Charley's Aunt
1
THEODORE DELAHAY
had lost practically
all his fortune backing
a superstitious faith in
number ---- 13.
- Alec Francis
2
ELA DELAHAY, to
whom her father's
constant losing had
brought deep concern.
- Ethel Shannon
3
LORD FANCOURT
BABBERLY -- "BABBS"
A student on vacation
from Oxford University.
He was introduced to Ela
at 11:50 Monday -- at noon
he was in love with her.
4
"Young man, this is a
hat -- not a bouquet!"
5
"The Baron is breaking
the bank!"
6
"Not a winning all week.
I've enough left for one
more play - if I lose that
everything will be gone."
7
"Can you arrange to let
number thirteen win?
I'll pay the losses."
8
"---- and this is for
Mr. Delahay to win."
9
"I just sneezed thirteen
times! That's a sure
sign! Go play it!"
10
American tourists.
11
"Thirteen of us! Let's all
play number thirteen!"
12
"I can't let thirteen win
now! Get him on some
other number!"
13
"I think you should begin
with eleven - and gradually
sneak up on thirteen."
14
The next morning
"Babbs" called at
the Delahay home with
another bright idea.
15
"How's this for luck?
Lottery ticket number
thirteen!"
16
"Are you sure this
isn't for gambling?"
17
"This is the surest gamble
you ever made!"
18
"You don't care much
for me if you encourage
my father's gambling.
I'd rather never see you
again."
19
"Monsieur, you hold ze
lottery ticket numbaire
thirteen --- no?"
20
"Ah! Lucky ba-bee! You
have won ze Gran' Prize!"
21
"Once more Francais he
will kiss you -- yes?"
22
"Now you may go
to England with
Donna Lucia."
23
Donna Lucia D'Alvaborez
a widowed English
lady who inherited a great
fortune from her Brazilian
husband.
- Eulalie Jensen
24
"Pardon, Mesdames ---
but we are elate! Our
friend here --- he is win
ze Gran' Lottery Prize!"
25
"Why, Donna Lucia ---
father won that prize
with number thirteen."
26
"Ah, no! I win ze
prize with numbaire
feefty-seven!"
27
"I understand it all now -
but I'll never see Babbs
again to thank him. I've
been terribly cruel."
28
"I've brought up your
lunch, sir."
29
"I'm a meal ahead of
you. I just brought up
my breakfast."
30
ST. OLDE'S COLLEGE
Oxford University.
31
JACK CHESNEY -- an
upper class man.
- David James
32
CHARLEY WYKEHAM
--- Jack's chum and
classmate.
- Jimmie Harrison
33
KITTY VERDUN - nothing
prevents her becoming
Mrs. Jack Chesney excepting
his asking her.
- Priscilla Bonner
34
AMY SPETTIGUE, who
is ready to say "Yes"
if Charley Wykeham ever
says "Will you?"
- Mary Akin
35
STEPHEN SPETTIGUE --
Amy's uncle ---- and
guardian for both Amy and
Kitty.
- James E. Page
36
"Understand - the moment
Amy or Kitty marries,
your income as their
guardian will stop!"
37
"I don't propose to give
up my only income! I'll
see that they do not
marry!"
38
BRASSETT - "Scout" for
Jack Chesney. He had
"buttled" at Oxford since
he was nothing but.
- Lucien Littlefield
39
"A wireless from my
Aunt Lucy. She's
coming here to-day."
40
"She went to Brazil
before I was born.
I've never seen her."
41
"She's a widow now ---
married a Brazilian who
left her tons of money."
42
"Horrid, old Mr. Spettigue
is dragging us away to
Scotland to-night!"
43
"I have it! We'll invite
the girls to have lunch
here - with your aunt!"
44
"-- and we'll propose
to them while they're
here."
45
"Prepare luncheon
for five."
46
"Our credit's exhausted,
sir."
47
"Babbs'" return to his
Oxford rooms was
as quiet as his departure
from the continent.
48
"Your costume for the
class theatricals, sir --
and may I remind you
that Freddy Peel and
the players are to dine
with you to-night."
49
"Have we enough
wine?"
50
"Not enough to stagger
a humming bird, sir."
51
"I'll get some from Jack."
52
"We'll need someone to
entertain your aunt
while we're proposing."
53
"Here's the plan! We'll go
borrow some wine from
Babbs and bring him
back to look after Aunty!"
54
"Greetings! The three
orphans!"
55
"His Lordship went
over to your rooms."
56
"We want you to stay
for luncheon and meet
Charley's aunt."
57
"Old Spett is moving the
girls to Scotland to-night.
It's our last chance to
propose to them -- you
must help us!"
58
"It can't be done! I must
try on my costume for
the play."
59
"I'll go to my rooms --
unpack my bag -- put
the costume in it -- and
come back here to try
it on."
60
"I'm impersonating a
silly old lady in the
play --- outlandish
costume."
61
"You don't leave here!
Brassett will fetch
your costume!"
62
"Such eyes, Babbs! My
Amy's are like sapphires
in a pool of milk."
