The Better 'Ole
1
What was once a
peaceful French village
-- now headquarters
of German troops.
2
Brigadier General, of
the Imperial Division.
3
"Your Excellency, all of
our Divisions are ready
for the drive."
4
"As soon as I receive
word from our agents,
we'll strike through
the Boucaret Sector."
5
The British held their
own along the front
lines - but were unaware
that the enemy was
planning the biggest
drive of the year.
6
Bert Chester, an
agent of the British
Secret Service - but
his regiment knew him
only as a private.
. . . Harold Goodwin.
7
"Did you locate the
rest of our wiring
party?"
8
"I made a thorough search,
poor devils - I guess an
explosion got 'em."
9
"D'ye think they got
Old Bill?"
10
Private William Busby,
thirty years in the
service of His Majesty,
and affectionately
known as 'OLD BILL'.
. . . Syd Chaplin.
11
Little Alf - Old Bill's
greatest worry.
. . . Jack Ackroyd.
12
"Let's get out of
this damn 'ole!"
13
"If you knows of a
better 'ole - go to it."
14
"If I catch a cold -
it'll be your fault!"
15
"The trouble with you
is - you ain't got your
mind on the war!"
16
"We thought you were
gone, Bill!"
17
"I looked all over -
where were you
hiding?"
18
"'idin' 'ell - does I look
like a bloomin'
Corporal?"
19
"What d'ye mean sloshin'
my old woman with
mud?"
20
"You might 'ave 'it
the King!"
21
"I didn't mean it Bill
- strike me pink, I
didn't."
22
"Forgive me, Alfie -
this war's beginin' to
get on my nerves."
23
"Let's 'ave a little
'armony - and forget
this bloomin' war."
24
'Take me back to dear old Blighty -'
25
Corporal Austin - the
bully of the regiment.
. . Ed. Kennedy.
26
"You know it's against
the rules to be hollerin'
in the trenches!"
27
"I wasn't 'ollering - I
was singin' through
my nose."
28
"We're goin' back to
Boucaret for a two
weeks' rest."
29
"But for breakin' the
trench rules - you're
goin' on fatigue duty."
30
"We'll whisper it this time
- soft and crescendo."
31
A hearty welcome
awaited the British
Veterans on their
return to Boucaret.
32
No Man's Land was
soon forgotten under
the spell of a
sweetheart's smile.
33
"Allow me to present
me future Missus."
34
"Blimey - won't Bill be
jealous when he sees
us with our wimmen!"
35
"It must be awful to be
an old man, and 'ave to
go 'round alone!"
36
"You little weazel --
fatigue duty for you!"
37
"ATTENTION!"
38
"FORWARD MARCH!"
39
"ABOUT TURN!"
40
"PRESENT ARMS!"
41
"- if this happens again,
you'll be demoted to a
private!"
42
"From now on, you
ain't never goin' to
get a rest!"
43
"Oh Gawd - control
my temper till this
war is over."
44
Major Russett --
. . . Charles Gerard.
45
Gaspard, owner of
the Rooster Inn -
furtively engaged in
espionage.
46
"Ham and eggs -
and a pigeon,
possibly."
47
"Cook 'ouse is blowed
long since, Bill!"
48
"To 'ell with Bill -
I told you to call
me first!"
49
"Just for that - load the
hay wagon - take it off,
then put it on again!"
50
"For Gawd's sake,
I'm tryin' to sleep!"
51
"Well, you slept right
through breakfast."
52
"What's the matter,
Bill?"
53
"I didn't get any
breakfast."
54
"I understand someone's
been stealing eggs
around here."
55
"If the army was full of
fools like you, we'd
lose the war in a week!"
56
"It's against the rules
to kick a man -- in
the army!"
57
"Well, you didn't see
me do it, did yer?"
58
"No, but I felt it!"
59
"Pick up that stick!"
60
"That sure had a kick
in it, Corpie."
61
"Shell-shocked!"
62
"Come piggy, piggy."
63
"Quick! I've got a spy!"
64
"'e was reachin' for
a carrier pigeon in
that barrel."
65
"HE'S A SPY!"
66
"Who caught this man?"
67
"Back to your fatigue
duty!"
68
"I've had my eye on him
for days and caught him
red handed."
69
"Call the guard -"
70
"There is still a chance
for your escape --
good-bye!"
71
"I discovered a spy and
he tried to get away."
72
"Me and the Corporal
just caught a spy!"
