Flirting with Fate

1
 August Holliday, the hero of this
story, an artist by profession, is long
on temperament and short on funds.
He can draw everything except a 
salary.

AUGY HOLLIDAY - DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS

2
 Observing that his poor doggies 
have no bones, except such as are
contained in their anatomies,
August proves himself artist enough
to put one over on Old Mother 
Hubbard.

3
The rent collector who would 
like to see the last of August.

4
 August has trained his trusty
watch-dogs for jobs like this.

5
 Although Augy is broke to the 
world, he is rich in the friendship of
Harry Hansum, a society guy, who
will prove that handsome is as 
handsome does.

HARRY   -   -   -   W. E. LAURENCE

6
 "I am going to show you a 
portrait I have painted of the 
most beautiful girl in the world."

7
 "I know that girl! She belongs
to a nice family. How in thunder
did you meet her?"

8
 "It was rent day, so I went
over in the park to work."

9
 "I'll stake you to money and
new clothes and introduce 
you right."

10
And now the great opportunity 
          comes.

A reception at the girl's home.

11
GLADYS, THE GIRL - JEWEL CARMEN

PHYLLIS, HER CHUM - DOROTHY HADEL

12
Augy's artistic ravings hand
   Gladys an awful jolt.

13
 "The tonal composition on your
hair and the high-lights on your
nose remind me of Rosa Bonheur at
her best."

14
 Suddenly Gladys remembers
that Rosy never painted any-
thing but horses.

15
 "Auntie picked that out for Gladys
a long time ago, but between you
and me Gladys has a mind of her
own."

16
August lingers on.

17
 "He's an artist, and who-
ever heard of an artist with
money."

18
 "Let's beat it, Augy, we're
getting on Auntie's nerves!"

19
  Fate deals Augy another lucky
              day.

Customers drop in who know nothing 
           about art.

20
 "Old Mike Angelo himself couldn't
have painted that. I wouldn't sell
it for a million dollars."

21
"I'll give you three thousand 
       in real money."

22
 "Here's my address. If you 
change your mind let me know."

23
 "I may not be welcome in your 
home, sweetheart, but they can't buy 
you out of mine."

24
 Augy braves another call and
finds Gladys' chum is willing 
to help him in his plans.

25
 Augy's glib enough about the
high-brow art lingo, but when it 
comes to love, he can't think of a
word to say.

26
 Poor Augy! Never mind! Every
chap in the audience has suffered
just as you are suffering.

27
Meanwhile at his studio ......

28
 Not even the snores of the faithful
watch-dogs disturb the burglar as he
cuts the priceless picture from its
frame.

29
"Rehearse your proposal 
       with me."

30
 "You are the sweetest, dearest,
most entrancingly wonderful girl in
the whole world. I love you! I love
you!! I love you!!! Refuse me and
death shall be my solace!"

31
Cheer up, August, let
  September mourn.

32
And this is the most unkindest
        cut of all.

33
After a night of bitter,
    bitter anguish.

34
Half an hour later.

35
       More hard luck!

 Augy has a quarter-in-the-slot
meter, and his quarter's worth of 
gas has run out.

36
"Give me a quarter and a nickle 
    for these three dimes."

37
   "Why, I'd croak a whole 
     family for a dollar!"

AUTOMATIC JOE - GEORGE BERANGER

38
"He shot a guy the other day 
 for just bumping into him."

39
"Beg your pardon, mister,
     are you sick?"

40
"May I speak to you 
    privately?"

41
 "I want to engage your 
professional services to 
cash me in."

42
 "I'll give you my last fifty dollars
for this job. I've just simply gotta 
die, but I don't want to know when 
it's coming."

43
 "I can kick you off any way
you like. Let me describe my
line of samples."

44
 "On the other hand, Joe's perfora-
tive peptonic combines all the advantages
of a colour scheme with a rapid exit."

45
"That last style hits me. I
 think I'll pick that one."

46
"I'll protect you with a 
     suicide note."

47
But even professional assassins 
   have hearts and mothers.

48
 "As your mother is so 
extremely unwell, do you not
think that you should amend 
your mode of life?"

49
While Augy waits for the end.

50
"Here's that painting, sir. We 
 caught him trying to sell it."

51
But what if ......

52
Automatic Joe remembers the 
 dying words of his mother.

53
Augy obeys an old injunction 
to tell his troubles to the police.

54
"I'm being pursued by an 
        assassin."

55
 A good way to get rid of a
correspondence school detective,
who has been boring the police.

THE DETECTIVE - J. P. McCARTY

56
The Correspondence-School
detective has copyrighted this
idea.

57
Augy's imagination blisters reality.

58
Interrupting a rehearsal.

59
"Sell me some whiskers!"

60
Might this be Automatic Joe 
       in disguise?

61
A fugitive Nihilist.

62
It takes longer to save assassins 
      than common sinners.

63
"I was rated as the best 
  assassin in the city."

64
 One obligation still on Joe's 
conscience, - the unearned fifty.

65
 Even the terror of imminent death
cannot keep our Augy from the side
of his Gladys.

66
But what if ......

67
 But alas, we have forgotten 
Auntie! What will she say 
to this?

68
 It's all right, folks. Auntie now
has a million reasons for liking
Augy.

69
 The orchestra will now kindly 
oblige with the wedding march 
from Lohengrin.

      Da-daa-de-da, etc.

70
"There's the man who gave 
      me the fifty!"

71
"My young friend, are you
 prepared to meet your God?"

72
 "I know it was a sin to break
our agreement, but I can no
longer be a hired assassin."

73
Safely married, Augy no longer 
  flirts, even with Fate.