May 2005

26 i'm such a jerk

20 god help me 

20 huzzah for discoveralberta.com 

17 online learning fun  

16 how could i forget   

13 abject horror  

13 for a foot-stompin' good time ... 

12 the waiting begins 

11 blasted, stupid program!  

10 freedom fifty five  

09 debauchery  

06 do you want to buy a llama? 

06 things falling into place 

05 so ... tired ...  

04 a happy slave  

03 all the love in the world 

02 holy fatuity!   

02 so it begins  

anyway.  it's sweet, blessed relief to be back at work today.  even though i'm doing reports, it's nice to be out of the house.  i'm sorry i haven't posted more often, but i've been somewhat distracted (as you may know).  

we went to drumheller and banff earlier this week.  we saw lots of wildlife.  the kat and i had fun in calgary, having a room *all to ourselves.*  i don't really have anything to say about the trip, except that i'm happy to be out of the car and away from *long* uncomfortable silences.  it was almost like a black hole was sitting behind me ... *sigh.*  

rachel's shower and stag went well on saturday.  my tofu "cheese" cake was well received.  :D  that made me happy.  of course, i left the stag a bit early to partake in geek goodness.  that is: star wars!  (who leaves a stag for star wars?)  it was much fun.  there were even a couple of people in costume.  my life is complete.  

i still need to find shoes for the wedding on saturday.  do you have *any* idea how frustrating it is finding women's shoes made for us 5'9"+ beauties?  apparantly, i have freakishly large feet.  i *hate* shoe shopping.  well, no ... i hate shoe shopping and encountering one of those brain dead blondies at a store like, i don't know ... transit at southgate mall next to the food court ... who look slightly horrified at the prospect of a woman with size 10 1/2 feet.  jesus.  fucking annoying.  "sorry, we don't have *any* shoes *that* big."  fuck, fuck, fuck.  so, i still have to find silver sandals with a 2 1/2" heel ... today or tomorrow.  bah.

i read an article today about a judge in indiana who ruled that a divorced couple cannot teach wicca to their child because it isn't a mainstream religion.  this upsets me.  it *should* upset every person alive, who possesses a modicum of intelligence.  who the hell does this judge think he is?  the actual wording of the judgment says that they can't expose their child to, "non-mainstream religious beliefs and rituals."  

that is scary stuff.

hell, if my mother had been given that order, she could have lost custody of me.  imagine:  a *catholic* woman telling her daughter to practice birth control because even the pope does stupid things.  that's not mainstream at all!  how awful for me.  no wonder i'm so messed up.  i was told one thing that conflicted with something else.  by god in heaven!  that could mean that not everything in life is black and white!  i'm going to destroy the world! i will sell my soul to satan, challenge accepted social mores and the establishment and their stupid wars!  or something.  it will be the end of life as we know and love/disrespect it.

i was being sarcastic.  could you imagine a world where the technocrats lost their hold over us with their artifice, secrecy and illusory structures?  yeah ... that would be pretty sweet.  i doubt i'll see that happen in my lifetime though.  (who knew?  i guess i'm an anarchist.) 

in the midst of everything going on, the last thing i need is one of mother's famous guilt-trips/psychotic episodes.

as you may know, tomorrow is rae's shower and stag. being as busy as i am, i was thrilled when one of the other bridesmaids decided to take on a large part of the planning duties. primarily inviting people and buying decorations. i was pretty much taking care of rae's last minute invitees.

naturally, since people are annoying, it was difficult getting people to commit to the date. "oh, i'm not sure what i'll be doing."  "i'll try to be there."   "i don't want to make a commitment." et cetera.

needless to say, it was somewhat impossible to get an accurate count.

enter mother's psychotic episode.

she's buying food for the party and wants to know how many people will be there. i tell her that i know of about 5 people that will be there. rae's mother-in-law-to-be knew of another 8 people. the girl doing all the other inviting is in the middle of a move and is hard to get a hold of. sooo, we aren't really sure. this answer was unacceptable, but the best i could do.

