fake! I'm
going down there to 
put a stop to it!"

26
"- you meddling loafer -
you low-down upstart -
you - you big brute!"

27
"You must meet my
daughter - she's so
anxious to tell you
what she thinks of 
       you."

28
"Who do you think 
just came in with 
me? Mr. Manners, our 
   benefactor!"

29
"Mr. Manners has opened 
his heart to humanity -
brought sunshine into 
the lives of his fellow
        men - -"

30
"But you gave me a 
 thousand dollars,
    didn't you?"

31
"But you'll have to take 
   my name down - -
I have no interest in the 
  place whatsoever."

32
"No interest whatsoever!"

33
"I know you're not 
interested but wouldn't
you like to see the 
      mission?"

34
"Very pretty!"

35
"Very pretty!"

36
"Very pretty!"

37
"Please, ma'am, can
 we have the cakes
 you made for us?"

38
"Old Mr. Cobb just sent 
for me - - he's very
sick. If I'm late for the 
services, will you help 
my daughter with them?"

39
"They're the only ones
who attend - - the
pool hall gang, who
really need the services
     never come."

40
"Would you like me to 
 get them for you?"

41
"Gentlemen, lend me 
   your ears - -"

42
"Spectacular services are
about to start at Brother
Paul's mission - - offering
such features as Jonah and
the whale, David and Goliath,
Daniel and his lions - -"

43
"- all big features and
      a prologue!"

44
"The fools! They've got 
 that jewelry on them!"

45
"Well, there they are -
but I don't know how 
we're going to keep 
    them here!"

46
"Nix - the cops!"

47
"Mr. Manners, you've 
done a wonderful lot 
of good down here -
I certainly am touched."

48
"Hey! Somebody's pinched 
        me watch!"

49
"Stand back, there -
I'm going to search
every yegg in the 
      place!"

50
"Go right ahead, Officer -
in the meantime I'll
take up the collection."

51
"I assure you, Officer,
  any stolen goods 
found in this mission 
will be returned to 
   their owners."

52
"This guy is a one-man 
     crime wave!"

53
"The deacon got us 
out of that fix, boys -
I'll say he's a regular 
         guy!"

54
"When I get through
 with that uptown
 dude, they can put
a lily in his hand and 
   close the lid!"

55
"There are more hymn
books in the store-
room - I'll get them."

56
"Help me find some
 more hymn books, 
will you, old chap?"

57
"From the way Bull's
going, one of you 
boys better get a 
    dust pan!"

58
"Fellers, if this guy can
preach like he can hit,
it's gonna be a tough 
  season for Satan!"

59
"Oh, they just followed 
 me in - we're having 
    a great time!"

60
During the days that 
 passed, just what
 the man with a 
mansion told the miss 
with a mission - - is
  nobody's business.

61
"Mr. Manners sure switched
this mission from pip to 
pep - he says he's gonna
put it on a praying basis."

62
"Say, this guy Daniel 
must have had a pretty 
  good animal act."

63
"Mr. Manners got me
the job - it's the first
uniform I ever wore
 that didn't have 
     stripes."

64
"I think we owe it to 
Manners to save him 
from a foolish marriage
     like this."

65
The underworld came 
 to the surface for 
 the big event.

66
"We gotta wear one of 
them high-tenor suits -
seein' as we're the 
reception committee,
we must be demi-tasse."

67
"We'll just kidnap
Manners and argue 
it out with him back
   at the Club."

68
"Mr. Manners says he 
won't be back - you can
call that wedding off!"

69
"He's the last guy in 
the world I'd expect 
to pull a stunt like 
        that."

70
"Oh, well, what's the 
use! Let's all go and 
have a little drink!"

71
"We're through with your 
mission bunk - this guy 
  Manners was kiddin'
us all - and he's left 
 your daughter flat!"

72
After they had sung 
a song of sixpence, 
hip pockets full of 
rye, with four and
twenty blackjacks - -

73
"Even if Mishter Manners
did shay it, I don't
believe he shaid it!
Let's go up to his club
    an' ash him!"

74
"I'm going to marry that 
girl - and neither you 
 nor anybody else is 
  going to stop me."

75
"Mishter Manners, did
you really shay you
wasn't comin' back
for th' weddin'?"

76
"Of course I didn't! These
  fellows kidnaped me!"

77
"An' are you really
comin' back with 
       ush?"

78
"I was kidnaped, honey,
and I may be a little 
       late - -"

79
"The boys rescued me - -
but they're a little dizzy
from the excitement, and
I'll have to stick with
them to keep them out of 
        trouble."

80
"Hurry, boys - please!
I don't want to be late
for my first wedding!"

81
"Take off that overcoat!"

82
"All together, now, boys -
    'Sweet Adeline'!"

83
"Will you keep an eye 
 on these boys for a 
       minute?"

84
"Come on up, Mr. Manners -
  Bull's doin' stuntsh!"

85
"Better step on it, Al -
      we're late!"

86
"Some guys is naturally 
ignorant, but you abuse 
     the privilege!"

87
"Let me get down to 
    that wheel!"

88
"I've followed you for
ten minutes, and you've 
done everything but
go over Niagara Falls
    in a barrel!"

89
"Hey! You forgot the
reception committee!"

THE END