63
"I believe I'm in love, too."
64
"-- because I want to be
alone and listen to the
birdies sing."
65
"Lend me half a crown,
old boy."
66
"Oblige me with half
a crown, old thing."
67
"Favor me with half
a crown, Brassy, old
dear."
68
"No change, Brassett
-- keep it all!"
69
"I must be working
for myself."
70
"I suppose the journey
tired your Aunty. Is
she resting?"
71
"Why - er - er - she
hasn't arrived yet."
72
"We've some shopping
to do -- we'll be back
later."
73
"I'll toddle down to the
station to meet Aunty."
74
"Do you mind if I send
Brassett for some hair
pins?"
75
"Would you mind buying
me some hair pins with
that half crown I gave
you?"
76
"Half a crown's worth of
hair pins? There's not
that much hair in the
world."
77
SIR FRANCIS CHESNEY
- Jack's father - late of
his Majesty's Indian forces.
- Phillips Smalley
78
"We're broke, my boy.
I guess you'll have to
quit college."
79
"Can't things be fixed up
by a wealthy marriage?"
80
"No, no, my boy! My pride
would never permit you
to marry for money."
81
"Not me, Dad -- YOU!!"
82
"Charley's aunt is coming
here for luncheon. She's
a widow -- and -- worth
millions"
83
"Now go back to the
hotel - doll yourself up
- put a flower in your
buttonhole - and be
here for luncheon."
84
"His Lordship's
hairpins, sir."
85
"Aunty has wired -- she
missed the train."
86
"The girls will not stay
without a chaperone!
What shall we do?"
87
"How do I look?"
88
"AUNTY!!"
89
"You're going to be
Charley's aunt!"
90
"I wouldn't be a
step-sister to him!"
91
"I want you to meet
my dear, sweet, old
aunty."
92
"Keep your voice up
and your skirts down!"
93
"What's my name?"
94
"DONNA LUCIA
D'ALVADOREZ!"
95
"What am I -- Irish?"
96
"You're a wealthy
widow from Brazil."
97
"With that name, I thought
I was a cigar ----- or a
bullfighter."
98
"What do I do with
these nose dusters?"
99
"Stick 'em in your
dress."
100
"Lay them on your
chest."
101
"We are already quite
in love with you."
102
"She loves me!
I like this!"
103
"Thoughtful boy!
Always trying to
make a hit with
me."
104
"Leave old Spett to me!
I love near-sighted men."
105
"Is that thing on your
head detachable - or a
permanent fixture?"
106
"Will you remove it by
hand - or shall I send
for a brick?"
107
"I'm looking for two
young ladies."
108
"I'm the only young
lady here."
109
"You should be ashamed
- coming here in such a
disgraceful condition!"
110
"Mercy! Turpentine!"
111
"Madam, I am perfectly
sober!"
112
"I'm too much of a lady
to call you what I'm
thinking!"
113
"I won't be insulted!
There's no more liquor
in me than there is in
this bag!"
114
"Who threw that book?"
115
"Brassett, I've earned
a drink."
116
"Jack, I've decided to
propose to Charley's
aunt."
117
"But Dad ---- I've seen
her. She's hardly what
I expected."
118
"Who's the Sheik?"
119
"I'm Charley's aunt ----
from Brazil -- where the
nuts come from."
120
"I'll coach you! Repeat
what I tell you!"
121
"Have I any children?"
122
"No, you fool!"
123
"Are you blessed with
children, Madam?"
124
"No, you fool!"
125
"Thanks, I'll have
it stuffed."
126
"Luncheon is served."
127
"Have you mislaid the
food, boys?"
128
"The wine is missing."
129
"I knew you boys would
need wine! You'll find
three bottles in my bag!"
130
"That thing's on your
head again!"
131
"You meddlesome old
chromo! I wish you
wore trousers!"
132
"These girls are here to
meet Mr. Wykeham's
aunt. Surely there's no
harm in that."
133
"Permit me - this is Donna
Lucia d'Alvadorez, one of
the world's most famous
ladies."
134
"I'm Charley's aunt --
from Brazil --- where
the nuts come from!"
135
"She's not that celebrated
millionaire, is she?"
136
"Are you sure she's
worth millions?"
137
"Madam, I have been
most indiscreet and
ungentlemanly - I am
very sorry."
138
"You will make me very
happy if you will stay
for luncheon - and perhaps
sit near me."
139
"What a beautiful
flower!"
140
"I had intended to have
it stuffed - but it would
look beautiful on your
manly chest."
141
"You shouldn't serve
such a heavy lunch."
142
"Bring the lunch to
the garden."
143
"Old Spettigue isn't
going to beat me to
Donna Lucia's millions!
We need them."
144
"Dear Donna Lucia,
take my chair."
145
"They ought to be in
the moving business."
146
"Ah, thoughtful Donna
Lucia! A drink for me
from your own fair
hands!"
147
"It's either a molar, a
bicuspid or a tonsil!"