i understand mother's frustration (especially given the last-minute renovations she's taken on in her house), but, for crying out loud, *don't* tell me, "it seems rae's been planning her *own* shower. it's weird." fucking hell. i know *exactly* what she's implying: "emma has been delinquent in her bridesmaid duties."

just emma. no one else. does this sound like i'm being overly sensitive? or, perhaps, paranoid? if that's what you think, you don't know mother. *crazy*

sure, i could regale you with stories of her stupidity, but that would take an eternity, and i do not have infinite free webspace.

during this last conversation where i effectively hung up on her (albeit as politely as i could with my mother in law hovering behind me) she made it seem as if the maid of honor had gone far beyond the call of duty, suffering even a ruined cake in her attempt to make the shower rae's special day and that i *alone* was the jackass sister who didn't give a damn.

i wonder who's fault it was that i had no stag? jesus. it's not that fucking important.

the people that *actually* care about rae will be there. they won't have *forgotten* as mother is certain they have. they will come to eat cheese and crackers and to watch rachel open her presents. they'll have fun. does anyone *want* to participate in games? not me. i think most people are, frankly, horrified at the thought of bridal shower games. "Guess The Bride's Weight!" and other such delights are best avoided. give people access to spiked punch and beer and they'll make their own fun.

could i have done more for rae? certainly. however, i have to prioritize. (sorry rae, but you have no idea how freaking stressed out i am with everything going on.)

my sanity is fragile. it is. there's only so much i can do and if the other people involved with the wedding can't do anything to help with the planning, so be it.

as much as i hate seeing a project come together at the eleventh hour, that's how it's going to have to be because my brain's resources are finite. (much as i hate to admit it.)

i'm one of those people who *craves* solitude once in a while.  normally, i get a little time to myself in the morning and evening. geh. i'll survive.

so the kat did some financial wrangling and has confirmed his status as 'genius.'  *nice kat, taking care of emma.*  i like knowing that we don't have to really worry about money.  it's also nice to know that we won't have to work until we die (knock on wood).  :D

*sigh* i have to get back to work.  stupid things (i.e. people) are afoot.  

we real estate agents in alberta are required to re-edumacate ourselves every two years.  you know what's sad about this course?  our licensing agency thinks that there are people who *need* to learn this information.  *sigh*  there must be some really dense real estate agents running around.  

this beauty is titled, "risk reduction and mortgage fraud awareness."  the purpose?  impress upon the mini-brains that honoring fiduciary duties, disclosing property defects and using some damned common sense go far in reducing risk in real estate transactions.  

holy freaking crap!  this retarded thing just 'forgot' who i was after writing a half-hour's worth of answers!  "please log in," my ass!

gaaaaahhhhhhhh!

well ... now i start module five *again.*  thanks, alberta real estate association. i really wanted to go through this idiocy twice.

ok.  i should go now.  my blood pressure has skyrocketed and a coworker wants to know why they just heard someone shout, "son of a bitch!"  

the ticket's mention of lip synching referred to the dj's act.  he sang along to several songs, sometimes using props or costumes.  it was ... difficult to look away from the performance.  

i think he enjoyed himself.

you're maybe interested to learn about friday's community dance.  (if you read the title for today's post, you probably have some inkling about what i'm going to say.)

i'll start by saying, it wasn't *all* bad.  it was nice to sit around with the family and drink cheap ($2.50/bottle) beer.  (ahhh, coors light.)  it was also nice of the dj to play one of my requests.  ahem.

