Emerging Courageous Online Magazine
Why I'm Quitting ©
by Rubel Shelly
God, there's just not enough room for both of us to be in charge of my life.
It's not that I haven't taken the job seriously, mind you! I have fretted, laid
awake nights, and worked out the most detailed and wonderful schemes. The
problem is not with the planning and scheming. It's with the "control"
thing. Or, perhaps I should have said, the lack-of-control thing. I don't really
have any.
Oh, I know. You have repeatedly told me that you are competent to be in charge
and that putting you in charge would relieve me of worry. But I seem to enjoy
it. The fact that I'm worried about tomorrow seems to tell my sick soul that I
somehow have a semblance of control over it. But I don't. I just don't.
Then there's the mess I make of things. The worried-over plan begins to be put
in motion, one of those things or people I can't control comes into play, and
the bus runs into the ditch! I try to press on. I try to force outcomes. The
ditch gets deeper, and the pain begins to come.
Even so, you show up and offer to take control. You ask me - without ever
forcing things - to turn loose of the wheel and trust you to steer. Sometimes I
want to. I really do. Then something wells up inside that makes me push you
away. Tell you I can do it all by myself. Truth be told, I'm often thinking that
just as soon as I get this thing out of the ditch I'm going to ask you to drive.
I never do.
Then there are the people on the bus with me. They are always the people I love
most and for whose welfare I care most passionately. When I drive, then wreck,
then push you away, I sense their disappointment. Even that, however, hasn't
been enough to this point. It kills me to know I'm hurting them, but I still
want to steer. I want to be at the controls. I want to be in charge.
The time has come to try another approach. Oh, it's not that I want to be heard
saying that your way is the way of last resort for me. Or maybe it is. But I'm
just so tired. And banged up. And you and I both know things aren't getting
better with me in charge. So that's why I've made up my mind.
God, I'm quitting. No more Mr. Know-It-All. No more having to be in charge. No
more playing like I know more about myself than you do. You're in control from
this point forward. Heart and mind and body. Family and personal. Career and
social. Thursday as well as Sunday. It's all yours now. I resign as co-god!
And even if you were (understandably) reluctant to take over after the mess I've
made to date, I'm warning you: From now on you're God - and I'm not!
Rubel Shelly
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Write Rubel and let him know what you thought of his story!
© 2005
Rubel Shelly. Used by permission.
Visit: http://www.faithmatters.com to
read more of Rubel's writing.
Rubel Shelly has preached for the Woodmont Hills Church of Christ in Nashville
since 1978. During that time, he has also taught at David Lipscomb University
and Vanderbilt University School of Medicine. He is the author of more than 20
books, including several which have been translated into languages such as
Korean, Japanese, Portuguese, Italian, French, and Russian. He is married to the
former Myra Shappley, and they are the parents of three children: Mrs. David
(Michelle) Arms, Tim, and Tom.
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