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DateLine: November 13, 1997. Rouen, France.
The Emoo team formerly known as the Ronin Thunder announced today they are moving to
Rouen, France and becoming the Dainty HunchBacks. In roman times,
the proud city of Rouen was known as Rotomagus. A suitable location for a team struggling
for an identity. In the 5th century the city became the seat of an archbishop, and in 912
it was established as the capital of the Duchy of Normandy. In 1419 Henry V, King of
England captured Rouen, and in 1431 Joan of Arc was imprisoned, tried & burned here.
During the World Series, team owner Scott Collins dined with Raider owner Al Davis who is
quoted as saying "Just move baby."
Oct.. 13 1997 Nome AK.
Today the firing of long time Manager Homer J. Simpson was announced by Owner and General
Manager Craig Gill. "In
the ten years this team has existed in Alaska Mr. Simpson has been unable to bring any
real enthusiasm to this team. This change we feel will bring discipline and excitement to
the Express for years to come." Mr. Gill stated in this hastily called press
conference.
Also announced today was the new management team put in place to bring the team into the
next century. Mr. Gill had this to say about the management structure, "I feel this
forward thinking group will help bring a championship to this club before the turn of the
century, and will bring a winning attitude to the team for the next century. The following
players were hired by the Xpress to lead the team into the next century and all signed to
5 year contracts.
Co-Managers: James Tiberius Kirk and Jean Luc Picard
First Base Coach: William Riecker
Third Base Coach: Mr. Data
Hitting Coach : Jordy LaForge
Pitching Coach: Mr. Spock Master of the Split Finger Vulcan Death Pitch
Bench Coaches: Q and Deanna Troy
Trainer: Alexander Scott
Bullpen Coach Mr. Worf
BatBoy Kahn
From The EXPRESS PRESS: 8/29/97
Today it was announced that for the tenth consecutive year the MidKnight Xpress have drawn
4 million fans to Xpress Stadium. In honor of this great event fans on September 30 will
be treated to a free day at the ball game. This promotion will also celebrate the teams
ten years in Alaska and the eleventh anniversary of the EMOO league. Emu burgers and
steaks will be served before, during and after the game. Team owner and General Manager
Craig Gill stated 'We have had great
fans for the last ten years and with our small payroll this is the least we can do for our
fans.'
More excerpts from Flying High the Official Newspaper of the The KittyHawk
Flyers.
The EMOO Drop
Sunday, Aug 16
Last night's game was postponed until today while clean up crews try to clean up the
carnage left by the ill fated EMU Drop. As part of EMOO's eleventh anniversy celebration,
eleven of the birds were to be set free from a helicopter during pre-game festivities.
Unknown to the event sponsors is that the Austrailian bird is flightless, a horrified
crowd watched as the poor birds plumented a hundred feet to their deaths.
Bubba Sr. Memorial Game
The KittyHawk family will dedicate their August 30th game against the Mooners to the
memory of Bubba Sr.. Bubba has been apart of the KittyHawk family since the franchise
moved to North Carolina in 1994. Tragically, Bubba Sr. has been missing since June 1st
when the blimp he was operating for Free Blimp ride day was carried out to sea. So long,
Bubba.
Roscoe's Truck and Tracktor
This Saturday night Roscoe's Truck and Tracktor pull will come to KittyHawk in the
"War by The Shore." See the world's biggest trucks crush former KittyHawk
players cars, that our beloved sheriff has kindly donated from the county impound lot. As
always, free tickets to those fans who stay for the entire against the SmartAlecs.
The KittyHawk Flyers Have Moved !!!!!
That's right The KittyHawk Flyers have moved to their new home for the remainder of the
1997 season. Due to lack of fan support and structural damage caused by this years
promotion, the Flyers will play their remaining home games at the KittyHawk Municipal
Softball fields.
1997 Notes from Flying High The official paper of the KittyHawk Flyers: "KittyHawk
Flyers Turn to Offbeat Promo Nights to Bring Fans Back"
- "Dukes of Hazard Night" - Free admission to every fan dressed as their
favorite Duke of Hazard character. Special Guest Barbra Bach and the General Lee.
- "WCW's Klash in KittyHawk" - See the WCW superstar's battle it out after the
Saturday's game against the Midnight Express. Remember admission is free to WCW's
"Klash in KittyHawk" for those fans that can stay awake for all nine innings.
- "NASCAR comes to KittyHawk" - That's right meet your favorite NASCAR driver
before the game. As an added bonus see the your favorite NASCAR driver battle it out in a
post game go kart race.
-"Name the Flyer's Contest" - Free blimp rides to each fan that can name the
entire Flyers active roster. Late change to promotion, Free Blimp rides to anyone that can
name at least one Flyer player.
KittyHawk Front Office:
KittyHawk Owner Removed from Suicide Watch. Local officials have removed KittyHawk owner
W.O.
Wright from a suicide watch after his successful completion of depression therapy.
Confidential sources inside KittyHawk's front office link W. O. Wright's depression
directly to the poor performance of the Flyers.
W.O. Wright's Unquotable
On Drafting Dante Bichette - "Trade him! Trade Him, NOW!!!"