*however,* there was a crap-load of country music and, what can only be described as, "old timey" music.  did you see the movie "brother, where art thou?"  if so, imagine that music, but older and stupider.  

according to the kat, there were these frankenstein-like instruments at one time that would play several different instruments at one time.  this instrument would be accompanied by a fiddler, a jug-blower-guy and maybe even a washboard player.  

now, there were *two* of these songs played.  they were *requested* by people who knew the names of these songs and *many* people danced while these songs played.  ehh ... fun for them, i suppose.  

i'd never seen anything like that before in my life.

come to think of it, how many djs have that music in their repertoires?  i really wonder.

after those songs, toby keith felt like a breath of fresh air.  *sigh*

attending this dance reminded me of my hatred for my schoolmates.  (yes, rae, much like the ones drunkenly air-guitaring along to van halen's epic, "panama.")  i don't know how i emerged from that pool of rednecks and idiots.  

anyway.

i like knowing someone who works at dell.  dell rented a movie theatre so their employees can see "star wars: revenge of the sith."  (probably to reduce the number of 'sick' days taken on thursday.)  the kat and i will be there, with geek-bells on.   :D  

i have to leave you now.  one of my building managers evicted a pair of crackheads from one of the apartment buildings.  so, i am off to stabby-town to document the grossness of their suite.  damn it.

ehhh ... somehow, i allowed myself (and consequently, the kat) to get roped into going to a community dance with mom and dad.  lip synching. this could end up like one of those sixth grade 'lip synching' events (i seem to remember some sad, sad group of my classmates doing 'step by step,' by new kids on the block to a very unreceptive crowd.) or a britney spears concert.  i'm not terribly interested in seeing either.  i'll let you know what horrors i encounter tonight.

maybe it won't be quite as bad as i imagine.  :D  ha ha ha.

i have one puffy eye.  *it's really annoying me.*  i think i need to shave my cats.  they like to sleep near my pillow and 'fur' me.  (stupid allergies)  so this morning i woke up with one puffy eye.  not two, because some symmetry would be too much to hope for.  one.  rawr!

hey!  yardi called back yesterday and "fixed" my problem.  all i had to do was uninstall norton systemworks.  supposedly, yardi needs a *gig* of ram and we aren't supposed to have any other programs on that computer.  *none!* i have 760 mb of ram on that computer ... and it's, obviously, insufficient.  stupid yardi.  sooo ... i need to use some other anti-virus software for that computer.  *sigh*  

i think today is a good day to leave work and go shopping.  i think i'll leave now.  then ... i'll beautify myself for tonight's festivities.  :D

but i'm ok with that.

the weather has gotten much too warm for my liking.  blah - i like being able to wear a sweater and, now, i'm king of melting.  oh! to be back to the 12 - 16 degree weather. 

now ... back to waiting for yardi's tech support to call back.  

the program that *randomly* stops working and does weird crap.  

the software company that refuses to hand out a manual for the utilities program and database engine for fear that us end losers will royally screw things up.

well, perhaps that fear is justified...

gah.  needless to say, this has not been a great morning.

today is also mom's birthday.  i took her out for lunch.  we had tasty salads.  mhmm.  

i don't really have much to say.  all i can think about is getting back to yardi.  *sigh*  

i'm not particularly adverse about aging, but i don't like thinking about money.  the kat does, however, and he's remarkably good at it.  well, with numbers in general ... mr. math major.

anyway - thinking about money stresses me out.  doing all these strange things with money and the mortgage and investing and lines of credit stresses me out.  thank the gods for the kat, who seems to thrive when there's planning to be done.

i am not a planner.  i like spending money, unfortunately.

our fence posts went in yesterday.  *of course,* the guy putting them in the ground didn't do it properly.  who puts fence posts down a measly three feet?  damnable man!  there's another *eight* feet of post sticking up above ground.  whatever.  we'll finish the fence and be done with it.  *so annoyed*

happier news: rae's stag and shower planning is finally coming together - and not a minute too soon.  i was worried.  i think she was too.  

time for coffee ...

i don't often smoke weed, but rae is *such* a terrible influence.  and holy damn, did i ever get stoned.  i was stoned to the point where i wondered if it was *just* weed.  *blah.*  at least it wore off soon enough.  (sorry, mr. kat - i know you hate that.)

my fence posts are being installed today.  the guy was there with his auger this morning.  i'm happy that project is underway.  homeowners' association rules say the posts need to be 6x6s ... which makes them awfully expensive.  i think we'll put in a hedge across the back of the yard.  a little greenery might be nice to see instead of the sterility of a fence.  