73
"I just captured
a spy!"
74
German headquarters
waited for news from
their spies before
starting their big
drive.
75
"Telephone front line
trenches to stand by
for my signed orders."
76
To the boys of Old
Bill's regiment - the
biggest thrill of the
war was their show
in Boucaret that
night.
77
"It's a long way to Tipperary -"
78
"The next time - fall
on the flute!"
79
"Keep your hands
off that sword!"
80
"Hey! Hey! - Don't
get so personal!"
81
"Who yuh stickin' -
you silly ass!"
82
"You had no business
bein' there."
83
"Don't talk to me with
a cigarette in your
mouth."
84
"From now on you
go my way an' I'll
go yours!"
85
"BAH!"
86
"Aw, go to 'ell!"
87
"I ain't as dumb
as I look."
88
"You couldn't be!"
89
"Forgive me, Alfie, don't
let a cigarette come
between us."
90
"Now get to work
before I get mad
all over again."
91
"Where's my helmet?"
92
"I got it!"
93
"Clear the stage - the
show's an hour late!"
94
"'urry and clear the stage
- I can't do everything
around 'ere!"
95
"Get in the horse so we
can get started - you
impersonate the hind
end!"
96
"I ain't goin' to be no
'orses rear end!"
97
"You'll be the
horse's neck!"
98
"Don't sew us in so
tight - if anything
'appens we'll never
get out!"
99
"This southern exposure
is awful!"
100
"DAUGHTER!"
101
"I cooked Daddy's
lunch with my own
little fingies."
102
"Sufferin' frankfurters -
Ludendorf is comin'!"
103
"I'll save my little gal
from that crooked
pretzel!"
104
"A rousing cheer for
our Corporal!"
105
"Three cheers for
Old Bill and Alf!"
106
"Hurry and shoe Black
Beauty -- I've got to
yodel in the Alps
tonight."
107
"I'll die before I shoe
that Alpine Camel!"
108
"Harm not my father -
harm not him!"
109
"Shoe my thoroughbred -
or your gal goes with me!"
110
"Shoe her Daddy -- shoe
her and save my honor!"
111
"YOU BIG BUM!"
112
"Shut up - and keep
actin'!"
113
"This show was a splendid
idea - it will keep up the
boys' morale."
114
"Whoa - Black
Beauty - whoa!"
115
"That's a nice girlie."
116
"Von Kirsh's army has
taken our front lines -
and is advancing on
Boucaret -"
117
"Command an orderly
retreat - against such
tremendous odds - I
will not sacrifice my
men."
118
"-- and get your full
equipment at once!"
119
Morning found Boucaret
in the hands of the
enemy.
120
"Give orders to undermine
Boucaret and all bridges
at once."
121
"You take charge of the
dynamiting - when the
British are back here
in Boucaret -- blow
it up."
122
"Mach das Mittagessen
fuer den General fertig!"
123
"Bring das essen heirher."
124
"Schneide die Wurst in
Scheiben und mach'
ein paar schoene
Butterbrote."
125
"Du dummer Kerl - was
soll das heissen?"
126
"KAFFEE."
127
"Nein."
128
"DU VERDAMMTER
ESEL!"
129
"They are mining
the city. Our
troops are heading
towards death."
130
"Bill, you must escape
and warn our people."
131
"It's our own plane - they
think we're the enemy!"
132
The British re-enter
Boucaret under their
own barrage.
133
"This plunger will blow
up the whole town."
134
"This plunger will blow
up all the bridges."
135
"Arrest that man -
he's a spy!"
136
"I always knew you were
a dirty traitor!"
137
"- he's a spy - I caught
him trying to blow up
our boys!"
138
"Get a firing squad!"
139
"You'll get yours -"
140
"S. D. 9 - Intelligence
Department - -
reporting!"
141
"I was assigned to this
regiment to locate a
dangerous spy - there
he stands!"
142
"GET READY!"
143
"AIM!"
144
"The General orders
you to stay Bill's
execution."
145
"Bill -- will you
accept my sincerest
apologies?"
146
"Sure - even a General
is liable to make a
mistake."
147
"- anything within my
power is yours - just
name it."
148
"If it won't be too
much trouble - can
I be a Sargeant?"
149
"My boy, from now on
you're a Sergeant!"
150
"I knew you were
innocent all the
time Bill, old pal."
151
"Only yesterday, I was
braggin' about yuh to
the General."
152
"Pick up that pipe!"
The End
Home