Revised Paragraph: Argument Essay
The National Collegiate
Athletic Association (NCAA) is the governing body over all college athletes who
intend to play in college or are already playing college sports for a
university. The National College Athletic Association makes rules that college
athletes must follow in order to stay eligible to play their sport. Among these
rules, there are rules about amateurism, financial aid, and employment earnings
(“Summary of NCAA Regulations” p.2-3). College athletes are not allowed to have
ever taken money for playing in their sport (“Summary of NCAA Regulations”
p.2). Also, college athletes must not ever agree verbally to compete in a
professional sport in the sport [ET1] they play (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” p.2). College athletes also are not allowed to use their
skills in their sport for pay (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” p. 2). Meaning
they can not receive money from boosters who donate money to college teams
because they are doing well in their sport.[ET2] Athletes should be allowed to
make money off of something that they are good at and have a talent in, just as
a musician or NASCAR driver makes money off of a talent that they have
perfected and love to do. College athletes are allowed to have gotten money for their
athletic ability before college (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” p. 2)[ET3] An example would be if an athlete entered into a contest that pertained
to their[ET4] sport in high school and won money for doing well in that contest. It
seems unfair how an athlete can make money off of their[ET5] talent in high school[ET6] but once they are in college athletes are not allowed to receive any
payment for their talents even though college is where these students[ET7] athletes will need money the most. Also in order to stay amateurs and be
eligible to play their sport in college, the athletes must not have ever
accepted money, transportation, or other aid from an agent who sells their
athletic ability or notoriety in their sport (“Summary of NCAA Regulations”
p.2). Letting college athletes have their own personal agents would allow them
to have someone who advises them on financial and life situations just like any
parent or counselor. College athletes should be able to gain recognition for
their talents not just by awards they receive but also by receiving payment for
their hard work on the field of play. If a booster, someone who donates money
to a school, wants to pay an athlete for their hard work they should be allowed
to if it is coming out of their own pockets. The NCAA is holding back athletes
from receiving profits that could help their futures especially if athletes are
able to use the money they receive as a way to save for their future just in
case sports is not their[ET8] job in the future when they leave their universities. Also under NCAA
regulations a student-athlete must not promote a commercial brand or service,
in which they get payment for (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” p. 2). Endorsement
deals would allow college athletes to have extra money and save for their
future whether it be in sports or not. Other rules
that athletes must follow deal with the financial aid they receive. Athletes
are not allowed to receive financial aid from anyone besides the money they
receive from a college or other scholarships that are nonathletic
(“Summary of NCAA Regulations” p.2). Athletes must report to the NCAA any
financial aid that they receive outside of their institution (“Summary of NCAA
Regulations” p.2). Basically the National Collegiate Athletic Association
controls what money athletes can and cannot not get.[ET9]
The
National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) is the governing body over all
college athletes who intend to play in college or are already playing college
sports for a university. The National College Athletic Association makes rules
that college athletes must follow in order to stay eligible to play their
sport. Among these rules, there are rules about amateurism, financial aid, and
employment earnings (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” 2-3). College athletes are
not allowed to have ever taken money for playing in their sport (“Summary of
NCAA Regulations” 2). Also, college athletes must not ever agree verbally to
compete in a professional sport (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” 2). College athletes also are not allowed to use
their skills in their sport for pay (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” 2).
College
athletes are allowed to have gotten money for their athletic ability before
college (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” 2). An example would be if an athlete
entered into a contest that pertained to his sport in high school and won money
for doing well in that contest. It seems unfair how an athlete can make money off
of his talent in high school, but once he is in the athlete is not allowed to
receive any payment for his talents even though college is where these student
athletes will need money the most. Also in order to stay amateurs and be
eligible to play their sport in college, the athletes must not have ever
accepted money, transportation, or other aid from an agent who sells their
athletic ability or notoriety in their sport (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” 2).
Also under NCAA regulations a student-athletes must not promote a commercial
brand or service, in which they get payment for (“Summary of NCAA Regulations”
2). Other rules that athletes must follow deal with the financial aid they
receive. Athletes are not allowed to receive financial aid from anyone besides
the money they receive from a college or other scholarships that are nonathletic (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” 2). Athletes
must report to the NCAA any financial aid that they receive outside of their
institution (“Summary of NCAA Regulations” 2). Basically the rules by the NCAA
controls what money athletes can and cannot not get.
Athletes
should be allowed to make money off of something that they are good at and have
a talent in, just as musicians or artists make money off of a talent they have
and love to do. It seems unfair how an athlete can make money off of his talent
in high school, but once they are in college athletes are not allowed to
receive any payment for their talents even though college is where these
student athletes will need money the most. Also, letting college athletes have
their own personal agents would allow them to have someone who advises them on
financial and life situations just like any parent or counselor. College
athletes should also be able to gain recognition for their talents not just by
awards they receive but also by receiving payment for their hard work in their
field of play. If a booster, someone who donates money to a school, wants to
pay an athlete for their hard work, they should be allowed to if it is coming
out of the booster’s own pocket. The NCAA is holding back athletes from
receiving profits that could help their futures especially if athletes are able
to use the money they receive as a way to save for their future just in case
sports is not the job the athlete has in the future when they leave their
university. Another that the NCAA has taken away from athletes that would help
them would be to allow athletes to have endorsement deals. Endorsement deals
would allow college athletes to have extra money and save for their future
whether it is in sports or not.
[ET1]You should reword this so you don’t use sport twice in the same sentence.
[ET2]Combine these two sentences.
[ET3]You need a transitional word or phrase here, you should perhaps make this a new paragraph.
[ET4]Noun pronoun disagreement
[ET5]Noun pronoun disagreement
[ET6]Comma after school
[ET7]Take out ‘s’ on students.
[ET8]Wrong use of their
[ET9]Emmanuel,
This paragraph is very long hard to follow. I realize that you are dealing with very detailed information, but a better way might have been to split the paragraph in two. In the first paragraph, you could deal only with the NCAA regulations. In the second paragraph, you could argue against the regulations you have just explained.