errrg - i've had a *lot* of coffee today.  leduc *finally* got a starbucks and it's quite close to the office.  and even though their coffee is a little on the dark side for my taste, i'm compelled to drink it.  mmm... and their soy cafe mochas are tasty too.  i feel gittery and scatterbrained.

and on that note, i bid you adieu. 

i feel good today.  i got the bridesmaid dress home.  it's altered and steamed and ready to be worn on rae's d-day.  or m-day, i suppose.  it's quite pretty and i wonder if rae knows how pleased i am that i haven't been stuffed into some powder blue or seafoam green monstrosity.  claret (burgundy, for the male reader) works quite well for me.  

i still need to find shoes though.  maybe i'll take care of that today after i finish up with my client - just in case silver shoes with a 2 1/2 inch heel are not easily found.

about that nin cd (yes, i *have* to talk about it some more):  i think i've come up with some favorite tracks.  the first and last songs seem to be the winners for now.  frankly, i hadn't really paid attention to 'right where it belongs' until yesterday.  it's funny how it echoes the things i think about before falling asleep.

on the bright side, i think i've resolved many of those 'issues' in recent weeks.  i'm feeling a whole lot lighter and (strangely) more connected to the universe.  i don't mean the everyday world ... just everything else.   things that actually matter.

yes ... it's been a good day.

blah!  my eyeballs hurt.  my neck hurts.  my brain hurts.  my back hurts.  my knee hurts.  (that last one hasn't anything to do with working at the computer though.)

i'm thinking about leaving work early.  i spent the morning driving around to all the apartment buildings.  (emma *is* FedEx around here, apparently.)  the afternoon was spent reconciling bank accounts.  all in all, i could do with some serious physical activity.  

maybe i'll mow the lawn and go for a walk again.  

so, i'm trying to come up with activities for my mother-in-law's impending visit.  i'm thinking about a trip to see banff and jasper.  i hardly think it's a good idea to bring a visitor to see 'the mall.'  (go trashy consumerism!)  maybe the muttart conservatory, the devonian gardens ... i don't know.  i have to limit the walking involved.  hmm.  i'm open to any suggestions.

gah ... ok.  it's a few minutes to quitting time.  i'm out of here.

maybe ccra will let me write off my nin cd purchases as expenses necessary for work.  :D  hah! 

all my regular bank reconciliations are finished for the month.  (yes, the ones i hate.)  so happy with myself was i that i told my boss the good news.  i've now been saddled with a zillion other bank recs to do.  *not a good incentive*

blah.  whatever.  i have trent   :D

...see!  nin *is* necessary for work!

:D

i have with teeth.  *finally!*

a & b sound has the cd for $9.99.  you know, i *almost* had a copy of the dual disk.  gah!  i asked one of the guys there if they had it hiding in a box, he takes a look and hands it over.  i think to myself, "yeah!"  and then one of his coworkers comes up and says, "no! we can't sell this.  it's not being released until next week."  *next week*  

... so close.  oh well.

this is a great cd.  it sounds awesome.  so much better than the streamed music on myspace.com.  (if you want to listen, it's here.)  buy this cd - it's pretty fucking sweet.  :D  

i don't think i've even mentioned how many times i hear from tenants whining about their responsibilities.  they don't have *many* responsibilities, but, boy, can they bitch about them.  

1. pay rent in full, on time. (wooooooo...)

2. don't be an ass.  id est: don't be loud, don't assault or threaten to assault your building manager or fellow tenant(s), keep your place reasonably clean, don't hand out keys to every prostitute and homeless person in sight et cetera.

3. give proper, written notice that you intend to vacate.  don't leave a telephone message with some random person and don't write on your rent cheque in tiny lettering "one month notice for April 30, 2005," (yes, some people have done that) because your building manager won't see it.