148
The real Donna Lucia and
Ela arrive unexpectedly.
149
"Here I find you, my
dream ideal -- after
searching all the way
from far-off India."
150
"From India? What a
walk! You must be
tired. Won't you have
a seat?"
151
"Do you know what a
man longs for most
when he is lonely and
wretched?"
152
"A drink!"
153
"I know a riddle, too!
What flies through the
air and has four legs?"
154
"Two canary birdies!"
155
"I've been a naughty
little girl to raise your
hopes. I am promised
to another."
156
"But my heart will gallop
with girlish glee if you'll
let me be a sister to you."
157
"Please do not plead with
me! There can never be
anything between us!
I am a woman with a
past!"
158
"You! With such bloom
of innocence on your
cheek? It's unbelievable!"
159
"Good-night! The
Chicken Hawk!"
160
"You take a taxi -- I'll
take the subway."
161
"We are looking for
Charles Wykeham."
162
"Charley Wykeham and
my son are friends. I am
Sir Francis Chesney."
163
"You're not Lieutenant
Francis Chesney?"
164
"And you don't
remember me?"
165
"Lucy!"
166
"Just twenty years ago
we said 'Good-bye,' Lucy
- the night my regiment
sailed for India."
167
"Mr. Wykeham is
entertaining his
aunt."
168
"She's an eccentric old
lady from Brazil - where
the nuts come from."
169
"Charley Wykeham's
aunt - here? Are you
sure?
170
"I've heard of her. I'd
love to meet her."
171
"Ah! My little
Passion-flower!"
172
"I must plead ignorance,
Lucy. What is your name
now?"
173
"I haven't a card. You
may call me - Beverly-
Smythe."
174
"Married?"
175
"No -- a widow."
176
"Ah! A message from
Heaven!"
177
"Come, my little Gardenia
-- flutter down!"
178
"We'll find Aunty and
get her to secure Mr.
Spettigue's consent to
our marriages."
179
"Where are you, my
little Silk Worm?"
180
"Come, come -- my little
Morning Glory."
181
"We want you to get
Mr. Spettigue's written
consent to let us marry."
182
"Old Spett is so determined
to break up our romances
that he is taking us to
Scotland to-night."
183
"Scotland! That beautiful
country where the whiskey
comes from."
184
"I'm Charley's aunt --
from Brazil --- where
the nuts come from."
185
"I knew your late husband
--- intimately."
186
"She knew my intimate
husband -- lately."
187
"Didn't you live in the
little green house on
the square?"
188
"Oh, no -- I lived in the
square house on The
Green."
189
"Some cream, please ---
my little Hyacinth."
190
"Not a word, Ela dear
---- there is an old
female scare-crow here
posing as me."
191
"Permit to introduce
my ward."
192
Spettigue's love affair
prompted the postponing
of his departure for Scotland.
That night he planned a
dinner at which he would
announce his engagement
to "Donna Lucia" -- maybe.
193
"If I hadn't promised
the girls I'd get Spett's
consent - I'd drop out
of this circus right
now!"
194
"Are you ever bothered
with runs in your
stockings, Aunty?"
195
"I'm surprised you do
not smoke, Donna
Lucia - most Brazilian
ladies do."
196
"To be truthful - I was
just nipping the end
off a perfecto."
197
"Have you any children?"
198
"Only a few. None to
speak of."
199
"Years ago Sir Francis
and my dear friend
were in love."
200
"I'm in love, too --- but
dear Babbs will never,
never know it."
201
"Poor Babbs - I let him go
away without telling him
how much I loved him for
what he did for father."
202
"Just a little heartburn."
203
"Ah, my little tube rose,
I am afire with love!
I am afire with --"
204
"The old chicken hawk
wants to kiss me! Keeps
calling me a lot of pet
worms or flowers!"
205
"The quitter - kicking
about kissing Spett -
and it means so much
to us."
206
"Of all the dumb Daniels
I ever saw he's it!"
207
"I've a mind to knock him
out of his petticoat!"
208
"Have you seen Donna
Lucia, my sweet little
asparagus?"
209
"Ah, Donna Lucia, share
with me the name
of Stephen Sylvester
Sysonsby Salstonstall
Spettigue!"
210
"I'll have you understand
I'm no ordinary woman!"
211
"I'm angry because you
won't give me your
consent to the girls'
marrying."
212
"When you give me that
consent you may tell
the world that your little
thistle is going to be Mrs.
Stephen Spettigue."
213
"The boys are crawling
around for a soft spot
to say their prayers."
214
"Not until you say we
are engaged."
215
"We're engaged - Stevie!"
216
"You're welcome to the
nut from Brazil."
217
"Give me that letter."
218
"This consent is addressed
to me! I am Donna Lucia
d'Alvadorez!"
219
"No wonder you knew
my husband intimately."
220
"I'm Charley's nut from
Brazil - where the aunts
come from."
221
"Oh, Donna Lucia! I told
her that I loved him --
right to his face!"
222
"I don't care where you
go --- or what you do!"
The END
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