On The 1997 KittyHawk Flyers - "Is it October yet?"
On acqusations of playing favorites - "I don't play favorites. I hate all the players
on my team, including the ones we traded away."
On the News of the loss of TJ Matthew's - "Is it October yet?"
5/23 Rumors:
Trade rumors continue to swirl around the Mooners organization, even in light of the
recently announced trade with the Express. Management appears to be very displeased with
the team's effort so far this year and feel that several current players are perhaps too
distracted by off field activities. An unnamed source quoted Roger Minnick, President and
GM, as stating "I want players on this team that are committed to winning!!!! I'm
tired of half efforts and excuses!". Disarray in Paradise??
Trade News: 5/22
T Adams, F Cordova, J Thompson, J Flaherty, R Brogna, T Beamon leave Mooners and travel to
the Express for D Eckersley, W Landingham, A Benes, B Ausmus, C Biggio, B Munoz.
Moves: Mooners move J VanderWal to CR and slid C Biggio to UT, M Guthrie shipped to AAA to
open roster spot for A Benes. D Eckersley, W Landingham, and B Ausmus take the recently
opened roster spots. Munoz shipped from Express' AAA farm team to Mooners' A farm team.
Express move T Adams, F Cordova, and J Flaherty to open roster spots. J Thompson travels
from Mooners' AAA farm team to open major league roster spot. M Lewis moves to 2B while R
Brogna moves to UT. Express option Vaughn to AAA and recall Trey Beamon.
Press Release: 5/22
The following trade was announced today at a press conference held at Mooner Field.
Roger Minnick, Mooners President and GM: "This will be a brief statement and I will
not be answering questions afterwards. The Mooner's would like to announce the following
trade: Terry Adams, Francisco Cordova, John Flaherty, Rico Brogna, John Thompson, and Trey
Beamon have been traded to the Express for William VanLandingham, Dennis Eckersley, Andy
Benes, Brad Ausmus, Craig Biggio, and Bobby Munoz. I would like to thank each of the
players who are leaving and wish them the best in the future. While it pained us to deal
Terry, Rico, and especially Francisco, it was felt that the organization needed to make
this move to strengthen certain weaknesses on the team. Thank you for your time."
5/15/97 Nome Ak.
Today the Xpress announced the firing of manager Homer J. Simpson. Due to Mr. Simpson's
poor managerial skills the Xpress feel a change at this time is
necessary to improve the teams current position in the league. Effective immediately,
Owner and General Manager Craig Gill will manage the Xpress into
the future. Mr. Gill feels he can do a better job in his GM position if he is with the
players on a daily basis. He also stated that his management style will be more hands on
then Mr. Simpson's, and that players that fail to perform up to expectation can expect to
be traded. No players were mentioned in this statement but it is well known that David
Segui has been mentioned in trade rumors with the Ruxpins.
5/16/97 Nome Ak.
Today the Xpress announced the re-hiring of manager Homer J. Simpson, and the return to
the front office of GM and Owner Craig Gill. Mr. Gill was said to have
been frustrated that the job was harder then it looked. "Effective immediately Homer
J. Simpson is once again the Manager of the Midnight Xpress", said Mr..
Gill in today's press conference. The apparent reason for this reversal was noticed in
last nights loss, when Mr. Gill did not arrive at Xpress Stadium until
the middle of the third inning. When asked after the game where he was he stated, " I
had just gotten off the phone , I've been trying to make a trade all day,
and this really puts a crimp in my style." Obviously this was the beginning of the
end for Mr. Gill's managerial career. "I won't be doing this again", he was
heard to exclaim following the game. Homer J. Simpson of Springfield has managed the
Xpress since their inception into the EMOO League, and readily
accepted returning to the only team he has ever managed, and the raise that went with the
reappointment. "I like the way this team is being built, and feel we can be
competitive this year as well as for many years to come", Mr. Simpson said in his
re-introduction to the press.
5/15/97 Nome Ak.
In an announcement from the Corporate offices of the Midnight Xpress Mr. Craig Gill owner
and General Manager criticized the Exxon Oil Company for opening
offices in the Congo. "Here they go spoiling another virgin wilderness. I can't wait
to win that trophy, and change the name to honor all those involved in the clean
up efforts of our great state" Mr. Gill stated. "I also wish that Scott Nelson
would purchase that other great team in our state, the Suns, and remove Exxon's foul
stench from this state forever."
5/8 Laze Press Release:
Derek Bell HOMERS
The long awaited return of Derek Bell happened today. After nearly a full year without a
home run, Derek went yard today in the first inning off of Rick Reed. Rick has been one of
the National League's best pitchers this year. Bell followed up his first inning home run
with a run scoring hit later in the game. Derek with a batting average near the mindosa
line for most of the season has raised his average into the .220's. One home run, two
RBIs, and two hits ranks as Bell's best offensive day of the season. We have high hopes
that this is the breakout game for Derek and he will have the karma to prosper the rest of
the season.
LAZE Management
4/10/97 - EMOO Home page arrives on Geocities!
The web address is http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Track/5209 and we're going to make
an effort to update these pages with the latest info on the EMOO League!!!
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