4. read your fucking lease.  really.  read it and if you don't understand it, ASK.  questions about the lease are only stupid *after* you've signed it and have moved in.

  some sample calls:

  "uhh.  like, i got an eviction notice and, like, i'm mad."  this type of call is usually peppered with expletives, just in case i don't understand *how* mad he/she is.  sadly, these people don't quite see that if they paid rent and weren't loud and weren't damaging the property, they wouldn't have *brought this upon themselves.*  we even list the rules in the lease (see #4) so there's no bloody excuse.

  "uhh.  my roommate, like, moved out on me so i'm not paying the full rent."  really?  how sad that things aren't working out for you.  here's the bad news: each of you signed the lease (see #4) which says tenants are jointly and severally responsible for the entire rent.  in other words, pay the rent or leave (like your roommate who screwed you) and face the collection agency. 

  "uhh.  like, i moved out of a suite and my roommate is still there.  i want half of the security deposit refunded to me."  again, no, that's not how things work.  the deposit stays with the suite and will be refunded to *one* person at the end of the tenancy (see #4) as per the lease.  

  "uhh.  i know i signed a year lease, but, like, i'm moving out now (8 months early) and i don't want to pay the early termination fee."  no kidding, dude.  the etf is about $225, depending on your lease (see #4).  luckily, you have another option.  pay rent and utilities until the suite is re-rented or until your lease is up, whichever comes first.  :D  stop complaining. 

oh, but the tenants often retort, "i spoke to the landlord and tenant advisory board (ltab) and they said X." (or rather, most tenants say they spoke to "the act" and "the act" told them X.  the act (the residential tenancies act of alberta) is a piece of legislation.  i'm not sure how, exactly, they managed to 'talk' to it.

ah ... ltab.  one of the most intensely useless organizations i've encountered ... if, of course, all that my tenants tell me is true.  (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  ...   )  i say that because, often, they give out information or advice that doesn't apply to a particular situation AND ... they have no power.  NONE.  i want tenants to stop threatening me with <cue ominous music> ltab because there is no threat.  they advise people.  that's all!  surprisingly, tenants (and not just the idiotic ones) think ltab has some legal power.  not so.  

granted, i could be completely wrong about ltab's competency.  it's more than plausible that they give out great advice, but it's totally misinterpreted.  pearls before swine...

you see, this is quite possibly the *best* property management company in edmonton that i've encountered.  we take care of maintenance issues, we gently chastise and sometimes drop our clients (who own the properties) when they get overly miserly with maintenance dollars, we *never* hold back money from security deposits for things that are considered 'normal wear and tear' and we're more than willing to try to work out reasonable solutions to arrears problems.  i just cannot fucking believe how many people out there try to take advantage of this company's non-asshole approach to property management.  

there.  i've vented and i feel appreciably better.  there's no need to tell me, i know.  i need a different job.  ...i have a feeling a change will happen sometime in the not too distant future and that kind of scares me.  i've been doing this for, uh, 7 or so years.

"yes, universe?  hello, it's me, emma.  i'm open to and ready to accept a change of scenery."

1. tomorrow, i go to a&b sound to buy 'with teeth.'  then i'm going to listen to it over and over again.

2. my mother in law is coming to stay with us for 20 days.  

3. sometime before she arrives, we should get the garage built.  the fence is also going to be built in the coming week.

4. may 28th is rachel's wedding day.  there's also going to be a bridal shower and stag party in there somewhere.  

i'm going to be busy *and* poor.  boo!  i'm getting tired just thinking about it.  if there are fewer posts than normal this month, it's because i'm busy.  on the other hand, i may post like crazy if i get stressed out.

no one likes a stressed out emma.

the kat and i noted that while his mom is here, we're going to live somewhat differently.  i don't think she's ever seen me all 'gothed' out.  *sigh*  i also doubt she'd appreciate hearing other goings on.  we'll have to slip out and fornicate (furtively) in the car's backseat like horny teenagers.  heh.  

i'm sure it will be fine...

we saw the rocky horror picture show on saturday at the garneau theatre.

damn!  what fun!

i think we're going to dress up next year.  :D  maybe we'll get jill to dress up as well.  i don't think she's ever seen that many men in fishnet stockings before.  i hope she had a good time - i certainly did.

ehh ... back to work...